Zero Punctuation: Gears of War 3

[Roganzar]

"Chainsaw vacectomy sidemissions."
LOL

 

[CaptainOctopus]

I find it interesting, wait no that's not the word. Tragic? Well kind of.. Miserable? Yes! Miserable that's the word. I find it miserable that there are so many gamers out there who for some reason find it necessary to constantly defend these kind of dumb shooters as if there weren't enough of them already.

It's like if someone started a political movement with the motto: "We need more corrupt and incompetent politicians in our government!" And then massive amount of people later join that movement. Fucking brilliant!

And before you point it out I am aware that I pretty much described the agenda for lots of political movements like the ridicules Tea Party movement. But at least they don't go out in the open and reveal that it's their real agenda. So at least those dumb uninformed people who join those movement have an somewhat of excuse for there stupid behavior.

 

[JSRT]

It boggles the mind that this game has any fans.

I watched my roommate play while I was cooking dinner. He was at some part where they were fighting some big monster (I'm sure this is vague enough to not require a spoiler, as I imagine there were plenty of big monsters). Every second or third hit he would fall down, limping away, waiting for someone to pick him up. The repetitive battle theme in the background would have put Quest 64 to shame. Their terrible, guttural voices barking out "manly" lines grated against my ears. When I finished cooking dinner, he was still fighting the same big monster. When I finished eating, nearly thirty minutes later, he was done.

Granted, my forays into shooters in general have been limited, with Heretic being my shining example of a great, fun shooter. Is this....is this abomination considered good? With the awkward, clunky chest-high walls everywhere, the hilariously disproportionate bodies, the clunky manly-man dialogue...is this good? There was some multiplayer thing where he played as the bad guys, and 60% of the fight was reduced to him breaking down fences so he could kill stupid AI.

Is this fun?

I am honestly wondering if most of the people here have actually payed this game. The AI is stupid? lol. How are the bodies "Disproportionate" exactly? Even in the first Gears where they wore heavy bdy armor the only really big guy was Cole, Marcus only really got bigger in the third game. If you'd actually played it ( which clearly you didn't) you could see the difference with the "classic marcus" Gears 1 skin in multiplayer is smaller that the newer version. It's funny nearly all of the complaints here seen pretty damned baseless and i bet if Gears was a PS3 exclusive it wouldn't be getting as much flak. You could harp on the story all you want, the FACT of the matter is gameplay wise Gears is a cut above 90% of the shooters out now. Most TPS this gen including the all mighty sacred cow, Uncharted 2 copies mechanics that Gears of War perfected. It was as influential to shooters this gen as Halo was last gen. This is fact....

 

[pandasaw]

But what Yahtzee did not mention was that this game is awesome!

 

[Jkudo]

I would say I'm glad it's over but we know they'll be making another one since it's selling still. My best friend enjoys them and I've played the first two with him on co-op and Yahtzee is right, the story from both is not worth remembering. First game set off giant bombs to kill Locust, second game completely nullifies the first by saying the bombs did nothing. And the second doesn't even have that much focus going for it, it's all just there to set up the third game's new enemy.

As to the gameplay, I don't see what Gears of War has added. It created artificial looking rooms with lots of neat rows of cover that look completely out of place and it makes you stick to them. Why is that considered a gameplay innovation? What was wrong with the old systems of having to just move behind something while you reload or dodge a rocket or wait for a break in the enemy's firing pattern, or using crouch and lean buttons to make use of cover? This 'sticky' system seems to just railroad gamers into using paths the developers lay out by making the right way forward obvious by the path of chest high walls.

I feel the grappling hook, found in lost planet 1 and 2 added much more to level design and the third person shooter. It's best shown in lost planet 2 but it allows for awesome level design and i think is a better addition than cover shooting, while i have no problem with cover shooting.

 

[Batou667]

I like the Gears series. It's not Shakespeare, nor is it a kaliedoscope of multi-faceted ever-fresh gameplay. It does one thing - namely letting you play as a big cube of armoured meat shooting fully-auto ordnance into aliens - and it does it well, thankyouverymuch. Criticising Gears 3 for not reinventing the genre or appealing to everyone is like saying football games should include more free-roaming sandbox elements: irrelevant.

I also like Yahtzee. Doesn't mean I need to agree 100% with every utterance he makes though. And, you know what, perhaps if I was in his position (having to play through new releases at a rate of one per week) I'd be cynical about games too. I use Zero Punctuation as a handy infotainment guide, but I normally reserve final judgement until I play the demo.

 

[JSRT]

I find it interesting, wait no that's not the word. Tragic? Well kind of.. Miserable? Yes! Miserable that's the word. I find it miserable that there are so many gamers out there who for some reason find it necessary to constantly defend these kind of dumb shooters as if there weren't enough of them already.

It's like if someone started a political movement with the motto: "We need more corrupt and incompetent politicians in our government!" And then massive amount of people later join that movement. Fucking brilliant!

And before you point it out I am aware that I pretty much described the agenda for lots of political movements like the ridicules Tea Party movement. But at least they don't go out in the open and reveal that it's their real agenda. So at least those dumb uninformed people who join those movement have an somewhat of excuse for there stupid behavior.

I find it interesting, no wait what's the word tragic? Well kind of..Miserable? That's the word that there are so many "gamers" who for some reason find it necessary to belittle others for their gaming tastes. The fact that a phrase like "dumb shooter" even exists is laughable in itself. Who are you trying to impress here, exactly? Why do you think people play games exactly? Last time i checked it was for fun! I have been playing games since the Vectrex ( look it up) and my reasons for gaming haven't changed since then. "Gamers" of today i don't understand at all though, it's clear they take things a little too seriously when they start bringing talk of "agendas" and "political movements" and insult people who play what they see as "dumb" games...well...it's pretty clear they forgot or never realized why it is we play games in the first place.


I guess i could rip on those who enjoy the annual COD releases but the fact is they enjoy the game so who am i to question. Fact is Gears gives you a lot of bang for your 60 bucks. And as i said before when it comes to gameplay ( you know THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF A VIDEOGAME) Gears passes with flying colors and yes should be praised for it. Most games today try so hard to be movies and deliver stupid overblown cutscenes while failing hard when it comes to making their games fun! Sorry but you can have a game with an excellent story and character development but if the gameplay isn't good then what is the damned point?

I just wonder when it hapened. When exactly did gamers become such pretentious, dicks?

 

[Tontomanzz]

Generic game, generic complaints. Hell he doesn't even bother complaining about the brown worlds anymore except for a one line comment (as he does for all of them).

Have something a little less generic, like Amnesia, and it's different and game specific issues. The guys got five min to fill on a #3 of a pretty generic fps. You can tell as it's more jokes and innuendo instead of game design.

edit. btw nothing bad about generic, even the plot, as long as other gameplay is there. Just so long as no real plot doesn't mean a dungeon crawl of the same looking areas for hours and hours to pad playing time.

 

[Smooth Operator]

So you liked it then?
Oh the flame wars, they will be epic after this one.

And the GoW games sure as hell aren't over, no sensible businessman will let a cow like that walk away in one piece.

 

[T.A.R.D.U.S]

I don't think anybody buys Gears for the single player.

I bought it so I can chainsaw the shit out of high pitched American teenagers.

...I did.

Anyway, I had a sort-of not really hope that he might give this one a positive review because Gears 2 got one, but then this is a brown shooter with two weapons, a pistol, and a grenade limit. Funny enough, he only mentioned the gameplay in passing and never once pointed out anything wrong with it, this coming from a fellow who holds story in high regard but, if I'm not mistaken, says gameplay is more important, if only slightly so. That is, if I remember correctly. I'll have to find out where I heard that.

So I'm guessing he picked the story angle to make a video about. Fine by me, postitive ones are rarely as funny.

I thought both the game and review were excellent.

He did talk about the gameplay. He said that there were no changes from GoW2. I would say that is a negative in his book.

 

[newdarkcloud]

I'm conflicted with this review. On one hand, I really do not care for the Gears series despite the usual chainsaw + voice work by John DiMaggio = Awesome theory I employ. And even then that's being extremely nice to this series. (Probably nicer than I should be)

But on the other hand, I still wanna smack Yahtzee upside the head for that whole comment towards the people saying "the plot doesn't matter" because that just further gives me the impression that he's becoming more and more pretentious with each review. It's like he expects compelling story telling with everything he reviews.

Granted there are some FPSs with good storylines like Bioshock for example but c'mon, Gears of War is full of big muscle-bound guys tearing monsters apart with chainsaw guns. I really do not expect that quality of plot from a game like that. Besides, you can have the greatest story for a game in the world and yet if the gameplay falls flat, it'll be wasted potential.

That was more of a preemptive response to Gears fans. He's saying that if he said the plot was good, no one else would ever mention it. But if he said it was bad, that the fanboys would be all over him.

 

[blackdwarf]

meh, i enjoyed it. i always enjoyed the story of gears of war on a ironic way. it is not really bad story, but the characters are enjoyable. although this game had more plotholes then the previous games. nothing is explained and it just expect you've read the books. with MP and the 2 waves i find this 60 euro well spend.

 

[Alphakirby]

this episode is extra hilarious...

harping on fanboys that hard just made me lol

It's funny because it's true. The fanboys would brag whenever what they like is praised and carpet bomb anyone who doesn't like it with denial and swear words.

OT:Great episode as usual,it's nice to see a game you hate come around the bend once and a while.

 

[JSRT]

Harsh review, but then again, it is a brown space marine shooter filled with chest high walls, 3 of Yahtzee's pet peeves...

Yeah except for the part about Gear 3 being a "brown shooter" (seriously did you people even look at this game?) and having "space marines" ( Cogs are not marines, the game doesn't take place in space, the locusts are not aliens etc) but it does have chext high walls so thats one thing.

 

[JackandTom]

It seems to be an extremely unpopular opinion, but I really enjoy the plot of Gears Of War and I wanted to know what happened. I also did in fact buy Gears 3 for the campaign.

Seems we are a rare breed my friend. I thought the story line was great. The voice acting was something that stuck with me the whole way through aswell. I suspect the reason there are very few Gears supporters on here right now is because they are on their consoles playing it right now and HAVING FUN.

Well, thank god i'm not alone! I think you suspected right. TO THE XBOX!

 

[Hybridwolf]

The story isthe biggest disapointment. It at least kept it linear and coherant for the last two, and the first actually felt reasonable as a story. This one however has a catch. It was (At least according to someone who read the books I know) made by the author of the book series. That is fucking stupid. It assumes you've read the book before it which explains everything, who the deus ex machima are at the end, why certain characters survive etc. I didn't, and neither had anyone I played it with. Whole sections of the story too felt pointless, like the fuel depot, characters where thrown away quicker then you could say celebrity cameo and the ending was a punch to the face and a kick to the nuts.

And yet...It's still one of the best games I've played for awhile. Why? Mutiplayer. Now they have dedicated servers, the game feels excellent. Sure sawn off's and a ridiculous medal system makes it less awesome, but it's still damn good fun, and refreshing after all this FPS garbage. And since BF3 is now codified....

 

[Tontomanzz]

If you're a teacher in the States, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

If you rip on America's shitty educational system next, you'll have hit the trifecta of things I hate. ^^ Horrah!

(and no hate on any other Teachers here - I lament the fact that we're expected to work miracles with a budget that couldn't buy used chewing gum)

...If you're a teacher in the States, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

You should watch the movie "greatest movie ever sold". At the end where he has to advertise the movie he's making, he goes to schools selling their school spaces (walls, fences etc.) as advertising space to make ends meet. That was an OMG moment. I had heard it was bad down there (from your northern neighbour), but I had no idea.

 

[JSRT]

1. The planet's gonna "explode". Don't know where he got that from.

2. "Were the lambent introduced in the earlier games?" Yes, all the way back in Gears 1.

3. "Was Anya there in the games before this one?" Again, back in GoW1.



Yup, he's definitely qualified to criticize the story aspect of the game (of all the fucking things to talk about in a Gears game).

Mind you, I did like Yahtzee's earlier reviews, where he actually knew what he's talking about, but his constant negativity is just getting stale at this point. His act of not liking anything is just plain boring now.

And yes, it is an act. Let's face that fact. No one who complains about games to this extent can also say that he likes them as an art form.

This.

He complains about not knowing what's going on, yet it's clear he wasn't paying attention anyway. He had no real points to bash the gameplay other than "it doesn't bring anything new", lol i can say that about 99.9% of the sequels mad this gen, last gen and gens before it. I enjoy Yatzee's reviews because they are amusing and usually he is right on the money even when criticizing games that i do like ( like Uncharted and Halo Reach) but this one was just...off. I get that he hates Gears but he had no real valid complaints against it, that was clear when right that the top of his review he insulted the fan base of the series.

 

[Pyramid Head]

I remember at one point i was having problems choosing which shooter i wanted. I was torn between Vanquish, a.k.a VanQuish, a spelling style i avoid because it reminds me of VanDread, and Gears of War 2. I remember the GoW2 review being kinder than some others because it was good for a mainstream title, but then i played Gears 1 with a friend and was immediately turned off by how clunky the controls were and went for Vanquish.

I think the reason the world is exploding is because Sega made a good game for once. By comparison at least...

 

[Owlslayer]

Well seems he didn't like the game.
But I'd love to play the game nonetheless. Sure, it has a shakey camera when you run, and the main character isn't very original, but screw it, i wanna play a big tough guy with a god-damn chainsaw/machine gun, ripping aliens into two.
Sadly i don't have the necessary console (tho yes, i know GoW1 is on the PC).