Zero Punctuation: Heavy Rain

[NeutralDrow]

I guess this is the closest Yahtzee will get to reviewing a visual novel...so I can breathe easier now.

That said, even though I'm capable of finding the stuff he complained about to not be banal, and it does come with a recommendation later, I think I'll skip this game. Partly because I don't have a console to run it, but mostly because mystery isn't my genre.

 

[squid5580]

Wow, that was... concise. So I take it this game is not worth buying a PS3 for, not that I could afford it anyway.

No man it is worth a rental at best.

 

[duchaked]

haha looks like Yahtzee had a lotta fun with this one...

 

[Maddudeguy]

Amazingly funny peice of review there as usual sir

 

[David Bray]

Nice one man.
It's not a game if you're not playing it. It might be good, like Hotel Dusk was, but if all i am doing is clicking to a beat i'm not playing a video game

 

[Meghiddo]

Nice one man.
It's not a game if you're not playing it. It might be good, like Hotel Dusk was, but if all i am doing is clicking to a beat i'm not playing a video game

Unless your playing Parappa!

 

[BlueHighwind]

I'm so glad that finally somebody out there has spoken out for us poor castrated dog masturbaters. We have suffered for so long in silence. Nobody knows our pain. But finally, somebody had to courage to speak for our plight. Thank you, Yahtzee. Thank you.

 

[The Brewin]

I think its harsh to call heavy rain for 'not being a game'. Just because it defies most conventional playing methods shouldn't make it not a game, by that logic the original Donkey Kong isn't a game because it plays nothing like Pong. Its interactive, the whole basis of a game. Despite its flaws its the most immersive and engaging game i've played in the passed few years

 

[dreadedcandiru99]

So Yahtzee cries for his immersion in video games, then finds something else to cry about once he gets it?

He's a critic. That's his job.

Besides, it was nice of them to include the "immersion" part, but what seems to have bothered Yahtzee is that they took out the "game" part.

 

[Slimyjim666]

highly doubt he'll play FF XIII because it's an jRPG, and he should have God of War 3 done next week since I finished it in 7 hours, I don't know where the creators got at least 10 hours from, I guess for people that stop playing and forget what they were doing? But just a little warning for you Yahtzee the controls are a little glitchy at some points, and the cinematics are done a little differently, I personally liked the coinematics in the first two better. But overall the story-line is solid and the whole gameplay is so much fun to play!!!!

 

[mjc0961]

WAnk!
wank !
Wank!
Wank!

I'm glad that someone saw it was just a big quicktime event

Was there ever any doubt that that's all the game was in the first place?

And I agree completely with this review. It's decent once it gets going, but holy hell it takes forever to get there. Games really need to stop with these painfully slow starts already. It's getting old hearing about how "this new game is good, but you'll have to sit through a few hours of trash to get to the fun part." This is not good game design. Please, stop.

 

[David Bray]

Nice one man.
It's not a game if you're not playing it. It might be good, like Hotel Dusk was, but if all i am doing is clicking to a beat i'm not playing a video game

Unless your playing Parappa!

Or Guitar hero, but that's a whole new kettle of fish

 

[CallyA]

Speaking of games that have a mystery plot that's the same every game, when are you going to review Silent Hill: Shattered Memories?

 

[zorgonstealth]

I hate how games these days feel like they have to shoehorn in a generic movie plot "son goes missing... Investigate" real original there. The beaty of games is that it can tell a story without using words, the pace is set by the gamer. This game however, appears to use the blandest, straight to DVD storyline in order to fill in the QTE- based game idea, without bothering to come up with their own unique one.

 

[sketchesofpayne]

Dear lord! The metaphors!

 

[Arkhangelsk]

I think that alternate endings would mess up the game. Think like this, the game's basis is on the killer, the build-up is how you find out. Despite how you would do it, it would be the same way. The killer is the killer. If the killer comes up later in the game, sure, but if it starts that way, and you have no influence, it must stay the same. You can't stop what's already happened.

 

[gamegod25]

I was looking forward to seeing him rip this game to shreds, but I can't help but feel let down. It just didn't the amount of bile I was hoping for I guess. Maybe Yahtzees getting soft.

 

[maninahat]

The whole thing about revisiting the same mystery story reminded me of a good old game called Blade Runner. Like the sci-fi movie, the game had you tracking down various androids to execute. To encourage replay value, certain characters alternated between human and android, either as a result of your in-game actions, or simply through randomisation. Becaue of this, you can play the game half a dozen times and get significantly different endings each time. This depends on who is and who isn't an android, and what you actually do about it when you find out.

The most harrowing thing about the game though is that whatever descision you make,

Spoiler: spoiler

Your pet dog will inevitably be killed in one of many ways.

 

[GonzoGamer]

That was not a bad episode at well. Any video that takes a dig at Zodiac is in my good books, my god, I have a lot of patience but that film almost put me to sleep.

I'm interested in this game because I like adventure games, but its not out for the PC is it?

No but it should be, just for that reason-it being another way of doing the adventure game. QTEs are about as tedious as clicking on random things.
...
Really Yhatzee. What were you thinking? I was hoping to see you review this, and tear it a new one but I didn't really think you were that masochistic. My biggest surprise is that it sounds like you actually enjoyed parts of it. Maybe it wont be as quick a rental as I thought. Then again, your review of No More Heroes is one of the reasons I started renting again.

 

[grimlockfly]

I'm surprised he went through the review without touching all the plot holes. Easily a prime opportunity for Yahtzee to do what he does best, and it was one of Heavy Rain's most damning flaws.

It seems to me that all the plot hole accusations that have been directed at Heavy Rain are largely misguided and overblown. I've argued this before but Heavy Rain is a game that frequently pushes against the boundaries of plausibility but never actually crosses the line in the way that some other games have such as Indigo Prophecy or Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Most, if not all, of the alleged plot holes (or oddities or inconsistencies within the plot of the game) can be easily explained away. And Yahtzee has strongly indicated that he has no problem with explaining things away. This is evident with his review of Condemned 2 and with his latest extra punctuation piece on Audio logs.

SPOILEREST SPOILER ALERT THAT EVER SPOILERED EVER!


YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!


1)What the hell is the deal with the black outs? OKAY, sure they started after the accident, but what did they serve up, other than a contrived excuse to seperate you from your son and make you think Ethan's the killer? it's completely forgotten about another hour in. I thought i'd be struggling with black outs (even getting better) through the game. OR if this game was really awesome, Ethan witnessed a murder during a black out. That would explain being mister mumbles about drowned kids. and why that street? is it because what's his face lived there? why is he going to that specific street?

2)if i'm the killer, why did i shut the window? why wouldn't i think, "huh, the killer must have escaped through there..." and went about my business...

3) the hell happened to red herring killer?

4) why couldn't they at least tell me why he did it? what set him off? what is the reasoning to kill? why wait until his twilight years to get started on this nonsense. (and i love the twist, in theory) the moment where he was burning the evidence, THAT is when the 'read the thoughts' mechanic should have been used. I don't need him standing around in a bullshit monologue, have him monologue in thought, and thus it would have matched up with your game choices: did he feel guilt? or was he a cold operator? I thought the only reason you CAN"T read his thoughts at that point was because he was protecting the ACTUAL killer.

5) the fact that Blake isn't facing down you vs. the actual killer is the most INCREDIBLE missed opportunity. depending on how well you treated him, he'll choose between shooting you or his best friend...

6) i'll have to play again to double check, but the murders started 3 years ago. Ethan's accident/tragedy happened 2 years ago. he almost certainly has an alibi for at least the first year this nonsense started.

7) Dr. who guy has no personal stakes in the matter. I was imagining that he was Ethan's estranged brother, getting too close to the case. it's kinda crap that Ethan's not taking the fight to the guy that started all this.

8) the sex scene was fine by me. dude's at the end of his rope, prepared to die, and pretty much dead certain he'd never see his kid alive again, or survive. not to mention the past two years. let the man have some respite. (i was also pretty sure that no matter how quickly i found the son, he'd be 'almost drowning.')

9) to another destructoid article, Ethan and I were sick of playing by second rate jigsaw's antics. I didn't come all this way to die! I'll figure out how to save my kid on my own. (and i did, yay)

10) In the clock fixer's I'm certain I didn't have enough time to murder that old man, and i'm almost certain they cheated that last bit. that's probably the hole that pissed me off most.

11) the motives/past for Ethan is pretty straight forward. it's just that no one else's is quite so clear. and i have the unfortunate suspicion that that is what Heavy Rain Chronicles DLC is for. Worst of all, this is what's going to happen, give David Cage 20 more dollars for the backstory you need for the game to make sense.