Your worst joke
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I think Pip managed thatChromeAlchemist said:The_root_of_all_evil said:Seriously...do you want me to start?
I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.I would like these men injured.Shapsters said:
Haha, it's funny because it's true.The_root_of_all_evil said:I think Pip managed thatChromeAlchemist said:The_root_of_all_evil said:Seriously...do you want me to start?
I did enter a competition to see which one of my puns would be declared the worst, entering ten puns all at the same time. I thought one of them might win but unfortunately no pun in ten did.I would like these men injured.Shapsters said:
Justice is served, once again. ;¬D
A pan of muffins are put into an oven. One of the muffins said, "Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" another muffin replies, "AHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
A preist, a monk, and a rabbi are out fishing. Suddenly, the preist looks up and says "I'm hungry! I'm gonna get a cheeseburger." and with that he jumps off hte boat, walks across the water, and out of sight. Several minutes later, he returns, walking across the water, cheeseburger in hand. The monk looks at this and says, "You know, I could really go for a coke", and he jumps off the boat and goes walking across the water. Again, he returns after several minutes, a coke in hand, and walks across the water to jump into the boat. The rabbi thinks this is such a good idea, that he decides to grab some fries for himself. He jumps over the side of the boat...and immediatly sinks. The preist turns to the monk and asks "Think we should've told him where the rocks were?"
^__^
^__^
I think thats highly unfair for reasons you know -.-WittyName said:
But fine. Have a cookie.
*Throws it at Wittyname's face.*
Why did the ant go in the water?
Because it wanted to die.
That joke was posted in a school newsletter. I kid you not.
Because it wanted to die.
That joke was posted in a school newsletter. I kid you not.
Why did Tony the tiger get convicted?
He was a cereal killer.
I actually made that up. I'll admit it. Awful.
He was a cereal killer.
I actually made that up. I'll admit it. Awful.
I heard a couple of those 'physics jokes'Lukeje said:
An atom walks into a bar, and he's surrounded by all these little electrons.
He kicks one, sits down, and turns to the barman.
he says "Look, I'm being followed around by all these stupid electrons. They're really getting on my nerves!"
The barman turns to him and says "Oh, stop being so negative!"
Another atom walks into the bar and says "Hey, has anyone seen some electrons? I've lost mine!"
The barman says "Are you sure?"
The atom replies "Yes, I'm positive!"
A grizzled, bearded, old, peg-legged, pirate of a man walks into a bar with a small lizard on his right shoulder, and says to the bartender:
"Bartender, give me a Hard Lemonade. And another for me pet newt, Tiny."
The bartender quickly gets to pouring both drinks, but pauses thoughtfully (as he's apt to do) and asks the man across the bar:
"I don't mind pouring these drinks, for you and your charming and charismatic pet newt - but I've got to ask. Where did you ever come up with such an original name like 'Tiny?'"
The weathered, windswepped, sea-legged, and eyepatched old man looks the bartender in the eye with his one good eye and he says:
"Oh, because he's my-newt."
(In case you missed it, the punchline is funny because the phrase "my newt" sounds like the word "minute" which means tiny or small. This message has been brought to you by the Society of Over-explained Punchlines S.O.P.)
"Bartender, give me a Hard Lemonade. And another for me pet newt, Tiny."
The bartender quickly gets to pouring both drinks, but pauses thoughtfully (as he's apt to do) and asks the man across the bar:
"I don't mind pouring these drinks, for you and your charming and charismatic pet newt - but I've got to ask. Where did you ever come up with such an original name like 'Tiny?'"
The weathered, windswepped, sea-legged, and eyepatched old man looks the bartender in the eye with his one good eye and he says:
"Oh, because he's my-newt."
(In case you missed it, the punchline is funny because the phrase "my newt" sounds like the word "minute" which means tiny or small. This message has been brought to you by the Society of Over-explained Punchlines S.O.P.)
What has 100 balls and fucks rabbits?
A Shotgun.
Why do the French plant trees alongside their roads?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
A Shotgun.
Why do the French plant trees alongside their roads?
So the Germans can march in the shade.
The film was Kung Pow (Enter the Fist) and both it and this joke are AMAZINGssgt splatter said:
Pedant-mode activated! Surely those should be the otherway round?Satki said:
There once was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike, and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the Chapter Master's daughter.
So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?" asked the guard, with a not unconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.
"Yes, I'm *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."
The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III."
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes,*the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike.
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"
"Sure."
So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?" asked the guard, with a not unconsiderable amount of awe in his voice.
"Yes, I'm *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter," replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage."
The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III."
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes,*the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike.
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, *the* Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"
"Sure."
