Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

[DrScoobs]

I have to say, I think this is the best ZP Review I've ever seen. Yahtzee, you still got it!

Is anyone else having problems with the mecha-unicorn king at the end of act two? Gamefaqs say to hold down both ear buttons and headbutt it, but that might just be on the Toaster version...

well what you have got to do on the potato version is wiggle your ears at it, so it gets distaracted by your masterful use of those things on the side of your head then go to you daughter who is surprisingly now topless, ram her into the dragons mouth as she was a useless idiot and while he is chomping her down, stamp repeatedly on his head until his skull explodes. then duke realises that she was centeral to the plot because she is some magical witch thingy-mabob and fish her out by hopping into his mouth and picking your nose.

seriously though, awesome joke review.

 

[shMerker]

Sorry, but is the game really out or is it just a joke? I know, that this could be a really stupid question but I really want to believe that it is out, but give me just the truth.

There are no stupid questions, but there is such a thing as asking the wrong people. 8 seconds on Google would probably eliminate any ignorance you have on this subject.

I googled it and I got no understanable answer. Sorry that I had the folly to ask a question on a forum. *rolleyes*

Wishful thinking is not the same thing as curiosity. It didn't set off any alarm bells that no one else is talking about the release of a high profile game that has been in development for over a decade and recently became the subject of much press coverage because the development team shut down? I'm not criticizing you for asking, I'm flabbergasted at your credulity. It's downright dangerous to assume that you can get straightforward information from strangers just by asking when you can't apply Ockham's razor to figure out that it is more likely that a snarky reviewer who said he was joking is joking than that a game with no development team has been released to no fanfare.

To put it another way, did you think that this...

The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date.

...and this...

...the future of the game remains unknown.

...were practical jokes?

To put it yet another way, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

 

[Drokles]

I heard that right leg + left leg + left leg + right ear unlocks a cutscene in which the Duke embarks on a small sidequest to help rebuild orphanages in various dessecrated countries around the world. Each disc has its own cutscene and tells its own part of the story. Be sure to watch all 14!

 

[GTwander]

This made my week...

Especially seeing how many people thought the game still exists.

 

[Oldman Carlson]

wow i would buy that game

 

[hippykiller]

WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT BE OUT?! i was really looking forward to buying it.

 

[CyberAkuma]

Very nice review.

I always knew that Yahtzee was going to rip 3D Realms a new one for the severe mismanagement (or complete lack of magament) of the Duke Nukem franchaise.

Great review. I could have never guessed he'd choose this games.

EDIT: I *TOLD* everyone here on the forums that DNF would NEVER come out. I hate to tell you I told you so but... uhhhm... yeah....

 

[lahanl01]

do you like doctor who?

 

[Overlord_Dave]

Wuh? Erm... no, I'm still not getting it.

Funny though.

 

[Drokles]

WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR JOKING ABOUT IT BE OUT?! i was really looking forward to buying it.

Well, the joke was based on the recent new that their cancelling it or something. It's not like I've read it or anything, but that's somewhat how it is.

So if you didn't know already I guess you'd be disappointed. Although frankly why expect any better?

 

[Typhron]

OH NO MAN U JUST MAD THAT THE GAME HAD THAT BROWN N' GREY GRAPHIC SHIT IT WAS A FUKKIN MASTERPEICE JUST LIKE HALOOO SKRUB

 

[McMarbles]

From now on, I'll be disappointed by every game that doesn't involve racing Hitler on a dolphin and making ravioli on the moon.

 

[TheBarefootBandit]

wow, refreshed and there it was ^^ curse you yahtzee and your contribution to my procrasination of revising

Anyone else slacking off like me Lopunny?

 

[Evil the White]

Find the smiliarities between this review and the Valkyria Chronicles reviews.

Spoiler

He haven't played both

*gasp* of course he must have played this, its what he gets paid for

Yahtzee is now officially the best game reviewer in the world for being able to do such an in-depth review on a game that doesn't exist.

 

[DerpyDerpyDerp]

I can't believe people actually bought this...


Anyway, very clever one Yahtzee. Can't wait for next week.

 

[TemplarofSteel]

That was pretty good, oddly what made me start laughing loudly was the end bit that said 'He's not "that" hard to impress'

 

[PTSpyder]

Ha!

 

[haruvister]

That was like watching an animated resurrection of Amiga Power. Genius.

 

[Arella18]

He actually liked the game...oh dear lord that game must be so awesome its ubertasticacly epic. o.o I must play it now...sorry I was planning on playing it anyway I was a fan of dukenukem and I'm interested in seeing this one anyway as usual great job and I'm shocked that any game released now would actually have effort put into the elements of gameplay rather than splattering death phsyics.

 

[StupidPopMediaReference]

Truth be told 3DRealms isn't actually dead, they just let their entire dev team go due to lack of funding. Translation: it's a vegetable on life support.

DNF has one chance to survive: Take 2's lawsuit to obtain the code and license they state they paid for prior to the disolution of 3DR's dissolution.

Either way I don't really care as 10 years of dev time can't mean anything good unless you were on the team and got paid to sit around picking your honker for a decade.