Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

[Orzene]

I see your pausing more for artistic drama and feeling behind your words now. .. Interesting.

As for my take on the game. What cover system? I just ran in and shot things, whether or not I died, or they died. I even waited in line for a multi-player match for 3 whole minutes before realizing I wasn't going to have any fun there, either. :| The whole camera thing felt like a bad attempt at a J.J. Abrams film, and it they fact that they tried to create these weird camera angle effects and audio glitches was enough to make me want to strangle a puppy.

So yes.. Thank you Squeenix for shitting on IO. I just hope they don't shit all over DX3. I still love the series, but there is only so much damage I will accept before buying a herd of trained police dogs to invade the cafeteria of Eidos Montreal for having not at least TRIED to diversify. >:[

Oh yes.. and then there's Duke Nukem Forever. Good luck with that one Yahtzee. I'm assuming you'll have a 2-to-4-word review for it before going on to something you'd rather play. XD

 

[Dcy]

Two letters of the alphabet left to cover for your game reviews?

Hmmm... Q-Bert!

Y? "Just Cause"!!!

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Wow. Just wow. For once I think Yahtzee wasn't exaggerating.

 

[newfoundland]

To all you haters of this wonderful game. Most people that adore this game can see the subtle attention to detail. The developers of this game beautifally recreated a Chinese location. You just haven't grown up enough to see wonderful art.

 

[newfoundland]

Correction/
To all you haters of this wonderful game. Most people that adore this game can see the subtle attention to detail. The developers of this game beautifully recreated a Chinese location. Some of you haven't grown up enough to see fine art.

 

[Phienyx]

Kane and Lynch is a first person shooter. The point of this collection of code is to provide players with a good first person shooter. It is not chinese environment simulator. If thats what it were presented as, I think you'd have a whole different review by someone else not expecting a good game.

 

[hortonamos7]

This is the most venomous, cutting review I've seen from Yahtzee in a while. I love it!

 

[Slaingod]

Yeah, my buddy told me it was an unbearable piece of crap. Outstanding, ripping good time Yahtzee!

 

[Nythengayle]

Correction/
To all you haters of this wonderful game. Most people that adore this game can see the subtle attention to detail. The developers of this game beautifully recreated a Chinese location. Some of you haven't grown up enough to see fine art.

Dude...Attention to detail and "life like recreation" does not a shitty story carry. If we wanted "Fine Art" we'd go to a damn museum. This is a video game, one of the few interactive -STORY TELLING- experiences. So, when the -STORY- is bad, but the art is good, do you expect us to conform to your delusional lobotomized way of thinking and ignore the fact that we spent 60$ for something that is little more than a over priced cell shaded animation with no merit short of "Looking just like China"? If we wanted that, every one of us would have boring paintings of locals on our walls. It has nothing to do with growing up, and everything to do with being grown up enough to understand that pretty pictures flashing on a screen doesn't mean jack when there's no good story to go with it. Please stop being a redonkulous fanboy and go watch Vampire Suck. I expect a full review on how the places in the movie look just like this one place in Calcutta, and about how the movie was made by it's iconic use of true to life places in my inbox by tomorrow morning. Thank you.

 

[StAUG]

The first Kane & Lynch fucking sucked, and I was rightly pissed off that I bought it at release price on Steam. I pretty much assumed the same problems would exist in the sequel and avoided it. After watching this review (fucking hilarious), I feel vindicated.

Yahtzee is back to his top form.

 

[mr_rubino]

And once again Yahtzees fanboy crowd hops onto his bandwagon and shuns the game.
It´s always fun to observe this behavior.
Sure the plot isn´t magnificent, the gameplay is repetetive, but hey, ever considered you are actually NOT MEANT to play through it in one sitting...like that thing called "break" or "real life" interrupting people from playing?

Yeah, gee willikers, if you only play for half an hour each day, you can almost make it two whole weeks before having done everything there is to do!
And once again, the bad-games fanboys crowd around to say nothing we haven't heard about the 47 other bad GTA-wannabe failures from the last few months or so, and whine about how everybody else can't be entertained by just jingling a bunch of keys (attached to a novelty swearing key fob) in front of their faces.

Sure everything about the game sucks, but if you don't like it, U CUD ALWYZ GO OUT N GET A GURLFREND HURHURHUR. That would make the game suck less.

 

[Chrinik]

Yeah, gee willikers, if you only play for half an hour each day, you can almost make it two whole weeks before having done everything there is to do!
And once again, the bad-games fanboys crowd around to say nothing we haven't heard about the 47 other bad GTA-wannabe failures from the last few months or so, and whine about how everybody else can't be entertained by just jingling a bunch of keys (attached to a novelty swearing key fob) in front of their faces.

Sure everything about the game sucks, but if you don't like it, U CUD ALWYZ GO OUT N GET A GURLFREND HURHURHUR. That would make the game suck less.

Pathetic, just because I find enjoyment in relaxing for one or two hours infront of a TV with a controler in my hands ending virtual life, doesn´t mean I´m a "bad games fanboy". I don´t need a massive epic tale of two awesome dudes that I find totally likable and relatable...
And half of these people probably didn´t realise that Yahtzees videos are pure entertainment, and not a "review"...since reviews normaly try not to be based on ones own opinion, and yahtzees whole selling point is "see me rant about games I played last week and find out if I like one for a change"...

Also, I am not defending the game...you are open to not like it...but not liking it and "crucify it, it is the work of the devil!" because some "internet celebrety" sais so, are two entirely different things. Also note that I played through it with my bro on 2 days...But we died and sweared so much throught the game.
And judging by most comments here, most people based their view on this game through this video alone, proofing once again that yahtzee could tell you everything and his rabbid fans would take it for granted...

The Controls work, the gameplay is entertaining (in Coop at least), what more would I want?
I just don´t find a shallow story about two mentally ill gansters and repetitive gameplay to be such a bother to denounce a game to ultimate game hell...
It has fucking co-op, and together with my bro, it was one hell of a ride, fuck story, fuck gameplay, fuck narative, fuck score, I judge games by personal fun, and nothing else.
And since it´s been a while that I could play something with my bro together, I mark it pretty high.
And I think the "repetetive" tag comes from games being played in one or two sittings by most gamers nowadays...playing the same thing for 5 or 6 hours can be frustrating and boring, I admit that...

But after all, it boils down to the question "how the fuck do you know why I liked a certain game, what do you care, and why do you find it so damn unbelievable?"

If I want awesome gaming experience, I go play Shadow of the Collossus or some other epic game, if however, I want to be entertained for 2 hours with mindless voilence, I turn to games like Call of Duty, Halo, Resident Evil or the other "worst games evar!" because they aren´t an artistic masterpiece or whatever, just "fun to play".

If they aren´t fun to you, I don´t care, I don´t try to tell you "THEY ARE FUN! AND YOU TELL LIES!" I just try to make clear why I personally liked it, and this is because it was one of the rare times me and my brother did something together...If you call me a fanboy for that, so be it, doesn´t change the fact that it is still unique to me.

Afterall, people can tell me on end how awesome FF7 through 13 are and I will still find them boring...everyone has their own opinion...however, fanboyism defines by abandoning ones opinion and following a different one blindly...even ignoring facts to make a point.

People can tell me how thrilling bungee jumping is, I´m not gonna try it...but I´m not standing there going "BUNGEE JUMPING SUCKS!" because I have A: not tried it, and B: it is based on nothing...

You have your opinion, I have mine...there is nothing an arguement could change in that.
We could debate our standpoints for weeks, we would still be left off at the same spot, with no progress.

 

[Raziel5150]

I'm surprised he didn't mention anything about half of the violence in the game being censored. Which is something I didn't get one bit, because they went w/ the "shaky" cam to make it more realistic, then blurred out headshots & when the guy in the start cut his own throat. Disabling the shaky cam made the game more realistic, 'cause no one walks around like they're constantly having a seizure. I only rented this game to pass the time w/ a friend of mine, trusting the X-Box Magazine's review score of 8.5 would actually make it worth it. I guess Square Enix passed them a couple bucks under the table & said, "Tell everyone it's a good game, because after the first piece of crap, I don't think anyone will even give this one a chance." & sadly, I wish I had my $8.50 back. I don't know how they managed to do it, but this one sucked even more than the first "Kane & Lynch". I hope they just cut their losses now & don't bother to make a third one. Do the world a favor. It's bad enough their making a movie based on these shitty games. I feel bad for Bruce Willis.

 

[Trippeh]

"it now breathes spunk instead of air"

you have to fucking love that line.

 

[inpachi]

Man yahtzee really burnt this one!

 

[samaugsch]

I might buy this game if it came with another better game.....and some cake.....and Belgium. (all credit for that joke goes to Yahtzee)

 

[samaugsch]

I can't believe how hard they worked to make this game look like shit.

All they really did is take a pile of shit and then add a layer of gold paint over it.

 

[eric.troy]

Since September, whenever I need a good laugh I load up this review. Priceless.

 

[rayen020]

Yahtzees best reviews are big name triple AAA games that blow goat balls. thank goodness the corporate mizers aren't smart enough to figure out that innovation and playtesting makes are what make good games not chest high walls.

 

[jaketaz]

Yahtzees best reviews are big name triple AAA games that blow goat balls. thank goodness the corporate mizers aren't smart enough to figure out that innovation and playtesting makes are what make good games not chest high walls.

Well said