Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

[Danpascooch]

I hope by "don't have an Iphone" he meant "Don't have a smartphone"

I just don't want to pay for Apple brand. Buy an Iphone and pretty soon I won't just have to start paying to charge it with the only compatible "iElectricity" but I'll be forced to pay for authentic apple brand "iAir" to breathe.

Android suits me much better.

 

[Infernai]

It's quite simple actually...i simply made a deal with some aliens from an unspecified galaxy to allow me to breath on any surface or in the vacuum of space...the only problem is, i can't actually get into space due to human limitations but hey, watcha gonna do?

 

[Danpascooch]

Angry Birds is a big fat rip-off. It's almost a perfect copy of ArmorGames's Crush the Castle, even though it's not technically by them, I couldn't be bothered to look up who it was. Point is, Crush the Castle has been on PC for years.

Cut the rope is fun, but it's annoying at times. Finding out how exactly to get all stars is a challenge. It has issues, but it's pretty awesome.

Fruit Ninja is boring. It is. I don't like it. Maybe it's personal, but I don't like.

One thing I hate about iPhone games in general is the "holiday skins". The obligatory "omg, now all characters have pumpkins for heads for only 0.79!" Now Christmas is coming up, those start popping up too. Angry birds is particularly guilty of that, promising free Christmas to those who bought Halowe'en...

I do like the fact that it's so easy to access.

If you are looking for a cool game, check out Ash. It's a nice little RPG like we used to play on the NES.

I remember thinking "Angry birds is REALLY popular, I need to check that out"

And then thinking, what the fuck is this? I've been playing this for years!

Seriously, the thing it ripped off is BETTER also, it's ironic, at least the original had different types of ammo and such.

 

[cystemic]

dont have an iphone and dont want one, I'll stick with my android thank-you. the only game I enjoyed on my friends iphone was robot unicorn attack but you play it on facebook.
LMAO at cat+internet=youtube, thats definitely true

 

[Porecomesis]

I'm sad you weren't more critical. I mean, what the hell? There's more innovation in free Flash games than on iPhone. But you didn't have a bad word to say about any except Doodle God.

This is the first time I've felt Yahtzee is being retarded, and it's because he screwed up on telling them they suck.

Yahtzee is a game critic, not your personal comedian. If he humours you, it is just to keep your attention. Although why he doesn't clap again is beyond me.


I don't even have a mobile phone, much less an iPhone.

 

[Jandau]

Cool episode, but I take offence at the final comment regarding not owning an iPhone. Not only do I not own an iPhone (or anything like it), almost none of the people I know don't own one and it's a general consensus (with a few exceptions) that only entitled dipshits whose parents have too much money own one. While that consensus might be open to debate, the point that iPhone is not a platform everyone probably owns still stands.

 

[LadyMint]

Kinda crowded here on Mars with the other people who don't own iPhones.

Still enjoyed the review. Some of those games did seem interesting. Still a little casual. I would probably check out Fruit Ninja, though. And Angry Birds.

 

[Bloodstain]

You betray Gametraders Robina?!

And I played through the whole of Doodle God in one session on Kongregate...it. was. hell.

 

[xscoot]

The thing is, every iPhone game is just a shitty knockoff of a flash game you can play for free on the internet.

Maybe Yahtzee should just go on Kongregate or Newgrounds or something and just spend a few hours having some real fun.

 

[Ravenac]

Way to go on the "Kinks" reference Yahtzee!

Great review too.

 

[Terrorist_school_drop-out]

Mars isn't that bad a place as long as you don't mind all the Ipho.... I mean space gear owning douchebags waving their latest tech around, the cunts. I mean, what do you people have aginst good old buttons.... I mean breathing by way of nose?

 

[kael013]

How do I breathe on Mars? That's easy, I live in a greenhouse. Now hacking into the FBI's cybercrime division using satellites in order to have an internet connection, that's hard.

BTW the view from the top of Olympus Mons is really nice this time of year.

 

[missedstations]

Mars is actually really nice this time of year.

 

[Sicram]

Iphone shymphone. I have a HTC desire and actually the fruit ninja game I heard of first on the android phones, then again I don't care about the I phool (ok, ok, I'm pushing it).

Also, I'm all smug sitting here behind a giant glassfacade watching a vista of mars, it's nice this time of year.

Also, I do ALL of my gaming needs on the PC, thank you.

 

[sstadnicki]

Not that anyone is still reading this after 8 pages of iPhone hate, but.

While I think gameplay-wise there's a much greater diversity across the top iDevice games than there is on most other platforms, the market does seem to have settled on a single (visual) style ('soft cartoony') that bugs me. There's nothing wrong with it, and there are games where it's well-suited (Angry Birds is actually a decent example), but otherwise it reminds me of the late-'90s Windows shovelware market art-wise, and that's not a great place to be. (It's probably not coincidental that both are platforms where the 'little guy' has disproportionate visibility; good-enough cartoony art is almost certainly cheaper than good-enough realistic art.) There are a bunch of exceptions, don't get me wrong, but it feels like by far the predominant theme and I think the platform's marginally worse for it.

(Okay, one bit of nerd-rage, since I can't resist. One thing folks are missing is that even in cases where an iPhone game is fundamentally a remake of a Flash game, the games still have different feels to them; the physical, tangible act of flicking your finger creates an inherently different sense of play than drag-clicking a mouse does. It's no coincidence that physics puzzlers are so prominent on the iDevice; you feel the physics.)

 

[Christopher Glass]

Every popular iPhone game is stolen from somewhere else. Angry Birds is just Crush the Castle 1 with bird graphics.

 

[Kingjackl]

I don't own an iPhone because the only difference between them and any other decent phone is a few decent games, Apple connectivity and about $1000.

 

[Bruden]

Every single one of the "iPhone games" showcased is just a knockoff of several free to play flash games. Spend an hour on Kongregate or newgrounds and you'll have played angry birds 3 times of different flavors, it just wont have birds or pigs. The console equivalent would be taking a metroid game making Samus a dinosaur and all the metroids various breeds of dog, while still having the entirety of the gameplay, levels, and story line the same, and then releasing it on xbox and hailing it as something new and exciting.

and as for Mars, turns out it's rather easy to breathe here so long as you're not the smug type who enjoys paying double for the apple logo.

 

[eganaught]

I have survived by having an ipod touch and a normal cell phone, yet i plan on getting rid of my ipod touch and getting a zune hd because i hate apple

 

[Toeys]

of all the fucking things... why didnt you just show a clip of you sucking jobs' small cock!?

next week we'll look at macintosh games getting the praise as well won't we?

i'm fucking disappointed