Zero Punctuation: Dark

[The Great JT]

If Dark is a vampire game, it must be one of those thin-bloods...clearly Gehenna is upon us. And no, I will not stop making VTM references.

Also, this is solely my opinion, but the boss fights in VTM:B weren't that bad. I mean, yeah once I beat the final boss by hitting the bullet time power (Celerity, I think) and unloading an entire clip of Steyr-AUG rounds into it, killing with just that one clip (because Firearms 10 means More Dakka) but I'll admit I had problems with Ming-Xiao and the Blood Man.

 

[Something Amyss]

Switches in gaming culture can't get much dimmer, Yahtzee old chap.

Much like gaming culture in general.

(Just to clarify, I'm talking about the overall tendency to aim for the lowest common denominator, not calling everyone idiots.)

 

[Spacehouse]

everyone who watches this video has no excuse for not playing VTM: Bloodlines within the next week.

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

For the record Goth with a personal trainer sounds like an outstanding premise.

Also for the record, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines is a god amongst games. Literally: it was released around the same time as Half Life 2 and the fan base has been updating the patch ever since. New versions are still periodically released. It's like another Rocky Horror.

238U

 

[head desk tricycle]

I just have to say, this video has some elite class Yahtzeeing on display.

 

[Darth_Payn]

Is this the last Zero Punctuation? I don't see Zero Punctuation under the videos tab anymore.

What are you talking about? Zero Punctuation is still under the Videos section.

 

[Jburton9]

Good post Yahtzee, had some great laughs. I wish the game was even half as good as Bloodlines as I might be willing to drag through a bad game for that reason alone. What a bummer that Dark turned out so badly, I *almost* spent time on it but I am glad I skipped it as the forced cover mechanic would be too frustrating.

I keep waiting for Bloodlines to get the gog release but no luck so far... hmm I know I have the disks laying around here somewhere.

Oh for those installers out there, don't forget the cheat code "money" - the developers definitely had a sense of humor that is for sure : )

 

[Darth_Payn]

I would love to see Yahtzee review Bloodlines now. Retro reviews are more fun to me. Shitty games come as a close second.

Oh yeah, Yahtzee could do that to get the bad taste of Dark out of his mouth, since the latter is so obviously trying to ape the former. Also, I never got into the whole vampire craze back when that game first premiered, so I'd like to see what all the fuss was about. But then, next week is officially August, so we might get another XBOX Live Arcade Double feature.

 

[The Youth Counselor]

YAHTZEE, TELL US MORE ABOUT VAMPIRE: THE MASQUERADE - BLOODLINES

No seriously, I'd love a retro-review of that game.

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

Unfortunately, every time I install (It's been 4+ times) I'm unable to get it to work. I'm also still using the same crappy PC from ten years ago, that I played through the game with.

It either crashes upon startup, or crashes upon talking to Jack in the tutorial.

 

[arcticphoenix95]

I would love to see Yahtzee review Bloodlines now. Retro reviews are more fun to me. Shitty games come as a close second.

Oh yeah, Yahtzee could do that to get the bad taste of Dark out of his mouth, since the latter is so obviously trying to ape the former. Also, I never got into the whole vampire craze back when that game first premiered, so I'd like to see what all the fuss was about. But then, next week is officially August, so we might get another XBOX Live Arcade Double feature.

That or another steam roundup. OT: Am I the only person who thinks "To love a shoggoth" needs to be made into a real novel?

 

[Talvrae]

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

 

[FallenMessiah88]

I remeber seeing a gameplay trailer for this game a few months back. A vampire stealth game is actually a pretty cool premise. Too bad that this particular game just seems so dull and lifeless.

 

[RA92]

Awww, it's truly heartening to see so much love for Bloodlines...

 

[Talvrae]

Good post Yahtzee, had some great laughs. I wish the game was even half as good as Bloodlines as I might be willing to drag through a bad game for that reason alone. What a bummer that Dark turned out so badly, I *almost* spent time on it but I am glad I skipped it as the forced cover mechanic would be too frustrating.

I keep waiting for Bloodlines to get the gog release but no luck so far... hmm I know I have the disks laying around here somewhere.

Oh for those installers out there, don't forget the cheat code "money" - the developers definitely had a sense of humor that is for sure : )

You know Bloodline on steam?

 

[ImBigBob]

Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

 

[ShinAquarius]

Awww, it's truly heartening to see so much love for Bloodlines...

How can you NOT love it?

Bloodlines is one of those few games where even the stockphrase "Take off your nostalgia googles!" doesn't work. Because Bloodlines is actually one of the few games that people keep returning to. For good reason.

System Shock 2 might be a VERY good game, and is pretty much the standard for games like Bioshock and Dead Space. But Bloodlines has replayability - So many races, and especially the difference between Nosferatu - Tremere - Malkavian - Everyone else means you have a reason to replay the game. Multiple endings is just another good reason to go for it.

It's just a bit sad that the unofficial patch is so mandatory. You CAN play without it, but god damnit, that game is buggy as all hell.

 

[StormTheGate]

There's nothing more satisfying than watching Yahtzee destroy a game, there's just something therapeutic about it.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

So it tries to copy Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines, and fails at it in every respect?

...Welp, glad I didn't pick up Dark during the Steam Sale. Thanks for the heads up Yatzee.

I'm mildly upset, though. Bloodlines was outstanding, and I'd like to have seen another vampire game that nails everything good about the setting like that. That said, the boss fights in Bloodlines were really annoying if you didn't spec your character right. On my first time playing that game I barely managed to survive most of them, being a Nosferatu (stealth brawler) who missed most of the side quests and was too moral to reopen the blood bank. Every other time, though, I demolished them, now knowing what to do to be prepared for them.

 

[Strain42]

Okay, I'm just going to make my entire post in list form to make it a bit easier to follow

1. I have never heard of this game before now.
2. I think this was the funniest episode of Zero Punctuation since SimCity
3. Cajun Cooked Walrus Dribble is one of my new favorite things, and I plan to work it into my normal vocabulary
4. Like many people here, I will never be able to eat an eclair ever again...until the next time I see one and think it looks delicious,
5. I love Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines, and lastly
6. Yahtzee, on the off chance you're reading this, keep up the good work. The fact that you've been consistently funny for like 6 years now with roughly 45-50 episodes a year is something that really is to be applauded.

 

[[REDACTED]]

Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

DARK. IS NOT. A SHOOTER.

And you're asking Yahtzee to review a JRPG, because you think he would have a favourable opinion of it? Heh. Good luck with that.