Zero Punctuation: iPhone Games

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Grand_Arcana

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Aug 5, 2009
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Breath on Mars? It's a very complicated process, converting Carbon dioxide to elemental Oxygen, so I best not strain your little pea brain. Totally worth the view of the Valles Marineris.
 

TheTejs

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Nov 11, 2009
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I bet he did it, just so he could make The Escapist buy him an Iphone
and I'm totally cool with it, I would have done the same
 

Ben Anderson

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Mar 19, 2010
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This is why you never look at the charts. There are MUCH better games than that on the iPhone.
The Asphalt racing games, even though they are based on tilt sensors, are incredibly fun. N.O.V.A. Near Orbit Vanguard Alliance (yes you actually have to put the dots into 'nova' to find it on the app store) is clearly a Halo wanna-bee but damn, I hate Halo but NOVA is actually pretty decent.
Though my favourite games right now are two I used to own on the Amiga back in the early 90s. Pinball Dreams and Pinball Fantasies! :b
 

Shjade

Chaos in Jeans
Feb 2, 2010
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Dr. Paine said:
In all seriousness, very funny review, first time I've actually done a real laugh at a ZP video for a while now.
Agreed. The ninja game description alone got me.
 

rezaDN1992

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Jan 27, 2010
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You can skip the cut-scenes in sonic colours. AT least i think. But he did the gameplay, so he could at least tell if that was good or not. And i hope he will review donkey kong, kirby and epic micky. Hopefully there will be a wii game he likes ( propebly not )
 

Raykuza

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Jul 1, 2009
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I'm pretty sure rooted Android phones have an app that lets you breathe on Mars...
 

mjc0961

YOU'RE a pie chart.
Nov 30, 2009
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Tell Apple to call me when the iPhone gets buttons. And stops being expensive as hell, along with being on AT&T which is also expensive as hell and quite shit in my area (by the way, Mars is great this time of year, none of that cold and snow bullshit). Or when the iPod Touch stops being expensive as hell and loses the cameras again.

Kinda sad to hear that Sonic Colors isn't going to get a full trashing. I guess I've just been burned by the little blue turd so many times that anytime someone hurts him back makes me smile.
 

tadaaaaa

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Nov 20, 2009
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I'm sad you weren't more critical. I mean, what the hell? There's more innovation in free Flash games than on iPhone. But you didn't have a bad word to say about any except Doodle God.

This is the first time I've felt Yahtzee is being retarded, and it's because he screwed up on telling them they suck.
 

Luke Cartner

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May 6, 2010
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The easiest way to breath on mars (or to put it better not have an iPhone) is to have the HTC Desire (or in fact any android phone) it's like an iPhone but you know actually worth having...
 

theultimateend

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Nov 1, 2007
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Cyrax023 said:
angrybirds is over rated.
No it's not.

It's a simple entertaining game.

It sells itself as a simple entertaining game.

Folks call it a simple entertaining game.

IT's exactly rated for what it is.

It's place on the chart is by >sales<, and many of these sales aren't from bullshit preorders either.
 

De Ronneman

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Dec 30, 2009
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Angry Birds is a big fat rip-off. It's almost a perfect copy of ArmorGames's Crush the Castle, even though it's not technically by them, I couldn't be bothered to look up who it was. Point is, Crush the Castle has been on PC for years.

Cut the rope is fun, but it's annoying at times. Finding out how exactly to get all stars is a challenge. It has issues, but it's pretty awesome.

Fruit Ninja is boring. It is. I don't like it. Maybe it's personal, but I don't like.

One thing I hate about iPhone games in general is the "holiday skins". The obligatory "omg, now all characters have pumpkins for heads for only 0.79!" Now Christmas is coming up, those start popping up too. Angry birds is particularly guilty of that, promising free Christmas to those who bought Halowe'en...

I do like the fact that it's so easy to access.

If you are looking for a cool game, check out Ash. It's a nice little RPG like we used to play on the NES.
 

ark123

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Feb 19, 2009
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All three games are on Android, and you don't need shiTunes to use your goddamn phone
 

Riddle78

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Jan 19, 2010
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Here's how you breathe on the surface of Mars:
-Go to your local space administration.
-Get trained as an astronaut
-Hop on the next manned flight to Mars
-Upon reaching Martian orbit,visit the surface via lander.
-Leave the lander while wearing a presurized spacesuit,with an onboard air tank.

THAT is how you breathe on Mars!
I'm just following Yahtzee's instructions. There isn't a single iPhone in my home.
 

MikoSquiz

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Nov 23, 2009
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Wow. First Yahtzee makes a career out of ripping on every minor imperfection in any game he can find.. and when he finds a bunch of lazy half-arsed commercial knockoffs of tedious Flash games from two years ago, he can't praise them enough. What the hell?

He even went easy on the spectacularly atrocious Doodle God, possibly the worst thing to ever have been promoted as a 'game', never mind sold for actual money to paying customers.
 

Bewts

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Mar 8, 2010
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I have an android as well, nexus one. I have angry birds but I pretty much just play emulators on it.