Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
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It boggles the mind that this game has any fans.
I watched my roommate play while I was cooking dinner. He was at some part where they were fighting some big monster (I'm sure this is vague enough to not require a spoiler, as I imagine there were plenty of big monsters). Every second or third hit he would fall down, limping away, waiting for someone to pick him up. The repetitive battle theme in the background would have put Quest 64 to shame. Their terrible, guttural voices barking out "manly" lines grated against my ears. When I finished cooking dinner, he was still fighting the same big monster. When I finished eating, nearly thirty minutes later, he was done.
Granted, my forays into shooters in general have been limited, with Heretic being my shining example of a great, fun shooter. Is this....is this abomination considered good? With the awkward, clunky chest-high walls everywhere, the hilariously disproportionate bodies, the clunky manly-man dialogue...is this good? There was some multiplayer thing where he played as the bad guys, and 60% of the fight was reduced to him breaking down fences so he could kill stupid AI.
Is this fun?
I watched my roommate play while I was cooking dinner. He was at some part where they were fighting some big monster (I'm sure this is vague enough to not require a spoiler, as I imagine there were plenty of big monsters). Every second or third hit he would fall down, limping away, waiting for someone to pick him up. The repetitive battle theme in the background would have put Quest 64 to shame. Their terrible, guttural voices barking out "manly" lines grated against my ears. When I finished cooking dinner, he was still fighting the same big monster. When I finished eating, nearly thirty minutes later, he was done.
Granted, my forays into shooters in general have been limited, with Heretic being my shining example of a great, fun shooter. Is this....is this abomination considered good? With the awkward, clunky chest-high walls everywhere, the hilariously disproportionate bodies, the clunky manly-man dialogue...is this good? There was some multiplayer thing where he played as the bad guys, and 60% of the fight was reduced to him breaking down fences so he could kill stupid AI.
Is this fun?
That wouldn't, in fact, enlighten him. He can know people have their own opinions, but that doesn't mean he'll understand it.sravankb said:
Same as how I don't understand how CoD games are so popular. I know they are popular, but they are generic as hell.
I am tired too of being told that story doesn't matter in games. Of course it bloody matters, it's what stays with you after you've finished it!
I liked the comment about thinking you accidentally put the TV on a wider setting. There are a few spots where the male character's sizes are just weird, like Cole picking up a trashball helmet and his hand is nearly the same size as the helmet, and that part at the end that was mentioned in the video where Marcus' hand is about 3 times bigger than Anya's hand. A little creepy there.
No it doesn't.Djinn8 said:
So I guess you missed the blatantly obvious part where there is no government anymore, huh?rollerfox88 said:
*yawns* This episode was as predictable as Bioshock 2's, picking on all the obvious stuff and not including any real original criticisms.
The story was pretty 'meh' as was Gears of War 2's, but to be honest, I have always liked Gears for the setting and the style as opposed to the finer plot points.
I agree that Gears of War 3 had a rather forgettable plot, and the inclusion of the new characters was somewhat pointless seeing as they have nothing to give in regards to the story.
Gears of War 3 excels in it's multiplayer, which is good in that it is great fun, but bad in that I was hoping they might have tried a bit harder for the seasons finale. It is a setting with great potential.
What Gears of War needs is for the game-play to be produced by Epic, and the story to be written by a company like Bethesda, Valve or Bioware.
The story was pretty 'meh' as was Gears of War 2's, but to be honest, I have always liked Gears for the setting and the style as opposed to the finer plot points.
I agree that Gears of War 3 had a rather forgettable plot, and the inclusion of the new characters was somewhat pointless seeing as they have nothing to give in regards to the story.
Gears of War 3 excels in it's multiplayer, which is good in that it is great fun, but bad in that I was hoping they might have tried a bit harder for the seasons finale. It is a setting with great potential.
What Gears of War needs is for the game-play to be produced by Epic, and the story to be written by a company like Bethesda, Valve or Bioware.
I do like Gears of War, even if the first one is the only one I played. Still I love it when Yahtzee rips apart games I love. I can remember why Yahtzee liked Gears 2. There are no quick time events, oh wait there is one, a little one, I guess that means he hated it then. XD
I got gears 3 as my friends kept saying how great it was. So i went into town about one day and got back with gears at about 2pm. By 2:10pm i had got bored and by 6pm i had finished the entire game. I then tried the versus/horde/other thing and found them all dull as well despite my friends having the time of their lives.
what you do in gears 3
1: start mission
2: hold "A" to run, keep running until enemies spawn
3: tap "A" to get into cover then hold "LT"+"RT" in the general direction of the bad guys
4: hold "RT" until the bad guys stop moving
5: wait for the useless chat between character to end (normally consists of "SHUT UP, lets move!!")
6: go back to stage 2
"OH NOES! the world is in danger! you will have to go grunt at it"
what you do in gears 3
1: start mission
2: hold "A" to run, keep running until enemies spawn
3: tap "A" to get into cover then hold "LT"+"RT" in the general direction of the bad guys
4: hold "RT" until the bad guys stop moving
5: wait for the useless chat between character to end (normally consists of "SHUT UP, lets move!!")
6: go back to stage 2
"OH NOES! the world is in danger! you will have to go grunt at it"
You do realize his whole thing is he's a nitpicker. Even games he really likes he'll make negative comments about.
You've got a hundred other reviewers all saying the same good things about a game, he's one who'll say what's wrong with it. Even the games with big money behind it, big enough to get free passes on lots of big name reviewers.
You've got a hundred other reviewers all saying the same good things about a game, he's one who'll say what's wrong with it. Even the games with big money behind it, big enough to get free passes on lots of big name reviewers.
Just wait, we'll have a Ge4rs or W4r 4 in the neat future.
Then we can have the pleasure of hearing yahtzee say "Ge-four-ars of wa-four-ar four"
Then we can have the pleasure of hearing yahtzee say "Ge-four-ars of wa-four-ar four"
Harsh review, but then again, it is a brown space marine shooter filled with chest high walls, 3 of Yahtzee's pet peeves...
I'm a teacher, and I approve this comment.Princess Rose said:
"Expected to work miracles," that right there hits close to home...
"Hey everybody! Let's expect the teacher to bear sole responsibility for making a student successful! It's not like the parents or the students themselves should bear any of that responsibility...nope, it's all the teacher! And while were at it, let's add a bunch of paperwork/liability/certification/budgeting bullshit on them and pay them poorly for all they do! I mean, a lot of teachers are in the game because, on some level, they actually give a damn about education and want to make a difference; people like that are easy to exploit because they're willing to put up with a lot of shit in name of their ideals. What a bunch of suckers!"
If you're a teacher in the States, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
TL
R version of this review: I don't like Gears of War, therefore I don't remember anything about it, therefore I'm just going to complain it's not well fleshed out enough. And I'll make the entire review about how I don't remember anything instead of the gameplay or, y'know, the reasons people buy games. Also, I'll hilariously point out I'm not paying attention to the story and it's silly and doesn't matter, then complain I can't remember the story and don't know what's going on.
One of the laziest attempts at trolling by Yahtzee yet, and one of his worst reviews ever. Very disappointing.
R version of this review: I don't like Gears of War, therefore I don't remember anything about it, therefore I'm just going to complain it's not well fleshed out enough. And I'll make the entire review about how I don't remember anything instead of the gameplay or, y'know, the reasons people buy games. Also, I'll hilariously point out I'm not paying attention to the story and it's silly and doesn't matter, then complain I can't remember the story and don't know what's going on.One of the laziest attempts at trolling by Yahtzee yet, and one of his worst reviews ever. Very disappointing.
Brown shooter, huh? Yeah, god forbid when a game takes place in a canyon that it's not neon fucking pink. Also, Halo was one of the most colourful shooters I'd ever played, yet no one seems to ever mention that.
Of course, I long ago stopped watching Yahtzee for his reviews and more for the entertainment factor since he less reviews games and more rants about them.
Of course, I long ago stopped watching Yahtzee for his reviews and more for the entertainment factor since he less reviews games and more rants about them.