Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

[Tom Phoenix]

As soon as I saw the title, I knew how this review would turn out and this is in spite of the fact I never played Valkyria Chronicles (too few Japanese games for the PC ).

I do not know, I just think that Yahtzee`s prejudices prevent him from enjoying a lot of the Japanese games. I seriously doubt that there is not even a single good JRPG, yet those are the implications Yahtzee makes in his reviews. But that is not suprising, since any review is subjective.

Having said that, I wonder if he is going to try Last Remnant, the first JRPG to grace the PC platform in...well, years (as far as I know, the last one was FF8). While the storyline seems stereotypical, I hear that it has a unique combat system and that is what Yahtzee seems to hate with most JRPG`s. Anyway, will have to try it for myself as soon as possible.

 

[NewGeekPhilosopher]

He hasn't reviewed a J-RPG since The World Ends With You. This, my friends, is a significant turning point, since he failed to mention that it was a PS3 exclusive and didn't make a single crack at the console wars in the video.

Instead he's gone back to the classic "Give them something, but make fun of EVERYTHING" school of reviewing he used to do. But DUDE, the "secret Nazi sympathizer" joke... that was funny but creepy at the same time...

 

[civver]

Really hilarious vid. I love how the chest-high wall is a Gears of War 2 case stuck in the ground.

EDIT: And I see that Yahtzee glossed over and then basically ignored other parts of the game. It's always nice to see the other side's point of view.

 

[Mr. Blond]

until yahtzee admits these are really just very clever and funny rants i'll keep pointing out that, THAT WAS NOT A REVIEW!!!!...could anyone tell if he even liked the game?...did he finish it or did he just play enough so he had 5 minutes worth of jokes...i would understand...i will keep watching every week religiously regardless..."m@therfu@kery",can't wait to use that one...but i digress, yahtzee if you read these, despite your contempt for fans, please figure a way to express how much you liked a game...4 out of 5 headless pets...shit, maybe i'm asking for too much...nevermind

Ratings are shit. You're supposed to form your own opinion from a review. Also the impression I got was he thought the game was on the upper end of bad, lower end of OK.

You don't need to finish a game to make a judgement on it, that's ridiculous.

first, if i wanted to form my own opinion i'd play the damn thing...and if you're going to review a game you should finish it or say it's too bad to finish...which yahtzee has done but probably not as much as he doesn't finish games

 

[Barry93]

pretty good except for that republican joke because it's not true, if he meant Dick Cheney and compasion then i might let that slide and why not say that instead of pointing of a huge group of people. Even a Democrats and Republicans comparison would be better. Oh well, still one of my favorite ZP's.

You can't come to the defense of Republicans everytime someone takes a crack at them. I mean, I don't care if people insult Democrats. Whatever, it's just a joke. Was it funny, well in this case I thought his Republican joke was, so why care?

If were even slightly true, I wouldn't care. Conversely, you respond to all my posts defending the GOP, so why care?

 

[Spirit_Of_Fire]

Great review, Yahtzee. I love what you said about the auto save feature.

 

[Gaderael]

Micromanagement Motherfuckery flows off the tongue so nice. Well played sir.

 

[MartnRendrs]

He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

sounds like u don't know shit about autism

 

[Strong Intelligent]

He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

sounds like u don't know shit about autism

Apart from the fact I am autistic and am part of the National Autistic Society :I

 

[mike1921]

until yahtzee admits these are really just very clever and funny rants i'll keep pointing out that, THAT WAS NOT A REVIEW!!!!...could anyone tell if he even liked the game?...did he finish it or did he just play enough so he had 5 minutes worth of jokes...i would understand...i will keep watching every week religiously regardless..."m@therfu@kery",can't wait to use that one...but i digress, yahtzee if you read these, despite your contempt for fans, please figure a way to express how much you liked a game...4 out of 5 headless pets...shit, maybe i'm asking for too much...nevermind

Ratings are shit. You're supposed to form your own opinion from a review. Also the impression I got was he thought the game was on the upper end of bad, lower end of OK.

You don't need to finish a game to make a judgement on it, that's ridiculous.

first, if i wanted to form my own opinion i'd play the damn thing...and if you're going to review a game you should finish it or say it's too bad to finish...which yahtzee has done but probably not as much as he doesn't finish games

If I want to form an opinion about something I get the general gist of what it is, mixed with criticisms and compliments (normally both, sometimes one could be absent) from someone I have a sorta-similar mindset to and weigh the good and bad. Maybe I don't care if there's a fuckload of micromanagement?

Also, by extension of "from someone with a sorta similar mindset to" , not everyone could get a reasonable review from any given reviewer. Maybe your mindset on videogames isn't the same as yahtzee's? Maybe you should look for someone who thinks like you.

I remember one youtube reviewer who reviewed anime, his response to every flaw or good point in an anime was the exact same as mine would be, and when I saw an anime he reviewed (soul eater) every complaint I had was the same as the ones he had. He was the best reviewer for any anime I was gonna watch, because we had the same mindset. Although you give him to a narutard or a person who uses anime as a masturbation device, or (as a less insulting group so I seem like less of an elitist dick wad)......whatever you call the people who's favorite animes are haruri and things like that, and he'll make them commit suicide after 10 minutes.

He sounded like he was making fun of autistic people at "how I feel about JRPGs"

Good aside from that,

sounds like u don't know shit about autism

Apart from the fact I am autistic and am part of the National Autistic Society :I

I'm mildly autistic (I think..., my mom said so a few times but she's an idiot). You thinking he was making fun of autistic people means you: were already thinking about autism for some other reason, are a knee-jerk-y idiot who looks too far into things to find things that offend you, or are just saying that to be a troll.

 

[gretchen8642]

wonderful review, i was hoping to see yahtzee give a jrpg a go

[http://gpxplus.net/ZwZ1BGNk]

 

[runtheplacered]

wonderful review, i was hoping to see yahtzee give a jrpg a go

You really thought this was a review? How can you start a review off admitting that you hate the genre? This was a rant. Maybe a funny rant, but nothing more then that. I'd also debate that Valkyria Chronicles isn't a JRPG, by definition. But I guess you can call it whatever you want.

 

[ucciolord1]

They just keep getting better and better.

 

[runtheplacered]

I'm mildly autistic (I think..., my mom said so a few times but she's an idiot). You thinking he was making fun of autistic people means you: were already thinking about autism for some other reason, are a knee-jerk-y idiot who looks too far into things to find things that offend you, or are just saying that to be a troll.

You don't get to walk around claiming to be autistic just because your Mom said so. What kind of moronic diagnosis is that? He's allowed to interpret things the way he wants to. His interpretation isn't for you to decide. He even said Yahtzee's rant was good aside from that. What else do you want?

I also don't see how you can claim him to be the troll when you're the one calling him an idiot.

 

[mike1921]

I'm mildly autistic (I think..., my mom said so a few times but she's an idiot). You thinking he was making fun of autistic people means you: were already thinking about autism for some other reason, are a knee-jerk-y idiot who looks too far into things to find things that offend you, or are just saying that to be a troll.

You don't get to walk around claiming to be autistic just because your Mom said so. What kind of moronic diagnosis is that? He's allowed to interpret things the way he wants to. His interpretation isn't for you to decide. He even said Yahtzee's rant was good aside from that. What else do you want?

I also don't see how you can claim him to be the troll when you're the one calling him an idiot.

No, because my mom thinks a doctor said so, but I take everything she thinks as questionable.

Yes, he's allowed to interpret however he wants to, I'm allowed to call his interpretation ridiculous though.

I didn't claim he was a troll, I was saying that was one of 3 reasons I thought of that he might have that interpretation .

 

[nipsen]

Re. US in WW2 - the British avoided upsetting the steel- trade earlier on in the war because of business- interests in Germany would perhaps distance the US too much, for example. Somehow none of this is mentioned in respectable history- books overseas for some reason.

Oh sure, you can "interpret" his opinion and translate what the game is really like, but compared to other reviewers he is a troll. Like I said, there's no problem with that for entertainment.

Nah, most of the time he picks up on things with the game that reviewers somehow seem to ignore out of sheer professionalism and glee from having exclusively being able to review a game. Chest- high walls that happen to be spread around the game for the only purpose of letting you use the cover- system, rather than being part of the architecture. These are perfectly serious issues that game- developers struggle with, when they try out new gameplay mechanics, and vainly try to bridge it into the game- world they've created, for example.

Same goes for the unskippable cutscenes that many games have - it's not that they are unskippable that's the problem, it's that they don't belong in the game. It's that the attempt to integrate that particular story- line into the game simply failed outright. But the rest of the reviewers somehow end up not mentioning it, because it's always possible they'll antagonize people who loved the game and thought the cutscene provided something profound about the nature of bad voice- acting, or something of that sort. And ripping the game apart because the cutscenes can't accomplish what the designers obviously meant them to is a valid and very good observation.

But that of course doesn't matter, when the majority of the yokel fans, which we see after a review like this, only like ZP because of the abusive form. And will think it's funny as long as there's swearing, rapid talking and offensive jokes.

 

[WW]

Ha, ha, ha. You guys are so funny. I though it's about time I join in and share some of my superior gaming intelect... ok maybe just some average intelect but compared to some of you I look like Albert Einstein of the Gaming World. This will be a WALL of text so please bare with me.

Ok, let's start with some truth colored by a bit of euphemism so some won't think that I'm here only to mock you...

Wow, he actually reviewed a game I played and beat!
I liked how everyone had his or her own personality. Most of his complaints here seem to be from nitpicking too much. I do agree that the game needs autosave though. Not during the missions though, but the save button needs to be more obvious (it's hidden in the options menu).

Now the hard part - If you can't find the "save option" ingame menu or in the book menu (btw that is very, almost utterly transparent) them I'm very sorry but you are "not the sharpest tool in the shead" (read: "stupid").

So, after some warmup let's head straight to the core, where the fun is, please notice the 3 following quotes:

Okay. I tried. I really did. I tried to look away but I just can't let this rest.

You seem like a reasonable chap, you really do, but you reasoning is flawed as is your comparisons. Honestly, I hate the line of thinking and how common sense is abandoned by amateur fans of the genre. Of course, I never was a fan of the way gamers liked to try and classify things. What is Valkyria Chronicles. It's a turn-based Role Playing game that is from Japan, therefor it is a Japanese Role Playing Game (behold, the most flawed logic on earth). AKA a JRPG. It is very much relevant and I don't know why it wouldn't be.

AGAIN! AGGG. I want to choke these people. Do you not understand what a tactical RPG is? Have you not played Disgaea or Final Fantasy Tactics? Luminous Arc? None of these names ringing a bell? How about Operation Darkness, that was pretty recent. No? I'm about to start shooting people in a moment.

Dear lord. I facepalm at thee. No. "JRPG" is a term to collectively categorize the games of this genre that originate from that region and share common elements such as those "anime tropes" you mentioned. Just because it has "tactical" elements doesn't automatically exclude it from being a Japanese Role Playing Game. That just strikes me as silly. To argue that the two things are mutually exclusive is just a pointless exercise in semantics, don't you think?

As you have probably noticed Mr. Autocracy here is very "certain" of what he is saying is THE TRUTH... or is just a troll trying to stir up trouble... but let's assume the first option, shall we.

Mr. Autocracy says that VC is a JRPG, his arguments:
- it's from Japan... and therefore every game with the last 3 letters "RPG" is atomaticly an JRPG
- it has anime characters
Ok, fair enough.


But only for the next 5 minutes let's assume Valkyrie Chronicles is actually NOT an JRPG - lets assume it's an TRPG (=Turn-Based Tactics).

I dream of a world where a genre of a game is not determent by the country of it's orgin but by the content of it's gameplay... by the logic of Mr. Autocracy if "Jagged Alliance 2" ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagged_alliance_2 ) would be made in Japan with "anime graphics" it would be a JRPG. Why I took JA2 as an example? Because it's the closest game that I recall when thinking about VC ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valkyrie_of_the_Battlefield ). I gave you Wikipedia links ( I know that Wikipedia is made by funny people that are not to be trusted but still) so you could see that what genre those two games are under - a bit simple from my side, I know. I beg for forgivness.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Mr. Autocracy, when writing stuff like "I want to choke these people", please stop, it makes you look more pathetic then you really are, although this still falls under discussion.

But yeah, enemies should NEVER be able to shoot you when it's not their turn in a TBS. I don't think I've ever encountered that in all my TBS gaming.

I see you never played any games from the JA series.


Now something from a different barrel before I hit the second main event, please observe:

I happened to enjoy the pseudo-WWII story-line (which I think they told that way just to avoid stepping on peoples toes, in my opinion

Unfortunetly for you are totally wrong... and what's with this "in my opinion"... are you afraid that someone will call "bullshit" on you? I hate people who use this, usualy shows the lack of balls or arguments... or both. I will explain why I think this is wrong after the next quote:

Sorry to like interrupt your discussion, but freakin' cry me a river. STOP spoiling people's fun and defending JRPGs. Do you try to be serious in a comedy club and spoiling the comedians jokes, too? This was like the best review in a month. Also Yathzee has some really valid points in his review, e.g. the "we rename real countries to evade historical accuracy" thing. Also as I understood the USSR was left out in this game.

What the hell? The USSR had like 80% of the war and has beaten the Germans almost singlehandetly, the so called "allies" dropped in after Germany already lost the key battles(Moscow, Stalingrad & Kursk).

There were only 2 real battles on the "western front".
1. D-Day, where the so called "Allies" had terrifying losses.
2. German offensive in the Ardennes in the Spring of 1944. This was like the only time the Germans really fought back on the western front after D-Day and the so called "Allies" almost got pushed back to the Atlantic Ocean. And you know what stopped the Germans? They run out of gas.

Besides that the so called "Allies" alomst didn't fight real soldiers at all. They fought 14-year old children and old men from the "Volkssturm" who had just old stuff because all the REAL stuff had to be moved to fight the USSR.

First of all - they where not evading historical accuracy because it was never there intend.

Dear Lord Jaroh (not Mr. because here already is a Lord) and Mr.GGG (historian wannbe). Japan is not Canada - example - Bethesda (hell on there soul for raping Fallout) actually removed the NUKE from the Japaness version of the game... how did they substitute it or WHY THE FUCK did they do it, beats me. I heard that the Australian version is even more butchered thanks to "you know who".

On the other hand we have the Japs, lovers of tentacle porn on other strange stuff. You people really think they give a shit what other countries think. Anybody of you ever played Ring of Red ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_of_Red ) ? It's also a TRPG. Read the the "Plot" and after that "Plot differences". You will see who dudges history (I'm getting off-topic here, have to get back on track).

Ok, ok this is not proof enough that really didn't want to make a historical accuracy world - different argument. Let's say they want to make an accurate europa - how are they gonna put in the elements like: the big Castle Lance, the Darcsens people, the ancient civilization, the valkyria blood and other unnatural shit.

Is it so hard to see that they wanted to make a game about a "great war" with slight SF elements that resemble a bit the IIWW?

Map for those who don't own the game:

Next case:

1: The Empire is not the incarnation of ultimate evil (they are still portrayed as normal human beings, which I liked) and they are not only based on Nazis, but also on Prussia and the middle ages.
2: The Federation is just as bad, as shown in one chapter.
3: Let's just say that one case early in the game showed that being a main character with much screentime doesn't make you immortal.
4: The main character is squad leader because he was trained for that, not because he has a tank.
5: The backstory of soldiers is one page, not one sentence.
6: If your sniper hits one out of ten, then "you're doin' it wrong", if you excuse the bad joke.
7: Your own units also fire at enemys while they move, so it's fair.
8: You can also crouch behind other things than just sandbags.
9: Guns can be upgraded in three ways, not in one.
10: You can skip cutscenes.
11: Most of the characters aren't really androgynus.
12: I'm not entirely sure, but I think you can save at least every turn.

Thanks MV, this will be usefull further down the road.

Yes, I can see where there is some disagreement, but I can also see his side of the criticism, as 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, and 11 are all subjective based on the point of view. Ergo, his critism is valid, as is yours (oh come ooooon) . He was not wrong in anything he said, maybe exaggerated, but not flat-out wrong.

Ladies and Gentelman, the Devils Advocat Lord Jaroh, probably the 2nd most "full of shit" person in this thread right after Mr. Autocracy.

Some facts:
- Mr. Croshaw said himself that all opinions are subjective and other stuff about "not getting to you...".
- MV poited out facts.
- "Yahtzee" clearly lacked a lot of accured info when making his review/rant.
- Lord Jaroh knows Mr. Croshows thought, thats how he can counter all those accusations so splenditly, on Mr. Croshows behalf.

Between RIGHT and WRONG there is no "I didn't have those information so I'm excussed", you are still PLAIN WRONG. Hugh Laurie in House M.D, episode "Three Stories" explains this nicely. Oh yeah, when someone starts shouting "opinions are subjective" in means that the arguments have ran out on his side, go figure - only pussies use "IMHO".

This is ENTERTAINMENT. Yes, you are entitled to think that "Yahtzee is wrong/is a lousy game player/is biased against JRPGs/didn't play enough of the game/is (whatever excuse makes you feel less butthurt)", if that honestly makes you feel better that he doesn't happen to have the same glowing opinion of a game that you really, really like.

However, the rest of us here don't really give a flying fuck about YOUR opinion: we're here to see YAHTZEE'S because he makes us laugh!

You really want to 'take issue' with Yahtzee??? Then, FFS, stop whining in a comment thread that less than 10% of his fans are going to bother to read and produce a product that will attract our attention away from him!

We are nearing the ending, hang on a little bit longer.

Yes, ENTERTAINMENT... but on what level? When "Yahtzee" started he was quite accured about the facts when ranting on games - atleast those that I know. At some point came "The Witcher" (ARPG), here strange things started to happend, the jokes/egzadurations started focusing on stuff "stereotypical" for RPGs - Big Manuals and so forth, not the actual shitty content... oh, one fuck up, happends to everyone once in a while.

After that it was all and well in Yahtzland, then this year happend "VC", even more cheap humor then TW and a lot of false data... UGH! It's nothing major, once a year it can happen, hey, there is nobody who gives 100% for himself in work all year long, is it.

I don't want Mr. Croshows to become a troll, the gaming world is domineted by gaming media that give blowjobs to every dev/publisher who is rich enough to make AAA titles and pay for ads on there sites. We, gamers need a honest person (a comedian at that), that will show us how many of todays "big-budget" games are just big turds wraped in tinfoile (prime example "Far Cry 2").

Mr. Croshows, please, don't be a troll, be a person that shows truth by the POWER of humor.

One more thing, some of you may assume that "Yahtzee" lied about a few thing in his rant, that is not true. When exaggerating a false info it looks like the person was lying on purpose, which is in fact just a mistake, simple as that.



For the record:
- yes, I have a life, but today I had a lot of free time
- no, I don't like JRPG

Thanks for reading.

 

[FloodOne]

Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.

Wow.... if you actually use Zero Puncuation to make a choice on what kind of games to buy, you must still be playing ps1 games

What? I for one agreed with most everything he said. Though i have only played the demo

And what does the PS1 have to do with anything.

playing the demo gives you close to zero license to make a judgment on any game, and the reason I said ps1 is because Yahtzee crushes every great game with nit picking and clever witticisms. I love Zero Punctuation, but I don't use Yahtzee's opinion to make an educated purchase.

 

[Same River New Water]

Nah, most of the time he picks up on things with the game that reviewers somehow seem to ignore out of sheer professionalism and glee from having exclusively being able to review a game. Chest- high walls that happen to be spread around the game for the only purpose of letting you use the cover- system, rather than being part of the architecture.

I'm not saying the things he says aren't true, but he focuses so much on the negative details that you get a totally disproportionate understanding of their importance. A normal reviewer has, say, 500 words to describe a game; they want to get across what it's like to play, a little of the storyline, whether it's fun and any other details that will determine whether you'll enjoy the game. The fact that the chest-high walls don't fit with the rest of the architecture is just not relevant, because no gamer's enjoyment of a game has ever been hampered by inaccurate architecture (except maybe a handful of gamer-architects). It's not relevant, but it is funny, so Yahtzee will feel free to carry on about it at length, because his job is not to give you an understanding of the game; his job is to catalogue the game's flaws entertainingly.

If Yahtzee reviews a game with great gameplay but a dull storyline, he'll focus on the storyline. If he reviews a game with an amazing story but shitty controls, he'll focus on the controls. If he reviews a game in which everything is awesome except that one character has bad voice acting, you can bet that character will get a much bigger share of the ZP screentime than they do in the game.

Some people call that "honest reviewing" and describe any review that doesn't mention every conceivable flaw of a game as "unprofessional". I call these people "jerks".