Zero Punctuation: Turok

Satosuke

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Dec 18, 2007
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Wow, he doesn't even have Rock Band yet? That's major suckage.

Anyway, I was considering buying Turok, but I might have to check some more reviews now. If it's that bad, I won't waste my money.
 

Meateater33

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Feb 12, 2008
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NICE, very very nice. I agree in every point, and i love how you start to remember the glorius days at the end and then you spoil it! :D
 

stacia123

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Nov 8, 2007
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That was lovely. I agree with your first point about controls, having shouted "argh bargh arg arg" many times while trying to nudge over a bit to the left or right and finding myself shooting something off-screen instead. Okay, I know you don't care that I agree with your point, but dammit, I do.

Also, Ron Perlman has been in many zero-budget crap films, so as long as he got paid as much for "Turok" as he did for, say, "Double Exposure", I can't judge him too harshly.
 

Plays2

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Oct 8, 2007
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Nice review indeed.

What I really hated about this game were the controls, they were not unresponsive but I couldn't get a single headshot in the game.

Now the other problems were the shiny graphics, a paper thin and ripped off story, and I agreed that this game wanted to be an average game... like Halo which is a really good example.

EDIT: Now I feel the coming of halo fanboys because of the statements of an average or bad fps...
 

Uszi

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Feb 10, 2008
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I would say, Yahtzee, if you want FPS with a sense of humor, then play the Postal Series, which features such hilarious bits as pissing on yourself to put yourself out when you catch fire.
 

davidboring

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Nov 24, 2007
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Yeah, even Europe doesn't have Rock Band yet... Not even a release date, as far as I know...
 

beddo

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Dec 12, 2007
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Turok is a somewhat enjoyable and fairly entertaining game but there are so many issues that bring the quality of the user experience down.

The sensitivity of the look function always seems to be off no matter what setting it's at.

The damage received by the enemy soldiers is very inconsistent making this feel more like a 'game'. For example; in hard mode, one arrow in the body will take most soldiers down but it will take a whole lot of bullets from a chain gun.

Quite often you'll throw an alternate fire pulse grenade at a soldier, they'll watch it roll, pause, shout "grenade", fly 20 feet in the air only to get up like nothing happened! One soldier took three grenades before taking the courtesy of leaving his mortal coil, this generally leaves the user only using grenades as a distraction.

A lot of the weapons feel weak; they are generally omitted as serious options when you have to face a group of three or more.

In some areas you'll be faced with endlessly spawning enemies until you enter a trigger area. While the trigger events add flair to Turok here they do not feel seamless.

I understand that in a game you want to be the hero taking everyone out (something that COD4 often failed in during the SAS missions) however, having numerous able bodied team members sit back and tell you to take down the giant enemy tank while they share Margherita and tales of times gone by becomes somewhat frustrating after your eight attempt. In fact, this happens in numerous sections of the game, company Whisky seems to be the worst 'elite' team of all time.

While being thrown on ground dinosaurs grenades and rockets is a cool feature it starts to become somewhat jarring. Noting the earlier tank battle; you'll run behind a wall where he doesn't have line of sight on you and whammo! A shell has sent you flying into the middle of the field! By the time the smoke and your blurred vision have gone allowing you to see where you are whammo, another shot sends you flying again! You are left completely disorientated not knowing where you are or which way you're facing, the grey rocks all look exactly the same, by the time you realise you're looking down the wrong end of the tank's turret you're screen goes red and you have to try again!

Despite these frustrations, Turok is, as I said, a good game. Recommended if you have a fancy for Dinos and guns.
 

Kenkaku

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Nov 7, 2007
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Now this is a review I like. Don't just review the game; talk about the genre in general and what it takes to make it better, if not perfect. It helps someone like myself, an aspiring game designer, to know how to appease the most cynical of gamers.

Despite the depth of the rants in this week's review, I can't help but wonder: Yahtzee, you covered FPSes on consoles and FPSes on PCs, but you didn't bring up Wii FPSes at all, which I think is disappointing considering that it's a pretty big debate right now as to whether or not the genre can be taken further on consoles. Sure, it stumbled a bit on Red Steel, but I say nearly perfected it with Metroid Prime 3 and Medal of Honor: Heroes 2 (although, the controls, from what I've heard, have been the only redeeming factor about this, so I wouldn't say it's worth taking the time to review this after your Airborne review).

On a completely unrelated note, it's nice to see you hinting at the fact that you will be reviewing games like No More Heroes and Rock Band in the future.
 

Hypersapien

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Nov 14, 2007
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My god! This has got to be one of the best reviews yet! I loved it, it was so insane!



Either that or I really needed a laugh because I've been in a mopey mood lately.
 

Zera

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Sep 12, 2007
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Another great review. Glad he knows what a good fps is. (looks at metroid prime) Though it really does suck he wont be able to play Brawl yet. If I have the money, I would send him a copy.
 

twilight_dweller

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Sep 22, 2007
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You haven't played No More Heroes yet? It's quite good. Although, not without some alarming problems. But it has loads of charm, and characters that seem to have come straight out of Cowboy Bebop.

Now I've seem to have gotten off topic.

Good review, and some nice insight to the creation of Australia.
 

Gollon

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Jan 16, 2008
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Hell yeah, undead cowboys. Blood was great.

I noticed that too. What's the deal with health meters being exchanged for "screen grows into increasingly dark shades of red to indicate you are dying so hide behind a wall and let your blood coagulate?"
 

Fangface74

Lock 'n' Load
Feb 22, 2008
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Don't know about health meters, Call of Duty did a pretty good job I think, you know when your at full hp, 50% hp, and nearly f**cked! Meters are good for games like Final Fantasy when it's all about the numbers but for a good old 'seat of your pants' blaster..I say keep the HUD clear.
 

Biek

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Mar 5, 2008
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Nice detail on Fuckley's face in the dartboard. And Turok even looks like crap in the tv commercial. I never would've tried that game.
 

smileyboybob

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Nov 14, 2007
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very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.
 

smileyboybob

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Nov 14, 2007
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very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.
 

smileyboybob

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Nov 14, 2007
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very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.
 

beddo

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Dec 12, 2007
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Oddly, Halo did feature a health bar.

I disagree with a number of points that Yahtzee brings up. I think that the health indicators they did in Call of Duty 4 or gears of war adds more realism in some respects; you never know which blast is going to be the one that finishes you off. Miraculously being healed is of course somewhat unrealistic however, it is often used to improve the flow of the game; it has helped remove the dependence on quick saving/loading.

With regards to Australia, it is also populated by indigenous Australians. Sadly the Europeans decided that they would bring over numerous infectious diseases and force the indigenous Australians to settle in other areas and destroy their culture. Years later Europe decided to send over their criminals and steal children from the Indigenous population in what can be essentially described as genocide. Then Yahtzee moved there.
 

Demonbear

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Jan 24, 2008
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beddo said:
With regards to Australia, it is also populated by indigenous Australians. Sadly the Europeans decided that they would bring over numerous infectious diseases and force the indigenous Australians to settle in other areas and destroy their culture. Years later Europe decided to send over their criminals and steal children from the Indigenous population in what can be essentially described as genocide. Then Yahtzee moved there.
This belongs in Wikipedia in the Australia page, screw the whole explanations, i love this history lesson better. Makes more sense too and there's a happy ending! :D
 

Deadjim

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Jan 18, 2008
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That was the best ZP review yet. I was laughing out loud all the way through and it has brightened a so far boring day
 

nightfish

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Nov 7, 2007
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Good review.

One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
 

Chaos_Theory

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Aug 8, 2007
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At the interface party, what game was the map from? I know I've played the game it's from, but I can't for the life of me remember which.
 

Dectilon

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You can hand an actor anything and he'll make the best of it. Sadly the best the script to Turok could ever be was a pint of shit ~~
 

gabrieldevue

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Mar 12, 2008
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I enjoy those reviews tremendously. This one again. Sorry to say: I do not play first-person shooters and usually wait until the price drops so that my computer and my wallet are able to handle the slightly outdated games.

Again a very nice perspective on that genre and I really enjoy all the comparisions, the language and the humor.

I wish, this review was longer :D
 

elpresidente

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Feb 10, 2008
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The Jurassic park theme was very funny. I think I'll try a demo of "Turok" though. Just want to see how bad it is.
 

imPacT31

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davidboring said:
Yeah, even Europe doesn't have Rock Band yet... Not even a release date, as far as I know...
I inquired about this at my local GAME store and was told that it's currently looking at a May 9th release in Britain; that's just ridiculous. That's almost six full months after the US.

Admittedly it is still 19 days before the Australian release.
 

Pandax

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Mar 4, 2008
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good overall review, and yes health bars have dies down, however can we really consider gears of war a First person shooter? it seemed like more of a third person shooter to me. also i feel bad about rock band for you.
 

Dammacx

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Mar 19, 2008
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Great review as always. I am feeling pretty ho hum about most FPS games myself these days. Still looking for the game that will bring that warm fuzzy feeling I use to get playing the original Unreal Tournament.
 

Colodomoko

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Feb 22, 2008
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WOW you just ruined a game for me by saying it sucks because it's not your style of playing a FPS. Thanks a lot.

http://farcry.us.ubi.com/agegate.php?destURL=/index.php

Check out the above website and leave this game alone when it comes out please!!!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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1. Yahtzee should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del.
2a. Mouse control for FPSes is not necessarily best.
2b. PC FPS freaks should not flame me for the above comment.
2c. If they do flame me, then the following is my reply: "go and insert a mouse up your arse since you seem to love them so much"
3. Most health meters suck because they make you keep damage you receive.
4. Most of the issues Yahtzee seems to have with this game are very petty, i.e. the zooming into people's heads thing.
 

Mad Pony

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Jan 4, 2008
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beddo said:
Turok is a somewhat enjoyable and fairly entertaining game but there are so many issues that bring the quality of the user experience down.

The sensitivity of the look function always seems to be off no matter what setting it's at.

The damage received by the enemy soldiers is very inconsistent making this feel more like a 'game'. For example; in hard mode, one arrow in the body will take most soldiers down but it will take a whole lot of bullets from a chain gun.

Quite often you'll throw an alternate fire pulse grenade at a soldier, they'll watch it roll, pause, shout "grenade", fly 20 feet in the air only to get up like nothing happened! One soldier took three grenades before taking the courtesy of leaving his mortal coil, this generally leaves the user only using grenades as a distraction.

A lot of the weapons feel weak; they are generally omitted as serious options when you have to face a group of three or more.

In some areas you'll be faced with endlessly spawning enemies until you enter a trigger area. While the trigger events add flair to Turok here they do not feel seamless.

I understand that in a game you want to be the hero taking everyone out (something that COD4 often failed in during the SAS missions) however, having numerous able bodied team members sit back and tell you to take down the giant enemy tank while they share Margherita and tales of times gone by becomes somewhat frustrating after your eight attempt. In fact, this happens in numerous sections of the game, company Whisky seems to be the worst 'elite' team of all time.

While being thrown on ground dinosaurs grenades and rockets is a cool feature it starts to become somewhat jarring. Noting the earlier tank battle; you'll run behind a wall where he doesn't have line of sight on you and whammo! A shell has sent you flying into the middle of the field! By the time the smoke and your blurred vision have gone allowing you to see where you are whammo, another shot sends you flying again! You are left completely disorientated not knowing where you are or which way you're facing, the grey rocks all look exactly the same, by the time you realise you're looking down the wrong end of the tank's turret you're screen goes red and you have to try again!

Despite these frustrations, Turok is, as I said, a good game. Recommended if you have a fancy for Dinos and guns.
Beddo you infuriate me, and I'm showing incredible restraint here by using the word "infuriate". The manner in which you reviewed this game is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's own review. You're either incredibly ignorant of the way people perceive you or you've the balls the size of sputnik, because if neither of these states were the case then you certainly wouldn't have posted a review of a game within the thread devoted to a review of the very same game.

God only knows how many times before you've used other people's opinions to soapbox your own ideas from. I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!

I'm not done though! You name instance after instance of why turok sucks, and then you go ahead and say it's a good game. A GOOD GAME!? What else was good, you schmuck? Super Man 64? Friday the 13th for the 8-Bit Nintendo? How did you feel about DAI KATANA? 10/10 RIGHT?
 

UncleAsriel

Pleasantly Lurking
Feb 13, 2008
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What I admire about Yahtzee is that he mingles a serious critique of the piece in question with his trademark rapid-fire truncheoning of the game. In his previous review, he made mention of how people don't inquire about his definition of a good game, but I feel he doesn't need to do so because he states his likes in a subtle way. For instance, he praised Assassin's Creed and Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles for trying to do something different Be it with the gameplay (i.e. the interactive portions, the combat and the puzzle solving, etc) or with the storytelling, Yahtzee lauds developers who try to do something that breaks the mold of monotonous and repetitious design processes (lovingly christened "The EA strategy").

In this specific review, Yahtzee skewers the Shooter genre specifically, pointing out common design flaws in console games (Problem #1, #2, #3, #5, #6) as well as stupid conventions in storytelling (#4). Games have the potential for becoming art, yet again and again the stupid epidemic strikes, leading to repetitive gameplay and shallow stories. Yahtzee sees this, and so he assaults the conventions of gaming in an irascible way. His means are venomous, but his ends are more than justifiable - an actual movement towards a future of gaming as art, rather than simple gun-wanking. Sounds good to me.



One thing though, specifically to Yahtzee - praise for Bioshock as a good game? I guess Halo really DID lower your standards! I loved Bioshock (and I've only beaten the demo! ;) )but I can see what you said when you mentioned its shallowness. Why use it as an example of a good game when comparing it to Turok's ripoff storyline?
 

Coeliel

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Jan 30, 2008
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brawl had several planned release dates in europe, to be precise there have been 4 so far, hopefully this was the last time they postponed it....and it's still 3 month to go from now on(that's half a year between japanese and european release)....ö__Ö what happened to worldwide releases?? i guess we're underpriviliged...

as for the review i have to agree that turok definitely was no good for fps and there's still more like this to come. for programmers and designers: make fps suck less :D

@impact31: there were rumors concerning rockband that ea was thinking about not releasing it in europe (something like it would be too expensive blah blah)...we're happy enough to get it at all >____>

and finally, keep up the good work :D
 

Mad Pony

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UncleAsriel said:
One thing though, specifically to Yahtzee - praise for Bioshock as a good game? I guess Halo really DID lower your standards! I loved Bioshock (and I've only beaten the demo! ;) )but I can see what you said when you mentioned its shallowness. Why use it as an example of a good game when comparing it to Turok's ripoff storyline?
Why would you even bother this if you haven't played the game through? That's like Yahtzee eating a slice of cake and saying it's delicious and moist, and you firing back, after having taken a whiff of the thing, with the complete opposite.

In my personal opinion, and it seems like Yahtzee might share some of these feelings, Bioshock may not be the pinnacle of game design or creativity, but by god they tried and that's a hell of a lot more than you can say for many developers out there.
 

Hamster at Dawn

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Mar 19, 2008
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This was one of the best reviews yet, the Jurassic Park music made me laugh and the general commentary on FPS was great. I hope Yahtzee reviews Gears of War 2 when it comes out, seeing as he started ZP a bit late to do the first one and I really want to hear what he thinks about it. I know it wont be out till November though at the least.
 
Mar 11, 2008
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To post for the sake of posting...

I think these reviews are getting more and more interesting.

You, Ben Croshaw, if you even read these posts, are starting to get your own you-ness. I like this, especially the twisting. What you did with Burnout Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend was the first step onto a slippery, upwards, gravity-defying slope of awesome.

But what was with this? A twist at the end? No, what you need to do is change the direction, constantly, like what I assume Via Domus's electrical engineering super genius plumber thingy minigame is (having neither played the game, nor intending to ever do so).

You, Ben Croshaw, are growing. In ways that can onloy be good.

As General Mostly Electrified Steel, I can only await your further, slippery, slidey ascensions.

Gul, out.
 

Mad Pony

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JOE COOL said:
WOW you just ruined a game for me by saying it sucks because it's not your style of playing a FPS. Thanks a lot.

http://farcry.us.ubi.com/agegate.php?destURL=/index.php

Check out the above website and leave this game alone when it comes out please!!!
Why would you let someone's opinion of a game ruin it for you? There are people who hate Morrowind, but it was one of those immersive and amazing experiences I've ever had and someone telling me the combat system is junk isn't going to change that.
 

k_rafftry

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Mar 5, 2008
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Woo, warhammer reference (yes, nerdy, whatever). Very good review, I've heard a lot of people complain about turok, and there are a ridiculously large amount of FPSs coming out these days (most of them just milking the money cow). But the question we the gamers need to ask ourselves is this. Why are they making so many FPSs? The answer is simple. Because WE buy them. We complain about the over saturation of the FPS market with run of the mill games, but the thing is if people (probably young-ins who think a game is good just because you get to riddle things with bullets) didn't buy the games, game developers wouldn't make so many of them. But people (aforementioned young-ins/idiots) buy these below par games and so the developers say "hey these sell good, let's make more". Remember most publishers aren't fun hippies with flowers in their hair hoping to spread fun and joy, they're buisiness people, and they've a buisiness to run. Basically, the point I'm trying to get to here is that, if these run of the mill games didn't sell, they wouldn't be made.

But they do... So they are.

Paul(very proud of that rant)5121
 

Surggical_Scar

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Feb 13, 2008
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Very true, although you didn't touch on the Team-Killing encouragement in Turok, everything else was bang on the money, except you could've simplified it all by simply stating:

'Stop trying to be like Halo.'

And naturally, Ron Perlman is a seal of awseome on just about every film I can think of. Roll on Hellboy II.
 

Tzachitx

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Jan 7, 2008
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Great review as always! Never been a fan of the Turok series, really.

Also, is he throwing darts at Tim Buckley? Why? o_O
 

override367

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Nov 29, 2007
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Yea Ron Perlman is pretty much the penultimate game voice actor (Fallout 2 [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mcJAI6oRYY&feature=related]), so I'll agree with Yahtzee here
 

thebrink

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Dec 5, 2007
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freaking hilarious, best ZP in weeks.

and yeah, Ron Perlman seems to have an insane amount of voice work...
 

bulletproof12

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Feb 28, 2008
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i disagree on the consoles cant aim part...unless it has big auto aim then you have to aim really far awayfrom your target and miss the guy hiding behind him. but other then that it was a great review
 

Wave-360

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Jan 24, 2008
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Nice review... This one felt somewhat different than all the others. This is great though. I always found it retarded that australia gets games last.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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THANK you! Even he is sick and fucking tired of you inconsiderate little shits emailing him saying he should review Brawl or Rock Band, when every fiber of his being wishes he was reviewing Rock Band instead of shit like this.

New rule. From now on, when someone asks why he doesn't review a game that isn't out yet, the next five (5) posts have to be flames.
 

bamforth

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I thought the review would be better if he actually talked about Turok more than faults that have come up consistantly in most console games. It was quite funny but I personally would find it better if he talked about the actual game more than problems. Also the console prolems with the game should be fixed with the upcoming PC version.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Edderz1989 said:
is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
Most of us aren't the descendants of the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers - sorry, won't happen again - and the people in power (or at least who were) are in fact more descended from prostitutes, which is why John Hoawrd spent most of his office sucking George W. Bushes balls. I feel that Rudd will eventually end this, but he still has a long way to go before he can spare the time.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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about the health meters thing:

i think that when you use the blurred screan thingy effectively, it works very well. lets say rainbow 6 vegas. you can taske 3 bullets, no more, and your screen wont just blur, it will turn black. when you start letting health respawn instantly, and you can take 30900000000000 bullets like in turok, its just...... shit.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Do you think he counts The Darknesses colour-changing tentacles as lack of a health bar? What about Resistances four stage Yellow bar were you can refill a quarter to compensate for being shot at by a death squad with human colon targetting rounds?
 

HuCast

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Thanks! Like others mentioned before this review was kinda different, somehow more agressive and "deeper" than the last ones. Great work!!!

@tzachitx: Excuse me, but could you tell me what this "new" Turok has in common with the N64/GC ones beside the name?
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Indigo_Dingo said:
Edderz1989 said:
is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
Most of us aren't the descendants of the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers - sorry, won't happen again - and the people in power (or at least who were) are in fact more descended from prostitutes, which is why John Hoawrd spent most of his office sucking George W. Bushes balls. I feel that Rudd will eventually end this, but he still has a long way to go before he can spare the time.
LMAO!

Very well put mate.
 

kementari

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If you're actually reading this, Mr Croshaw, I'd just like you to know you've become my most intense love-hate object of the last decade.

Being a fan of Zero Punctuation can be best defined, I think, as 10,076 minutes and 40 seconds per week of utter torture followed by 3 minutes and 20 seconds of unparalleled bliss. But just like sex, the fleeting moments of ecstasy are worth waiting at least a week for.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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I just want to see when Yahtzee finally gets around to reviewing Fantasy World Dizzy (as it's obviously his favourite game ever); in fact, let's ditch these boring consoles and go back to the true 8 bit machines.
 

myopiczeal

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Though a little late, a fuck-mothering transcript:
Australia, as most intelligent people know, is populated by the descendants of convicts sentenced to exile for cutting purses and throats on the streets of Londontown. As for the people whose purses and throats were cut, their descendants all now work in the games industry, and conspire to continue the punishment of Australians by stapling an arbitrary number of months onto every single motherfucking release date. So while we're waiting for stuff like No More Heroes or Rock Band to finally deign to show their faces down here, let's take out our frustrations on some shitty dinosaur game.

I'm actually rather glad that a really unequivocally bad FPS has been shat out in front of me, because there are a lot of problems with first-person shooters these days, and Turok plays like an itemized list of them. So rather than do what I usually do, i.e., crucify the game with big, blunt, rusty nails shaped like penises, let's instead use Turok as an example to go through a few of the mistakes first-person shooters keep persistently making. Perhaps I could persuade developers to stop making them, then maybe I could persuade the tide to turn back, and ride a winged marshmallow to the sherbet kingdom.

1. Use console controls responsibly. When I am aiming at something, and I nudge the right analog stick slightly, this is usually because I want to be aiming at something slightly to the side of whatever I'm aiming at now. It does not mean I want my entire body to rotate 90 degrees, and I especially don't want that to happen when a velociraptor is running straight at my face brandishing a dessert fork. Of course, the absence of mouse control will always cripple console FPS's, but the good console FPS will compensate for it with, say, smoother aiming, or auto-targeting, but since, as we've already established, Turok is not a good console FPS, aiming at things is like trying to play darts after letting your arms fall asleep.

2. Bring back health meters. I don't know when the games industry in general fell out with health meters; maybe someone threw a big party for video game interfaces, and Mr. Health Meter got drunk and acted like a tit, so now everyone shuns him. Whatever, games just don't have health meters any more. When you're hurt, you just heal up by sitting in the corner, sucking your thumb for a few seconds, which makes things a little patronizingly simple, but is very accommodating towards players who happen to be the three-year-old children of syphilitic lepers. What's so bad about health meters, anyway? OK, they're not what you'd call realistic, but I kind of thought we'd abandoned realism around the time Space Marines were stabbing dinosaurs on the planet Zog.

3. Give grenades halfway decent splash damage.

4. Stop ripping off "Aliens". "Aliens" was a good film, I'm glad we're all in agreement there, but it seems you can't walk ten paces in today's first-person shooter market without tripping over grizzled, sassy, multi-ethnic military types, often wearing (or at least located somewhere inside) suits of powered armor each the size of four brick shithouses stacked together. Turok goes the extra mile by ripping off the entire cryopod scene from "Aliens" verbatim, except with Sigourney Weaver replaced with an overly masculine stupid haircut. No change there then (har har har, raucous laughter). When you consider that the original Turok games were about a time-traveling red Indian, this new installment has had to really work hard to rip of "Aliens". They had to lock the established setting and storyline in a wardrobe and throw it off a cliff. They've approached ripping off "Aliens" with the same determination that most developers would approach making a game that's actually good, and that's sort of admirable, I guess, in a retarded kind of way.

5. Stop zooming into the backs of people's heads to show we're taking control of them.

6. Stop blowing all your money on big-name voice actors who then totally phone it in. So Turok has this grumpy friend who looks like a cross between Gimli, son of Gloin, and Popeye the Sailorman, and whose voice indicates that he is A) incapable of human emotion, and B) a recent victim of cranial drill intrusion. Out of curiosity, I went on IMDB to learn what amateur dramatics wannabe voiced this gobshite, and found it to be none other than Ron Fuck-Mothering Perlman. A Ron Perlman I could only assume who realized early on what kind of dross he was working with, and vowed to bring that across in his performance, and if Ron Perlman thought Turok was shit, who are you to argue? Did you ever warm the frozen hearts of audiences worldwide in "City of Lost Children"? No? Well, shut up then.

7. Conclusion. Most of these problems with modern FPS's can be explained with four words: "Let's be like Halo." But I remember a time when FPS's didn't all march in step behind that inexplicably popular festival of mediocrity; when FPS's weren't all about soldiers or Space Marines; when they could be about undead cowboys, or backwards pig rapists, or wisecracking misogynistic wankers. I remember a time when FPS's had a sense of humor about themselves, and could have colors other than Gunmetal Grey and Dogshit Brown. I remember titles like Exhumed, and Chasm, and Witchhaven 2, although on reflection I'd rather forget about them.
 

ClassicThunder

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This was the very worst on in my opinion. Low on humor and just a bit of bitching about the way modern FPSs are heading. I just kind of went WTF and didn't even grin. He's should stay away from FPSs if he doesn't want progress and to remain in the early nintindo era.
 

Sgurd

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Australia doesn't have No More Heroes yet?

That's a goddamn shame. I've anxiously been looking forward to a ZP review of it for almost 2 months now. Screw you Rising Star.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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David Cat said:
1. Yahtzee should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del.
True, it does this itself far better.
2a. Mouse control for FPSes is not necessarily best.
Name one way that non-mouse control for any FPS is not the best.
One.
Go on.
Any way.
Any way at all.
 

p0nda

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Mad Pony said:
I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!
Young man, you need to take the classical approach to beddo:
tl;dr
I can say unequivocally that I have never read any of his posts. Why? Because I come here for 2 reasons:
1) To be jolly for 5 minutes while I watch/listen Yahtzee
2) To be jolly for 2 more minutes when I see another "first" banned (curse you Satosuke for depriving me this week!)
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Edderz1989 said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
Edderz1989 said:
is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
Most of us aren't the descendants of the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers - sorry, won't happen again - and the people in power (or at least who were) are in fact more descended from prostitutes, which is why John Hoawrd spent most of his office sucking George W. Bushes balls. I feel that Rudd will eventually end this, but he still has a long way to go before he can spare the time.
LMAO!

Very well put mate.
free lifetime chocolate biscuits to anyone who can identify where my little maniacal chant (i,e, the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killer) is from
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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The_root_of_all_evil said:
David Cat said:
1. Yahtzee should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del.
True, it does this itself far better.
2a. Mouse control for FPSes is not necessarily best.
Name one way that non-mouse control for any FPS is not the best.
One.
Go on.
Any way.
Any way at all.
In GTA Vice City. Here, mouse control is inferior to the self-aiming and locking thing, which is removed from PC GTA ports.

But yeah, Ctrl sucks on many levels. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is way better.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Sgurd said:
Australia doesn't have No More Heroes yet?

That's a goddamn shame. I've anxiously been looking forward to a ZP review of it for almost 2 months now. Screw you Rising Star.
I've been waiting for a follow up ever since I played Killer 7.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ClassicThunder said:
This was the very worst on in my opinion. Low on humor and just a bit of bitching about the way modern FPSs are heading. I just kind of went WTF and didn't even grin. He's should stay away from FPSs if he doesn't want progress and to remain in the early nintindo era.
He wants progress, just not progress towards shit. I don't expect a Halo fanboy like you to understand the concept of quality, but some of us actually do.

I'm guessing Lost next week, to prove just how shit it is down here.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Indigo_Dingo said:
Edderz1989 said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
Edderz1989 said:
is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
Most of us aren't the descendants of the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers - sorry, won't happen again - and the people in power (or at least who were) are in fact more descended from prostitutes, which is why John Hoawrd spent most of his office sucking George W. Bushes balls. I feel that Rudd will eventually end this, but he still has a long way to go before he can spare the time.
LMAO!

Very well put mate.
free lifetime chocolate biscuits to anyone who can identify where my little maniacal chant (i,e, the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killers the murderers the rapists the killer) is from
ummm... kasakstan (soz for the spelling)
 

Jerakal

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Holy skullfucking jesus, I am so glad I don't live in Australia. What exactly is it about living south of the equator that makes it that much harder to give you your fucking games the same time america does? Fucking cockseepage if you ask me.

I now have it from two different sources that Turok is shit piled on top of fail and then molded into a velociraptor, so it's good to put that one to rest. I remember playing the first one and liking it but I then realize that at around the same time as the first game came out I till thought Barney was fucking brilliant, so let's not ask my younger self his opinion on what makes a good videogame.

Edit: God I wish using the internet required a license stating that you had to have an IQ above room temperature to state your opinions.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
In GTA Vice City. Here, mouse control is inferior to the self-aiming and locking thing, which is removed from PC GTA ports.
I'll have to call foul here as GTA:VC is not really a FPS. And it's better on the PC.
But a good try.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
In GTA Vice City. Here, mouse control is inferior to the self-aiming and locking thing, which is removed from PC GTA ports.
I'll have to call foul here as GTA:VC is not really a FPS. And it's better on the PC.
But a good try.
Its not. I had GTA III on PC and on Ps2, and aside from riipping the radio stations and sound effects 9like the final scene) to my iPod, the PS2 version was much better. And you never specified fps.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
In GTA Vice City. Here, mouse control is inferior to the self-aiming and locking thing, which is removed from PC GTA ports.
I'll have to call foul here as GTA:VC is not really a FPS. And it's better on the PC.
But a good try.
Its not. I had GTA III on PC and on Ps2, and aside from riipping the radio stations and sound effects 9like the final scene) to my iPod,
And altering the clothes, and the gravity and adding your own music, and playing on work computers and changing the voices and changing the cars and getting the Hovertank and changing into Superman....
the PS2 version was much better.
Oh and PC had better graphics
And you never specified fps.
Uhhhh...
{quote]Name one way that non-mouse control for any FPS is not the best.[/quote]
Yes I did. And I can just boot UT2004 and add autoaiming and locking with a mouse click.

UT 2004 which is PC only...

I admit we don't have Goldeneye (Well, unless you have the N64 emulator, or the PS2 emulator, which allows you to use mouse as well)...but seriously, mouse is superior, listen to the big Y.
 
Feb 15, 2008
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Indigo_Dingo said:
And you never specified fps.
He did.

The_Root_of_all_evil basically responded to the "Mouses aren't for FPSs" post the same way I would have, so no need to add anything.

Regarding the review, I must admit that the ending is probably the best one I have seen in any of your reviews to date. And, despite pointing out the "not-to-do" list for FPSs, nobody will listen (as you have also pointed out). And I semi-agree with the health bar for FPSs. I doubt any WWII soldier knew his exact health state during a battle, BUT one would expect that those fancy space marine suits have a built-in health monitoring system.
 

Lord_Ascendant

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Finally, someone figured out that every FPS since Halo has tried to copy it ten trillion times. I hate remakes altogether, although CoD4 is fricken fun, most remakes are bad. And Turok is no exception, its good in theory but A Sound of Thunder was a better dinosaur movie, JP too.
 

gungravesan7

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Thisusernameisjustanotherwasteofspace said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
And you never specified fps.
He did.

The_Root_of_all_evil basically responded to the "Mouses aren't for FPSs" post the same way I would have, so no need to add anything.

Regarding the review, I must admit that the ending is probably the best one I have seen in any of your reviews to date. And, despite pointing out the "not-to-do" list for FPSs, nobody will listen (as you have also pointed out). And I semi-agree with the health bar for FPSs. I doubt any WWII soldier knew his exact health state during a battle, BUT one would expect that those fancy space marine suits have a built-in health monitoring system.
well who needs a health monitoring system when you only have 2 options - you are in, as Yahzee said, somewhere within a huge suit so either you don't really feel anything or you're dead....

I must say that I can't quite get the concept of console FPS games... it's just twisted and unfriendly and all sorts of other words I can't think of wright now, but have a similar meaning... Even though Yahzee pointed out the "lack of mouse" problem, you have to agree that if you really want to play a FPS you'd prefer a PC FPS and not a console one....
 

Agorm

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Indigo_Dingo said:
In GTA Vice City. Here, mouse control is inferior to the self-aiming and locking thing, which is removed from PC GTA ports.

But yeah, Ctrl sucks on many levels. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is way better.
RPG like and is Third person.
 

TuxedoZombie

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Wow, I thought I was the only one who when thinking of Ron Perlman thinks of his role in City of Lost Children, not Hellboy or Alien Resurrection. Anyways, awesome film reference on Yahtzee's part.
 

Esmoreit

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This review left me with some remarks and questions, some more serious then others though:

Am I correct that Goldeneye was the first FPS where we had a camera going into the protagonist (Bonds) head?

What was up with that "respond to De-Rez"? From what I gathered someone must have made some critique against "the Yahtzee" but I completely missed it.

Isn't it strange though that despite Australia being colonised by English criminals and indeed prostitudes and their childeren, it's still weird that both Europa and Australia tend to be "forgotten" in the game-distribution. Though in all fairness, Australia still has it worse.

Though I know that CAD-comic is a bit of the whipping boy on the internet game-related pages, what did Tim do to incite the wrath of Yahtzee?
(I know Buckley never devotes any webspace to critique but I so hope to see a newspost concerning this.)
 

Uszi

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Mad Pony said:
Beddo you infuriate me, and I'm showing incredible restraint here by using the word "infuriate". The manner in which you reviewed this game is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's own review. You're either incredibly ignorant of the way people perceive you or you've the balls the size of sputnik, because if neither of these states were the case then you certainly wouldn't have posted a review of a game within the thread devoted to a review of the very same game.

God only knows how many times before you've used other people's opinions to soapbox your own ideas from. I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!

I'm not done though! You name instance after instance of why turok sucks, and then you go ahead and say it's a good game. A GOOD GAME!? What else was good, you schmuck? Super Man 64? Friday the 13th for the 8-Bit Nintendo? How did you feel about DAI KATANA? 10/10 RIGHT?

Sweet Raptor Jesus. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but in the comments to a games review, it seems like someone is allowed to post what they feel about it as well, and two people might actually have a discussion about the game.
 

rougeknife

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Jerakal said:
Holy skullfucking jesus, I am so glad I don't live in Australia. What exactly is it about living south of the equator that makes it that much harder to give you your fucking games the same time america does? Fucking cockseepage if you ask me.
Its pretty simple.

A) They can't be fucked to do it right away.
B) Most of such games would not sell as well over here, social factors and the like, so they wait and build a little anticipation in the hopes that more people will buy it at full price.
C) The Office of Film and Literature Classification are a bunch of cokehead?s for the most part, and many games releases are delayed due the the procedures.

However, being a PC gamer, I don't notice. <3 Digital distribution, despite the fact the ISP must use the current telephone infrastructure of copper wires several decades old, and the most we can get is round 24 MB/s?
 

VMerken

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Fully agree and yet another review I like. As for games appearing so late in Europe and Australia, well, some persons will try to convince you it's because:

- localisation: because the UK and Australia sure need to wait before US english is
properly converted to the Queen's Englishe and the majority of the rest of gaming Europe sure will have problems playing the games after all those years of watching US/UK series and sitcoms in their native language.

If you look a bit confused at said persons because of this realisation, they will then try to sell you answer B:

- globalisation: waiting for so long between region releases nets more money for the companies (tax reductions/benefits etc) and average consumers still swallow the delays (because they don't know that the other regions get it up to six months earlier or not), so why wouldn't they wait?

Well, I simply call "bollocks", point at the facts that

(a) most games have huge delays between regions

and

(b) Blizzard and Valve and others do pull off very nearly simultaneous worldwide releases. I think everyone can live with only a few days delay as opposed to months and months and months. And months.

then call it a day.
 

FatRabidRamboCow

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I have no problem with Buckley, but I love how everyone just rips it out of him. It's hilarious. Its like being back in school with the fat kid. You don't hate the kid, he's a nice guy, but you still laugh at the jokes about him.
 

Wyatt

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*yawn*

yaay another review about a craptastic FPS, im supprised that the Y man took someone to task for phoning it in since this is about what he did with this weeks review.

am i to assume that i shouldnt buy turok in the specific, or just avoid FPS games in general? (not that i actualy need a reason too).

anyhow, didnt laugh once. and the highpoint was when i relized that the opening music was from jurassic park (example of how bad it really was). though i spose if i was a console FPS fanatic it might have been funny. then again no, it wasnt. nothing new to see here ill just -------> move along and hope for better next week i guess. must have been due to spending all that time naked and drunk in the forrest this past week
 

Kermi

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Great video, but I have to disagree with the suggestion that FPS games re marching in step with Halo 3. If that were the case, we wouldn't have so many gritty-brown and jungle green shooters with realistic weapons complete with natural weathered look applied to them. I found the use of colour in the Halo games to be fairly outrageous compared to games like Gears of War, Call of Duty and the various other WW2 shooter clones and I was pleased for it.

Did Halo invent regenerating health? Debateable, probably. However it at least includes a power meter in place of a health bar and it makes perfectly reasonable sense that it would recharge. As far as health bars go in FPS games, they're not entirely dead and I did catch the point about Bioshock being at least developed correctly if not particularly awesomely, and I suppose I'd agree that the health/eve meters in that game were pretty well implemented even if it did result in the main character scoffing any old food he found lying around in an effort to keep himself topped up (instead of doubled over in agony which is an optimistic assessment of what would happen to a real person who chain smoked a full packet of cigarettes in four seconds, drank several bottles of vodka, beer and wine, then sent down massive double handfuls of ten year old crisps in order to quell the riotous vomit rising in his throat).

I'd like to see Duke Nukem Forever return to the Duke 3D/Doom days and give us a numerical value for our health, which we can increase by using liberally scattered medikits and for no particular reason, urinals. Nothing refreshes the body from being savaged by alien mutants with plasma weapons like taking a leak.
 

randomjoe333333

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Edderz1989 said:
is it just me or is Australia a hypocritical country.

I mean they sent murder's, rapists and othere evil doer's to populate the place and now they are scared witless if a game has more than 2 seconeds of on screen blood spiledge.
nah more like petty thugs, since back then murder and rape = death

Anyways yeah australia is shit mix when it comes to games i swear we get things a year or 5 months after the states have it, this includes movies and latest technology.
 

Zeth

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I've been to the Sherbert kingdom and it's not all its cracked up to be.
 

Flaming-Gerbil

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I'm normally just happy to watch the review and have my giggles but felt compelled to comment on the opinion of the health bar being superior to the new fangled idea which every game copies from halo etc etc. The main point about this being a good thing is that it means the death of the health kit. I for one hate these magical, trans-dimensional boxes of goodness which can heal the worst wounds in a flash whilst not causing any side effects due to the vast amounts of painkillers swimming through your blood.
We need a change from them not because of the fact that they seem outdated but because they help suck the fun from a game when you're reloading an area for the tenth time because you need to kill the next fifty nasty men whilst on your last sliver of hp in order to grab hold of another box of morphine and bandages.

Also on the subject of halo, it might not have a compelling storyline or characters which are actually likeable at all, it's also stuck uncomfortably far up its own arse (the Tv ads pre-Halo 3 were painful) but it still has very solid combat in comparison to a lot of the other FPS's out there at the moment.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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The_root_of_all_evil said:
David Cat said:
1. Yahtzee should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del.
True, it does this itself far better.
2a. Mouse control for FPSes is not necessarily best.
Name one way that non-mouse control for any FPS is not the best.
One.
Go on.
Any way.
Any way at all.
Firstly, you should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del also. If it is SO shit then why is it so popular? And I do not want to hear anything about it spreading like the plague, because that argument could be used just as easily for any popular thing at all.
Secondly, mouse control is admittedly faster, but that just causes CONSTANT overaiming. Also, the mouse-wheel-weapon-switching idea just makes selecting the weapon you want very tricky. The wheel scrolls through weapons ridiculously fast. But the real shittiness of mouse control comes with its association with the keyboard. The keyboard simply makes movement an overcomplication; why use four keys when one thumbstick is so much easier?
If you want to argue, then just email me at
[email protected], I find forum arguments disorganised and inconsistent.
 

Flaming-Gerbil

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David Cat said:
Secondly, mouse control is admittedly faster, but that just causes CONSTANT overaiming. Also, the mouse-wheel-weapon-switching idea just makes selecting the weapon you want very tricky. The wheel scrolls through weapons ridiculously fast. But the real shittiness of mouse control comes with its association with the keyboard. The keyboard simply makes movement an overcomplication; why use four keys when one thumbstick is so much easier?
If you want to argue, then just email me at
It sounds like you personally aren't very good at PC FPS's rather then there being fundamental problems with it tbh..
 

Natural Hazard

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i bought turok and it was entertaining for the 6 hrs it took to complete it, yes it was kind of generic in part, the story was a bit bland but it was a huge step up from Turok Evolution on the ps2. That being said i agree with most of what Yahtzee had to say, especially when he referred to aliens, would have been better if he pointed out the fact that Ron Perlman himself was actually an actor in Alien: Resurrection.

All in all entertaining review. :)
 

Heroic One

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Funny, but sheesh, yet another first-person-shooter review. I already dislike those games, I want variety! =(

I was pleasantly suprised you reviewed Burnout Paradise [even though the game is lame], but now it's back to shooting things.

bleh
 

lxdavey

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Yeh Hi as much as i love yahtzee's reviews I love carlton draught all the same but this bloody ad pop up for carlton draught appears on every yahtzee video i watch, and when i close the damn thing it appears on the left hand side as ad, and instead of lolling rediculously over the review i am sitting there raging over the ad icon
 

Cavouku

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Not a huge FPS guy myself. Though I would like a winged marshmellow. And it'd be cool if the health was shown in little figures with the body systems, and the part that had a problem was flashing or something. If you broke an arm, it's broken. If you have internal bleeding, that's what happens. And the damage affects your performance. Or would that be too real?
 

Iori Branford

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Cavouku said:
Not a huge FPS guy myself. Though I would like a winged marshmellow. And it'd be cool if the health was shown in little figures with the body systems, and the part that had a problem was flashing or something. If you broke an arm, it's broken. If you have internal bleeding, that's what happens. And the damage affects your performance. Or would that be too real?
Deus Ex 1.
Red Orchestra.
SWAT 4.

Of course, there'd be more if their sales even touched the CSes and Halos.
 

SilentScope001

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The only good console FPS I played was Oddsworld: Stranger's Wrath. You play as a bounty hunter going out catching outlaws, and you use little critters and animals as ammo for your crossbow. It was fun, it was paced very well, the plot twist was good, it has a health bar, and it takes place in the strange world of Oddsworld. Overall, I would recommend the game to anyone.
 

Joeshie

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David Cat said:
Secondly, mouse control is admittedly faster, but that just causes CONSTANT overaiming. Also, the mouse-wheel-weapon-switching idea just makes selecting the weapon you want very tricky. The wheel scrolls through weapons ridiculously fast. But the real shittiness of mouse control comes with its association with the keyboard. The keyboard simply makes movement an overcomplication; why use four keys when one thumbstick is so much easier?
You clearly have little experience with a mouse control. Since mouses generally feature a higher DPI and higher area of possible movement, it allows for a higher allowable margin of error. If you accidentally move your mouse a tenth of an inch to the left, no big deal. If you accidentally move your analog stick a tenth of an inch to the left, then it will become a big deal.

It is because of this reason that analog is actually MORE easy to overaim or underaim in most cases.

Secondly, most PC FPS use the numbers for weapon switching. Meaning, I can have 3-4 weapons and assign a single button to each one. You can't do that on a controller because usually you don't have enough buttons. PC FPS usually have a dedicated button (usually 'q' when you are using WASD) that switches between your current and previous weapon. I can really only think of one game where I would use my mouse wheel for weapons and that's UT.

I will agree with you that WASD is not quite as good as an analog stick. However, movement in FPS is generally insignificant in comparison to aiming. Besides, the eight directions you get from WASD is good enough along with the change in movement you get by changing your aim. Just take a look at this video from UT2k4.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPeKaal9lFg
 

Bombader

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Nov 21, 2007
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ctrees said:
But wait... Gordon Freeman wore powered armor...

*GASP*
It is called a Hazard Suit, it was made for hazardous materials and not for combat. Probably why the game had a health meter too!

But really after playing a demo of Turok I could tell I was not going to buy the game, at least full price. The constant knockback is annoying, and running for cover is very annoying and out of place. While I can understand regenerating life for games that encourage cover (see: Gears of War / COD series) a run and gun game like Turok feels out of place, like when I was low on life I basically kept running out of enemy line of sight until the health regenerated, which would be fine if I was some sort of Super Human Wolverine.

I hope they haven't removed the gun totting raptures, cause' that was the main sell point of the original for me.
 

Magnetic2

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I remember Turok 2's multiplayer, man that was fun, and then the awful single player. Iv'e never played a game before that I just couldn't beat because of the lack of a run button.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Cavouku said:
Not a huge FPS guy myself. Though I would like a winged marshmellow. And it'd be cool if the health was shown in little figures with the body systems, and the part that had a problem was flashing or something. If you broke an arm, it's broken. If you have internal bleeding, that's what happens. And the damage affects your performance. Or would that be too real?
Maybe have a cure menu, like in Metal Gear Solid 3, but instaed of recovering instantly from a broken leg or a bullet in your fucking thigh, actually having your character slowly returning to normality.

But yeah, i'm gonna say it again - there are four good console fps's -Goldeneye 64, Goldeneye Rogue Agent - after getting through the feeling of betrayal you have, that despite the fact that the fucking game says its completely different to Goldeneye, someone, somewhere, might have bought the game in the 3.5 seconds before they noticed how different it is, and then burned the receipt in a dance of their own lack of perception, its actually on par with Goldeney 64, at least on single player, and in some moments in multiplayer - the Metroid Prime series, especially when you could shoot a Metroid in its fucking heart, and Resistance : Fall of Man, which deserves a pullitzer for its story alone.
 

Joeshie

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I also forgot to mention in my previous post that I totally agree with Yahtzee's position on the current state of FPS gaming.

1) Health regening is ok I guess, but having a health meter really keeps you on your toes and thinking. Now I understand that with the general shift in gaming moving towards keeping games "idiot-proof", removing the health meter makes sense and I suppose for single-player games having regening health is ok. However, KEEP THE REGENING HEALTH OUT OF MULTIPLAYER. **HINT HINT INFINITY WARD**

2) I kind of agree with the spash damage on grenades, but honestly, some games do this while some games can't seem to get this issue down.

3) Ripping off Aliens...yes, yes, and YES. I'm getting really freakin' tired of this whole "oh your a marine who has to defeat these evil alien monsters. oh look over there, there's that funny black guy that a sargent. oh look more completely terrible dialouge that looks like it was written by a fifth grader (Seriously Epic/Crytek, fire your writing crew)" It doesn't even have to strip away the killing of aliens, lets just drop the constant regurgitation of everything that was Aliens.

4) The putrid colors have got to go. This world isn't made of just greys and brown. That was one of the things that disappointed me the most about UT3 was the removal of a generally colorful environment that made up the previous UTs in substitution with the disgusting colors of Gears of War.

TF2 was such a breath of fresh air. Atmosphere that was colorful, unique, had a sense of humor, and didn't take itself seriously. We need more games like TF2.

I've been playing FPS games pretty much since the genre started and I'm really getting tired with a genre in which I absolutely used to love.

;tldr More games like Bioshock/TF2, less games like Halo and CoD4.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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If Yahtzee hates games ripping off Alien, how';s he gonna react to Aliens : Colonial Marines? Before you react, consider this - its made by Gearbox, and theyhave fucking studied every nook and cranny of the films.
 

SpaceGandhi

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I too love the film "Aliens" and would really appriciate it if the industry would stop molesting it. Also, the comment on the blindingly sensitive console controls couldn't be more true.
 

kibayasu

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No more health bars is the reason I play Call of Duty 4 on Hardcore only. Seriously, give me a fother mucking health bar back. I haven't played a single recent game (except one made by Valve) lately that includes one.

What the hell started it? Was it Call of Duty 2? Or Halo's regenerating shield (but not health)?
 

NoPantsMan

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Oct 31, 2007
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Not since catching the gay,



have I seen a more extremely funny Yahtzee pic. Today I got multiple.







this is going in the history book. Well done!
 

m_jim

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maxg said:
A+ on the intro music. isn't "good console fps" an oxymoron?
I'm with you on the music, but not on the FPS issue. Timesplitters (PS2) is a fantastic console first person shooter. No online play, but tons of characters and weapons to unlock, plus the ability to customize a ridiculous number of options for local multiplayer.
 

rougeknife

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Indigo_Dingo said:
If Yahtzee hates games ripping off Alien, how';s he gonna react to Aliens : Colonial Marines? Before you react, consider this - its made by Gearbox, and theyhave fucking studied every nook and cranny of the films.
To be brutally honest, thats fucking stupid. Hes gonna react to Colonial Marines not as a ripoff(bad) but as spin off.
Thats potentially even worse...
 

ZippyDSMlee

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Sep 1, 2007
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Health bars I can live without but I can not live without good solid level design and fun weapons and AI.

Dev do not know WTF they are doing anymore you can crap out generic controls for a a FPS game they require far to many adjustments for individual player needs.

The console makers are too busy making money to give a damn the devs are to bust making money for the publishers and the publishers are too busy playing with themselves to care thus why I no longer buy new games, I can handle shtty games if the controls were ok boycott the industry till it wakes up, buy used!!



------------------------
SilentScope00
Oddworld:SW was a nice lil FPS/action game Another solid FPS game is Dark watch,Time Splitters is another quirky fun FPS.
------------------------
Joeshie
Bioshock is pretty fcked up IMO meek level and weapon design screwed up simplified equipment and ability melted into plasmids I just hate how BS was done tis a ok game but to watered down IMO, Dark messiah is a much better game in terms of build direction.

I been playing FPSs since DOOM,Duke,Blood,quake the mid to late 90s before corporate got into and ruined rich and fun shooters.

I liked Halo 1 it was nice but H2 and 3 are just rushed and under done,is as rushed no normal player mode, no picking up sht to distract the AI with the AI itself is a joke, if the AI was not antaqauited I could have handed the PC port being broken...
 

sshplur

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Nov 22, 2007
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Sgurd said:
Australia doesn't have No More Heroes yet?

That's a goddamn shame. I've anxiously been looking forward to a ZP review of it for almost 2 months now. Screw you Rising Star.
It's normal to get such late releases and, surprisingly, you can get used to it. The longest wait I've seen is 8 months (Valkrie Profile 2) and the shortest is 5 days (Heavenly Sword). Some games we don't get at all.

I heard MGS4 is supposed to be world wide simultaneous release. Doubt it, but good on them for trying.
 

Indrid Cold

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Jan 30, 2008
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Have to agree with this one. Turok was fairly bad. Not Turning Point bad, but mediocre enough not to waste more than an hour playing it. The controls are unresponsive, the screen blur when you take damage is overdone, the guns are weak almost to the point of uselessness and being knocked flat every time a dinosaur hits you gets very annoying very quickly. It also seems to take itself far too seriously for what it is. There are good console FPS games out there (Call of Duty 4 - which I didn't expect to like - Bioshock, even The Darkness was interesting, if flawed). This just isn't one of them.
 

dave.k

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nightfish said:
One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
The basic problem is, that games in Australia _must_ be classified before they can be sold, and there is no "R" classification for games. The end result is that any game that are adult only, are refused classification and are effectively banned.

There is hope though. The new government is looking into establishing the "R" rating for games. Actually, the only person that opposes it is some conservative politician from South Australia. Let's hope he fails.
 

Arcticflame

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David Cat said:
Firstly, you should stop taking the piss out of ctrl+alt+del also. If it is SO shit then why is it so popular?
Britney Spears is also popular.

Game, set and match.
 

ZippyDSMlee

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While I am it I hate the new generic hollwoodized for the masses story, I fcking hate it when they must alter fiction to make it easier for the public to drink.
They are destroying the heart of gaming while forgetting not every player plays the same Gdamn way.

There is no excuse for Turok to have a space marine theme,Q4 and Halo I can give them some slack on.(no slack for Q4s level and weapon design and H2/H3s lack of polish tho)

And another thing tis call a Button toggle where you hold one button down and the others change momentarily,I would rather have the choice to carry all the weapons and flip through them as I see fit than sue a quick menu or a carry limitation...its called options people give them to gamers they will enjoy the games a bit more.
 

infinitysend

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Y'know Yahtzee, this will prove if you're a genius or not.

The most ironic thing about your review is that you blatantly depicted Metroid Prime as how FPS controls on a console can be done right. Metroid Prime was made by Retro Studios, which was formed by former members of Iguana Entertainment, which in turn created the Turok games on the Nintendo64. So we have come full circle now, haven't we?

...or were you just using Prime as a shining example and had no idea about that... o_O
 

Stratigo

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Mar 19, 2008
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Quite honestly complaining that all FPS are the same is a bit faulty. An FPS is an FPS. They are all essentially going to be shooting things with guns. That is what an FPS is. You don't get fancy platforming or anything else. You're shooting things with guns. Now a few games (Like Half Life 2) throw in some awesome physics fun.

I usually have very little patience for an FPS that handles badly, mostly because the controls of an FPS should not ever change. If an FPS works really well in a certain way, why bloody change it? Its not like you're going to stop running around and shooting people. that is what an FPS is. Keep the controls simple and easy.

Now as for story line, there does tend to be a trend of gruff buff heroes in space fighting alien hordes. Of course space presents unlimited story oppurtunity because it is undefined. We don't know whats out there. It not like the endless march of WW2 shooters. We all know what happenned in WW2.


Oh and kuudos for the picture of an Ultramarine. Best chapter (Because i play them)
 

flak_towers

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Nov 8, 2007
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I am not prepared to read all 137 comments before this one to see if anyone has made the same point I'm about to make and I realise that makes me lazy but I just can't help but feel that The Escapist could quite easily fork out for a UK or US version of the big 3 consoles and order the games in the mail from Play or amazon or whatever. Perhaps those nice people at Valve could Fed-Ex them over so Yahtze can review all those lovely games that people are howling for him to review without suffering so much from the fact that Australian time is half a year behind everyone else. Christmas in summer... the nerve of that country.
 

ZippyDSMlee

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Stratigo said:
Quite honestly complaining that all FPS are the same is a bit faulty. An FPS is an FPS. They are all essentially going to be shooting things with guns. That is what an FPS is. You don't get fancy platforming or anything else. You're shooting things with guns. Now a few games (Like Half Life 2) throw in some awesome physics fun.

I usually have very little patience for an FPS that handles badly, mostly because the controls of an FPS should not ever change. If an FPS works really well in a certain way, why bloody change it? Its not like you're going to stop running around and shooting people. that is what an FPS is. Keep the controls simple and easy.

Now as for story line, there does tend to be a trend of gruff buff heroes in space fighting alien hordes. Of course space presents unlimited story oppurtunity because it is undefined. We don't know whats out there. It not like the endless march of WW2 shooters. We all know what happenned in WW2.


Oh and kuudos for the picture of an Ultramarine. Best chapter (Because i play them)
This is true, but it dose get tedious when you have 5 versions of the same setting with the main theme is large human males and bad dialog fighting in cramped levels with overtly realistic bland weapons... it gets worse when the controls are all fcked up.


infinitysend said:
Y'know Yahtzee, this will prove if you're a genius or not.

The most ironic thing about your review is that you blatantly depicted Metroid Prime as how FPS controls on a console can be done right. Metroid Prime was made by Retro Studios, which was formed by former members of Iguana Entertainment, which in turn created the Turok games on the Nintendo64. So we have come full circle now, haven't we?

...or were you just using Prime as a shining example and had no idea about that... o_O
I do like MP but I dislike the lack of control options no left/right swaping no button mapping and no free aim mode.

I will admit put MP1 and 2 on a disc for the WII and give it full FPS aiming and I am sold for 79.99.

Turok for me is a great series,1is simple but solid 2 is near perfect 3 while buggy and and unpolished was fun and interesting, EVO was just rushed and unpolished,"Turok" is just a safe modern cash in.
 

Deatre

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Dec 5, 2007
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ctrees said:
But wait... Gordon Freeman wore powered armor...

*GASP*
Yeah, but that wasn't the size of four brick shithouses stacked together. Harr.

Arcticflame said:
Britney Spears is also popular.

Game, set and match.
I see your Britney Spears and raise you a Paris Hilton. (I suppose it's popular... or maybe love to hate?)

infinitysend said:
Metroid Prime was made by Retro Studios, which was formed by former members of Iguana Entertainment, which in turn created the Turok games on the Nintendo64. So we have come full circle now, haven't we?
Then again, wasn't that Turok actually good? (Compared to the multiple crappy sequals)
 

MikePhilbin

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Mar 15, 2008
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a-----hahahahahahahahahahaha!
it's about time, Yahtzee - f***ing FPS game makers are asleep
http://mikephilbin.blogspot.com/2006/05/fps-game-makers-are-asleep.html

:)
 

Vortigar

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Nov 8, 2007
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Okay, good stuff, but there's one moment when my eyes nearly fell out of my sockets...

Blood! (And to a lesser extent, Redneck Rampage)

An absolute gem of the sprite era shooters that I've been praising to no end ever since it came out. Thank you for getting it some widespread fame Yahtzee, however short it was. Usually you only hear about Duke Nukem from that era, but it had some very worthy contemporaries.

Btw, Resistance: Fall of Man pulled a weird one by having regenerating health in four quadrants. It created some tense moments when you made a few missteps and were stuck with only a quarter of your normal life and looking around anxiously for a med-canister. Though nowhere near as nasty as the moment you find yourself looking at that 1% health at the bottom of your screen and you can't backtrack for med-kits because the way behind you just collapsed.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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What Flaming-Gerbil, Joeshi, Articflame and Deatre said. (/tips hat)

David Cat said:
If you want to argue, then just email me at
[email protected], I find forum arguments disorganised and inconsistent.
I like forum arguments because they aren't as clumsy or random as a blast...sorry, email arguments; and it prevents my hotmail box from being spammed by someone taking their personal opinion as TEH LAWZOR!!!!111!

Apart from being cheaper, easier, more accurate, greater flexibility, more standard, more variety, smoother, faster and more available, what have mice ever done for us?

And Mice are also easily inserted anally than joypads, just ask Richard Gere. (Allegedly)
 

nightfish

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dave.k said:
nightfish said:
One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
The basic problem is, that games in Australia _must_ be classified before they can be sold, and there is no "R" classification for games. The end result is that any game that are adult only, are refused classification and are effectively banned.

There is hope though. The new government is looking into establishing the "R" rating for games. Actually, the only person that opposes it is some conservative politician from South Australia. Let's hope he fails.
indeed, especially weird since apparently the average age of gamers in Australia is 28
 

Zetim

New member
Oct 6, 2007
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huh, from the demo i played of turok, i felt that the controls were not sensitive enough, even on the highest setting it would take me about 2 seconds to do a complete 180, and when you're being flanked by 8 dinosaurs that's no good. maybe the sensitivity is different on the 360 version?
 

Grenade71822

New member
Mar 20, 2008
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I am glad that somebody else actually knows about Redneck Rampage besides me. Health Bars Are needed.
Side Note:Screw Halo.
 

beddo

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Mad Pony said:
Beddo you infuriate me, and I'm showing incredible restraint here by using the word "infuriate". The manner in which you reviewed this game is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's own review. You're either incredibly ignorant of the way people perceive you or you've the balls the size of sputnik, because if neither of these states were the case then you certainly wouldn't have posted a review of a game within the thread devoted to a review of the very same game.

God only knows how many times before you've used other people's opinions to soapbox your own ideas from. I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!

I'm not done though! You name instance after instance of why turok sucks, and then you go ahead and say it's a good game. A GOOD GAME!? What else was good, you schmuck? Super Man 64? Friday the 13th for the 8-Bit Nintendo? How did you feel about DAI KATANA? 10/10 RIGHT?
Dear Mad Pony,

Do I know you, it certainly sounds like that is the case but nonetheless, I shall endeavour to reply, please remember your post is most import to us.

Firstly I did not approach my 'review' of Turok in the same manner as that of the aforementioned Mr.Crowhaw. I used a different medium and concentrated on the gameplay rather than focusing on some of the 'weaknesses' of the genre as a whole. I posted my review, merely, as an alternative view to that which Zero Punctuation viewers may have just seen.

Note that you contradict yourself; you claiming that my piece is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's yet you felt more inclined to comment on my work than his. Ergo, my work is clearly of sufficient interest to warrant your time, undoubtedly an unusual paradox.

In general I try not to let the way people perceive me affect any aspect of what I do though, I suppose, we are all slaves to perception. While I do not wish to infuriate anyone I am glad that my review was at least read and considered although I am somewhat concerned as you appear to become quite upset during the latter stages of your post. If you do not wish to read my posts may I suggest that when you see my avatar you merely skip past; a somewhat crude but effective solution.

If you would care to give a more detailed criticism of my work I would be more than happy to consider your point of view. However, your current critique of my work is somewhat lacking in substance. While I, nor any other can truely deny the influence of other materials, I am curious as to whose ideas you believe I have 'soapboxed'. Moreover, could you state where exactly you see any psuedo-intellectualism?

You appear to conclude that criticising areas of Turok necessitates that the entire game is poor. Perhaps you are not aware of the theory of emergence; in 'laymens' terms; the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. With this in mind I can easily justify the conclusion that the game as a whole is good despite its shortcomings.


I am afraid the I did not play any of the games that you listed and am therefore unable to comment. Perhaps I will get round to them in due time.

Oh, and, just to come down to your level; If you love Yahtzee so much why don't you marry him. I'm sure you'll get the reference.

Regards,

Beddo
 

gormers

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Nov 23, 2007
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Great vid. I like that he complain about Australian releases because its just as bad in Europe too. It was funny and had good points too, but some points was a little hard to swallow for me since I love Halo:CE. Anyway, a little short? And I don't agree with his first point at all.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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flak_towers said:
I am not prepared to read all 137 comments before this one to see if anyone has made the same point I'm about to make and I realise that makes me lazy but I just can't help but feel that The Escapist could quite easily fork out for a UK or US version of the big 3 consoles and order the games in the mail from Play or amazon or whatever. Perhaps those nice people at Valve could Fed-Ex them over so Yahtze can review all those lovely games that people are howling for him to review without suffering so much from the fact that Australian time is half a year behind everyone else. Christmas in summer... the nerve of that country.
Here's why not - thats illegal. Its not unethical, but its illegal. Bringing in a console that is able to play games not designed for the PAL territories (and hence outside the jurisdiction of the OFLC)is a trading offense, and putting evidence of this up on the web would be stupid. So, if you want this to change, I suggest you go to the Australian embassy of whatever country you are from, find out where John Winston Howard is now, fly down here, and give him a wedgie. This will promote you instantly to the House Of Representatives in a Labour seat. Then use your clout to repeal said law.

And you will not criticize the Aussie Christmas until you have woken wit the dawns early light tickling your nose through the tree's, waking up, and having a two hour breakfast of Fresh seafood (including prawns, lobster, and Bugs) and summer fruits....bliss. Then jumping in the pool instead of a shower, followed by a barbie, with steaks, sausages, bacon, onions, chops, you name it. You haven't seen a perfect day till you've seen this.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Vortigar said:
Btw, Resistance: Fall of Man pulled a weird one by having regenerating health in four quadrants. It created some tense moments when you made a few missteps and were stuck with only a quarter of your normal life and looking around anxiously for a med-canister. Though nowhere near as nasty as the moment you find yourself looking at that 1% health at the bottom of your screen and you can't backtrack for med-kits because the way behind you just collapsed.
The point is, while Resistance gave you a helping hand, giving you a chance to pull yourself from the very brink of death, you could only pull yourself so far. If you dash into a room filled with Chimera and go Rambo mode, you will be left with the tiniest sliver. Now, you have a chance to dig yourself out of this pit of stupidity with some well played tactical moves, but you're not going to take a two minute break then do it again.

Then, there's the 4 grenades. You have the typical one, cept this one will launch the fuckers into the air, and make em faceplant (No-one, cept the Widowmakers, the Angels and the Titans, walks away from these boys. They dive, or they die). You have the Hedgehog, that deploys motherfucking spikes at you like the death of The Fear, or the Darts Game from hell. You have an air fuel grenade, that fills an entire room with gas, then lights it.

Then there's a story that, in order to make sense, has to alter human history slightly. The following events never happen - American involvement in the Great War, and Overthrow of the Russian Czar. Together, this means there is no post war boom, and hence no great depression, no reason for the German people to listen to a crazy man named Adolf, no reason for the Italians to heed a man named Mousillini, and no Japanese imperialism. Then the Chimera attack. If you scratch just a little deeper, this is one of your more intruiging plots.

I think the reason he doesn't want to review this game is he doesn't want to be found dead with forks in his eyes.
 

ClassicThunder

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Indigo_Dingo said:
ClassicThunder said:
This was the very worst on in my opinion. Low on humor and just a bit of bitching about the way modern FPSs are heading. I just kind of went WTF and didn't even grin. He's should stay away from FPSs if he doesn't want progress and to remain in the early nintindo era.
He wants progress, just not progress towards shit. I don't expect a Halo fanboy like you to understand the concept of quality, but some of us actually do.

I'm guessing Lost next week, to prove just how shit it is down here.
Funny that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a Halo fanboy. Faster gameplay, more balanced multiplayer, and better graphics is quality. Don't post unless you have something intelligent to say, Yahtzee fanboy. Funny thing is that games that follow these trends out sell almost everything and constantly win game of the year.
 

shadow1138

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Nice review, but what I'd really like to say thanks for is what you said about jrpgs in the Super Paper Mario and Mass Effect reviews!
I got the chance to use them in an argument with a final fantasy fan and it worked great.
The little brat actually shut her Sepiroth kissing mouth up!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ClassicThunder said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
ClassicThunder said:
This was the very worst on in my opinion. Low on humor and just a bit of bitching about the way modern FPSs are heading. I just kind of went WTF and didn't even grin. He's should stay away from FPSs if he doesn't want progress and to remain in the early nintindo era.
He wants progress, just not progress towards shit. I don't expect a Halo fanboy like you to understand the concept of quality, but some of us actually do.

I'm guessing Lost next week, to prove just how shit it is down here.
Funny that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a Halo fanboy. Faster gameplay, more balanced multiplayer, and better graphics is quality. Don't post unless you have something intelligent to say, Yahtzee fanboy. Funny thing is that games that follow these trends out sell almost everything and constantly win game of the year.
The lines were drawn in the Psychonauts review, between the games-r-art hippies (I like to consider myself as being in this category, as I once read through the plot and issue analysis of Killer 7), and the people who went to see Sweeney Todd and claimed the singing ruined it. People who want a deep storyline, cunning enemy AI, realistic physics, etc. vs. people who, well, like Halo
 

Xenon Pretzel

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Mar 20, 2008
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To those people who DON'T agree with EVERY SINGLE POINT in this review, play Quake 3.

I don't care how old it is or how rubbish the graphics are or how annoying Sarge's taunt is, play it and you will be playing one of the best first person shooters with online multiplayer in the WORLD.

EDIT:
Godot said:
there is no such thing as Girl Gamers.
Be glad you do not know my sister.

- XP
 
Feb 13, 2008
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ClassicThunder said:
Faster gameplay, more balanced multiplayer, and better graphics is quality.
Nope, BETTER gameplay, BETTER multiplayer and BETTER Graphics is quality. The first two are just soundbites placed on adverts to sell more copies without actually meaning anything.

And Quake 3 is pants, Camp the Quad with a Rocket Launcher and you win everytime.
 

SongsOfDragons

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He mentioned Space Marines!! Woooo!! Awww I really hope he can do Soulstorm at some point in time... *hopes* ...and I loved the joke about power armour a few points later. Taking the p*** out of Space Marines is a favourite hobby of mine... *grins*
 

LegsyWegsy

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i hope when No More Heroes comes out for you you review it and the shittiness of the censoring if your not covered with the stars and stripes
 

ZippyDSMlee

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Xenon Pretzel said:
To those people who DON'T agree with EVERY SINGLE POINT in this review, play Quake 3.

I don't care how old it is or how rubbish the graphics are or how annoying Sarge's taunt is, play it and you will be playing one of the best first person shooters with online multiplayer in the WORLD.

EDIT:
Godot said:
there is no such thing as Girl Gamers.
Be glad you do not know my sister.

- XP
I have Q3 is ok but UT99 is better UT03 is about as good as Q3 and UT04 is alot better than it.

Nothing beats unreals bot AI.

Deatre said:
ctrees said:
But wait... Gordon Freeman wore powered armor...

*GASP*
Yeah, but that wasn't the size of four brick shithouses stacked together. Harr.

Arcticflame said:
Britney Spears is also popular.

Game, set and match.
I see your Britney Spears and raise you a Paris Hilton. (I suppose it's popular... or maybe love to hate?)

infinitysend said:
Metroid Prime was made by Retro Studios, which was formed by former members of Iguana Entertainment, which in turn created the Turok games on the Nintendo64. So we have come full circle now, haven't we?
Then again, wasn't that Turok actually good? (Compared to the multiple crappy sequals)
Turok was ok but the series shined the most with Turok 2 head shots FTW!
T2 was just an awesome Turok game, 3 has a ton of issues but is still pretty cool, evo has even more issues and lesser designs which makes it about as bad as the new one.
 

ZomBuster

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Hi all :D

I really enjoyed the old N64 Turok, but the new one looks indeed like the perfect example of a generic FPS.
 

Xenon Pretzel

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Alright, Q3 is one of the best FPS's in the world that I have played..

Also, it has hundreds of mods, but that's another matter altogether.

-XP
 

ZippyDSMlee

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Xenon Pretzel said:
Alright, Q3 is one of the best FPS's in the world that I have played..

Also, it has hundreds of mods, but that's another matter altogether.

-XP
best? its a generic MP shooter that has above average map designs, Q2 is 5X better,even UT03 with its nerfy weapons has as good level layouts and better weapons.... and O4 perfects the direct 03 started stillnto as mindlessly fun as UT99 but its still loads better than Q3...4 and Doom 3....
 

Alphavillain

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"Turok" has "generic FPS" written all over it to the extent that it's almost a parody. Except without being in the least entertaining...
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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xenoploid said:
Why don't the Escapist editors just send you new games to review?
Have you not been listening dude? Thats illegal due to OFLC intervention, and putting evidence of a crime on a popular internet site is just stupid. I agree its retarded enough to be an American law, but as long as I live in this flowering coastal paradise I have to go with what the dickheads in charge say. Oh well. Make us proud, Rudd. At least when you're done exterminating all traces of unambiguosly self-serving and shallow policy made between you and Keating.
 

beddo

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It's not illegal to review content if it is sent directly from the developer or publisher to the reviewer. That is why you see 'inside' stories in magazines and such.
 

rougeknife

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Indigo_Dingo said:
I suggest you go to the Australian embassy of whatever country you are from, find out where John Winston Howard is now, fly down here, and give him a wedgie.
He lost his seat, remember?

He's nothing now.

*Dances*
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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beddo said:
It's not illegal to review content if it is sent directly from the developer or publisher to the reviewer. That is why you see 'inside' stories in magazines and such.
Yeah, but no-one sends him copies of games. Thats really the major problem. If they didn't let the people at Psm get a Ps3 until everybody else down here, they probably won't give it to someone they don't think is serious, or else everyone down here will start calling themselves a reviewer and demand free games NOW!
 

martianman

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thebobmaster said:
Awesome choice of songs. Also, I agree 300% about health meters.
i agree 4%,as if im hit one more time with a fps without health meters,and instead a "wuss timer"i will go to 0% and die.seriously.bring them back!
 

Badmagic

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I wish people in the industry at the moment would watch this episode in particular and be forced to pay attention, agreed with everything said with a wry smile on my face due to the style intrinsic to the author.

I would say my current pet peeve has to go to the grenades splash damage issue or the lack of as the case may be, it's farcical in any fps I played from recent memory, they are little more than an annoyance like roving midges in the height of summer.

I have to say I played HALO 1 on the PC when it came out and enjoyed it for what it was but I couldn't care less about #2 & #3 and the dumbing down of all types of game is slowly driving me insane.

I have heard people say that they aren't dumbing down games; my response would be yes they are, unless I'm gaining new intelligence and insight which I know is not physically possible at my current age and has not been for many years.

From what I have seen the author has no great affection for many RPG's but that's one of the areas that's getting affected the worst from my perspective, any developer that's producing them seems intent on trying to capture the fps market by castrating what should be rpg's and slapping on some fps game play elements.

So far in my personal option all these games managed to do was produce an experience with not enough fps to satisfy those customers they wanted to get the attention of and severely limit the rpg elements to alienate those customers too.

Argh, it's starting to grate again, I better stop now before I start ranting.
 

ClassicThunder

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Indigo_Dingo said:
The lines were drawn in the Psychonauts review, between the games-r-art hippies (I like to consider myself as being in this category, as I once read through the plot and issue analysis of Killer 7), and the people who went to see Sweeney Todd and claimed the singing ruined it. People who want a deep storyline, cunning enemy AI, realistic physics, etc. vs. people who, well, like Halo
Halo has a very deep storyline even if your like me and won't read any of the half dozen books that accompany it. Halo has character development and many twists and turns. The biggest problem with the game was the shitty AI making everything boring. COD 4 has everything you mention. BioShock has everything you mention. Gears of War has it too. There are many awesome FPS games that have come out and I applaud designers and encourage them to keep up the excellent work.

Maybe my mouth foaming life style doesn't allow me to sit at home and try out all of the second rate games that you seem to go out of your way to find. Maybe I sit down and try to have fun the spare 2 or 3 hours I sometimes have instead of bitching about every game that isn't completely original.

I'm having fun. I'm about to have more too. Kane's Wrath is coming out soon along with Red Alert 3 and Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 looks like fun. Sometime in the spring the new Splinter Cell is coming out soon. Now there is an epic game series that has never disappointed me. Oh yeah Gears of War 2 is coming soon too!

Sorry to rant but I'm looking froward to the future. Just need to keep working hard so I'll have enough money for all of these great titles. So yeah I'll hang with my buds and we'll twitch and foam on our controllers, while you diss the gaming industry. At least I'm having the time of my life.

Peace
 

twilight_dweller

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Call me ignorant, but why are we talking about Halo 3 in a Turok based thread? Whatever.

In any case, I just played Turok on my friend's 360. And all the issues Yahtzee talked about were there. And it really screamed "Generic!"
 

ClassicThunder

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Read the title. Yahtzee mentions all FPS and claims that the problems with Turok are widespread. Many people were claiming that all of the issues were becoming common and ruining FPSs. I was arguing that they are a new industry standard and that FPSs are getting better and better.
 

Joeshie

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ClassicThunder said:
Halo has a very deep storyline even if your like me and won't read any of the half dozen books that accompany it.
No offense, but it really don't have a very deep plot. It might be if you factored in the books (which I have not read), but those aren't actually part of the games, now are they?

You don't even need to have a deep plot for it to be good: look at Half-Life. The Half-Life series has never had a detailed and intricate plot, but what really makes the Half-Life series stand out from not only FPS, but many games in general, is the direction, dialog, and atmosphere.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ClassicThunder said:
Read the title. Yahtzee mentions all FPS and claims that the problems with Turok are widespread. Many people were claiming that all of the issues were becoming common and ruining FPSs. I was arguing that they are a new industry standard and that FPSs are getting better and better.
Then I argue that you are a chimp. All of the issues raised there have ruined certain FPS's for me, but when removed, or reversed (i.e. the gaming masterpeice that is Resistance : Fall of Man) the game itself is fantastic from head to foot. If the observed things are making FPS's less fun, then obviously Fps's are not getting better and better, but worse and worse.
 

cutekittenkyti

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Oh and to everyone out there, if you didnt understand the "I'm not offended by recent de-rez video srsly" the basic sum up is, they got someone to wear a fedora, act drunk scream yahtzee! and then run into a nearby forest while taking off their clothes.

And then they said he'd make another awesome review, which he did

I LOVE the genre reviews, and this one was particuarly funny

(LMAO HEALTH BAR WITH LAMP SHADE ON HEAD) (SIGUNEY WEAVER = BAD MALE HAIRDO)

ok im done noaw
 

cutekittenkyti

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oh and I'm a femal, but idk if I'm classified as a gamer, prolly not cause I don't completely own any gaming consoles, and I only play certain types of games.
 

cutekittenkyti

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I halfway own a gamecube controller o_O
(Metroid prime FTW !!)

(srsly how much am I going to spam this forum, lol)

(( I bet no one reads dis))
 

Colodomoko

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Just to be clear(I replied to these forums earlier BTW)I liked the games intense action whenever I jump into it. I can't even get pass the giant eel boss(It is so damn ugly!). Also unless you had experience playing online for a while it is magor bull to say you beat it in one day.

P.S.- Nice to see they are still making dinosaur games out there.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Although realisitcally, you can't expect too much of modern FPS's, as the greatest one there can ever be i.e. Ed Hunter was made years ago, and unless Jesus came back and, rather than fixing the problems in the middle east, the famines in Africa or the Idiots in America, decides to make violent FPS's, it will remain the greatest FPS ever.
 

ClassicThunder

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Indigo_Dingo said:
Then I argue that you are a chimp. All of the issues raised there have ruined certain FPS's for me, but when removed, or reversed (i.e. the gaming masterpeice that is Resistance : Fall of Man) the game itself is fantastic from head to foot. If the observed things are making FPS's less fun, then obviously Fps's are not getting better and better, but worse and worse.
Personal opinion only held by you and a few others. Have fun whining and reminiscing.
 

sfried

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All I can say is "Well said, Yahtzee! It's about time somebody stood up for the good ol' days when PC fps weren't simply about running and gunning from point X to Y and that there was an astounding amount of divesity in them.", especially since the G4 people now watch your program,

Unfortunately, as long as Ubisoft continues to crank out Rainbow 6 Vegas sequels (since R6 officially went the way of the dodo ever since their move to the Unreal engine, and hence more pop-and-shoot gunbattles rather than real covert tactical planning and precision), and the more the industry supports this kind of uniformity because "it's more accessible" to the ironically "hardcore" crowd, I believe FPSs will continue to become stagnated and tarnished by the same people who thought that turning the original Halo from a tactical-team based pseudo-rts with squadbased mechanics to an utterly uninspired singleplayer campain focused on some heroics of an average superspacemarine, I think the videogame FPS industry as a whole is bound for shittyness.

Fortunately, as you say, there's always Valve and mods.
 

ZippyDSMlee

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Badmagic said:
I wish people in the industry at the moment would watch this episode in particular and be forced to pay attention, agreed with everything said with a wry smile on my face due to the style intrinsic to the author.

I would say my current pet peeve has to go to the grenades splash damage issue or the lack of as the case may be, it's farcical in any fps I played from recent memory, they are little more than an annoyance like roving midges in the height of summer.

I have to say I played HALO 1 on the PC when it came out and enjoyed it for what it was but I couldn't care less about #2 & #3 and the dumbing down of all types of game is slowly driving me insane.

I have heard people say that they aren't dumbing down games; my response would be yes they are, unless I'm gaining new intelligence and insight which I know is not physically possible at my current age and has not been for many years.

From what I have seen the author has no great affection for many RPG's but that's one of the areas that's getting affected the worst from my perspective, any developer that's producing them seems intent on trying to capture the fps market by castrating what should be rpg's and slapping on some fps game play elements.

So far in my personal option all these games managed to do was produce an experience with not enough fps to satisfy those customers they wanted to get the attention of and severely limit the rpg elements to alienate those customers too.

Argh, it's starting to grate again, I better stop now before I start ranting.
True i loved Halo 1 put 2 and 3 are just sad.

twilight_dweller said:
Call me ignorant, but why are we talking about Halo 3 in a Turok based thread? Whatever.

In any case, I just played Turok on my friend's 360. And all the issues Yahtzee talked about were there. And it really screamed "Generic!"
Because the evolution of Halo and its effect on FPSs is a issue to all FPSs and we are talking about FPSs as much as Turok, so please don't hate us for picking on Halo.

Indigo_Dingo
.....I don't see a "drunken on the rail shooter" out doing Unreal,pysco circus,undying,duke 3d or even Blood any time soon.....
 

edinflames

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Uszi said:
I would say, Yahtzee, if you want FPS with a sense of humor, then play the Postal Series, which features such hilarious bits as pissing on yourself to put yourself out when you catch fire.
Yes, Postal 2 while possibly the sickest game I have ever played (though the Devs argue it is only a sick as you make it - the meanest way to kill someone I discovered was to tazer them to the floor, and while they lie twitching and defecating themselves pour gasoline on said victim, throw on the match, piss on them to put the blaze out after their skin turns crispy, then behead the poor sod with a spade. Kicking the severed head out of the nearest window and into the streets is optional) made me laugh more than any other FPS I've ever played. The inclusion of Osama Bin Laden in the post-9/11 patch was a masterstroke.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ClassicThunder said:
Personal opinion only held by you and a few others. Have fun whining and reminiscing.
Its Iron Maiden, which, with very few exceptions, automatically equals perfection (Exceptions are Guitar Hero III and the Xbox 360 version of Guitar Hero II) . As all other games seem to lack the quality of being based on Iron Maidens music, they will all fall short.
 

Firia

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Someone else said it, I will echo it. :) I like "Resistnaces'" take on Health Meters. It was segmented into four 25% portions. You would regen only up to the nearest 25th. 100%, 75%, 50%, etc etc. It was kinda like health meters, but it had regen effects. It wasn't the same as health meters, but more like the happy love child of Health Meters and Regeneration in FPS's today. :)

I'm not sad to see health meters go, and I'm not altogether upset at regenerating health in the modern FPS. I will be pleased if we even out on Fall of Mans' take on health meters. ;)

(I still play alot of CS:S, where it's health meter-rific, and the only form of a health kit is in the form of a Respawn. ;) )
 

shadow1138

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Godot said:
shadow1138 said:
The little brat actually shut her Sepiroth kissing mouth up!
Nice try, but there is no such thing as Girl Gamers.

That's the stupidest thing about it-she's not even a gamer she just saw the movies and games frome some ff freaks and decided they're the greatest things ever! Can you believe it ?
 

Vortigar

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Indigo_Dingo:
Sheesh, did one of Resistance's designers steal your teddy?
I was just talking about the health meter!

Something no FPS has copied so far, which is odd, because they are on to something with that segmented regenerating health bar if you ask me. If you make a mistake in a level you do get penalized for it later, unlike the 100% regenerating bar, which allows you to just run amok and see how far it gets you before even having to consider employing any kind of tactics at all (as long as you keep half an eye on an exit strategy).

I think the 100% health regeneration by sucking your thumb in the corner thing was invented to make life easier for programmers. You don't have to distribute health packets across a level anymore, and fear you've placed too few or too many. You can just assume the protagonist has full health at all times and build your enemy encounters around that.

ps.
They could have a patent on that healthbar though, in which case it isn't that odd.

pps.
Thank you Firia.
 

bfb8688

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He is dead on about Aliens. Even COD4 has Aliens references! In the first level, where you are on the ship, right before you breach the door one of your fellow soldiers says, "I like to keep this handy for close encounters." Gee...where have I heard that before? Also, later in that level as the ship is going under one of your teammates says, "We are LEAVING!" Another direct reference to Aliens. Of course, I love every second of it :)
 

Joeshie

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ClassicThunder said:
Personal opinion only held by you and a few others. Have fun whining and reminiscing.
And yours isn't a personal opinion? Nice try there kid.

Some parts of FPS have improved and some parts have worsened. Good luck trying to find the diversity and uniqueness in FPS today that was present many years ago.
 

NSiky

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I agreed on most points except health metres. UIs need to be kept clear to keep a game feeling cinematic.
 

Terramax

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I've seen City of Lost Children. Yep, that rocks. What is Ronny doing voicing this crap? Surely even he's making enough money to keep going?
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Vortigar said:
Indigo_Dingo:
Sheesh, did one of Resistance's designers steal your teddy?
I was just talking about the health meter!

Something no FPS has copied so far, which is odd, because they are on to something with that segmented regenerating health bar if you ask me. If you make a mistake in a level you do get penalized for it later, unlike the 100% regenerating bar, which allows you to just run amok and see how far it gets you before even having to consider employing any kind of tactics at all (as long as you keep half an eye on an exit strategy).

I think the 100% health regeneration by sucking your thumb in the corner thing was invented to make life easier for programmers. You don't have to distribute health packets across a level anymore, and fear you've placed too few or too many. You can just assume the protagonist has full health at all times and build your enemy encounters around that.

ps.
They could have a patent on that healthbar though, in which case it isn't that odd.

pps.
Thank you Firia.
Hold on, what? Was that directed at me? Why? I love resistances regenerating healthbar. I love everything about Resistance : Fall of Man, including their great concept ("O.k., most FPS's nowadays are about either Aliens or WW II. Lets combine them." "Thats insane. I like it"), their detailed storyline, which starts 42 years before the games opening, and has to be unlocked through the collecting of information, and their vehicle sections, which kick ass.
 

Nerdfury

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Fantastic, Yahtzee. If you even read the comments people leave you!

I remember the glory days of FPS's when they had a sense of humour about them. Blood was always my favourite! Althought the sequel sucked mighty wang.
 
May 17, 2007
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beddo said:
I understand that in a game you want to be the hero taking everyone out (something that COD4 often failed in during the SAS missions)
Wuh buh? Failed? I much preferred the SAS missions. I thought the whole point of the USMC missions was to show how the gung-ho US bulldozer approach resulted in a gigantic fustercluck which required the covert, surgical tactics of the SAS to salvage. But hey, that was just my reading of it.

nightfish said:
One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
True, but thankfully they haven't banned anything particularly good yet, as far as I know. (We got GTA III eventually.) The lack of an R-rating for games (which is the reason "adult" games can't be released here) won't last: it was the result of a reactionary old Catholic bastard [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Harradine] having the balance of power in one of the houses of Parliament for years.

Zera said:
it really does suck he wont be able to play Brawl yet. If I have the money, I would send him a copy.
You'd better believe Australians (along with Europeans) were mighty pissed off [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regional_lockout] when the Wii and 360 were announced to be region-locked.
 

Uszi

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edinflames said:
Uszi said:
I would say, Yahtzee, if you want FPS with a sense of humor, then play the Postal Series, which features such hilarious bits as pissing on yourself to put yourself out when you catch fire.
Yes, Postal 2 while possibly the sickest game I have ever played (though the Devs argue it is only a sick as you make it - the meanest way to kill someone I discovered was to tazer them to the floor, and while they lie twitching and defecating themselves pour gasoline on said victim, throw on the match, piss on them to put the blaze out after their skin turns crispy, then behead the poor sod with a spade. Kicking the severed head out of the nearest window and into the streets is optional) made me laugh more than any other FPS I've ever played. The inclusion of Osama Bin Laden in the post-9/11 patch was a masterstroke.
Well said, my kindred spirit.
I mentioned postal since we here in the states can expect Postal 3 relatively soon. Unfortunately Yahtzee has to wait until 2009. Poor Bugger. I'd like to see what he would have to say though, since I feel like the Postal series is in a totally different plane of gaming than Halo--as far as FPS goes.
 

Uszi

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Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Fraser.J.A said:
True, but thankfully they haven't banned anything particularly good yet, as far as I know. (We got GTA III eventually.) The lack of an R-rating for games (which is the reason "adult" games can't be released here) won't last: it was the result of a reactionary old Catholic bastard [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Harradine] having the balance of power in one of the houses of Parliament for years.

You'd better believe Australians (along with Europeans) were mighty pissed off [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regional_lockout] when the Wii and 360 were announced to be region-locked.
We've missed out on Leisure Suit Larry (not that I'm compaining, we're really better off for it) Manhunt 1 and 2, and, for some reason, Mark Eco's getting up : Contents Under Pressure. I've seen grafiti on the roof of train tunnels, these guys already know the techniques.

As for me, its a real *****, but I just don't trust eBay enough to order my copy of Rock Band for my Ps3, and I don't make enough to be able to buy a whole new Wii just for Brawl.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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nightfish said:
One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
You know, you can always listen to an American reviewer, who got the game into their undeserving slime covered hands then instantly threw it away and went back to Halo 7: Same Old Shit, But A New Box because "Nnitendo SUKS BALLS! I'M TO 1337 TO BE DISSED LOL!" (not that I'm bitter or anything).

Or are you saying that you want to hear a reviewer that is as funny and insightful as Yahtzee, but gets the games at the same time as you?. So you want either a funny Japanese person (No disrespect, but I've never seen one actually laugh-out-loud funny come out of Japan) or an insightful American? Good luck.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Uszi said:
Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!
Wasn't that Killzone?
 

Zabadack

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Good to see some anti Halo comments, that game was more hyped than an ADD kid on Smarties
 

Thedarkestofsouls

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I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this.

Let me first state that Yahtzee is about the funniest thing since they invented the idiot playing with a ping pong paddle, and about as awesome as those mini sliced bagel bites. That being said, he is by no means perfect.

I went into this review hoping to see yahtzee's take on a game highly recommended by my brother. What I got was a complete waste of time. Yahtzee, you Hallow Crusader, why do you continue to bash a game you, to my knowledge, have never played. Halo: Combat Evolved was an excellent game, and had 4 of the 6 things you mentioned. It's true it defiantly FEELS like Aliens, but it feels like its more paying homage to it then ripping it. I respect your decision to hate Halo 3 (given the view of just that game with none of the back story, I can forgive any jabs) but play the game before you crush it. Halo: CE is on the X-Box live marketplace for download, and cheap. If I can go out and buy Psychonauts before judging it, the least you can do is allow the same courtesy.

Now, this is the part where I have to specify (to avoid my point being lost) that because I like Halo my argument is no less valid. As soon as this post hits the Forum, I can almost see people lining up with comments like "Fan-boy" and "pathetic" but honestly, it just makes you seem like children. Fanatically hating a game is just as bad as fanatically liking it. If you see the words Halo next or in the same sentence as "Good" "Fun" or "Depth" and your first thought is "Fan boy", you need to follow Yahtzee's advice on what to do with Assassin?s Creed when you're feed up with it (on a side note, I thought Assassin?s Creed was an excellent game, and hope such styles of games continue, just, you know, fixed). If you don't like Halo for any reason other than "It's Halo", then don't respond. If you do hate it for any other reason, don't respond anyway because this is not the "Lets talk about halo" thread.

So, I guess the point I'm getting at is, Yahtzee, review games. If you want to review a certain Genre's down points, release a special ZP on Saturdays, or title it "Genre: My Thoughts" or something. I am now even more unsure then I was going into your review of Turok. Though I suppose the Orange Box can always keep me company.
 

Ozz04

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You know, from your videos it seems like you don?t really like anything about Australia, yet you still live there, doesn?t that seem a tad odd?
 

symphonycometh

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Thedarkestofsouls said:
I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this...
ect.

Judging by your wall, I'm taking you believe firmly in the "It's only an opinion." theory. With that said, Halo asked for every beat down for the peeps that bought in to the "revolutionary" feeling and came back from the hype trip, ending up in COD4 and never looking back. Some, no, many wanted more from the hype-machine and it did NOT deliver. The main attraction, online, felt empty to me and far easier than other online games out there. (Probably because casuals are all over Halo 3.)It doesn't deserve the mass score, it doesn't deserve any farther praise. It's a dying franchise thanks to other FPS catching up and crushing it. Hype will not work for the game any longer. I ignored your request to not respond to the Halo thing, because you basically wanted everyone to hear your opinion and shut up about telling theirs. In my opinion, that's wrong. Yahtzee was spot on for that review Halo 3, and he's spot on about Torok.

Good vid Yahtzee.
 

Thedarkestofsouls

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I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.
 

m_jim

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Indigo_Dingo said:
Uszi said:
Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!
Wasn't that Killzone?
Pretty much. If you want to talk about an unfun crap-fest, that was it. I could buy the whole "get shot and you're done" philosophy if it applied to the enemies as well, who all could take a magazine worth of rounds to the body and still have the decency to shotgun you in the face.
 

Vitalix

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Kudos to Yahtzee once again for producing a fine review. He writes an insightful analysis of first person shooters. These points are spot on. Let's hope the gaming industry heeds Ben's words.

Ben is at his best when the jokes and irony complement his review and not overwhelm them. Unlike most video drivel on games that lurks the web, Mr. Croshaw need not hide behind pre-teen sexual humor. Shed of his annoying fixations with female body parts and repetitive juvenile commentary (although he just couldn't resist drawing a penis could he?), the review comes to the fore. Games first. When Ben forgets that, he becomes the reviewing eqivalent of Halo 3.

Hasn't happened yet. Let's hope it does not.

Vitalix
 

WillPG1212

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Oh man, this weeks' was great :D thanks Yahtzee.

hahah what happened to health bars?? so true. :p

DUKE NUKEM!!!!!! i hope ul review the (finaly) upcoming new one.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Ozz04 said:
You know, from your videos it seems like you don?t really like anything about Australia, yet you still live there, doesn?t that seem a tad odd?
He doesn't like anything, he just hates Australia least, cause its got sun and Neighbours.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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m_jim said:
Indigo_Dingo said:
Uszi said:
Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!
Wasn't that Killzone?
Pretty much. If you want to talk about an unfun crap-fest, that was it. I could buy the whole "get shot and you're done" philosophy if it applied to the enemies as well, who all could take a magazine worth of rounds to the body and still have the decency to shotgun you in the face.
The concept of an almost realistic shooter was made explorred in Killzone, I think they'll make it more realistic in Killzone 2, and we'll see actual single shot death for all people, as well as less bugs and better controls.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Personally, I think yahtzee would like the original Halo... a bit (if not, maybe Halo PC?). Halos 2 and 3... sucked. Okay Multiplayer was okay if you ignore all the douchebags and crusading homophobics on xbox live.

Also for any games with online multiplayer you might as well thank them for letting us Cheeseburger-inhaling yanks wade through the fecal pool that is debugging before releasing them to the rest of the world's game-addicts.

In the mean time (not Greenwich mean time but oh well) I generally respect Yahtzee's views on games because they seem to be unbiased, meaning they're biased in the same way my opinions are only a lot more funny.

The best console FPS games are actually PC fps games transferred, e.g. Half-Life 2, Team Fortress.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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WillPG1212 said:
Oh man, this weeks' was great :D thanks Yahtzee.

hahah what happened to health bars?? so true. :p

DUKE NUKEM!!!!!! i hope ul review the (finaly) upcoming new one.
He'll review it when it (a) gets actually made, and (b) makes its way finally to Australia, presumably on the back of some amnesiac turtle with no sense of direction, to judge from some of the recent gaps in Australia Media delays.
 

Torchlyte

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ZP is usually funny, but this review just plain sucked. He basically just said, "Halo 3 sucks," and "Healthbars rule lol!!!"
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Torchlyte said:
ZP is usually funny, but this review just plain sucked. He basically just said, "Halo 3 sucks," and "Healthbars rule lol!!!"
This is true as far as it goes, but doesn't really accomplish much
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!
I think you're looking for the likes of Operation Flashpoint. So realistic that the USMC, West Point Academy, the UK Ministry of Defence, the Australian Defence Force and the Israeli Defence Force, among others, use a derivative simulator based directly on the engine. If you get shot, and happen to survive, you'd better hope that there's a medic or ambulance nearby. Many times, I've had to complete missions by dragging my useless disabled body over a full kilometre or more, my accuracy betrayed by my character's beating heart.

No sucking my thumb in a corner for me - I'm a Flashpoint player! Military simulators for the win!

(OK, I suck at playing Operation Flashpoint, really. My chances are improved by the "realism mod", Wargames League, which introduces an even more realistic damage model, where injuries are often associated with white-outs and black-outs, the damage done by a bullet is more dependent on the distance it's fired from and, most tellingly, where the AI doesn't have the robotic aim that it has in vanilla OFP.)
 

xeper

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Now this is what I call a true blue Yahtzee game review... But it it's not that bad, only that it's too away from true Turok series...
 

moatartareque

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i played the demo i liked it but what really pissed me off was NO BLOOD ON THE ENEMIES i know they have metal suits but show some blood to show that i killed him
 

Abbadiel

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I agree with yahtzee, the good and old FPS's where games that consisted entirely by humor and gore(see the examples in the video: Blood and Duke Nukem), were the best ones. Then overpraised monotony-fest (aka Halo) came along to spoil it trying to be serious.
I forgive the original Half-life for that because at least they did a great game that was entertaining. Half-life 2 was monotonous through the first 8 chapters, but then picked up and made itself worthy along with the subsequent episodes.

Besides, Halo is the prime example of uncle Bill's compulsive buying to eliminate the competition (Halo was originally intended to be a Mac game and some kind of successor to Marathon I've been told).

Critics aside, fun video Yahtzee, it was a the perking up of the week and, was better than the Burnout review (seriuosly it wasn't as entertaining as the majority).
 

m_jim

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Indigo_Dingo said:
haha, check out the Yahtzee Kirby form
http://jncarvalho.deviantart.com/art/Kirby-Yahtzee-80613662
At the risk of sounding 13...this makes me want to see a Yahtzee avatar in the next Smash Brothers.