Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

[solidstatemind]

As to why he reviewed a game that is heavily derivative (to be charitable) of a genre he loathes: evidently everyone missed the 'Sword of Damocles' reference at the beginning?

This epi was proof to me that Yahtzee is still pretty much on his comedic form, even if you don't agree with his verdict or opinions.

"Oh yes, we all know whose bratwurst you lot were snacking on back then!"

I laughed so hard the guys in the office across from me came over to see what was so fucking funny.

EDIT: and for the record, when I showed them, they were howling with laughter too. I think I may have just single-handedly destroyed the productivity of my group for the day however-- I'm pretty sure they're now going through the ZP back-catalog.

 

[Paulrus_Keaton]

"This is my opinion on JRPGs: EEEYYYUUGGGGAAAAAAAH!!!!"

El' Olel

 

[MichaelMaverick]

I must say Yahtzee's growing blander and more annoying to listen to with each passing review. Or at least terribly repetitive. (Yet another Adolf Hitler reference, replacing the first two letters in a given name with "b", joking about testicles being absorbed into body....does he do this intentionally to see if anyone's nerdy enough to keep track/remember? I would think so, but degrading his current review at that cost is pathetic.) Humor (or attempt at such) is much too forced and actually seems to have been heavily dominating over the criticism part as of late - kind of makes you wonder how he perceives his work at this point. I've always been more of a sympathizer as far as his opinions and presentation were concerned, always defended his name when people here and there called him pretentious and said he's popularising his hateful attitude (despite knowing it's pointless and a waste of time), but I've really rather grown inclined to agreeing with it in the past few weeks. I can understand that most games aren't that great these days and have their faults, and it can't be helped if Yahtzee ends up disliking most titles he gets his hands on because he couldn't have known or because they really do happen to be shitty, but why the fuck does he review a game he knows he's gonna hate? That EVERYONE knows he's gonna hate? Why does he even play it? Sure, he's got to have an overview as a critic, but is this sort of theatre truly necessary? Is popular demand so tiresome that he does it despite everything, even though he knows he's rambling about the same shit over and over? Even though he knows that he's making us witness him drifting down the same river of feces all over again?

I find it ironic how he often goes on about celebrities or famous/populistic individuals suffering worsened performace and eventual downfall when he's arriving at precisely that stage of his career himself.

 

[rekabdarb]

it was awesome... especially the are you sure part

 

[Tmcmistress]

Not bad, but not Yahtzee's best. All the usual JRPG complaints (for the umpteenth time, even!), which is... ok, but the other jokes kind of fall flat. So, I score this review meh / MEH.

 

[solidstatemind]

just look up a couple of posts, I'm sure you'll find it

Dude. We got it the first time. You think Yahtzee is tired and cliched... that he has jumped the shark. You don't have to post that 6 times: looking that clueless sort of undermines any point you're trying to make.

 

[SilentFish]

To those who fault Yahtzee on being a fountain of hate:

That's why we love him.

 

[Barciad]

"We all know whose Bratwurst you were snacking on back then"
For Yahtzee not to have a dig at the Japanese would make the world go askew.

 

[Biek]

Im glad Yahtzee confirmed my presumption of this game being one big DOING IT WRONG on world war 2. Wich is enough reason for me to loathe this game.

Yahtzee: 1
Japan: 0

He got me laughing with the "hero bringing his own tank" part.

 

[risingphoenix]

Nice triple post.
He makes a very good point about the cutscenes and autosave - both are incredibly tedious and annoying. However, he clearly didn't train snipers because at level 10-11 they fucking run shit. They will shoot exactly at the crosshairs, and will 1 shot anything not crouching.
The primary reason I like the game so much is that it is so unique from any other game. It's flaws are minor enough to play the game.

 

[readme.txt]

Since VC is pretty much the only game I envy the PS3 for this makes me feel a little better ... no I can at least pretend the game sucks

 

[Tmcmistress]

@ MichealMaverick: It's called schadenfreude for us, masochism for Yahtzee. Not to mention that, in Yahtzee's defense, I occasionally find myself glancing at Fox News, right-wing blogs, etc., just because I feel as though my forehead could use a few good slaps.

 

[GloatingSwine]

So, yet another game Yahtzee slates because he can't find the menu options (hint: You can save in battle), complains about things which aren't true (hint: there are three upgrade paths for guns), and generally makes himself look a cock?

Colour me unsurprised.

 

[Reb82]

Funny to see Yahtzee get angry at genre standards like the reaction shot. Makes me wonder what games the man actually plays. Hilarious review though.

 

[GloatingSwine]

Why is everyone referring to Valkyria Chronicles as a JRPG?

Because Yahtzee did, and this is his parrot aviary.

 

[solidstatemind]

EDIT: AND TO PROVE MY ABSOLUTE EXISTENTIAL SUPERIORITY OVER HIM, I HAVE POSTED THIS NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT FIVE TIMES. THAT'S RIGHT, THAT IS THE RATIONAL EXPLANATION BEHIND THIS. NOT THIS WEBSITE BEING A FLAMING PILE OF MUTATING ASSHOLES. NO SIR.

You know, most people probably would've just edited out all but one of the posts. But hey, you want to be a tool about the result of your own impatience, don't let us stand in your way.