Zero Punctuation: Splinter Cell: Conviction

[ace_of_something]

Five foot eight?!

With all the amazing graphics nowadays details on flesh so specific you can see people's old acne scars. Why do so many games still not get height? Speaking as a giant this hurts my feelings. There's so many games where there are only two heights 'man' and 'woman'. Height can be very important to characterization.

oh yeah... and I burrowed the first title from a friend way back when and added splinter cell to my list of 'games I don't understand why they're popular and I don't like it' maybe it's because I had played the much Superior hitman games so much before that.
Or maybe it's because I think Tom Clancy is one of the worst writers in American history. There are weirdos trying to get people to give 'feedback' to their half-assed two chapter novels on message boards across the internet that I can tolerate more.

 

[LazyAza]

Another over hyped title that's been stupidly simplified for the modern gamer. Well shit, and hear I was actually thinking of buying it.

 

[TheMich88]

Great review, but now i'm left wishing for a review on Hitman...

 

[ace_of_something]

Wait, you've gone through the whitehouse many times in video games and nobody's kicked up a fuss (as far as I'm aware, at least), yet as soon as a humble church gets involved in a virtual firefight, the Christians roll out the "Videogames are teh sacrelige" banners?
I guess Obama really is the only level-headed person left in America, then.

Also, I'd say the reason America is always being taken over in fiction is because they're so in love with themselves that they think everyone wants a piece because they are equally in love. Of course, this game being made in Canada kinda derails that idea a bit.

First of all it wasn't 'Christians' that got upset about that. It was the bishop of the catholic church overseeing that cathedral. Which is to say a handful of powerful Catholics, not all of Christendom. Please don't be bigoted and lump us all together.

For good or for ill, at this time the USA is still a world superpower. That's the simple reason that people in entertainment MEDIA want to take it over as opposed to say... Burma, Peru, or South Africa. Though these may all be fine nations indeed they are not political or military superpowers and without sounding callous if you told someone that a megalomaniac had gotten the keys to Luxembourg's bomb cabinet I think you'd hear from most of the world populous a resounding 'so?' The only other nation accepted as many as a superpower is China and can you imagine the 'unfortunate implications' that would take place from someone attempting to take it over.

 

[sneakypenguin]

I'm not sure what difficulty he was playing but B will not take-down ppl in every instance. If they see you they will shove you back then proceed to hit you with an AK47 to the chest which is pretty much a 1hit kill.

 

[CAW4]

I agree about not controlling him, and disagree about everything else.
Remember how Sam's old co-worker is now a mole and is second in command to the evil leader? Are you trying to say she wouldn't just go "That Sam Fisher guy knows about everything." or something to that extent to get him involved? And did you ignore how it was the Vice President (who was in the pocket of the same organization that Tom Reed was) that was going to become President, not Reed? And I'm pretty sure Americans would like to take over their country sometimes, especially since the only foreigners were in the first level (with the possible exception of some of the mercs).

 

[Yahtzee Croshaw]

Turns out that the Princess was in another castle...

If I ever hated reading something... it was that... over and over and over; nice doing.

 

[DA GOD A CRUNK]

Godd review but i do disagree i like the game makes me feel kinda like an action hero in some ways besides whats wrong with killing all the bad guys anyway?

 

[e2density]

Yesterday I said to myself, "Hmm...I hope Yahtzee reviews Splinter Cell Conviction."

 

[Cucipher]

Funny review! Made some great points - not least of which is the enemies AI and speech routines, which was always a bug bear for me.

I personally dont find that the automation of the mark and execute mechanic is a bad thing - just a different approach to taking down multiple enemies. Loads of games coming out have this type of idea but its presented in "bullet time/focus mode" type excecution, which is kind of old hat. For me M+E is just an evolution of that, closer to Fallout 3's VATS system though.

The insta-kills automation is indeed a bit too uninteractive, but I suppose the focus was to keep a fast pace during the game. Though, I played older splinter cell titles with awful controls for things like taking an enemy hostage etc - hopefully there'll be a happy medium reached soon.

 

[no one really]

Great review! Ugh, can't wait for the book...

 

[Boba Frag]

I for one, adore the Spinter Cell series.

Imagine my surprise and bewilderment when it seemed like Ubisoft seemed to forget it was supposedly doing Splinter Cell, and switched to doing 24- The Extra Silly plot.
I don't get the fascination with assaulting the White House, like you pointed out.

I'll be honest, it was a disappointment. Despite claims by the liars from marketing, I feel like , like you, that I was controlling Sam even less than in other games. The execute system was interesting, but kind of distracted from the real fun of these games; the fact that you can dangle your balls into a goon's coffee from the shadows and get away with it if you're skilled enough. And if you're not? You knife him in the throat, like I did many, many times in Chaos Theory.
Still my favourite SC game... of course I really enjoyed Pandora tomorrow.

Is it me, or are the single player campaigns in games getting way too short lately?

Thanks again for shining the cold light of criticism where I feared to tread, O Yahtzee

 

[RobCoxxy]

I dunno about the rest of you, but I loved Chaos Theory. Who cares if it was linear, it added challenge an open map might have removed. Meaning you had to sneak around, learn guard's movement patterns, look for cameras in each room before moving. It was awesome. And I got most of the way through the game without killing anyone. Avoiding the temptation of pulling people off of lighthouses or throwing them off rooftops at certain points...

 

[Boba Frag]

First of all it wasn't 'Christians' that got upset about that. It was the bishop of the catholic church overseeing that cathedral. Which is to say a handful of powerful Catholics, not all of Christendom. Please don't be bigoted and lump us all together.

Though these may all be fine nations indeed they are not political or military superpowers and without sounding callous if you told someone that a megalomaniac had gotten the keys to Luxembourg's bomb cabinet I think you'd hear from most of the world populous a resounding 'so?'

Very good point, glad someone made a distinction there. I for one have seldom agreed with any bishop's stance on , well, anything. But enough of that- to Luxembourg!

If someone took over Luxembourg, they'd probably last about 30 minutes. That's about the time that it would take either the Belgians, the French or the Germans, or a combination of all three to knock on the door and ask if any sane Belgians would like them to lend a hand in getting their country back.

Good ole security EU cooperation tends to deter things like that

Also- anyone else enjoy blowing out the Vice president's knees in Conviction? Seemed like a typically Sam Fisher way of "securing" a hostile VIP
Laughed my arse off at that part

 

[reaperman22]

I've only played a couple of splinter cell games but i have to agree, i just couldn't get into them whereas i have only played one hitman game and loved the thing even if i did only manage to do one mission stealthy and for the rest of them by the end of it i would be running away shooting erratically.

 

[kaboose25]

this was a hilarious review i just wish you had gotten the health care bill right its not free health care its our grand government forcing us to buy health care if it was free health care i would jump on it like a bog on a scrap of bacon that was just dropped form the breakfast table

 

[The Iconnorclast]

Good review.

Now excuse me I have to go pre-order Yahtzee's novel on Amazon.com or Amazon.com.uk

 

[AceDiamond]

Good review but I have to point out one thing. Mario 3 had no ability to save your progress (not counting remakes). That is why the whistle exists and why earlier Mario games had warp zones. They serve as a way to allow people to try and pick up from where they left off without forcing them to redo everything.

this was a hilarious review i just wish you had gotten the health care bill right its not free health care its our grand government forcing us to buy health care if it was free health care i would jump on it like a bog on a scrap of bacon that was just dropped form the breakfast table

Yes but they were trying to give us 'free' healthcare to begin with and the people didn't want it because they are idiots and thought 'free' healthcare meant 'kill the elderly'; so now we all have to have healthcare (which really is the first step because the insurance companies didn't want people waiting until they were sick to get healthcare).

 

[Steiwnay]

I really enjoyed the first three games, although I agree with pretty much everything he's said about Conviction.

I'd just like to point out that in CT several levels gave you "The option to go in the front door, back door, or sneak down the chimney," and in most levels of SC1 through CT you could play through without killing people.

This game takes away all of that and encourages you to play it like a shooter instead of sneaking around trying to avoid detection. The story (and the way it's presented) is just a complete ripoff of 24.

That said, Hitman and Thief are still way better stealth games.

 

[MasterSplinter]

I love the TMNT joke about master splinter

Heh, me too. And i didn't at all took it personal or anything.

I had the same idea of the white house knowledge from games but i was thinking more on the lines of being a tour guide or something.