Zero Punctuation: The Witcher

[The Irrelevant Gamer]

Oh my fucking god! First of all great send up of the Witcher. I enjoyed it for a while, and I'm ashamed to admit I even recommended it to people (on this website no less), but after ten hours I forgot what I was doing, lost interest, and sold it.

Also, the Painkiller bit was fucking hilarious.

 

[mandos9]

The review was funny as always,especially the painkiller clip. But everybody knows yathzee hates rpgs (if you put yatzee in a locked room with a jrpg he would jump off the window to get away from it). Whoever likes crpgs in general shouldn't be discouraged by this review, the things yathzee didn't like are exactly the things you are going to find interesting.

 

[rls669]

I registered here just so I could say that Intro Sequence Theatre is the best thing in the history of the Internets. Possibly in the history of the universe.

 

[misterorange]

Puffer fish! Just brilliant. Thanks for the great video articles

 

[Tel Prydain]

All you PC gamers who are saying: "Not your best". I assume that what you guys really mean this is the first time he's given a thumping to a PC-only game. Given your comments on his other reviews, I can?t help but assume you think that the bit about ?dirty console playing peasants? and the ?glorious PC gaming master? race was more of a statement of belief then a legitimate joke.

Seriously, given his review of Mass Effect, I think we can all safely say that this chap just shouldn?t be playing RPGs. If you dislike both the Witcher and Mass Effect, you should probably just avoid the genre altogether.

 

[Quistnix]

Especially stay clear of highly medalled PC-RPG's with complexity and a great interesting story like Baldur's Gate, PS:T, Gothic-Series, Neverwinter Nights 2, Fallout 2, The Witcher

I seem to recall Yathzee saying positive things about Fallout and Torment, so maybe he doesn't hate rpg's in general, just the bad ones.

 

[Rune R.]

Great review, and hillarious as always, although I do have some thoughts.

#1: I have played the witcher, and like you, got bored after the third bimbo and the endless running from place to place. I also didnt have the time needed to finish it at the time I started it, but I was curious about it.

#2: I never even glanced at the manual and still had no problem with the Interface whatsoever.

#3: Alchemy complex? Unless you have a serious learning disability, in which case I appologise for this comment; Alchemy is a case of colour matching. Alcohol + blue+ green + yellow ingredient = Some pre-determined effect. It couldnt possibly get any easier.

Thats it mostly, once again, hillarious review, despite a few odd bits.

 

[FireFox170]

I must be incredibly boring cause I could play the game for Hours...

 

[Metonym]

and to think I almost bought this pile of sh....
thanks again for saving me some money..

By the way stop fiddling about with the consoles and review some PeCee RTS´s

 

[Esure]

I liked the review; but sorry I didn't get the "extra" bit at all. Is it a new game coming out or somin?

 

[laikenf]

... I don't know... Well, I haven't played the Witcher so I'm not gonna try to defend it. But I'm realizing that I'm kind of tired at Yahtzee's reviews. I'm not angry or anything, it's just that I find him to be an overly negative person when it comes to reviews; now I know that it's his style (love it or leave it) and I know that the negativity and sarcasm are his hooks (a lot of people love him for that, even me... at the beggining). But I can't help but notice how much it irritates me when somebody is incapable of enjoying something that he supposedly loves (and then complain about it). He (or at least the character named Yahtzee) strikes me as the kind of person that could be hoplessly enjoying a meal his whife cooked but just to annoy her he'll say that the food is awful, and will actually play the part. Because of that his reviews main focus is not only to bash a game (good or bad) but to sound very irritated and pissed off about it (that includes ranting, cursing, etc. to the point where it's not even a review anymore just him venting and lashing out). I mean if you want to ridicule all the games you want by all means do so, just don't masquerade you're rants as reviews because in those rants usually very little is explained about the game itself (and that could be VERY MISSLEADING). Other than that, he could be VERY FUNNY when he wants to.

 

[laikenf]

All you PC gamers who are saying: "Not your best". I assume that what you guys really mean this is the first time he's given a thumping to a PC-only game. Given your comments on his other reviews, I can?t help but assume you think that the bit about ?dirty console playing peasants? and the ?glorious PC gaming master? race was more of a statement of belief then a legitimate joke.

Seriously, given his review of Mass Effect, I think we can all safely say that this chap just shouldn?t be playing RPGs. If you dislike both the Witcher and Mass Effect, you should probably just avoid the genre altogether.

NICE!!

 

[rls669]

I liked the review; but sorry I didn't get the "extra" bit at all. Is it a new game coming out or somin?

Fail.

 

[Janitor]

yahtzee, u sick sick bastard, u done it again...
i don't belive there is a man, woman or a dog on this planet that doesn't like u're reviewz
keep it up... 4 D money sake xD

 

[jimmythenoob]

Bah. The only ZP so far I found neither funny, nor true. But it may be because I'm that rare breed of people that enjoy CRPGs. I think that tends to happen when people write about genres they don't care about. The Mass Effect review should have been a clue. At least it mostly said things that were true. :\

I agree, this was the first review I didnt really laugh at. I dont know why, others seem to like it so I suppose its just the type of game. mind you I did consider playing the witcher and just never got round to it, after the review I dont think i will bother with it so I suppose the review did its job. I did find the review usfull, just not as entertaining as the others, while I did like the additional thing idea I didnt find it that funny...i did chuckle (pufferfish...20 mins) I just have some unjust byaist against this partricular one....wait...i blame jetlag...jetlag must be it, 9 hour flight is the only explanation for me not finding it that funny.

 

[Tumbler360]

Wow, pure awesome. Loved the bit at the end.

 

[thebrink]

awesome, esp the momoffiker part (don't care how it's spelled losers) I think I'm going to use it for dull moments in life that grind like this, THIS IS A MOMOFFIKER!

 

[Licaon_Kter]

since some old news hasn't reached this part of the internets, i'll post them:

the english script of the game is a cut-down version of the original polish one ( compare them yourself: http://www.thewitcher.com/forum/index.php?topic=6925.msg195631#msg195631 <- remember that the US/UK game is version C)

there is a way to get the original script back since it's included on the disc anyway: http://www.thewitcher.com/forum/index.php?topic=6925.msg194507#msg194507
but it's rather useless without the Polish VoiceOvers, which you'll need to find yourself

the original script has some issues, that me and some other users are documenting ( http://www.thewitcher.com/forum/index.php?topic=7771.0 ) so that when the proper SDK is available we can fixit up, if you look around you'll see that they're mostly one liner fixes

 

[BurnOutBrighter]

20 minutes... out front... puffer fish.

Awesome!

 

[Skeetermeat]

I played the demo for that game and couldn't stand it. I couldn't even finish the demo it was so horrible. I also loved the reference to the console peasants. Quite true. Long live the glorious PC Gaming master race!