Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

Hafnium

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Jun 15, 2009
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Why did they have to make another shit-stain on my country's (Denmark) small list of produced games? And the game gets lots of good press and hardly any criticism in our media because it's made here and the most expensive game made here.

The worst thing is that the creators will most likely consider this a success and produce a third. I won't play any of them, and I'm tempted to go to their offices, tie them up and force them to watch this review endlessly!
 

DuskTMoon

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Aug 10, 2010
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Try watching the review with the volume off. The first half feels like one of those abstract, French, short-films. All you need now is to turn off the color so Yahtzee can express his obscure emotions with varying shades of bland.

Awesome review though.
 

Kurt Horsting

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Jul 3, 2008
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I saw the first one, and thought it was meh. Saw the Jeff Gerstmann thing, and i though "Is that even legal? Can you seriously give enough advertisement money to a magazine or newspaper and have them phone in a positive review even though you did nothing of actual merit? Are game companies not going to bother to design games anymore because they can make a profit quicker by advertisement and bribing reviews to give glowing reviews instead of making a game thats good?" Then I saw this, and I'm like "thank god for Yahtzee reminding me to never give my money to those fucking sellout and lairs in a hilarious fashion."
I seriously hope that they loose a shit ton of money so other companies will learn that people wont eat your shit because you say its good. You actually have to do work, and make something of quality.
 

Aisaku

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Jul 9, 2010
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Yahtzee you scatological wordsmith, you've finally succeeded in grossing me out.

That said I do wonder why the people that churned out Kane & Lynch 2 don't think a new Hitman game could be a world better than this. I think the Hitman is great and I'm not much of an action game fan.
 

Mzullos5

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Nov 18, 2009
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LOL this was fantastic, no mercy whatsoever. I kept seeing this game on the Steam homepage and kept wondering what it was. Thank God I didn't buy it.
 

unicornninja

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Aug 4, 2010
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I remember downloading the demo and enjoying it. It had its problems but I thought it was at least average. I wont be picking up the game but I am kinda disappointed that it sucks. Oh well. Great video very witty and funny the deep fried tampon thing was pretty good. Love the show cant wait for next week.
 

Chrinik

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May 8, 2008
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And once again Yahtzees fanboy crowd hops onto his bandwagon and shuns the game.
It´s always fun to observe this behavior.
Sure the plot isn´t magnificent, the gameplay is repetetive, but hey, ever considered you are actually NOT MEANT to play through it in one sitting...like that thing called "break" or "real life" interrupting people from playing?

After buying Kane and Lynch 1 and playing it with my brother up to the end, while dying a lot and shouting at each other, generally having a good time, I found KnL2 and thought we might continue.
He was bragging about how nobody makes coop games anymore, and only inserts it when it "makes plot convenient sense".
He´s not a hardcore gamer tho, he spends most of his time playing the games weeks after I played through them and then continued to say how awesome they are.
So we played and again shouted obsenitys at each other, blaming the other for why one of us was shot.
AND we had a good time...
Since I judge games by the amount of fun I had, I like KnL2. The mechanics work, the guns kill stuff and the bullshitty "let´s film it handheld!" effect was confusing but worked.
The covermechanic worked amazingly realistic, and this might come to a shock to you, but when you stand behind a pillar you still are exposed when the enemy is standing in a 45° angle to you, and you won´t expect them to shoot the fucking pillar you are hiding behind, now do you?
This is called FLANKING!
So you either move your arse to the other side of the pillar to stop being exposed, or kill the guy who flanked you.
Bad cover is bad cover, this is why you should look WHERE the enemy is, before you choose to hide in a spot he can clearly hit you in...
A solid piece of concrete doesn´t form a magic shield around your arse that prevents you from getting shot<.< So if you are being hit while in cover, move your ass away because it is not covering you!

I do have complaints tho...as Yahtzee said, the ending was fucking dissapointing, even my bro shouted "WHAT, THIS IS IT NOW? THEY HOP THE PLANE AND THEN WHAT?"...altho he didn´t catch all the story anyway because he speaks very faint amounts of english and I bought the import copy.
The two dogs in the end do not count as a boss fight, altho they ARE the last enemys you face.
And I have a complaint about how friggin HARD it is...We played on medium through the campaign and died countless times because the mostly unarmored enemys absorb so much damage and shoot suprisingly well once they start getting SWAT and Military level aiming training.
The Cops also hold up their own fairly too well...
You see the little hit counters appear in the upper torso area and he goes down, then he stands back up if you don´t finish him and has full health as it seems, because he takes obcene amounts of leadpoisoning to finally kick the bucket!

But as I said, I had my fun, my bro had fun, and it is probably going to reside in the higher spot for us...after all, there aren´t so many games that I can play together with my bro.

Oh and, before I forgot, awesome review, very funny. I was suprised he doesn´t mention the self censory with the blocky pixels they do over headshots (and all other things you are not meant to see.)
 

ark123

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Feb 19, 2009
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I've a feeling they wont use "Sucks so many dicks it now breathes spunk instead of air" as a box quote
 

Chrinik

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May 8, 2008
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Kenny Doyle said:
True, honest review. I agree that this game is fucking awful, dull and boring. Nothing new or old is made in this game, no highlights, no interesting sequences, I've roughly forgotten most fragments of the game. There's nothing memorable about it.

Although for a reference, might belong on the "How not to do it." pile that fits comfortably between the first Kane & Lynch and say... Two Worlds.
Nothing memorable? You already forgot the scene they get carved up and run naked around Shanghai? Never found such kind of scene in any game ever. Somehow I get the impression that you didn´t even play it to this point, because at least this scene will stay in peoples heads for a while, for better or worse.
I also thought that Yahtzee WILL rip it apart...he didn´t...what a shame.
 

mental_looney

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Apr 29, 2008
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After hearing how bad the original was it's worrying how truly awful the second one seems to be. Didn't even know there was enough of a fan base to justify it and they are making a movie last I heard, bad thing when the worst games out there are getting movies and good games just get left on the shelves as they aren't shooty boom fests, but yeah crap game, pro video ^^
 

Aptspire

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Mar 13, 2008
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Good review...this game DOES contain too much lens flare
also, for your next review, you could do a double Feature with the games 'Q'uantum Rise and 'Y'ahtzee (if there is a video game format of the latter...and even if there isn't)
 

Little Duck

Diving Space Muffin
Oct 22, 2009
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I think I've figured it out. Duke nukem was so good, it jumped backwards in time and landed in Yahtzees lap. Then magically disapeared making Yahtzee it's prophet for the amazingness to come.

I jest. It'll probably be good but I'll get a lot of games before I get the duke. Mostly cos I was a wolfenstein/ Doom player when I was young and I never really played the duke.

I do often wonder how bad games sell. Marketing only does so much in the gaming industry, with most games sales dependent on word of mouth and pre releases in the same genre. If the nfirst one was so succesful (and I dear hope to god it wasn't) how can it exist today as a sequel. Multiplayer sounds cool though, but that's not the basis on which to get a game on in my book.