Zero Punctuation: Transformers: War for Cybertron

Kermi

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Nov 7, 2007
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The only people I know who liked this game are huge Transformers fans. They liked the mutiplayer, because they liked Modern Warfare 2's multiplayer.

This review is... unsurprising.

Also, dick pistons will now be entered into my regular vernacular.
 

Lucane

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Mar 24, 2008
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romxxii said:
Lucane said:
My guess would be when (If it wasn't an idea from the very start.)they planned out the multiplayer of the game ever character model can't have it's own uniqe special ability or sets of them be animated to do specialized moves like ejecting cassettes from there chest without looking like a Soundwave/Blaster rip-off or endup with parts that don't do anything like Sideswipe's shoulder rocket that wouldn't have a purpose in the alternate mode. Here's hoping the sequal sequel (If one is made) adds a little more flare flair and individuality to them all for at least the storymode/Co-op multiplayer.

corrections are mine, sorry feeling like a bit of a spelling Nazi today. :p -- romxxii
Well if they had planned out in making a Soundwave/Blaster ripoff, why not go all the way and make it a specific character class, and make the damned cassettes the class' specific powers. As for the shoulder cannon, that's BS reasoning, since their melee weapons are hidden and only pop out when needed. Same could've been done, and again, have it as a special power.

IMHO, they weren't out to please the fans; instead they just wanted to turn in a quick buck and put in as many possible references to lull the fanbase into a false sense of squee. Case in point: the flying Autobots being called "aerialbots" when the Aerialbots themselves were created post-Cybertron war. Ok, it could be argued that there was that one episode where they travelled back in time, but hell, I was destroying these buggers left and right, and there should've only been 5 Aerialbots! It made sense with the Seekers, which seemed to have unlimited numbers, but then Seekers are supposed to all look like Starscream. The Seeker mooks you encounter have an entirely different character model. They're references in name only, not actual references to iconic characters. And I wanted to buy the game because I wanted to play as these iconic characters. Not as random dying Transformer #23582934.

Personally, I hope they hand over the sequel (if there's to be one at all) to a different development team. Come to think of it, I hope Hasbro hands the game rights to an entirely different publisher.
I was partly tired then so I'm glad I only messed up on sequel.(I was just unaware of flair.)

I didn't mean they planned to make a rip off but if Soundwave got special "sentry pods" that were Rumble, Frenzy and/or Lazerbeak It'd appear as an advantage(or disadvante if they aren't good) compared to normal ones if others character still got sentries like they have now.If they only had single-player I'd be just as pissed as you but they probally thought they have to open the door for the brand to non fans now and could possible do more detail next time around.

Oh and the Autobots had a few more than just 5 flying vehicles Omega Supreme,Jetfire(Skyfire),Cosmos,Sandstorm,Tidalwave & Powerglide to name a few. When they were built is a different matter however.

Besides the Great War (to my knowledge)isn't covered much by other Transformers material if they do a sequel in a time period before they end up heading to earth again they could talk about how the majority of the Autobot flyer grunts end up being destoryed and how newer Autobots tended to prefer land/sea based vehicles more often. While Decepticons took more often than not to the skys.
 

Siege_TF

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May 9, 2010
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Why would Transformers want to transform? What kind of question is that? It's like someone who is attached to a skateboard and is perfectly adept at using it deciding not to just because.

Anyways I found the Omega levels had more in common with horror games than a lot of recent so-called horror games. Omega is huge, you can't hurt him, he's hunting your ass down and wrecking the shit out of the level trying to get at you. You could make a decent Jaws game out of that. Also the decepticon dialouge was entertaining, I was fond of listening to Swindle's dialouge in particular; ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! I mean... Yes Megaton, brilliant, Megatron! You won't find something like that in Halo or Gears games. I also found the idea of a deathrace arena themed after the subway system, complete with rolling mines and speeding bullet trains would have been a bloodsport right up the Decepticon's alley.

I agree that it would have been better if more characters than Megatron himself had signature weapons... Oh well. I found the vehicle modes and the levels that use them heavily gave it some variety from the usual TPS fare, the flying levels were enjoyable (Yatzee seemed to have forgotten there's vertical accent and decent buttons). And the two giant bosses at the end of each story were a bit frustrating, but were also much more satisfying than the two leaders duking it out.

All in all a solid... rental.
 

Lucane

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Mar 24, 2008
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The Random One said:
I think even fanboys cannot find the will to stand up for this game.
I love the game,(except for the competitive multiplayer without friends) but I know it isn't for everyone.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/reviews/7768-Review-Transformers-War-for-Cybertron

Siege_TF said:
Also the decepticon dialouge was entertaining, I was fond of listening to Swindle's dialouge in particular; ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! I mean... Yes Megaton, brilliant, Megatron!
That was actually Breakdown >.>
 

LazyAza

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May 28, 2008
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Yup, I'm a tf fan but man was that game disappointing, not disappointing because it lacked 'fan-wank' material but because it was a crap game. The gameplay is so insanely repetitive and dull its mind boggling when you realize its GIANT EFFING ROBOTS, and some how they made a boring game out of that its like, wtf. Still was nowhere near as big a bunch in the balls as Bays movies. lol
 

LockandKey

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Feb 22, 2009
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snowman6251 said:
My only experience with transformers as a child was one toy that could transform between a robot and a dinosaur. Go figure that one out.

Also the process of making it transform was incredibly obnoxious and took at least 5 minutes which sucks when you're trying to play robot dinosaur vs spiderman.
You know beast wars transformers had to be the best one...

_________________________-
As for the review I have to agree it's not that good I played it at my friends house recently and we decided to switch to a different game about an hour in.
 

Mydnyght

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Feb 17, 2010
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Here's Shia LeButtFuck. HE IS YOU.

Well, Croshaw, enjoy your week off. Maybe once that's over, all this Transformers fanboy rage will have finally subsided.
 

TheSchaef

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Feb 1, 2008
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The reason we Yanks like Transformers is actually a pretty simple premise: we like robots that turn into things and blow stuff up.

It's why we liked Transformers, it's why we loved Robotech, and it's why we still tune in when Adult Swim does their Saturday night anime orgy, even though you don't recognize half the series they're running and joined halfway through season two so you don't understand why the warring factions are named eerily similar to 20th-century nation-states or why 11-year-olds are allowed to pilot flying mechs or what in the f-ing world a tenkaichi budokai is supposed to even BE.

Seriously. Robots, explosions, speed lines. We're that shallow.
 

romxxii

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Feb 18, 2010
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Lucane said:
romxxii said:
Lucane said:
My guess would be when (If it wasn't an idea from the very start.)they planned out the multiplayer of the game ever character model can't have it's own uniqe special ability or sets of them be animated to do specialized moves like ejecting cassettes from there chest without looking like a Soundwave/Blaster rip-off or endup with parts that don't do anything like Sideswipe's shoulder rocket that wouldn't have a purpose in the alternate mode. Here's hoping the sequal sequel (If one is made) adds a little more flare flair and individuality to them all for at least the storymode/Co-op multiplayer.

corrections are mine, sorry feeling like a bit of a spelling Nazi today. :p -- romxxii
Well if they had planned out in making a Soundwave/Blaster ripoff, why not go all the way and make it a specific character class, and make the damned cassettes the class' specific powers. As for the shoulder cannon, that's BS reasoning, since their melee weapons are hidden and only pop out when needed. Same could've been done, and again, have it as a special power.

IMHO, they weren't out to please the fans; instead they just wanted to turn in a quick buck and put in as many possible references to lull the fanbase into a false sense of squee. Case in point: the flying Autobots being called "aerialbots" when the Aerialbots themselves were created post-Cybertron war. Ok, it could be argued that there was that one episode where they travelled back in time, but hell, I was destroying these buggers left and right, and there should've only been 5 Aerialbots! It made sense with the Seekers, which seemed to have unlimited numbers, but then Seekers are supposed to all look like Starscream. The Seeker mooks you encounter have an entirely different character model. They're references in name only, not actual references to iconic characters. And I wanted to buy the game because I wanted to play as these iconic characters. Not as random dying Transformer #23582934.

Personally, I hope they hand over the sequel (if there's to be one at all) to a different development team. Come to think of it, I hope Hasbro hands the game rights to an entirely different publisher.

I was partly tired then so I'm glad I only messed up on sequel.(I was just unaware of flair.)

I didn't mean they planned to make a rip off but if Soundwave got special "sentry pods" that were Rumble, Frenzy and/or Lazerbeak It'd appear as an advantage(or disadvante if they aren't good) compared to normal ones if others character still got sentries like they have now.If they only had single-player I'd be just as pissed as you but they probally thought they have to open the door for the brand to non fans now and could possible do more detail next time around.

Oh and the Autobots had a few more than just 5 flying vehicles Omega Supreme,Jetfire(Skyfire),Cosmos,Sandstorm,Tidalwave & Powerglide to name a few. When they were built is a different matter however.

Besides the Great War (to my knowledge)isn't covered much by other Transformers material if they do a sequel in a time period before they end up heading to earth again they could talk about how the majority of the Autobot flyer grunts end up being destoryed and how newer Autobots tended to prefer land/sea based vehicles more often. While Decepticons took more often than not to the skys.
That was my point: make it a specific class, don't make the cassette gang too powerful or impose some sort of penalty balance if you still wanna make the bruiser cassettes tough-as-nails. Hell, they could've done Lazerbeak as simple as he ejects, and invisible troops become visible to Soundwave. Or turn him into a flying glass cannon; deals powerful ranged damage, but a couple potshots aimed his way and he flies back to Soundwave. Even from a multiplayer aspect, having an Engineer class with variable type sentry guns sounds like a better idea that the "Scientist" class with its shield wall and static drone.

As for the flying vehicles, yes there are more than 5, but there are only 5 Aerialbots. Using the name of the combiner-jet team as a generic catchall phrase for "flying autobot" smacks of trying to shoehorn as many references to the franchise as possible without putting it in proper context. Powerglide wasn't called an Aerialbot, neither was Omega or Jetfire. First time I heard, "look out, Aerialbots!" I was practically on my toes at the thought of blasting away Silverbolt, or perhaps that smug bastard Air Raid, when I soon realized that waittaminute these buggers are just copy-paste Seekers for Autobots!

The Great War has actually been documented over and over again; The Sunbow cartoons (that's the 1986 cartoons) had its version(s), IDW came up with its own, etc etc. I don't understand why people keep treating that period of the Transformers timeline as carte blanche, as if Hasbro couldn't decide which parts are canon. Or maybe Hasbro just doesn't care, and only wants me to keep forking over the dough for my plastic crack habit. Which I'm trying to break, honestly. :p
 

Sengoku Shunsuke

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Jun 30, 2010
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"This is YOU!!!"
Yeah I fucking hate that in films, sure if the story has a protagonist it will be up to my observation of his vicissitudes that determines if he is my way into the plot. I don't want a film jamming it down my throat and going "you must like this guy, he's just like you so he is!" because then i won't give two shits if he is force fed the remains of his own dead mother to be honest.

Fantastic review as always Mr.Croshaw, and from a fan, you hit it so well on the head. Most notably when you point out that the game simply does not convey the sheer scale and scope possible in the franchise, then again not much in my eyes ever has. Maybe my expectations are too high?

Enjoy your well earned holiday mate, as long as it isn't England as it is pissing it down here at the moment.
 

Sengoku Shunsuke

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Jun 30, 2010
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"This is YOU!!!"
Yeah I fucking hate that in films, sure if the story has a protagonist it will be up to my observation of his vicissitudes that determines if he is my way into the plot. I don't want a film jamming it down my throat and going "OMG! You must like this guy, he's just like you so he is!" because then i won't give two shits if he is force fed the remains of his own dead mother to be honest.

Fantastic review as always Mr.Croshaw, and from a fan, you hit it so well on the head. Most notably when you point out that the game simply does not convey the sheer scale and scope possible in the franchise, then again not much in my eyes ever has. Maybe my expectations are too high?

Enjoy your well earned holiday mate, as long as it isn't England as it is pissing it down here at the moment.
 

Karyudo

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Sep 24, 2009
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I don't know, I still think the 80's was as good as it gets really for Transformers. The '86 movie was my favorite but these days we get fewer and fewer characters in the name of "personality" while back in those days it was about seeing lots of different robots turn into lots of different things. I might that. That movie had 6 times as many characters as the first Bay movie, most without lines, and it was STILL better. This game seemed like the best Transformers game but the others set that bar pretty low to begin with. I think the most annoying part of the game were all the '86 movie lines jammed into it, none of them ever felt appropriate, always forced, and just didn't apply to any situation they came up in.

Oddly enough you can fly straight up in that game when "boosting" though that makes it a bit harder to track the hard to pick out enemies. Honestly since all the bots had a glow to them I didn't have much trouble spotting them. Though the variety was...staggering (not).

Funny review though, the game certainly was missing some things, the PC one lacking in even basic communication options online oddly enough. On the subject of Prime dying...I never did get why he turned black and white, no one else did... the beauty of cartoons that penalize you for thinking.
 

Dave Brohman

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Apr 7, 2010
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The main problem with the notion that the death of Optimus Prime is this generation's Othello is that a robot can't die. Machines don't die, they break. Optimus Prime can no more die than my toaster can take naps whenever it's not toasting something.
 

Thurmer

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Jul 15, 2009
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terrible, yahtzee isn't even trying anymore. its like ok im going to choose a game noone cares about and everyone would think its shit and then call it shit for 4 minutes. just lame and boring.
 

SageRuffin

M-f-ing Jedi Master
Dec 19, 2009
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Like many others (which I honestly find surprising) I could never get into Transformers myself. Beast Wars on the other hand, was fucking awesome. Inferno, Arachnia, Cheetor, and of course, Optimus motherfucking Primal... good times.

This seemed more light chuckle funny than laugh-out-loud funny like last week, but it still brightens my day to hear Yahtzee's trademark snarky banter.
 

savagecam

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Mar 22, 2010
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Disclaimer: I love and am still playing WFC. I hit Prime (Prestige) mode a couple weeks ago. I have no life.

Beautiful, my friend, beautiful. There's nothing quite like a good skewering, and you continue to prove your verbal swordsmanship is without peer. I love Transformers more than almost any other franchise, but I understand how goofy it is. Hilarious review, and quite accurate. The online multiplayer makes up for a lot, but I wouldn't ask you to break your cardinal rule for this game! Have a great vacation, you deserve it.