Zero Punctuation: Turok

[Biek]

Nice detail on Fuckley's face in the dartboard. And Turok even looks like crap in the tv commercial. I never would've tried that game.

 

[smileyboybob]

very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.

 

[smileyboybob]

very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.

 

[smileyboybob]

very good review but not as funny as some recent one. I was pretty disappointed that he wasnt offended by de-rez. then he could've started some massive comedy war.

 

[beddo]

Oddly, Halo did feature a health bar.

I disagree with a number of points that Yahtzee brings up. I think that the health indicators they did in Call of Duty 4 or gears of war adds more realism in some respects; you never know which blast is going to be the one that finishes you off. Miraculously being healed is of course somewhat unrealistic however, it is often used to improve the flow of the game; it has helped remove the dependence on quick saving/loading.

With regards to Australia, it is also populated by indigenous Australians. Sadly the Europeans decided that they would bring over numerous infectious diseases and force the indigenous Australians to settle in other areas and destroy their culture. Years later Europe decided to send over their criminals and steal children from the Indigenous population in what can be essentially described as genocide. Then Yahtzee moved there.

 

[Demonbear]

With regards to Australia, it is also populated by indigenous Australians. Sadly the Europeans decided that they would bring over numerous infectious diseases and force the indigenous Australians to settle in other areas and destroy their culture. Years later Europe decided to send over their criminals and steal children from the Indigenous population in what can be essentially described as genocide. Then Yahtzee moved there.

This belongs in Wikipedia in the Australia page, screw the whole explanations, i love this history lesson better. Makes more sense too and there's a happy ending!

 

[Deadjim]

That was the best ZP review yet. I was laughing out loud all the way through and it has brightened a so far boring day

 

[nightfish]

Good review.

One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.

 

[Chaos_Theory]

At the interface party, what game was the map from? I know I've played the game it's from, but I can't for the life of me remember which.

 

[Poptart Fairy]

At the interface party, what game was the map from? I know I've played the game it's from, but I can't for the life of me remember which.

World of Warcraft.

 

[thetenet]

Great, but I always feel like cheater when a game has auto aim.

 

[Dectilon]

You can hand an actor anything and he'll make the best of it. Sadly the best the script to Turok could ever be was a pint of shit ~~

 

[gabrieldevue]

I enjoy those reviews tremendously. This one again. Sorry to say: I do not play first-person shooters and usually wait until the price drops so that my computer and my wallet are able to handle the slightly outdated games.

Again a very nice perspective on that genre and I really enjoy all the comparisions, the language and the humor.

I wish, this review was longer

 

[elpresidente]

The Jurassic park theme was very funny. I think I'll try a demo of "Turok" though. Just want to see how bad it is.

 

[imPacT31]

Yeah, even Europe doesn't have Rock Band yet... Not even a release date, as far as I know...

I inquired about this at my local GAME store and was told that it's currently looking at a May 9th release in Britain; that's just ridiculous. That's almost six full months after the US.

Admittedly it is still 19 days before the Australian release.

 

[Pandax]

good overall review, and yes health bars have dies down, however can we really consider gears of war a First person shooter? it seemed like more of a third person shooter to me. also i feel bad about rock band for you.

 

[Dammacx]

Great review as always. I am feeling pretty ho hum about most FPS games myself these days. Still looking for the game that will bring that warm fuzzy feeling I use to get playing the original Unreal Tournament.

 

[Colodomoko]

WOW you just ruined a game for me by saying it sucks because it's not your style of playing a FPS. Thanks a lot.

http://farcry.us.ubi.com/agegate.php?destURL=/index.php

Check out the above website and leave this game alone when it comes out please!!!

 

[Mad Pony]

Turok is a somewhat enjoyable and fairly entertaining game but there are so many issues that bring the quality of the user experience down.

The sensitivity of the look function always seems to be off no matter what setting it's at.

The damage received by the enemy soldiers is very inconsistent making this feel more like a 'game'. For example; in hard mode, one arrow in the body will take most soldiers down but it will take a whole lot of bullets from a chain gun.

Quite often you'll throw an alternate fire pulse grenade at a soldier, they'll watch it roll, pause, shout "grenade", fly 20 feet in the air only to get up like nothing happened! One soldier took three grenades before taking the courtesy of leaving his mortal coil, this generally leaves the user only using grenades as a distraction.

A lot of the weapons feel weak; they are generally omitted as serious options when you have to face a group of three or more.

In some areas you'll be faced with endlessly spawning enemies until you enter a trigger area. While the trigger events add flair to Turok here they do not feel seamless.

I understand that in a game you want to be the hero taking everyone out (something that COD4 often failed in during the SAS missions) however, having numerous able bodied team members sit back and tell you to take down the giant enemy tank while they share Margherita and tales of times gone by becomes somewhat frustrating after your eight attempt. In fact, this happens in numerous sections of the game, company Whisky seems to be the worst 'elite' team of all time.

While being thrown on ground dinosaurs grenades and rockets is a cool feature it starts to become somewhat jarring. Noting the earlier tank battle; you'll run behind a wall where he doesn't have line of sight on you and whammo! A shell has sent you flying into the middle of the field! By the time the smoke and your blurred vision have gone allowing you to see where you are whammo, another shot sends you flying again! You are left completely disorientated not knowing where you are or which way you're facing, the grey rocks all look exactly the same, by the time you realise you're looking down the wrong end of the tank's turret you're screen goes red and you have to try again!

Despite these frustrations, Turok is, as I said, a good game. Recommended if you have a fancy for Dinos and guns.

Beddo you infuriate me, and I'm showing incredible restraint here by using the word "infuriate". The manner in which you reviewed this game is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's own review. You're either incredibly ignorant of the way people perceive you or you've the balls the size of sputnik, because if neither of these states were the case then you certainly wouldn't have posted a review of a game within the thread devoted to a review of the very same game.

God only knows how many times before you've used other people's opinions to soapbox your own ideas from. I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!

I'm not done though! You name instance after instance of why turok sucks, and then you go ahead and say it's a good game. A GOOD GAME!? What else was good, you schmuck? Super Man 64? Friday the 13th for the 8-Bit Nintendo? How did you feel about DAI KATANA? 10/10 RIGHT?