Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed 3

Marik Bentusi

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Aug 20, 2010
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Welp, seems like AC2 is gonna keep its crown on my AC games ranking.

I thought the AC2 expansion packs forced the writers to stick with old stuff and add onto it until they could make a fresh transition like between AC1&2, but apparently I couldn't have been more wrong.

Also I agree the setting is quite dull. If it's further away in the past or a distant continent, it's more mysterious and fun to explore to me, be it cities, cultures, characters, or anything with "c", really.
 

Tireseas_v1legacy

Plop plop plop
Sep 28, 2009
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DVS BSTrD said:
An here I was all ready to make a joke justifying the Assassins' participation in the revolution because they wouldn't want to be part of a nation where everything is De-creed.
*Five seconds later, his body is found bleeding out from a stabbing wound with a note on the back*

"Death to Puns."

-----

"What is your problem with not stabbing?"

T-Shirt. Now.
 

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
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Sounds to me, from this review anyway, that the developers got confused about what kind of game they were making, some thought they were making Farmville, some thought they were making Port Royale, and some thought they were making Age of Empires; and in the end they decided to hybridize them all together and see what happens.
 

PunkRex

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Feb 19, 2010
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As an Englishmen I find this game offensive, there isn't nearly enough queuing.
 

T3hSource

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Mar 5, 2012
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Vertigo4321 said:
You know what I really like in Assassin's Creed 1? Besides the stabbing I mean.
I really liked the philosophy behind it, as well as the characterization of the targets. If you read the Codex in AC2, Altair becomes really deep and though-provoking. The targets both in AC1 and AC2 had some depth to them. Okay maybe the AC2 targets were general assholes, but at least it gave you a look into WHY they were assholes.
Yes,THANK YOU!
Someone else finally says that.Look up " Assassin's Creed Bloodlines all cutscenes " on youtube,it actually adds a bit more character into Altair and shows how Maria Thorpe(Robert de Sable's bait in the "last" assassination) became his ally.
 

NinjaDeathSlap

Leaf on the wind
Feb 20, 2011
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First time in a while where I agree with Yahtzee at every turn. AC1 suffered from being repetitive as all fuck and I'll still argue to my last breath that AC2 was infinitely better. However, in Revelations and 3 we've now got to a stage where we've come full circle, and the side missions that were fun and refreshing in AC2 (and to only a slightly lesser extent Brotherhood) have now just become a chore.

I did like the new Homestead system though. Making the Homestead grow through characters that I could actually connect to, rather than just accounting, made it seem like a much more rewarding experience; and the ship missions are legitimately some of the most fun I've had on a console this year.

Actually, that's it! Ubisoft, don't make any more AC games. I'm a huge fan of the series, but the games I like will always exist now no matter what, and considering the attitude the last two entries have taken I can only see further games getting more and more bloated and convoluted. You've finished Desmond's arc now, and anything left in the story that remains unresolved isn't really worth making a whole new game around if all you're going to do is string us along with cliffhangers every time. So, end the AC franchise, and use the mechanics of the ship missions in AC3 as a template to give us a pirate game based entirely around that as the central mechanic. You literally could not take my money fast enough if you did that.

EDIT: Another thing about the last two AC games, which might sound minor but really niggled at me while playing them, is the look of the map in them. Why did they make it so dark? Why is it, even at full zoom, so far out? In AC2 and AC:B, the maps were both aesthetically pleasing to loo at, and incredibly simple to navigate, and it was little touches like that, how they managed to make something as small as just looking at the map feel rewarding, that made me love those two games so much. In AC:R and AC3, the maps are terrible.
 

ironsaber2

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Dec 28, 2010
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AWE. I was hoping he would review Halo 4 but I guess ripping Ass Creed 3 to bits will have to do. I have to say though he could of done so much more with it.
 

Erttheking

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I actually like the massive amount of stuff you do in Assassin's Creed 3, mainly because I like the scale of size and freedom. Same thing that made Red Dead Redemption so good.
 

SnakeoilSage

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Sep 20, 2011
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I have to assume that because half an hour has passed since this video went up and there aren't 400+ comments already plastered all over it that the fans of this game are still sitting in abject shock with their lower jaw hanging somewhere past their solar plexus. From what I heard from everyone's friend who has a friend who owns this game it was some kind of gift from the gods and Yahtzee just gave it the worst review a game can ever get: B for Boring.
 

TheThirdChild

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Feb 16, 2010
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I'm glad I didn't bother ordering AC3 now. It sounds exactly like I was expecting it to be; a way to squeeze more money out of people.
 

Roman Monaghan

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Nov 20, 2010
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This is why I don't get why people don't like the ending of AC 3. Desmond sucks. Who cares about him. Far as I'm concerned this just means much more freedom in the sequel to do fun shit instead of having to be shackled to the weird Lost ish plot of Nolan North character type number 12349284

Also Assassins Creed 1 is still my favorite, for more reasons then just the ones Yahtzee went over in this video but he covered most of my bases.
 

Erttheking

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SnakeoilSage said:
I have to assume that because half an hour has passed since this video went up and there aren't 400+ comments already plastered all over it that the fans of this game are still sitting in abject shock with their lower jaw hanging somewhere past their solar plexus. From what I heard from everyone's friend who has a friend who owns this game it was some kind of gift from the gods and Yahtzee just gave it the worst review a game can ever get: B for Boring.
Or...maybe people aren't going to explode because some people disagree with them. I mean come on, not everyone is like that.
 

Roman Monaghan

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Nov 20, 2010
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ironsaber2 said:
AWE. I was hoping he would review Halo 4 but I guess ripping Ass Creed 3 to bits will have to do. I have to say though he could of done so much more with it.
Dude, Halo 4 came out last week. Did you not see his video on Hunted: Demon's Forge? He probably just got his hands on the game, give him time to, you know, play it a bit before expecting a video to be churned out.
 

disgruntledgamer

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I agree with this review boring sums it up, I think the people who overly like AC 3 are the people who like Farmville but wish it was M rated with more blood in it.
 

Erttheking

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disgruntledgamer said:
I agree with this review boring sums it up, I think the people who overly like AC 3 are the people who like Farmville but wish it was M rated with more blood in it.
Yeesh, why is everyone being so insulting to people who like Assassin's Creed 3?
 

AlwaysPractical

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Oct 7, 2011
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That goose saying je suis napoleon really made me laugh for longer than it should have.

OT: I have to agree, the whole banking and business running that they introduced in AC2 was just tedious and annoying and broken.

I liked the actual mission in AC2, they were fun and assassin-y and less repetitive than AC1's.

Also, I loved those climbing missions in the old buildings in AC2. Sure, they weren't about stabbing people, but they were really fun. Make more of those.
 

NinjaDeathSlap

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Feb 20, 2011
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Roman Monaghan said:
This is why I don't get why people don't like the ending of AC 3. Desmond sucks. Who cares about him. Far as I'm concerned this just means much more freedom in the sequel to do fun shit instead of having to be shackled to the weird Lost ish plot of Nolan North character type number 12349284

Also Assassins Creed 1 is still my favorite, for more reasons then just the ones Yahtzee went over in this video but he covered most of my bases.
I never really cared that much for Desmond, although I didn't hate him either, but the ending in this game is particularly bad whether you care about him or not.

The thing with exploring how people's words and intentions will always get twisted by radicals over the passage of time felt like it could have gone somewhere interesting, but it didn't (that was another running gripe with me throughout the whole of this game, it had lots of little allusions to themes running throughout Connor's story, but then didn't really pay off on any of them). You just get to watch as, in the space of about two minutes, the extremely disappointing (not to mention confusing) explanation of what the magic maguffin at the end of the tunnel of mystery does in relation to the Big Threat (which sort of them winds up just not happening). Then, the player gets to see, with no control over the situation, Desmond make what can only be described as objectively the worst possible decision he can make. 'I'm totally going to throw away my life in order to release this God-Like entity that obviously hates me and wants to see all mankind wiped from the face of the Earth, because I have a hunch that somehow she'll be able to prevent the natural phenomenon that will wipe most of mankind from the face of the Earth'. Then it just ends, with no further resolution. It's the worst ending I've ever seen to a game, including the pre-EC ME3 ending.
 

Mostly Harmless

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I just want the next Assassin's Creed to take place during the French Revolution. Lots more excuses to stab people. Big city to freerun around in and so much fucking happens! Probably more significant to world history than the American one but don't tell that to any american, they can't stand it when they arn't the main character.