Zero Punctuation: Turok

Vortigar

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Nov 8, 2007
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Okay, good stuff, but there's one moment when my eyes nearly fell out of my sockets...

Blood! (And to a lesser extent, Redneck Rampage)

An absolute gem of the sprite era shooters that I've been praising to no end ever since it came out. Thank you for getting it some widespread fame Yahtzee, however short it was. Usually you only hear about Duke Nukem from that era, but it had some very worthy contemporaries.

Btw, Resistance: Fall of Man pulled a weird one by having regenerating health in four quadrants. It created some tense moments when you made a few missteps and were stuck with only a quarter of your normal life and looking around anxiously for a med-canister. Though nowhere near as nasty as the moment you find yourself looking at that 1% health at the bottom of your screen and you can't backtrack for med-kits because the way behind you just collapsed.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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What Flaming-Gerbil, Joeshi, Articflame and Deatre said. (/tips hat)

David Cat said:
If you want to argue, then just email me at
[email protected], I find forum arguments disorganised and inconsistent.
I like forum arguments because they aren't as clumsy or random as a blast...sorry, email arguments; and it prevents my hotmail box from being spammed by someone taking their personal opinion as TEH LAWZOR!!!!111!

Apart from being cheaper, easier, more accurate, greater flexibility, more standard, more variety, smoother, faster and more available, what have mice ever done for us?

And Mice are also easily inserted anally than joypads, just ask Richard Gere. (Allegedly)
 

nightfish

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Nov 7, 2007
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dave.k said:
nightfish said:
One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.
The basic problem is, that games in Australia _must_ be classified before they can be sold, and there is no "R" classification for games. The end result is that any game that are adult only, are refused classification and are effectively banned.

There is hope though. The new government is looking into establishing the "R" rating for games. Actually, the only person that opposes it is some conservative politician from South Australia. Let's hope he fails.
indeed, especially weird since apparently the average age of gamers in Australia is 28
 

Zetim

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Oct 6, 2007
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huh, from the demo i played of turok, i felt that the controls were not sensitive enough, even on the highest setting it would take me about 2 seconds to do a complete 180, and when you're being flanked by 8 dinosaurs that's no good. maybe the sensitivity is different on the 360 version?
 

Grenade71822

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Mar 20, 2008
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I am glad that somebody else actually knows about Redneck Rampage besides me. Health Bars Are needed.
Side Note:Screw Halo.
 

beddo

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Dec 12, 2007
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Mad Pony said:
Beddo you infuriate me, and I'm showing incredible restraint here by using the word "infuriate". The manner in which you reviewed this game is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's own review. You're either incredibly ignorant of the way people perceive you or you've the balls the size of sputnik, because if neither of these states were the case then you certainly wouldn't have posted a review of a game within the thread devoted to a review of the very same game.

God only knows how many times before you've used other people's opinions to soapbox your own ideas from. I know it's terribly upsetting to you that people aren't constantly asking your opinion but if I have to read another of your insipid, pseudo-intellectual ramblings I will f'ing lose it. AND I HAVE ONLY READ TWO!

I'm not done though! You name instance after instance of why turok sucks, and then you go ahead and say it's a good game. A GOOD GAME!? What else was good, you schmuck? Super Man 64? Friday the 13th for the 8-Bit Nintendo? How did you feel about DAI KATANA? 10/10 RIGHT?
Dear Mad Pony,

Do I know you, it certainly sounds like that is the case but nonetheless, I shall endeavour to reply, please remember your post is most import to us.

Firstly I did not approach my 'review' of Turok in the same manner as that of the aforementioned Mr.Crowhaw. I used a different medium and concentrated on the gameplay rather than focusing on some of the 'weaknesses' of the genre as a whole. I posted my review, merely, as an alternative view to that which Zero Punctuation viewers may have just seen.

Note that you contradict yourself; you claiming that my piece is infinitely less interesting than Yahtzee's yet you felt more inclined to comment on my work than his. Ergo, my work is clearly of sufficient interest to warrant your time, undoubtedly an unusual paradox.

In general I try not to let the way people perceive me affect any aspect of what I do though, I suppose, we are all slaves to perception. While I do not wish to infuriate anyone I am glad that my review was at least read and considered although I am somewhat concerned as you appear to become quite upset during the latter stages of your post. If you do not wish to read my posts may I suggest that when you see my avatar you merely skip past; a somewhat crude but effective solution.

If you would care to give a more detailed criticism of my work I would be more than happy to consider your point of view. However, your current critique of my work is somewhat lacking in substance. While I, nor any other can truely deny the influence of other materials, I am curious as to whose ideas you believe I have 'soapboxed'. Moreover, could you state where exactly you see any psuedo-intellectualism?

You appear to conclude that criticising areas of Turok necessitates that the entire game is poor. Perhaps you are not aware of the theory of emergence; in 'laymens' terms; the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. With this in mind I can easily justify the conclusion that the game as a whole is good despite its shortcomings.


I am afraid the I did not play any of the games that you listed and am therefore unable to comment. Perhaps I will get round to them in due time.

Oh, and, just to come down to your level; If you love Yahtzee so much why don't you marry him. I'm sure you'll get the reference.

Regards,

Beddo
 

gormers

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Nov 23, 2007
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Great vid. I like that he complain about Australian releases because its just as bad in Europe too. It was funny and had good points too, but some points was a little hard to swallow for me since I love Halo:CE. Anyway, a little short? And I don't agree with his first point at all.
 

ClassicThunder

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Dec 28, 2007
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Indigo_Dingo said:
ClassicThunder said:
This was the very worst on in my opinion. Low on humor and just a bit of bitching about the way modern FPSs are heading. I just kind of went WTF and didn't even grin. He's should stay away from FPSs if he doesn't want progress and to remain in the early nintindo era.
He wants progress, just not progress towards shit. I don't expect a Halo fanboy like you to understand the concept of quality, but some of us actually do.

I'm guessing Lost next week, to prove just how shit it is down here.
Funny that anyone who doesn't agree with him is a Halo fanboy. Faster gameplay, more balanced multiplayer, and better graphics is quality. Don't post unless you have something intelligent to say, Yahtzee fanboy. Funny thing is that games that follow these trends out sell almost everything and constantly win game of the year.
 

shadow1138

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Mar 20, 2008
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Nice review, but what I'd really like to say thanks for is what you said about jrpgs in the Super Paper Mario and Mass Effect reviews!
I got the chance to use them in an argument with a final fantasy fan and it worked great.
The little brat actually shut her Sepiroth kissing mouth up!
 

Xenon Pretzel

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Mar 20, 2008
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To those people who DON'T agree with EVERY SINGLE POINT in this review, play Quake 3.

I don't care how old it is or how rubbish the graphics are or how annoying Sarge's taunt is, play it and you will be playing one of the best first person shooters with online multiplayer in the WORLD.

EDIT:
Godot said:
there is no such thing as Girl Gamers.
Be glad you do not know my sister.

- XP
 
Feb 13, 2008
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ClassicThunder said:
Faster gameplay, more balanced multiplayer, and better graphics is quality.
Nope, BETTER gameplay, BETTER multiplayer and BETTER Graphics is quality. The first two are just soundbites placed on adverts to sell more copies without actually meaning anything.

And Quake 3 is pants, Camp the Quad with a Rocket Launcher and you win everytime.
 

SongsOfDragons

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Feb 28, 2008
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He mentioned Space Marines!! Woooo!! Awww I really hope he can do Soulstorm at some point in time... *hopes* ...and I loved the joke about power armour a few points later. Taking the p*** out of Space Marines is a favourite hobby of mine... *grins*