Zero Punctuation: Thief: The Dark Project

[stormcaller]

Nice, not as drop dead hillarious as some but more of a review then others. Although slapping the velociraptor "across the bons" was great

 

[angelblack]

Thief 1 was, imo, better than Thief 2 but this is of course a matter of preference. T3 was obviously sh!t except for the focking AWESOME Shalebridge Cradle level which every (true) gamer knows for being the single most horrific level of a game ever designed.

The review was nice and it's relaxing to hear Yahtzee finally say something nice about a game but it's this melancholic bastard's opinion that the game is still isn't praised enough. Thief 1 is a landmark for stealth games, it practically invented the genre and every stealth game should try to learn from it.

All in all, awesome review. It made my Wednesday

 

[Mexicanbulge]

I am soooo glad Yahtzee reviewed a thief game, i know he's a fan but it was about time.
I have to say i think the thief games are one of THE best game series available even in this day and age.
Its such a shame that they are so widely unknown about. Hopefully this will help to bolster the ranks of Thief fans!!

Bes the workerings of hammerfools.

 

[Abedeus]

Anyone who didn't hear about this game should be ashamed.

Throw out your PC, now.

 

[Blastcage]

Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

 

[Jaqen Hghar]

Ah, Thief. I love those games.
I did everything in my power to beat every frikkin' level by not being seen. At all.
Great review.

 

[Washboard]

And now we watch thief sales rocket on steam.

Everyone who hasn't heard of Thief needs to go back to school.

VIDEOGAME SCHOOL.

That was bad. Really bad.

thats an undersatatement if you ask me (the bad part, not the "joke")

 

[Blastcage]

And now we watch thief sales rocket on steam.

It's available on Steam? *goes and purchases*

But only the third game.

Thats free on Gametap.. but the last gametap game i downloaded refused to work so.. eeh

Anyway, twas a pretty good review, its nice that you could actually tell he cared about this game rather than just following the normal bashing formula.

I think he discussed how shit Thief 3 was, and I can second that somewhat (though obviously with less bile), so don't bother

 

[Inuprince]

Simply super review - although honestly I only played the third part - and had a feeling Yahtzee would bash it - simply because fans of the series feel the same - for me - I loved Deadly Shadows - it was a new experience for me at the time - and since I am more of a TPS player I was happy that it was possible to play from a third-person view (something that also ignored the old fans) but hey it was just a possibility, the FPS view was still there.
The story was brilliant, the city was magnificent, Garrett was a great main character - it was a very detailed game I enjoyed playing with it very much - if someone doesn't know the series I suggest trying the third part at least - from my experience it cam down to the fact :
If you haven't played with the series yet it can become a great experience since you won't notice the facts and changes from the first two parts that the fans maybe complaining and ranting about. Story, gameplay, graphics can be marked as great for the third game in my point of view.


Also the 9th chapter which takes place in a haunted orphanage was one of the scariest times I spent in a videogame

 

[SgtFlaman]

I think I only played the first game once or twice. Might need to go back and revisit the series now.

And since when is Yahtzee anything but a charismatic stallion?

 

[Kanashe]

Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

Now, but would you like to go and fuck yourselfe? I think Yahztee can use another dick sucker

 

[cannedpeaches]

I didn't mind Deadly Shadows so much, excepting the ridiculous fence system, the faction drama, and the underground city full of FUCKING MURLOCS.

 

[Blastcage]

Does Yahtzee ever learn to keep his thought straight, or does he need to learn to shut his fucking yap. In SH5 he claimed that fans need to shut up, now he claims that game companies need to listen to fans, if this doesn' scream that his a fucking hypocrite I don't know what does...

Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?

You are wrong in so many ways; this compounds the whole "if you do not have perfect grammar on the internet you are always wrong" thing.

Now, but would you like to go and fuck yourselfe? I think Yahztee can use another dick sucker

What wit!

 

[kavinsky]

Well I did like the forced stealth setions in nolf, so I guess i'll have to do the same volucer.
and as for yahtzee, very educational as always.

 

[DoomBlackDragon]

Err I don't think I have ever heard of this game.

Bah who cares about old games?

The people who have played a good games do. The theif games are great. One of the best games ever. The best games where made in the 90's. Sure it sad to say that when the grapgic where bad and the engines where limited but that maybe why the games where so good. Now a days games makes are all about copy and paste game after game after game. Where they spend 99% of their money on graphic and a physic engines. The resualt is the game looks great it feels great but it has leaves you with nothing to do sence the story seems to been scribbled in at the last 5 mins. The AI is just as dumb as bricks so having it on ultra hard is just to easy. The gameplay is always lacking to make you even want to force your self to finish the game. Worsest of all is the need to make the game 5 hours long and then force you to spend 900 hours of multiplayer to get your moneys worth of the game. If I want to shoot people up I would not go to a game. I just unload a few clips in the nearest mall for my multiplayer. At less then they do not cheat/hack/explote or even lag for that matter. Game of the next gene are quickly falling under the rent/torrent group. It pains me to say but anytime I hear hype about any game comming out I put it in the shit group sence I tend to find the more hype the worse the game is.

 

[Stevey M]

I know of the Thief games, but never really took a good look at them. I think I may have to check them out. Thanks for the review, Yahtzee.

 

[Littaly]

I always wanted to play Thief. Actually, I bought Thief. The only problems seems to be that old computer games only play on old computers! I tries every single way to get it to work but failed, it still freezes after the intro So now it's just collecting dust, at least I can say I tried.

 

[Avida]

I think he discussed how shit Thief 3 was, and I can second that somewhat (though obviously with less bile), so don't bother

Heh, ok, reccomendation noted. I suppose i have a habit of not taking his critism seriously, when i hear yahtzee say something's shit that roughtly translates to a 'meh' or above as far as im concerned. In fact some of the gameplay videos i've seen actually looked really good.

 

[ssgt splatter]

ah yes the stealth gameplay, very good choice Yahtzee. Whenever i play one of these games, like splinter cell, i can feel my heart pounding in my chest as if im really there sneaking through the CIA(splinter cell 1) or Soeul South Korea(splinter cell chaos theory) and yes i know i might have spelled Soeul wrong but who cares. Point being these kinds of games are very well done and fun to play in their own way.

 

[Sylocat]

Running commentary:
11:01: Oh... I see Yahtzee made the most recent post in the Featured Content forum. Let's see what it is...
11:02: Huh? The thread isn't showing up on the forum! Refresh... still not showing up. Back/forward, still nothing...
11:03: Let's head elsewhere and see if there's a link... oh, so there is. Here's the thread. Let's see what he's reviewing... uh oh, I remember him taking a few snipes at this one in his other reviews...
11:04: And we're off:

REVIEW:
00:19: Huh? A game he liked? I could have sworn he took some shots at it before...
00:25: If I ever commit murder, I'm going to write THAT on the wall.
00:33: Now THAT line will get some attention...
00:37: This line, on the other hand, I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who cares anymore.
00:41: Okay, I need to pause and see if that was what I thought it was... yes, it was.
00:56: And they haven't moved past that limit since.
01:06: One of the few times on which I unreservedly agree with Yahtzee.
01:19: That tone of voice rarely means anything good...
01:32: I'd like to see a casual game where the graphics all look like that and you can only track the characters by their eyes.
01:53: I wish they'd make a game where characters swear in Chinese (hint, hint).
01:59: Anyone who catches that reference should win a prize.
02:02: I confess I wasn't expecting that.
02:11: Trust me, THIS isn't what you should be worried about. And nice coat.
02:19: Somewhere, you know someone's masturbating to this...
02:26: Good thing you included the "reasonable person" qualifier, because some people like that too.
02:50: You just know this will become a new meme.
03:00: I like him already.
03:07: Redundant redundancy alert...
03:12: Ah, so THIS is what sets them apart from regular rent-a-cops. I was wondering.
03:42: Too squeamish to make the magazine cover a picture of furry hentai? Yahtzee, I still like some of the 3D Sonic games, and even I think you should have done that.
03:50: Yahtzee channeling Dr. Seuss... a disturbing combination.
04:00: So much for listening to the fans.
04:06: That explains that.
04:24: It's going to be the Imp under there, I just know it.
04:28: Yep.
04:32: Too much information, Yahtzee.
04:35: I don't get it.