Zero Punctuation: Condemned 2: Bloodshot

[Midnight Voyager]

Seriously, I was fine with Indigo Prophecy. Sure, it got supernatural, but they properly eased into it.

...until the end boss, which was COMPLETE AND UTTER WTF WHIPLASH WHY DID THEY DO THIS!?

sigh.

Even Condemned 1 properly ramped it up to the very end. (Which was rather supernatural.) I wasn't surprised at the throat beam due to the X-Rays in Condemned 1. I'm good with a game going bonkers. However, it has to at least have some FEEL like you're helplessly grounded in reality, watching in horror as everything goes wrong and absolutely praying that you get through it through sheer luck alone.

 

[elpresidente]

I guess the review was funny but I'll never know because he reviews only games that I have never played. Plus, I don't use Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, or whatever they come up with. Enough with the stupid consoles. I guess he does this because consoles are a bigger par of the market but then again, console users are not exactly the smartest people around, so this stunt is kinda useless.

 

[Pseudonym2]

, console users are not exactly the smartest people around.

No we just can't afford a thousand dollar gaming PC which needs to be constantly updated. Back when I a had a PC capable of playing games on it, my computer ran into problems every time I installed a new game.


I have a 136 IQ with a nine point margin of error putting me near the second standard deviation.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

No we just can't afford a thousand dollar gaming PC which needs to be constantly updated. Back when I a had a PC capable of playing games on it, my computer ran into problems every time I installed a new game.

But you can afford a three/four hundred console with fifty pound games? Methinks thou doeth protest too much. PC's are cheaper, faster and can run much more than many consoles. Consoles only benefits are the weird little games, massmarket effect and consistency.

[I have both]

 

[Thisusernameisjustanotherwasteofspace]

I have a 136 IQ with a nine point margin of error putting me near the second standard deviation.

Back on topic:
I didn't find this review that funny, but I must say that it had really good arguments and I think that's important. So, good job on this one.

 

[sshplur]

I just want a yellow T-shirt with the Imp on it.

Me too, I'd buy 6 of those in a second.

"Bum smash" XD Reminds me of Sunday school where we'd yell out "Bible bash!" when the priests argued.

Did any get creeped out when the Yahtz mentioned YOUR house?

 

[Uszi]

About Fahrenheit (honestly, 'Indigo Prophecy'!? What were they thinking!?)

To be honest, the name Fahrenheit doesn't have much more meaning than Indigo Prophecy at all, unless the main character is some sort of American meteorologist. In fact, Indigo Prophecy might be a better name, since it gives you a bit of warning up the upcoming cults and magic, etc mentioned before.

On the flip side, Fahrenheit is a cool name because it reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, which was an awesome book.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrenheit_451

 

[The Anonymous Mr P]

I'm pretty sure 'Fahrenheit' was referencing the little-mentioned cold-wave that went across the world because of the whole prophecy business. It was just a little colder than average at the beginning. By the end it's freaking apocalyptic.

 

[Uszi]

I'm pretty sure 'Fahrenheit' was referencing the little-mentioned cold-wave that went across the world because of the whole prophecy business. It was just a little colder than average at the beginning. By the end it's freaking apocalyptic.

In that case, please allow me to salt my words before I eat them.

 

[Izzhov]

Hey, my IQ's 134, and I'm a console user, too! Way to make sweeping generalizations, there, Mr. President.

On-Topic:

I'm glad someone else brought this up, or I was going to have to break Ben Croshaw's heart. (Or whatever is left of it) First up, funny review. Very Funny. Notice though I didn't say good. Thats because you went from paying out a game for obvious flaws to being downright hypocritical. Yes, your Chzo Mythos series ends with... you guessed it, a CULT! 5 Days a Stranger didn't start with an obvious twist to a Cult or Sect. Neither did 7 Days a Skeptic. It was only Trilby's notes, and 6 Days a Sacrifice that we saw this Cult. Hang on, that means your series has Indigo Prophecy Syndrome as well, you've become what you have always hated! (Dramatic Music) Duh Duh DUH!

I'm sorry for that, but it needed to be said.

I loved Indigo Prophecy (Fahrenheit as it was called here in Aus) because it was an engaging experience. The reason he was able to pull superpowers out of his arse, was because he was superhuman after falling of the pedestal at the amusement park. I mean, how could a normal human survive that? (And I'm sure the shaman in the other realm gave him some juice.)

I haven't played Condemned 2, or 1. But if I do decide to get a 360, I might just pick this up.

So please Yahtzee, be extra careful what you say, you dont wanna look stupid infront of everyone right? Remember the flak towers?

At least you still make me laugh, maybe thats why you went kinda hypocritical, maybe you wanted someone to see your mistake. Made it all the more interesting. If thats the case, nicely done.

I'm glad that someone else noticed this. This kind of ruined the review for me, too...

 

[Pseudonym2]

No we just can't afford a thousand dollar gaming PC which needs to be constantly updated. Back when I a had a PC capable of playing games on it, my computer ran into problems every time I installed a new game.

But you can afford a three/four hundred console with fifty pound games? Methinks thou doeth protest too much. PC's are cheaper, faster and can run much more than many consoles. Consoles only benefits are the weird little games, massmarket effect and consistency.

[I have both]

I bought some bonds 5 years ago to afford the consul. All the games I bought were used and most of them under $25 (like Condemned which was only $17). Plus I don't have to buy $60 mouses or constant upgrades.

 

[hpv]

As always, brilliantly constructed. I like the reviews with Yahtzee actually in them. I think those are because he doesn't have 4 extra hours to finish editing but it adds personality, the very essence of a Yahtzee review. Let's see you review something like Lost Odyssey or how about GTAIV day & date?

GTA4 day-and-date in Australia is going to be like March 2009, right?

 

[Cowabungaa]

I doubt this will be read by many, or considered, but I think this wasn't one of Yahtzee's better reviews.

For starters I would point out that all of the evil cult stuff was in the original Condemned. Indeed unlocking the FBI files on this was the reward for succeeding with the various collection subquests. The files have been typed out and put on Gamefaqs. What's more the superman stuff was in the first game too, one of the big moments in the game is when they pull out the medical file in the Library and reveal that Special Agent Thomas has a number of superhuman abillities such as increased bone density and such which is why he is so tough.

What's more Yahtzee is 100% wrong about the ending of the game. The duel with Seriel Killer X is *NOT* the ending. The ending takes place when you find out that SKX was driven over the edge by the supernatural stuff (which is a big part of the final desician). You leave the house after this and wind up fighting a demon thing by pulling metal out of it's body, and then once the driving force is dead your given the option of killing or sparing SKX given the revelation.

Condemned 2 went multi-platform so it had to retread some of the same ground for newcomers. But ultimatly it had to move forward from the first game, everything that occurs is a logical extension of events from the first game. It gets more over the top since your moving from a "what is it" phase to a bit more understanding and direct confrontation with the problems rather than the effects.

Now it CAN be said that a good mystery is entertaining. Many good mysteries fail when the payoff isn't worthy of the suspense and build up. Perhaps Condemned 2 failed here (and I suspect it's the middle child of a trilogy with the most over the top confrontations coming in the end of a trilogy), but ultimatly media that thows unanswered questions at the viewer/gamer/listener without any payoff is among the worst that there is. Notice that "Lost" has been slipping a bit due to this problem. Not to mention that other game series like "Blood Omen"/"Soul Reaver" have been heavily criticized for exactly that.

Pacing is important, and I think in general Condemned has done a decent job of pacing the evolution of the story. Perhaps the mystery elements to begin with were better written, but that's an issue for the writers rather than with the progression itself.

My biggest problem with Yahtzee's review this time is that unlike other ones, it's entirely obvious that he is sounding off without knowlege he claims to have. He's claiming to have played and beaten Condemned 1 to make comparisons to Condemned 2, but it's obvious he hasn't as what he claims is the finale isn't the finale, and certain elements that he claims the first Condemned was better for lacking were always present. Including a big, fat cinematic scene talking about your Protaganist being a bit more than a normal human.

A trip to Gamefaqs would have uncovered some of the "payoffs" from collection in the form of the files that kind of spell out the Lovecraftian occult elements, and the existance of a cult.

>>>----Therumancer--->

This really deserves to be QFT. Ofcourse, that doesn't resolve Condemned 2's problem with the crappy 2nd half, especially the last 2 levels in wich guns are way more important wich fails for a game known for it's epic melee combat.

 

[Bombader]

Indigo Prophecy, I loved half that game, the later half was like WTF since it abandoned common sense adventuring, and multi-characters for "I gotz powers to ownz youz" out of no where.

Really didn't like that game for pulling that, it just feels unoriginal, and weird.

Don't get me started on getting it on with dead guys.

Edit: Also most actions didn't really matter accept the final ones, which made it a drag at the end, almost thought the game was ultimate game of choice, when it wasn't.

Anyway good review it was, funny as it was informative.

 

[sshplur]

GTA4 day-and-date in Australia is going to be like March 2009, right?

It comes out in 4 days or something. There's a lot less waiting for big/ridiculously hyped games on the other consoles compared to Wii and some PS2 games. *glares at Super Paper Mario and Oding Sphere

 

[Indrid Cold]

...does anyone here *actually* base their game purchases on ZP reviews as they say? Please tell me that isn't the case. Anyway, funny review as always - particularly the "entertaining series of bum fights" - though I did like Indigo Prophecy more or less from start to finish.

 

[Iori Branford]

...does anyone here *actually* base their game purchases on ZP reviews as they say? Please tell me that isn't the case.

I'm more worried about people asking Yahtzee to tone down or drop the comedy act because there are some stupids who might take it seriously.

The irony being that one of my favorite lines from the Witcher Damage Control Squad was

THIS IS, IN NOW WAY A MMORPG.

 

[SamSloth]

hay, at 3:36 theres a full stop, what happened to *zero* punctuation? you lied to us, you lie like cheap watch.
and btw yes i know that im a nerd, so i fully invite you to reply to this with some meatheaded "LOl wuT R U SuM KInd4 NErD???!!! LOLOL0l0lOL!!!11!!" (Player in the leet world was carved out of pure awesome by chuck norris) but if you want to do that then please first get yourself neutered for the good of the gene pool and then carve your fingers off with some sort of sharp object so that you cant use a computor, this means that when you insult people in the future then they'll actually be able to hit you
edit: about the whole cutting off your fingers thing, you might want to get a friend to help you with the second hand, in fact, it doesnt have to be a friend, id help, seems like a worthy cause (this spewing bile was caused mainly from the battallions of strange people who spawn from damp toilet floors just to crawl their way to a computor and insult everyone that they can so that they can feel good about themselves for being so brave)

 

[tiredinnuendo]

Thats because you went from paying out a game for obvious flaws to being downright hypocritical. Yes, your Chzo Mythos series ends with... you guessed it, a CULT! 5 Days a Stranger didn't start with an obvious twist to a Cult or Sect. Neither did 7 Days a Skeptic. It was only Trilby's notes, and 6 Days a Sacrifice that we saw this Cult. Hang on, that means your series has Indigo Prophecy Syndrome as well, you've become what you have always hated! (Dramatic Music) Duh Duh DUH!

Without quoting the whole bit, I think it's worth mentioning that Indigo Prophecy Syndrome causes a plot that goes batshit in the second half. He named cults as a lesser symptom. Pay attention.

My biggest problem with Yahtzee's review this time is that unlike other ones, it's entirely obvious that he is sounding off without knowlege he claims to have. He's claiming to have played and beaten Condemned 1 to make comparisons to Condemned 2, but it's obvious he hasn't as what he claims is the finale isn't the finale, and certain elements that he claims the first Condemned was better for lacking were always present. Including a big, fat cinematic scene talking about your Protaganist being a bit more than a normal human.

And again, people who paid attention already know that he did not describe the "running through the house from SKX" as the finale, but rather a final boss sequence. While I can understand how the unitiated would see this and think he means "the end", those of us who play games tend to understand that the "final sequences" take up to the last hour and a half of the game. See Assasin's Creed. Also, as stated above, he didn't say the game was bad because it contained a cult, he said that was the final nail in a plot that had gone batshit and given away too much, which is a valid complaint.

- J (chicks dig guys who listen)