Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed 3

[duchaked]

*looks up from Halo 4*
Should I buy this?
Do I want to be a sofa baron?
Not really.
So I don't have to drop another 60$?
Great!
*returns to Halo 4*

loll I haven't finished the campaign in AC3 because Halo 4 came out. well I also didn't finish AC3 because I got involved in the sofa business =.=

given I didn't *have* to do it, but I wanted to upgrade my ship...seriously I'd play a whole spin off where you spend half the time in naval battles, boarding enemy ships, bombarding enemy forts, leaving your ship to infiltrate a coastal fort to take out their cannons and...okay I'll stop lol

 

[Sonicron]

Huh. This echoes my sentiments fairly well. The only thing he didn't mention was the motherf*cking 'full synchronization' system, which is as much fun to borderline obsessive compulsive blokes (like me) as a safety pin right through the bell end.

 

[Griffolion]

Money couldn't be gotten out of my wallet fast enough if there was an Assassins Creed that let you explore the genetic memories of Ken Dodd.

 

[HaraDaya]

That's really just it. AC should be a game that only gives you a target, and then it's up to you how to approach and disappear efficiently. Instead we got something very linear and piss-easy.

 

[Kurt Cristal]

I got bored the very second the farmville game was introduced, so I ignored it and all other mini-games outright. Needless to say my character was actually poor and very underpowered, so the game was actually considerably difficult without having a mountain of money to spend on upgrades and the whatnot. This also made the final naval battle at the end of the game extremely difficult. And I was confused by the liberation missions because I the game didn't make it clear what the rewards were. So I also never ended up expanding my assassin crew either. I just tore thru the game in what would essentially be hard mode, and still overall, wasn't too difficult.

Also I was really expecting Yahtzee to talk about Connor to out-bland Desmond in this review. For such a tragic and involved backstory, good god most bland character ever.

In future game can we play as Rebecca or Shaun? They're actually interesting.

 

[Buizel91]

I actually enjoyed the game, sure there are fewer targets than the last games, but it had toher stuff to keep me interested (the fort/naval missions, liberating different regions, exploring the frontier etc)

Althought i will have to play it again, kinda rushed through it so i could get to the end xD (not in a bad way, just wanted to know how they ended Desmonds Story)

 

[rembrandtqeinstein]

So the historically significant goose line made me shoot coffee out my nose.

Grats!

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Man, am I glad I waited! All of this was my problem with Revelations, and I ended up practically hating Revelations as a result. We were so loaded down with excessive crap to deal with the inexplicable 1500s musket snipers there that it wasn't about quietly sneaking around, infiltrating, stabbing here and there, or occasionally letting them live to their eternal shame when the silly fool in the stupid hood runs past, blood on his chest, going "neener neener, just stabbed up your boss, nothin' you can do about it, you're probably gonna get fired!" I quite loved planning out my routes, noticing guard patrol patterns, and generally trying to be as much of an actual assassin as possible. At least through Brotherhood they left in enough stabbing that you still got to do it. I'll still play this one, though, but I'm glad I waited for it to move down the line.

 

[TheSchaef]

Mad mad mad props to Yahtzee for referencing Subbuteo [http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/3720/subbuteo]

 

[Kargathia]

I have to assume that because half an hour has passed since this video went up and there aren't 400+ comments already plastered all over it that the fans of this game are still sitting in abject shock with their lower jaw hanging somewhere past their solar plexus. From what I heard from everyone's friend who has a friend who owns this game it was some kind of gift from the gods and Yahtzee just gave it the worst review a game can ever get: B for Boring.

I doubt anyone didn't see it coming, after the rather entertaining flame-fests that were the reviews for the last two AC games.

 

[ciancon]

Can someone please tell me why they left out the mechanic where you can automatically follow someone that's talking to you. Seriously, it shouldn't be an objective you have to complete!

 

[SonOfMethuselah]

Yeah, more or less.
I was kind of stunned when I realized that the game was ramping up to its conclusion, and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually assassinated someone. 'Cept that bloke at the start in the theatre.

Also:
I want a t-shirt with that 'what is it with you and stabbing/not stabbing' bit on it. Like, right now. Hurry up and get on that, whoever-does-the-merchandise-for-the-Escapist.

 

[Yahtzee Croshaw]

I had to choose between AC3 or AC3L on Vita, go with the later, I was having second thoughts, not so sure now.

Also regarding this game.

Spoiler

 

[cftattoo]

I was in love with the Assassin's Creed franchise until it went downhill starting with revelations. There literally was only one mission in AC3 where the only objective was to assassinate a target...the rest of the game was boring

 

[cricket chirps]

You know what the next Assassin's Creed really needs to set it apart? A strawberry jam scented apocolypse. It would really make use of all the jumping from building to building mechanics.

P.S. Really suprised Croshaw didn't make a similar reference himself <_<

P.S.S. Loving the book so far, was NOT expecting any refrences to Mogworld haha.

 

[Xathos]

I have to agree with him about the sidequest thing.

Quick, get these Almanac pages! Why? To unlock inventions you can craft! Why? To hang them around the homestead! Why? Because! Also, you get a trophy.

Liberate the areas from Templar influence! Why? To get more Assassins! Why? So you can use them during the story (probably) and send them off to do missions elsewhere! Why? To get money, some items, and XP for them! Why? So they can reach Master Assassin Rank! Why? For a Trophy! Also they may last longer in a fight.

Find all the Peg Leg Trinkets! Why? To go on specific missions! Why? To get money and a cool item! Why? The cool item will help you with something that you can do quite easily! Also...Trophy!

Make sure to get the Homestead to grow! Why? So you can craft better things and unlock more recipes! Why? So you can sell things at better prices! Why? So you can get money! Why? To buy more ingredients and get more money! Why? To get better weapons even though you probably preordered the game and got Captain Kidd's sword which is one of the best weapons in the game! And even if you didn't, think about this: A Trophy!

Kill Animals! Why? To get items to sell! Why? For money, even though you have at least 3 different ways to make money. Don't forget about the Trophy!


And I'm sure you can go on and on. Still playing the game (about sequence 9 or so), but it just annoys me that the sidequests...don't give me too much motivation. I still do them because...well, I need to. That map aint going to clean itself!

I'm not exactly wasting money or see the need to spend money in this game though, not compared to AC2. In AC2, you were constantly buy little things to improve the Villa so that you could gain more money, but it never felt like you were gaining too much (until the end anyway). This changed from Brotherhood on, and making money was just so easy. For AC3, I have all this money I could be making (which isn't a lot since I don't actually send out Convoys that often), but I really have nothing to spend it on, nothing important anyway save for pouch upgrades or whatever.

Still having a blast though.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Sounds to me, from this review anyway, that the developers got confused about what kind of game they were making, some thought they were making Farmville, some thought they were making Port Royale, and some thought they were making Age of Empires; and in the end they decided to hybridize them all together and see what happens.

Nah, Ubisoft simply reckons that in order to improve upon a franchise all you need to do is add more stuff each sequel. Doesn't matter if the initial gameplay focus goes completely out the window, as long as there's more meaningless stuff to do. After all, that's the only way to create engaging gameplay, right?

Also setting it in colonial America didn't help much either. Oh man, woods and shacks - can't wait to parkour through that shit.

 

[Kusko25]

Finally someone points out all the shitty stuff that got me frustrated enough to punch my sofa. Every other critique I've read gave it a "good" or 80/100ish which made me doubt my own sanity as well as everyone else's ability to differ good from mediocre and bad.