Zero Punctuation: Halo 3
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
- Start date
First second or last part of Waynes World 2 you could tell the movie was nothing more than ass in a can. It's the same here. UT and Battlefield kicks the crap outa the red-headed stepchild Halo. Why MS even bothers porting this console crap to PC years after release with the above games doing the multiplay soooo much better is beyond me.niktu said:
You're right, there is no war when PC shooters kick consoles in the ass everytime with the franchises mentioned above...
First off I feel completely bored by the single player of Halo 3, there is no story and the gameplay leaves alot to be desired:The control options were designed by morons:
Let's take a look at the the southpaw layout: Why in god's name is jump still on the A button do they seriously think people are going to be able to move and jump comfortably with jump located there?
The same goes with all of the other functionality bound to the right face buttons since its basically impossible to move and use any of those buttons and move at the same time without taking your left hand off the the controller and using it to manipulate the stick or the buttons.....which is just retarded.
The other layouts suffer from the same basic problem, though legacy seems to fair a bit better with the given control options it but using legacy southpaw gets weird again no matter what layout you pick.
The story so far (I just got passed the first bit of driving in the game.) is nonexistant I just know I have to kill everything that moves that is not the Arbiter or the other useless cannon fodder. I do not have any sense of epicness or dread, or anything at all for that matter so far and I can't even say that the gameplay is all that great for reasons I mentioned above. The fact that NPC's talk about "kill stealing" etc just breaks the atmosphere by being so goddamn corny.
I was able to play some of the Halo 3 beta and I was thoroughly unimpressed and doubt that things will have changed in the final build of the game.
You don't even need to bring up PC shooters when you want to talk about games that were and are infinetly superior to the Halo games, games like Resistance,The Darkness, and Black are simply more fun to play than this game is and none have super omgwtf stories although I will say that The Darkness did a pretty good job in terms of story. Goldeneye did more for console shooters than all three Halo games combined but of course these dumbass Halonoobs don't know what a good shooter actually is for a console. Oh and I'll let you in on a little secret:
The only real advantage pc shooters have is the control customization and the use of a mouse for aiming other than that they actually suck just as much as their console counterparts. Also the keyboard is truly worthless as a control interface PC devs just seem to feel the need to spam a bunch of functions onto the keyboard just because they can. (Ever wonder why you never see fighting games for PC barring a few obscure ports?) This is why I do enjoy Id's games they dispense with key spam bull.
All of that said at the very least Halo can actually call itself a game unlike the abortion that is Gears of War whose devs were even more idiotic than the Halo team since they completely gimped anyone who uses southpaw stick layout because of the way they abuse the A button. At least in Halo you can get by (barely) without cursing the controls unlike Gears of War. I wish people would stop spreading the lie that Halo did a great deal for console shooters when it just is not the case.
The 7.7 sounds about right to me.
Let's take a look at the the southpaw layout: Why in god's name is jump still on the A button do they seriously think people are going to be able to move and jump comfortably with jump located there?
The same goes with all of the other functionality bound to the right face buttons since its basically impossible to move and use any of those buttons and move at the same time without taking your left hand off the the controller and using it to manipulate the stick or the buttons.....which is just retarded.
The other layouts suffer from the same basic problem, though legacy seems to fair a bit better with the given control options it but using legacy southpaw gets weird again no matter what layout you pick.
The story so far (I just got passed the first bit of driving in the game.) is nonexistant I just know I have to kill everything that moves that is not the Arbiter or the other useless cannon fodder. I do not have any sense of epicness or dread, or anything at all for that matter so far and I can't even say that the gameplay is all that great for reasons I mentioned above. The fact that NPC's talk about "kill stealing" etc just breaks the atmosphere by being so goddamn corny.
I was able to play some of the Halo 3 beta and I was thoroughly unimpressed and doubt that things will have changed in the final build of the game.
You don't even need to bring up PC shooters when you want to talk about games that were and are infinetly superior to the Halo games, games like Resistance,The Darkness, and Black are simply more fun to play than this game is and none have super omgwtf stories although I will say that The Darkness did a pretty good job in terms of story. Goldeneye did more for console shooters than all three Halo games combined but of course these dumbass Halonoobs don't know what a good shooter actually is for a console. Oh and I'll let you in on a little secret:
The only real advantage pc shooters have is the control customization and the use of a mouse for aiming other than that they actually suck just as much as their console counterparts. Also the keyboard is truly worthless as a control interface PC devs just seem to feel the need to spam a bunch of functions onto the keyboard just because they can. (Ever wonder why you never see fighting games for PC barring a few obscure ports?) This is why I do enjoy Id's games they dispense with key spam bull.
All of that said at the very least Halo can actually call itself a game unlike the abortion that is Gears of War whose devs were even more idiotic than the Halo team since they completely gimped anyone who uses southpaw stick layout because of the way they abuse the A button. At least in Halo you can get by (barely) without cursing the controls unlike Gears of War. I wish people would stop spreading the lie that Halo did a great deal for console shooters when it just is not the case.
The 7.7 sounds about right to me.
Wright Brothers argument
I have to agree about the keyboard. While it allows for "so many more buttons, OMG!" it ends up only making the game more complicated. Crysis is a prime example: I'm in the MP beta, and you can see how utterly strained the game is to use all the keyspace: T is melee. T!!!! Ideally, you should be able to play a game just using WASD, E, maybe F, spacebar, CTRL, and the mouse. The lack of sensitivity and game-oriented ergonomics (how it feels when playing games) makes it kind of inferior. The mouse is always superior though.
I have to agree about the keyboard. While it allows for "so many more buttons, OMG!" it ends up only making the game more complicated. Crysis is a prime example: I'm in the MP beta, and you can see how utterly strained the game is to use all the keyspace: T is melee. T!!!! Ideally, you should be able to play a game just using WASD, E, maybe F, spacebar, CTRL, and the mouse. The lack of sensitivity and game-oriented ergonomics (how it feels when playing games) makes it kind of inferior. The mouse is always superior though.
Am I allowed not to like "okay" games? I don't treat Halo any differently than I treat other games. I want something DIFFERENT. That's why my library is so small for games. Thousands of rehashes, only too few original titles. Halo isn't one of them. Are we trying to say I'm blind for that? DBZ, Killzone 2 (So far), Wii's party games, and the lots of them can go elsewhere. Tell me the key factorS that makes Halo 3 that much better than Bioshock and the rest of the shooters.Alex Karls said:
You.Just.Wrote.Your.Own.Death.Note.Dry Ice said:STALKER is the new benchmark - the bugs so patch the dam thing.
fact Killzone was one of the best FPS out there too, even muliplayer wasnt half assed and we had a good game or two on there
Thats right america, come get me.
*Waves you off.
Having finally had a chance to play Halo 3, I can definitively say that this review is spot on.
Ohh im sure i'll be qivering, but STALKER (if you minus the gremin bugs) is so fully of depth and the character AI is fantastic, and isnt a skitzo in switching between horror or action because they have placed the two so neatly togeather.symphonycometh said:You.Just.Wrote.Your.Own.Death.Note.Dry Ice said:STALKER is the new benchmark - the bugs so patch the dam thing.
fact Killzone was one of the best FPS out there too, even muliplayer wasnt half assed and we had a good game or two on there
Thats right america, come get me.
*Waves you off.
And killzone is sooo cool i love that game, you should play it some time, sure its not the best FPS ever (cough* Half Life 2 *cough) butit surely excels if pressed up against halo 2 and probably 3
I am a HUGE fan of halo.
been playing it right from the start.
and i thoroughly enjoyed halo 3.
jumped up and down with joy when i got the disc in my hand just like your little animated characters.
joined up for this site specifically to comment on this piece.
to tell you (if you ever read this) that you are brilliant.
a genius.
a legend.
funniest guy out.
because as much as i love the game, which i still do, i can relate to every point you raise.
and i just wanted to say congrats for making one onf the funniest reviews i have ever seen.
been playing it right from the start.
and i thoroughly enjoyed halo 3.
jumped up and down with joy when i got the disc in my hand just like your little animated characters.
joined up for this site specifically to comment on this piece.
to tell you (if you ever read this) that you are brilliant.
a genius.
a legend.
funniest guy out.
because as much as i love the game, which i still do, i can relate to every point you raise.
and i just wanted to say congrats for making one onf the funniest reviews i have ever seen.
These arguments amuse me greatly, people trying to argue each other down about what is considered a good game.
Let me break to down for you: Do you enjoy playing a game? If yes, it's a good game. Use reviews and other peoples thoughts to aid you in what games you try, but make up your own mind and accept that other people might not agree with you.
That said, I am a Halo fan, enjoyed this game greatly (and still am with friends in multiplayer) and overall think it's a great game. I also really enjoyed this review, it was highly amusing, even on points I don't agree with.
Let me break to down for you: Do you enjoy playing a game? If yes, it's a good game. Use reviews and other peoples thoughts to aid you in what games you try, but make up your own mind and accept that other people might not agree with you.
That said, I am a Halo fan, enjoyed this game greatly (and still am with friends in multiplayer) and overall think it's a great game. I also really enjoyed this review, it was highly amusing, even on points I don't agree with.
Exactly and its totally fucking stupid how reviewers keep bumming this game untill Master cheif (or gimp?) has had enough, apartently this is the last in the trilogy, so what crap can MS and Bungie hype the fuck out of now in an attempt to dominate the world?Sparcrypt said:
I sure hope in development of what ever they have instore next they keep the CEO's and Bill 'OH I BUM MASTER CHEF' Gates keep their fucking pie holes shut. Any one remember the TIME interview (i wouldnt read such dross but a sectance is required from it) with Big boy Bill? "When the PS3 is released it will walk straight into Halo 3" one it was a year later then the PS3 was released (well aproximately) and also Halo 3 actually wasnt that bigger hit than halo 1 or 2 no matter how much the media bum this sort of crap to get more people tuned into their dross fest of retardedness.
Fuck this im off to buy Family Guy Season 6 and having fun while waiting for Croshaw to finish his under dog review, or on that line...
this is a hello from the old country Ben!
Just before i rebuke this entire post, let me say that when it comes to games there is a little thing called OPINION and that cannpt be disproved or argued against. Sometime you just like something.
Secondly i would like to say that i donnot think Halo 3 is the ebst game ever, nor lived up to the hype (but what could?)- however it is a great game if only becaus eof the multiplayer
New crazy idea- how about you FINISH a game before you pass judgement on it
Secondly i would like to say that i donnot think Halo 3 is the ebst game ever, nor lived up to the hype (but what could?)- however it is a great game if only becaus eof the multiplayer
Because being extracted, having the extraction blown, finding a downed pelican, rescuing the crew, defending a base entrance, evacuating survivors, arming a bomb and escaping the base in the 1st 2 levels is no story.shadow skill said:
Or you are, because has it ever occured to you to instead of taking your thumb off the left analog stick to touch the buttons on the right side of teh controller, to instead move your thumb off the RIGHT analog stick (which controls direction facing not movement) so that it's able to touch the buttons on the RIGHT side?shadow skill said:
Which is the 3rd level.shadow skill said:
I suppose you just ignore the little voice in your head saying "Chief, find the Pelican, Chief get to Voi, Chief re arm the bombshadow skill said:
Not surprising since you jsut passed the 3RD level. Have you fought the scarab yet? What about the 2 scarabs? Climbed into the massive citadel yet? What about the pic airfight over the islands? What about teh descent into a flood hive? That's right you haven't played those levels yet-shadow skill said:
New crazy idea- how about you FINISH a game before you pass judgement on it
It dpeends on your personality really. If your the sort of person who likes to pick up a game and wants to have fun, then it actuallly becomes quite funny, especially when grunts start singing we are teh champions once you're dead. However if you're the person who prefers to analyse games on mood and atmosphere then you wont like itshadow skill said:
Let's just put Halo 3 in perspective, just the facts compared to every other fps out there right now or soon to be released over the next six months.
Halo 3 has:
1) Sub HD graphics - the game can only handle 640p resolution
2) Horrendous IQ problems - jaggies plague the game
3) Essentially a lat gen engine - lots of shiny metal, welcome to last gen
4) Major framerate problems
5) No dedicated servers - PC and PS3 major fps games always have dedicated servers
6) P2P networking - Bungie didn't bother to upgrade the networking code so you are left with laggy P2P, host advantages and all the other stuff you shouldn't have to put up with in any 60 dollar commercial game
7) Can't handle more than 16 players per game
Outside of PC shareware games I can't think of any other recent or near future fps that even comes close to being that bad - and certainly no game is so consistently bad in so many areas as Halo 3.
Halo 3 has:
1) Sub HD graphics - the game can only handle 640p resolution
2) Horrendous IQ problems - jaggies plague the game
3) Essentially a lat gen engine - lots of shiny metal, welcome to last gen
4) Major framerate problems
5) No dedicated servers - PC and PS3 major fps games always have dedicated servers
6) P2P networking - Bungie didn't bother to upgrade the networking code so you are left with laggy P2P, host advantages and all the other stuff you shouldn't have to put up with in any 60 dollar commercial game
7) Can't handle more than 16 players per game
Outside of PC shareware games I can't think of any other recent or near future fps that even comes close to being that bad - and certainly no game is so consistently bad in so many areas as Halo 3.
Your review is clever as always. As you seem to be the type of gamer who leans towards single player and PC games, it's not surprising to see a disparaging review of a console FPS titan. Without meaning to be rude, I have to say that this particular review made your ignorance on console shooters plain to see. Many of the complaints you had about Halo 3 are what make the game enjoyable to long-time fans... the unique visual style, for example. The campaign's pace is fine, and if you play it again (gasp!) on Legendary, you'll find that your difficulty curve would look much different.
If you're a fan of Single Player, you should also be a fan of online co-op. If you're not a fan of online co-op, it's because you haven't tried it yet. Four player co-op on Halo 3 gives the campaign more replayability than BioShock will EVER have for me. I've beaten BioShock twice and now I'll never put it in again. I've already gone through H3's co-op campaign more times than that, and playing with different friends makes it different each time. Not to mention the countless multiplayer hours put into it, the Theater and Forge features. Even if you exclude those items because you dislike online play, at least mention the meta-scoring for co-op. You claim that the campaign is weak, but you never played the most appealing part of the campaign unless you played co-op, with scoring and skulls activated. You spent a lot of time complaining about AI drivers - wouldn't it be better if your friends were gunning, driving, or oogling ladies with you, instead of crap-AI Marines? Try it...most of your gameplay complaints do not apply to co-op.
So you're a PC gamer, who loves Single Player, who loaths console shooters? I know, let's review a console shooter that's main focus is online play! A great recipe for an unbiased review, right? I know, you never claimed to be unbiased, I'm just pointing it out. Kudos on a great job and many entertaining reviews. Your knee-jerk reaction against the mainstream appeal of Halo 3 was a little disappointing this time - make fun of it all you want, but at least have your review balanced enough to include some of the good points of the game. Not even you can deny that they exist.
If you're a fan of Single Player, you should also be a fan of online co-op. If you're not a fan of online co-op, it's because you haven't tried it yet. Four player co-op on Halo 3 gives the campaign more replayability than BioShock will EVER have for me. I've beaten BioShock twice and now I'll never put it in again. I've already gone through H3's co-op campaign more times than that, and playing with different friends makes it different each time. Not to mention the countless multiplayer hours put into it, the Theater and Forge features. Even if you exclude those items because you dislike online play, at least mention the meta-scoring for co-op. You claim that the campaign is weak, but you never played the most appealing part of the campaign unless you played co-op, with scoring and skulls activated. You spent a lot of time complaining about AI drivers - wouldn't it be better if your friends were gunning, driving, or oogling ladies with you, instead of crap-AI Marines? Try it...most of your gameplay complaints do not apply to co-op.
So you're a PC gamer, who loves Single Player, who loaths console shooters? I know, let's review a console shooter that's main focus is online play! A great recipe for an unbiased review, right? I know, you never claimed to be unbiased, I'm just pointing it out. Kudos on a great job and many entertaining reviews. Your knee-jerk reaction against the mainstream appeal of Halo 3 was a little disappointing this time - make fun of it all you want, but at least have your review balanced enough to include some of the good points of the game. Not even you can deny that they exist.
I am a big fan of the Halo series and enjoyed pretty much all aspects of Halo 3 - but I also enjoyed this "review". Even if there were a lot of points I disagreed with or thought were unfair.
But that does not stop the knee-jerk haters to use it as their gospel to keep bashing a game they never intended to like in the first place. If you don't like the game, fine - go play something else and stop crying. That goes for the fanboys who don't like this "review" either.
There is nothing sadder than idiot fanboys/hater boys drawing "party-lines" to divide gamers against each other. We are all gamers and we are all here to have fun.
But that does not stop the knee-jerk haters to use it as their gospel to keep bashing a game they never intended to like in the first place. If you don't like the game, fine - go play something else and stop crying. That goes for the fanboys who don't like this "review" either.
There is nothing sadder than idiot fanboys/hater boys drawing "party-lines" to divide gamers against each other. We are all gamers and we are all here to have fun.
I dunno the whole playlist bit with the multiplayer killed it for me. I sent the game back to gamefly when I saw how the match selection worked.
Seriously, the only thing that continues this argument is the divide between PC gamers and console gamers.
PC gamers have a seriously overblown sense of been there, done that, because that particular medium has been beat to death with FPS games that both get it in terms of story, and in terms of multiplayer. I would like to say, that on the scale that Halo does multiplayer, really hasn't been possible on a technical level for all that long, on CONSOLES. That's the key here. Halo wasn't meant to be a PC game, nor does it even attempt to compete with the best of the PC FPS games. The two platforms shouldn't be compared, because of the changes that a PC to console port, or vice versa has to go through. Firstly, console games are going to have to be a bit more simplistic control wise, because there are a limited amount of buttons to work with. Things need to work, and they need to feel "right" a facet in which Halo did well.
But continue bashing the hype, when in all actuality, PC FPSers and gamer snobs are just pissing on Halo from their high horse...it's the vogue thing to do, bash what's popular, not because it's any less of a fun game, but because a lot of people think it's fun, so it's the cool thing to try to bring that down a peg. Frankly, I'd like for this whole thread to never have happened.
PC gamers have a seriously overblown sense of been there, done that, because that particular medium has been beat to death with FPS games that both get it in terms of story, and in terms of multiplayer. I would like to say, that on the scale that Halo does multiplayer, really hasn't been possible on a technical level for all that long, on CONSOLES. That's the key here. Halo wasn't meant to be a PC game, nor does it even attempt to compete with the best of the PC FPS games. The two platforms shouldn't be compared, because of the changes that a PC to console port, or vice versa has to go through. Firstly, console games are going to have to be a bit more simplistic control wise, because there are a limited amount of buttons to work with. Things need to work, and they need to feel "right" a facet in which Halo did well.
But continue bashing the hype, when in all actuality, PC FPSers and gamer snobs are just pissing on Halo from their high horse...it's the vogue thing to do, bash what's popular, not because it's any less of a fun game, but because a lot of people think it's fun, so it's the cool thing to try to bring that down a peg. Frankly, I'd like for this whole thread to never have happened.