Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

[Whoatemysupper]

Who is that guy that appears in almost all of these reviews? (obviously I am not referring to stick Yahtzee I mean the picture used as Dukes cover)

He's some guy in a German photographer's collection of people making blank faces. What has art come to?

I was also disappointed a bit because I was expecting something more colourful like the earlier reviews. I'm afraid they're getting a little dull, but that could be because I'm getting used to it.

 

[Draconalis]

Some people claim that Yahtzee's popularity has been dwindling... I don't think those people try to access the site on the days he releases a video...

Ugh...

...that's certainly another advantage of living in Australia - it comes out in the middle of the night, so by the time you wake up and watch it the traffic spike is over!

Heh... I didn't even know that message made it through. I gave up and moved on.

 

[ucciolord1]

There was real passion here. Like Yahtzee was coming through with an emotion other than abject hatred (references to Portal and SH2 notwithstanding). It was touching. It was also hilarious.
And I think I may have shed a tear or two.

 

[LJJ1991]

I knew a game like this was going to be bad. I've heard one bad review after another and quite frankly, I'm not surprised.

 

[thisguyfromthere]

but it was still a much better, and more realistic, review than he's given in years.

If you come to Zero Punctuation looking for a realistic review, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what Yahtzee tries to do in these videos.

Yeah I listened, and I don't believe him. I think he's trying to save face after making a joke review and getting egg all over his face when Douk actually came out. I don't buy it.

Oh okay, so that is how you think "Duke" is spelled. Wow. First time you screwed it up, I chalked it up as just a really weird mistake.

 

[Eveonline100]

is it me or is yatzee an DN3d fan it as every one else said he was disappointed it feels asthough he may at one point been a very loyal fan of Duke Nukem all in all this was actullay kinda of depressing.

 

[Mydnyght]

"I expected it to dissapoint, just not this much."

You and everyone else. Am I the ONLY person who knew this was going to suck ass? Moreso than what most people anticipated?

Well, before, I had thought this: Duke Nukem Forever will be one of two things:

1) one of the very greatest games of all time, or
2) a total, absolute piece of motherfucking shit

One or the other. Nothing in between the two whatsoever.

Does that count?

By the way, Yahtzee, +50 points for a (modified) "Laugh-In" reference in the credits.

For those who don't know, one recurring bit from "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" was this "Fickle Finger of Fate" award. I honestly don't know much about it; I simply know of that name.

EDIT: Also, a Jaws remake without a shark? Now THERE'S an idea for a movie!...

...

Uwe Boll would make that.

 

[Levethian]

I don't think we should mourn Duke Nukem yet. DNF's release is like the end of very long awkward pause in conversation; It doesn't matter how it ends - at least now Gearbox and 3D-Realms can make something better rather than agonize any further about Forever.

 

[owyndevaldeck]

Wow, Yahtzee's review seemed a little more lenient then Russ Pitts....what is the world coming to :S

 

[Kopikatsu]

This game made me cry. No. No joke, the graphics, the target crosshairs, the terrible way people had of talking, this crap could have come out long ago for the PS1 and the Xbox. I'm hella pissed I bought this game. And I waited for Yahtzee to crucify the game but he just shakes his head and walks away. WHAT?

Yahtzee's disappointment is probably the worst thing a game can receive from him.

Look at Kane and Lynch: Dog Days. Yahtzee HATED that game, and he blew it to pieces.

But this? Yahtzee couldn't even bring himself to really bash the game. It was just...sad

 

[rickicker]

Ugh.

That's all I got to say about Duke Nukem Forever. Just..."ugh".

This game fared better as a Vaporware, because it's so much more exciting to imagine what could have been instead of what is for something that has went deep underground for so long. It's much like the Holy Grail or Jimmy Hoffa's body: it's the search that actually makes it exciting, not the actual discovery.

If I wanna be a bit truer to my Yahtzee's Nahtzee nature, I'll say that this game is the equivalent of a zombified corpse of Kurt Cobain. It's exciting to see him come back, yes, but you'd sooner put two through his head instead of risking him re-starting his music career again.

 

[rickicker]

This game made me cry. No. No joke, the graphics, the target crosshairs, the terrible way people had of talking, this crap could have come out long ago for the PS1 and the Xbox. I'm hella pissed I bought this game. And I waited for Yahtzee to crucify the game but he just shakes his head and walks away. WHAT?

In only serves to further my theory that deep within the cold black void where his heart used to be, Yahtzee is still human, and is not quite cruel enough to bust the nuts of a game already down on the floor bleeding profusely to death. XD

 

[Solon_Mega]

I've must have been watching WAY too many episodes of ZP, because I could notice something odd in Yahtzee's voice. People! He was SAD! As in really emotionally depressed. This time I really think he was not just doing his job of bashing at games (in the name of improvment, of course), no. He was mourning.

I mean, it's not like he has no reason to. This was supposed to be the "Lighting shuriken/ tits on fire" combo he(we) was(were) hoping for.

Let's all make a minute of silence, in name of what DNF could have been... before we conform and slap some walltits

 

[Solon_Mega]

This game made me cry. No. No joke, the graphics, the target crosshairs, the terrible way people had of talking, this crap could have come out long ago for the PS1 and the Xbox. I'm hella pissed I bought this game. And I waited for Yahtzee to crucify the game but he just shakes his head and walks away. WHAT?

Sorry dude, but Yahtzee already said that he's not a ninja for hire. He reacted the way he reacted for the same reason that we, who did not spend the 90's sucking our toes, reacted that way. DNF was supposed to bring fun back to the shooter genre. Hell to bring fun back to gaming in general.

I for one am sick and tired of "buuu Bugs killed my wife! waaaa". That just disgusts me.

 

[AngryFrenchCanadian]

4:25 - Is that you, Gordon?

 

[RelexCryo]

I don't care if DNF is an outdated relic and how it compares to modern games. Is it as good as DN 3d? Because DN 3d is a good game regardless of graphics.

In DN 3d, duke's character was in the background, coming out only in the occasional oneliner or cutscene. That game was memorable for its great and varied level design; its true successor is the Half-Life series. Now DNF is criticized for bad level design, while the character of Duke Nukem is front and centre during every minute of the game. DNF may have failed due to misprioritization.

Your analysis sounds excellent. Of course, I can't properly evaluate your analysis until I have played the game, and I probably won't. But your analysis sounds logical based on what I have heard.

 

[Raiha]

i chuckled a few times, but not nearly as funny as the fake duke nukem forever review

 

[Dr.Sean]

I almost cried.

 

[Metalrocks]

this game really sucks. was utterly disappointed with it. i am surprised he dint say anything about the limited amount of 2 weapons.
i wish i can get my money back. this game is such a waste of money. the beginning was alright but after an hour i had pretty much no fun with it. after i finished the game i just deleted it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'd say it'd be kinder to shoot him and put him out of his misery (and mine).