Zero Punctuation: Dark

[ImBigBob]

]

Yahtzee complains about how bad gaming is, conveniently ignoring games like Shin Megami Tensei IV and Fir Emblem: Awakening. Yay, another really dull shooter review. How about you take your own advice and do something different for once?

DARK. IS NOT. A SHOOTER.

And you're asking Yahtzee to review a JRPG, because you think he would have a favourable opinion of it? Heh. Good luck with that.

I'll admit that in my mind, "mediocre action game" and "mediocre shooter" tend to blend together in my head to the point where they're indistinguishable. All I hear is "bad action, bad story, no originality, blargh".

I don't think that Yahtzee would declare SMTIV the greatest game of all; I just think reviewing games outside his comfort zone lead to funny reviews (see: The World Ends With You). There's only so many jokes you can make at the expense of action games that reviewing a JRPG, even if he doesn't like it, would be a nice change of pace.

 

[Ancient-Hunter]

"isn't that just the same superpower as a man with a gun!?"

hahahahahahha

 

[HemalJB]

Hey Yahtzee
If you're reading this, how about you do one of them indie game roundup reviews you occasionally do. Would be a welcome change of pace from all these shitty AAA titles coming out these days.

Dark wasn't AAA.

Neither was Ride to Hell.

Their status as "indie" is determined entirely by whether you think indie games have to be self-published or not.

OT: Yeah, I was intrigued by this in the weeks leading up to its release, and then to no real surprise it ended up being a disappointing, overpriced pile of buggy, boring, nonsensical game mechanics and writing with the one plus (the art style) being let down by boring level and world design.

Or at least, that's what I've gathered from watching and reading everything about it once the reviews and videos started coming out. Definitely doesn't sound worth the price of admission to me.

Sorry, my bad.
Still, I would like if he reviewed a few games like Mark of the Ninja or Bastion, you know, games which are very good but fly under the radar.

 

[Mr. Q]

Two stinkers in a row. Are we in a dry period with new releases? Wonder if we'll get a retro review down the road. *coughResidentEvil4cough*

 

[Quillpaw]

Oh man, I saw the title for this one and knew it would be good. I hadn't heard of this game, but I did stumble across it while wandering Gamestop and took a closer look because brooding dudes in hoodies are kind of my weakness as far as game protagonists go. I then proceeded to read the back of the box, laugh, call over my friend, read it out loud to him, laugh some more, set the game down, and walk out of the store laughing. Even the box blurbs are just so hilariously terrible. I knew the game was a train wreck and I'm so glad Yahtzee could confirm it.

 

[DementedSheep]

You mentioned Vampire the Masquerade.

As per the rules of the internet, I must now post this image.

Not me though.

No.

I already have it installed

Well I never did get round to doing a Nosferatu playthrough...

NO! I've already played it 4 times, it buggy as hell and I have a massive backlog of new games. I'm never going to get to them if I just repeatedly play old games.
....
*installs*
Goddamn it!

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

It's on Steam.

BUT MAKE SURE TO GET THE UNOFFICIAL FAN PATCH. The game is really buggy, and the Patch fixes most of them, and adds back some of the cut content.

Also, I don't reccomend the nosfaratu (stealth class) for your first run. You'll probably miss half the content with that class because you're afraid to be seen by NPCs.

 

[Starker]

Sorry, my bad.
Still, I would like if he reviewed a few games like Mark of the Ninja or Bastion, you know, games which are very good but fly under the radar.

Well, he did both of those games, so it's not like he reviews bland action games and shooters all the time. It's just that everything's an action game or a shooter these days.

 

[Hutzpah Chicken]

That's a big surprise that Yahtzee has turned around and now wants cover-based shooting.

 

[Movitz]

"How to love a shoggoth".

I would read it =D

 

[IamLEAM1983]

"How to love a shoggoth".

I would read it =D

Reading that, I'd wonder if I was reading instructions for kneading a wad of dough or an actual romance novel.

Seeing as, you know, Shoggoths are basically blobs of flesh with a couple extraneous eyes.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

Well, Troika Games died, and White Wolf (who own VtM) went mental and decided to pack in all the awesome camptacular vampires-as-goth-superheroes shit in favour of rebooting everything while making it all depressingly trad and Anne Riceish.

So in short no, that particular horse has died and been made into lasagne.

But yes, we live in hope that eventually someone will figure out that basically remaking Deus Ex using an interesting and established roleplaying setting is a good idea, and on that day much happiness will be had by all mankind.

 

[Talvrae]

Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

Well, Troika Games died, and White Wolf (who own VtM) went mental and decided to pack in all the awesome camptacular vampires-as-goth-superheroes shit in favour of rebooting everything while making it all depressingly trad and Anne Riceish.

So in short no, that particular horse has died and been made into lasagne.

But yes, we live in hope that eventually someone will figure out that basically remaking Deus Ex using an interesting and established roleplaying setting is a good idea, and on that day much happiness will be had by all mankind.

You know they are doing a MMO with Mascarade setting right?

 

[cefm]

Wow. I wonder at what point in the development cycle the game devs asked themselves "Anyone remember what part of this game was supposed to be fun?"

 

[Necris Omega]

Ah, VtM - proof that the vampire concept doesn't have to be dripping with tween angst and hormones. And yeah, I think I might reinstall Bloodlines now.

Here's hoping the MMO can be something more like Bloodlines and less like... WoW.

Sadly, I see it turning out little more than, "Kill 10 Random Gangbangers and bring me their armbands!"

Oh, and apparently living under the tyranny of Prince XxAlucard124343xX who can have your character effectively deleted, because apparently giving real power over other people to random assholes on the internet registered as a good idea somewhere.

 

[Detroit]

Man, I had quite a laugh during the game-like conversation.

 

[rdaleric]

Great now i want to play VtMB, where can i find a copy?

It's on Steam. Although Steam version have some really crappy textures for some reason .

OT: Wow, power upgrade system in this game is incredibly unbalanced. Also, "dessert trolley" metaphor made me lol.

If you install the ENB series graphics mod it looks much much better

 

[ShinAquarius]

Yrp that's my case too. was already installed... When someone will try again to a game like this?

Well, Troika Games died, and White Wolf (who own VtM) went mental and decided to pack in all the awesome camptacular vampires-as-goth-superheroes shit in favour of rebooting everything while making it all depressingly trad and Anne Riceish.

So in short no, that particular horse has died and been made into lasagne.

But yes, we live in hope that eventually someone will figure out that basically remaking Deus Ex using an interesting and established roleplaying setting is a good idea, and on that day much happiness will be had by all mankind.

You know they are doing a MMO with Mascarade setting right?

Wasn't that just the game that was instead made into Secret World? Because from what I recall hearing, they took a massive U-turn on the whole vampire thing, tapped on humans with powers, and tried to make it "appeal to the wider audience", which, being an MMO, obviously failed.

 

[Talvrae]

Snip

Wasn't that just the game that was instead made into Secret World? Because from what I recall hearing, they took a massive U-turn on the whole vampire thing, tapped on humans with powers, and tried to make it "appeal to the wider audience", which, being an MMO, obviously failed.

No. no it's still developement the same developer as Eve Online
Official website: ntot much herehttp://www.ccpgames.com/en/products/world-of-darkness.aspx
trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp2hv3_RB9c
Engine demo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr_KVNrxtRI
10 reason to be interested in it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbeCWcI3WBg

 

[ShinAquarius]

Snip

Wasn't that just the game that was instead made into Secret World? Because from what I recall hearing, they took a massive U-turn on the whole vampire thing, tapped on humans with powers, and tried to make it "appeal to the wider audience", which, being an MMO, obviously failed.

No. no it's still developement the same developer as Eve Online
Official website: ntot much herehttp://www.ccpgames.com/en/products/world-of-darkness.aspx
trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp2hv3_RB9c
Engine demo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr_KVNrxtRI
10 reason to be interested in it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbeCWcI3WBg

Oh dear God. Hopefully it wont be as grindtastic as Eve is, then.

EDIT: Thanks for the links, though.