Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed 3

[Roman Monaghan]

This is why I don't get why people don't like the ending of AC 3. Desmond sucks. Who cares about him. Far as I'm concerned this just means much more freedom in the sequel to do fun shit instead of having to be shackled to the weird Lost ish plot of Nolan North character type number 12349284

Also Assassins Creed 1 is still my favorite, for more reasons then just the ones Yahtzee went over in this video but he covered most of my bases.

I never really cared that much for Desmond, although I didn't hate him either, but the ending in this game is particularly bad whether you care about him or not.

The thing with exploring how people's words and intentions will always get twisted by radicals over the passage of time felt like it could have gone somewhere interesting, but it didn't (that was another running gripe with me throughout the whole of this game, it had lots of little allusions to themes running throughout Connor's story, but then didn't really pay off on any of them). You just get to watch as, in the space of about two minutes, the extremely disappointing (not to mention confusing) explanation of what the magic maguffin at the end of the tunnel of mystery does in relation to the Big Threat (which sort of them winds up just not happening). Then, the player gets to see, with no control over the situation, Desmond make what can only be described as objectively the worst possible decision he can make. 'I'm totally going to throw away my life in order to release this God-Like entity that obviously hates me and wants to see all mankind wiped from the face of the Earth, because I have a hunch that somehow she'll be able to prevent the natural phenomenon that will wipe most of mankind from the face of the Earth'. Then it just ends, with no further resolution. It's the worst ending I've ever seen to a game, including the pre-EC ME3 ending.

See that's another thing that annoys me: no. It is not worse, or even as bad as Mass Effect 3. Watching your entire family slaughtered before your eyes before being burned to death isn't as bad as that games ending. And you certainly couldn't even begin to try and compare AC 3 to it. Really it just feels like people are comparing it to that game like it's a fad, which makes me angry cuz we're spoiling the lagitament rage over that games ending. It's like how saying something is like Hitler totally kills your argument and at the same time psychologically makes Hitler seem less bad because of the misuse.

My reasons for saying it's not as bad as Mass Effect 3 is... well... we all played AC 2, right? We all saw the ending to that one? And the ending to Brotherhood? And the ending to the first game for that matter? Bullshit endings that come out of nowhere and make no sense and feel like they were pulled from the writers ass is sorta Assassins Creed's thing. "Oh shit we're at the ending and the writers got into the coke supply!.... well, might as well launch it anyway. I mean are you seriously telling me you were surprised by that ending? To be honest, it met my expectations, even if it was a bit anti climactic.

Also I object to the "he made the worst choice" point. The alternative to freeing Juno and maybe saving the world is objectively better then not releasing Juno and dealing with the unavoidable inarguable fate of genocide. He had a good point is all I'm saying, at least with the Juno thing people will have a fighting chance! (also paves the way for future sequels) Yeah it made no sense how Juno saved the world, but like I said, it's Assassins Creed aka the video game version of Lost. It ended the only way it could have ended: really stupidly.

 

[Krantos]

I'll be honest, I just about shot salad out of my nose at the "What is it with you and NOT STABBING PEOPLE?!"

Best part in any recent ZP.

 

[tangoprime]

The lack of the word "faff" in this review makes me sad, but I have to agree with Yahtzee when it comes to the direction the series has gone to. Now I'm still gonna get it but the last Assassin's Creed game I played was 2 which I absolutely loved. Now it seems that more of the stabby fun is in multiplayer and that shouldn't be the case in my opinion. Also I hate it when games give you an overabundance of money towards the end. The Fable games towards the end had me owning the entire damn kingdom and still have enough money to buy another one. I literally had to break every window I could to just spend it and even then I still had enough to buy another kingdom! Stop overloading me with money games and give me it in real life instead!

I was really looking forward to him mentioning something along the lines of "The Faff heard 'round the World"
That fact that this didn't happen has let me down a tad.

Captcha- "Purell: describe this brand with any word(s)" Your Answer: "Not for use as a personal lubricant." *hopes Purell decides to put this line on bottles so I can laugh and tell people I came up with that warning*

 

[Cid Silverwing]

Thanks for tearing this a new one. I should have realized something was up when I couldn't find a way to get rid of the tidal wave of money I accrued in Brotherhood.

And I'm the kind of player that can never have enough power-ups.

 

[remnant_phoenix]

This may be the first time that I've genuninely been unable to tell if he, on the whole, liked it or not.

He spend most of the time complaining about the side-stuff and lodged a couple complaints against the story, but he never said if he still liked the parkour/assassination gameplay, or the ship mission gameplay for that matter.

Amidst all the complaining about stuff in past games, he did make it clear that he liked them, all the way through to Revelations. For this one, I'm not sure.

I usually scoff at people when they say something along the lines of "So, did he like it or not?" Now the shoe is on my foot I suppose.

 

[DanHibiki]

So what's next? Cave man Assassin's creed? Maybe the big twist in the end is that Desmond Miles' point of view is actually genetic memory being re-lived by Zorg Darkstar a martian assassin in the year 3,000?

 

[exobook]

I just want the next Assassin's Creed to take place during the French Revolution. Lots more excuses to stab people. Big city to freerun around in and so much fucking happens! Probably more significant to world history than the American one but don't tell that to any american, they can't stand it when they arn't the main character.

Agreed, this would make a great game. However now that they've wrapped up desmond's story, they'll have to do it like in Assassin's Creed III: Liberation on the PS Vita,a documentry without any connections. This to some extend seems to deaden the plot though.

 

[BeeGeenie]

You go, Yahtzee. You go.

I remember when a game about assassins had stabbing people. Planning the approach, the escape route... good times.

Now it's mini-games, and even on the off chance that there is an assassination it's just: walk up - cutscene - done.

Assassin's Creed 4: Desmond Files His Taxes. In stores Nov. 2013.

 

[Krantos]

On a more serious note, this review pretty much sums up why I'm done with the series.

My favorite part in the first game, and really the only good part, was planning out how to get to the target and take them out.

Then, in the second one, my favorite part was when you're tasked to kill the four templars that are in various areas around town. You know roughly where they are but exactly how you approach them and take them out is up to you. For pretty much all of the other story assassinations, it's less a chance to use your wits and more an exercise in following directions.

Then Brotherhood was even worse about this.

Haven't picked up Revelations, because of this, and now AC3 seems to be more of the same.

So, I'm pretty much done. All the interesting assassinations are in the first 2 games, so I might as well just play them.

 

[daxterx2005]

Assassins geese, would play.

 

[duchaked]

I'll admit that I did find myself a bit bored in the middle section where all Connor (who I did find rather uncompelling as a lead character) did was be someone else's courier occasionally delivering death lol

but the stabby parts were good if you were to decide to skip all the FarmVille stuff and start taking out forts. personally the naval missions were a bloody blast to play 0.0 like holy crap it was Pirates of the Caribbean goodness haha

 

[GAunderrated]

I'm just thinking about my buying patterns with the AC series.

AC1: bought new on sale for 30 bucks after a friend recommended it to me. Game was a bit repetitive but I was hooked.

AC2: bought day 1 and enjoyed it a lot. Mini games where kinda refreshing because it broke up the stabbing but never hindered the game enough for me to get upset.

ACB: bought day 1 and thought it was decent but that the story/gameplay was getting weaker. I also dabbled in Multiplayer which was fun for an hour but incredibly repetitive

ACR: bought USED day 1 (from gamefly) because I was starting to believe that the AC series was in the decline. I got bored halfway through and stopped playing it for months. Later I finished it but it was extremely lackluster. Also the tower defense minigame was so annoying I damn near thought that the series couldn't go any lower.

AC3: Rented from gamefly day 1 and sent it back after 3 days of playing and got bored around 9 hours in. It got to the point where I was looking for stabbings but guess what, you can't stab civillians like you used too in AC series (with them telling you not to or get de-synced) and it made the game seem like assassinating is the last thing they wanted you to do.


Overall I think I will treat the AC series like I do madden, just buy one every 4 years or so to see enough change to warrant the cost.

 

[Euryptus]

Assassin's Creed Ken Dodd version?
I'd buy that.

Exactly. Playing as Ken Dodd, stalking victims armed only with a tickling stick, a book of sentimental songs and a lexicon of aging one-liner jokes (all weapons upgradable in-game). I presume you could also recruit and train up Diddy Men to help you in your goal of taking over Liverpool, whilst thwarting rival comedians and taking over the best variety halls to further spread the Cult of Dodd.

I'm in

 

[Krantos]

This may be the first time that I've genuninely been unable to tell if he, on the whole, liked it or not.

He spend most of the time complaining about the side-stuff and lodged a couple complaints against the story, but he never said if he still liked the parkour/assassination gameplay, or the ship mission gameplay for that matter.

Amidst all the complaining about stuff in past games, he did make it clear that he liked them, all the way through to Revelations. For this one, I'm not sure.

I usually scoff at people when they say something along the lines of "So, did he like it or not?" Now the shoe is on my foot I suppose.

"I'm Just bored. Which is a first for the series." -Yahtzee

I'd say it's relatively clear he didn't like it.

The reason he didn't talk much about the parkour and assassinations, I assume, is because a large part of his point is there isn't enough of them in the game. They may be great, but if the bulk of the game isn't about them, they can hardly stop it from being poor.

 

[Erttheking]

I agree with this review boring sums it up, I think the people who overly like AC 3 are the people who like Farmville but wish it was M rated with more blood in it.

Yeesh, why is everyone being so insulting to people who like Assassin's Creed 3?

Um... like it or not, some people rip on others who like [insert game title here]. I like JRPGs. The games I like and us fans, get ripped on constantly around here. I know Halo and COD fans (I am not one of them) are ripped on incessantly as well.

Yes I know that it happens a lot, so why is it ok?

 

[duchaked]

*looks up from Halo 4*
Should I buy this?
Do I want to be a sofa baron?
Not really.
So I don't have to drop another 60$?
Great!
*returns to Halo 4*

loll I haven't finished the campaign in AC3 because Halo 4 came out. well I also didn't finish AC3 because I got involved in the sofa business =.=

given I didn't *have* to do it, but I wanted to upgrade my ship...seriously I'd play a whole spin off where you spend half the time in naval battles, boarding enemy ships, bombarding enemy forts, leaving your ship to infiltrate a coastal fort to take out their cannons and...okay I'll stop lol

 

[Sonicron]

Huh. This echoes my sentiments fairly well. The only thing he didn't mention was the motherf*cking 'full synchronization' system, which is as much fun to borderline obsessive compulsive blokes (like me) as a safety pin right through the bell end.

 

[Griffolion]

Money couldn't be gotten out of my wallet fast enough if there was an Assassins Creed that let you explore the genetic memories of Ken Dodd.

 

[HaraDaya]

That's really just it. AC should be a game that only gives you a target, and then it's up to you how to approach and disappear efficiently. Instead we got something very linear and piss-easy.

 

[Kurt Cristal]

I got bored the very second the farmville game was introduced, so I ignored it and all other mini-games outright. Needless to say my character was actually poor and very underpowered, so the game was actually considerably difficult without having a mountain of money to spend on upgrades and the whatnot. This also made the final naval battle at the end of the game extremely difficult. And I was confused by the liberation missions because I the game didn't make it clear what the rewards were. So I also never ended up expanding my assassin crew either. I just tore thru the game in what would essentially be hard mode, and still overall, wasn't too difficult.

Also I was really expecting Yahtzee to talk about Connor to out-bland Desmond in this review. For such a tragic and involved backstory, good god most bland character ever.

In future game can we play as Rebecca or Shaun? They're actually interesting.