Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

[Mongodyr]

Nice. I actually laughed a few times.

 

[mike1921]

Don't know why I watch this anymore...It's just not funny anymore, and he never actually reviews the game. He even failed to mention the beautiful art style.

There's only so much JRPG bashing that I can take before my head asplodes.

He rarely mentions graphics. Remember the crysis review? He wants to work the story and gameplay gnomes. Sure, he gave a mention in his thief review but that wasn't really a criticism. Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.

 

[McMarbles]

I don't know what I was expecting to from this review, but whatever it was, I didn't get it. On eof your weaker efforts, Mr. Croshaw.

 

[Mongodyr]

someone has a new vortex drawing. and a new bratwurst pic too.

pretty funny review, but the hatred sort of gets in the way. just sort of.

Don't look at it like a review, just view it as a verbal beatdown.

 

[Evil Tim]

They're completely different genres. Valkyria Chronicles is no more a JRPG than Gears of War.

Yeah, it's just a Japanese game in which you take part in turn-based combat with a squad of oddball characters in silly costumes who talk a lot. Totally different to a JRPG, that. Not, for example, all the trappings of a JRPG stacked on top of a slightly different game.

 

[mike1921]

Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.

Appreciating a unique & beautiful art style is not being a "graphics whore".

Yes, but it's not to be expected, it's definitely not a failure for a game reviewer to not mention it.

 

[Kstreitenfeld]

Taking an interest in turn based Strategy eh Yahtzee? Well if you haven't tried it yet I would really recommend Advance Wars for the GBA(they do have DS titles but I found the original to be the best).

 

[mike1921]

People who plan on taking this review seriously might want to bear in mind the numerous factual inaccuracies which suggest that he's barely played beyond the first couple of missions. Sandbags aren't the only things you can crouch behind and weapons can be upgraded in several different ways. If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games. His line about the protagonist's sister being plot-centric and therefore invincible will be amusing to anyone who's played past the first third of the game. The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.

Quit playing videogames? Because he's not good at JRPGs? Fuck you. Also, I highly doubt that any game where you have to play 1/3 of it for it to get good ever will get good.

 

[Alien1375]

Putting your units at strategic parts of the map during your turn to attack the enemy, and letting the enemy do the same in his turn sounds like a turn-based strategy game to me...

Now walking with a group trough a landscape and being randomly attacked by monsters while the group sticks together to fight the enemy one at the time is closer to my definition of a RPG.

But I have to agree, the game is Japanese (Yay!)

 

[Hyper-space]

at one point yathzee sounded like the cookie monster having a seizure

 

[AlphaNukey]

I haven't watched the full video yet but let me say this Yahtzee: In DDS half human half demon adults kill god (and satan if you want but he is the good guy).

God I love DDS so hard.
I think Yahtzee should totally review DDS, or at least a Shin Megami Tensei game. I'm morbidly curious.
Persona has a lot of the androgynous teenagers saving the world, (despite the fact that I love that game too), but DDS was much more mature.

 

[AngelSword]

I liked the Last Crusade Reference at the end there =D

 

[polygon]

I love how every time Yahtzee calls JRPGs out for the repulsing generic repetitive excuses for entertainment they are, there are at least five cockheads who come out of the woodwork and proclaim that he's jumped the shark.

 

[The Noble Shade]

If he wanted a user-friendly JRPG/turn based strategy game, I'm surprised he didn't go try Fire Emblem.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

Love the game but I thought this was hilarious, it's so funny to see him out of his "comfort zone" and have him go through so much pain.

 

[antipunt]

lol. yatzhee should just stop reviewing jRPGS, it seems like he's in so much pain

 

[Matsu]

The way snipers work in VC: you line up the reticule over the enemy soldier until it turns red, then you press fire. Unless the enemy is of a markedly higher level (usually one of these guys on each map, sometimes none) or has a special dodging ability (almost always limited to the aforementioned) then the shot will hit 95% of the time. Not to mention that some snipers have special abilities which boost accuracy & prevent dodging. There is no skill involved because the game is paused while you aim. So if he's only hitting 1/10 of the time, he's doing something wrong; it's not about being "good at JRPGs". And you don't have to play 1/3 of the game for it to "get good": like most games it starts off with limited customization options and gives you more & more choices as you progress (like starting off with a knife & pistol in an action game and finishing off with a full arsenal & super powers).

It should also be noted that from the description, he was probably using Oscar, who is the worst sniper in the game, and a large part of his character. He wouldn't have gotten those results with say, Cezary, or .. what's her face, with the inexplicable accent.

 

[AxonZin]

"Some things just don't combine, like republicans and compassion."

Had me falling out of my seat in laughter. Yahtzee, you marvelous bastard.

 

[menhir]

He must not have played very far, because the story gets a LOT worse and he didn't mention the cutscenes very many times.

 

[Sgt Doom]

Someone send him a crate of stress medication before he goes on a killing spree, he sounded like he was ready to rip people's jugulars out with his teeth.