Zero Punctuation: XBLA Double Bill

[Vromnir]

Fuck it, I'm leaving the escapist and I'm never going to watch another Yahtzee review again. To all of those Yahtzee fanboys who their cock right up near Yahtzee's tiny cock, fuck yourselfs. I'm obviously doing to intentionally get the banhammer. God, to believe I used to like Yahtzee.

To that Bobisonlybob, I know a couple of gaming websites with critics who give a fairer review and honest review than Yahtzee could ever make. Gamecritics.com, Giantbomb.com, firingsquad.com, gamedailybiz.com, destructoid.com, and mygamer.com.

I also want to make one last statement to Yahtzee; You're an asshole of the weak.

Just asking, What was the point of posting that?

 

[gasto]

To all those mindless posters claiming that the Hitler affirmation was 'too much'.

First of all what do you think, 'Hitler was right' means?

Not even historians would be able to answer because Hitler believed in many things, not only in torturing Jewish(which is the first thing that passed through those mindless cunts).

Hitler was a psicologist, and was a very profound person. I guess nobody would of jumped from their seat, if Yahtzee affirmed 'Harry S Truman was right'.

And he obviously made a trap for you nostalgia gamers, moral of the story: "don't blindly believe in something, just because it wears a label".

Hitler wears the "past" label. Just because he was from the past doesn't mean he didn't participate in the Holocaust.

Bionic Commando: rearmed, and the rest wear the "retro-game" label. Just because they are retro (and retro snobs 'must' love it) doesn't mean they don't carry the retro-faults.

 

[yourkie1921]

"He admits he does. And he picked up Painkiller recently before he reviewed it, or atleast somewhat recently since he found it after it went to the bargain bin"

Really? I thought he said he played it when it was new as well : /

Either way it was at most 3 years ago.

 

[Stcb]

Having read the comments resulting from this video, I feel dumber.

Was everyone oblivious to his point about RELATIVITY? ROSE-TINTED glasses? He likes Twilight Princess and Mario Sunshine because they WERE THE FIRST 3D GAMES IN THOSE SERIES HE PLAYED.

He then goes on to declare "ALSO HITLER WAS RIGHT" because Hitler was the FIRST CONQUERING FACIST he knew presumably, therefore IT MUST BE RIGHT, are you understanding the hypocrisy of loving your past so tightly now? He's being deliberately hypocritical to make a point, and people are STILL jumping down his throat, even with his two-seconds-later disclaimer. The point is that YOU LOVE YOUR PAST and therefore like things you've liked before. So companies make games that cash in on this.

Hell, I still love FFVII, and I know deep down than graphically it's poor, the villian is bland, the main character's a mess and sorting him out is more effort than it's worth, and most of the support cast are one-shtick stereotypes tucked into their own nice backstory that's usually mutually exclusive to everyone else. Yet it's still MY FAVOURITE and if they remade it flawlessly, preserving everything I loved from the first with shiny new graphics and the same old materia system minus the glitches, I would pay full price for it, because my perspective is skewed and I know it and enjoy it.

Also there's a ton of things about 2D/3D playspaces and 2D/3D graphics. Castle Crashers has 2D graphics and a 3D playspace (up into background/down into foreground, left/right, and jumping up/down, 3 axis, 3D). This results in the 2-pixel miss-wiggle nonsense that should've stopped with Golden Axe. Bionic Commando has 3D graphics and 2D gameplay (left/right, grapple up/down). What's the point of the wasteful 3D on bland 2D gameplay that has barely been refined? Giving nostalgia a fresh coat of paint. That's it. There's no other benefit except maybe to appease people who detest anything that looks old, in which case they'll probably hate it once they start playing it anyway.

Yahtzee has never been wrong - you just have to be on the same level of insane, ultra-self-aware, reflexive mentality as him to see why. Everything is wonderful and shiny, everything is made of shit. But I see very little wonderful and shiny in the forum posts above me, and now look what you've made me done. I've written a horrible, bitter little rant and now I'm one of you gibbering idiots claiming to understand what's going through Yahtzee's head. Fuck it. I have no clue, I just think he's got a point and here's my understanding of it. In his own words, if you don't like it, fuck off.

Cocks.

I think this guy "got it".

By the way, what if what he actually said was "Hitler was WRIGHT" - coming of his Spore review, that would actually make a lot of sense. Or maybe it wouldn't, but still.

While I enjoy the debating that's going on in this topic, I think you guys are reading way too much into what is essentially a parody of the serious video game reviewing community. The "Hitler was right!" comment was in there to prove that the last part, if not all of the video relating to classic gaming automatically being bad was at least partly sarcastic.

Or perhaps he really does like TP better than OOT, which I can respect, but not agree with. If you really care, I've let a total of three friends up to this point borrow both TP and then OOT, and they all enjoyed Ocarina much more. The most cited reason was the story, level design, items, and, most of all, originality. Don't get me wrong here; Twilight Princess is a wonderful game that probably deserves a spot in the Top 25, but it still can't touch what is widely considered by video game critics to be the best game ever made.

 

[bodyklok]

brilliant as always keep um up

 

[Safe-Keeper]

I hear ya on the nostalgia bit Yahtzee.

I loved Police Quest as a child (had it on my 386), and then suddenly one day it no longer worked. I missed it for years, until finding it on Abandonia or somesuch. Loaded it up, saw how horrible the graphics were, and shut it down in disappointment after ten minutes.

 

[SiirusNagisa]

Nice to see that BC was properly reamed... and I love how you take the opportunity to rip the atrocity that is Halo3 every chance you get... although I'm surprised castle crashers got such a short and painful review.

No love for the collection aspect? 15 ingame pets with various abilities, 40 different weapons, 16 unlockable characters... Also I think I heard one line referring to the imaginitive art and humor style - coming from a man who constantly argues that video games are losing flavor as an art form, this was an opportunity to rave about a game that finally took a step in the right direction while giving us the same 4 player beat-em-up action that we enjoyed as coin-pilfering children (ex: turtles in time). And on the topic of nostalgia, there WERE good games back then, I don't think anyone can knock the original Sonic games and actually mean it.

I'm hoping you played up to more than the first boss, Yahtzee, else you're missing out on a ton more than you think. BTW, Who played golden axe for more than like 10 minutes, anyway? seriously, that game was terribad.

EDIT:
Also, am I the only person who noticed "Most Definitely Does NOT think Hitler was right" in the credits?

 

[Aptspire]

"That last sentence contained massive amounts of sarcasm" GLaDOS-esque

 

[Pyrokinesis]

I know there is a lack of new titles out there but now were reviewing games that your adv joe has not a clue what they are... almost seems like your stalling... Well none the less you really have a way for trolling, provoking every zelda fan, and Hitler enthusiast to spam your mail box. But who am i to judge. Id just like some more reviews on the adv joe game that most people know about. Starwars FU seemes like a good title to go for. Armored core series? Ace combat series? Maybe even the final fantasy series if you feel the need to get your hate mail to over 9000.

 

[MB202]

Also, am I the only person who noticed "Most Definitely Does NOT think Hitler was right" in the credits?

Silly SiirusNagisa. Don't know know Internet people can't read?

JK, I read it, though I don't really think that made up for what he said. Even sarcastically, it wasn't very funny.

BTW, I hope he reviews Wario Land: The Shake Dimension next time!

 

[OuroborosChoked]

So Yahtzee's main complaints about Bionic Commando: Rearmed are:
1. It's too hard.
2. The gameplay mechanics are too difficult to get used to.

1: Not really
2: That's normally a valid complaint but sometimes it isn't and if I don't explain everyone's going to flock to one or two examples where it isn't. If learning the mechanics of the game is not supposed to be part of the challenge that is a valid complaint. And he's complaining about unecisary complications that do nothing but make you pissed. Unless you consider remembering to press A again to let go is a decent challenge once you're used it in which case I must play you at a game that's out of your element so I can inflate my own ego.

Wow. AND he's never played the original... which was even more difficult than Rearmed by leagues. Also, I get the feeling that he never finished the game. I'm assuming this from the quote, "Strangely for a 2D platformer, you can't jump (at least from the start)." To me, that does not say, "I finished the game". That says, "I didn't even try".

I wouldn't play through more than the start of a fighting game where the mechanic for throwing a hit (any hit, and yes I mean the basic ones. and I mean the hitting itself, not the mechanics surrounding it) takes getting used to and until then makes you die every 10 seconds and then turns into a minor annoyance.

Also, to all of those pissed at him saying Hitler was right, in my opinion when you're kidding there is no line that can't be crossed.

I see you've never played Bionic Commando, either.

It is NOT a hard game. Yes, the gameplay mechanic isn't something you're used to, but once you DO get used to it (takes maybe half an hour, tops), the game is fun, challenging, and rewarding. If you stumble over the first hurdle and then blame the game, that makes you a PUSSY. BC:Rearmed is proof of this. Yahtzee can't stand old school gaming because it required skills which he does not possess. He lashes out against BC:Rearmed because it's yet another game in a growing trend of old school-styled games with old school difficulty... and it makes him afraid. I wonder how Yahtzee will fare against Megaman 9...

But maybe I'm reading too much into one man's misdirected rage...

Lastly, has anyone linked up his "Hitler was right" quote with Bill Hicks yet? As Bill Hicks said, "Hitler had the right idea! He was just an underachiever!" I think Yahtzee was more trying to reference Hicks than anything.

 

[Koboshi]

Wow, thanks for another great Video Yahtzee ^~^!Though you sounded a bit tired at the beginning of this one, hope all is well with you.

 

[A.I. Sigma]

I think the thing that annoys me most about Castle Crashers is the bastard 2D lineup, in which you can't hit anything if you aren't in exactly the same place as the enemy. I'm glad Yahtzee pointed that out, along with obscuring your character so you can't see what the hell you're doing.

Of course, I also find the game rather repetitive too, which is a little bit of a letdown...

 

[A.I. Sigma]

I know there is a lack of new titles out there but now were reviewing games that your adv joe has not a clue what they are... almost seems like your stalling... Well none the less you really have a way for trolling, provoking every zelda fan, and Hitler enthusiast to spam your mail box. But who am i to judge. Id just like some more reviews on the adv joe game that most people know about. Starwars FU seemes like a good title to go for. Armored core series? Ace combat series? Maybe even the final fantasy series if you feel the need to get your hate mail to over 9000.

Instead of posting your complaint on a board that Yahtzee probably doesn't give a shit about and most likely will never read, why don't you email him? Or, and I quote, are you 'scared of him ignoring you to death'?

 

[ZEROindividuality]

i loved the abuse of the game, but you seemed by the way the abuse the viewers and the players were slightly lacking .... i want more abuse from you sooooo, i'm telling you to review .. the force unleashed ( cause if you don't I'll have to give it a shot and there is no way i would measure up. i would fail like some punctuation.. and no one wants to see that.)

 

[[email protected]]

The Hitler being right was on the borderline of getting your ass sued by the Jewish community...

I liked castle crashers.. it was fun...apart from the whole boss covering the screen part...

 

[OuroborosChoked]

The Hitler being right was on the borderline of getting your ass sued by the Jewish community...

What?

Is it a violation of tort law to say racist-sounding things now?

 

[yourkie1921]

The Hitler being right was on the borderline of getting your ass sued by the Jewish community...

Anyone who tried to sue the escapist for that deserves to have all their money turned into pennies and shoved in their ass.

If you stumble over the first hurdle and then blame the game, that makes you a PUSSY. BC:Rearmed is proof of this. Yahtzee can't stand old school gaming because it required skills which he does not possess.

He's blaming the game for the first hurdle even being there when it shouldn't be. Also, him not having skill is an arguement I'm very fucking tired of hearing.

 

[OuroborosChoked]

The Hitler being right was on the borderline of getting your ass sued by the Jewish community...

Anyone who tried to sue the escapist for that deserves to have all their money turned into pennies and shoved in their ass.

If you stumble over the first hurdle and then blame the game, that makes you a PUSSY. BC:Rearmed is proof of this. Yahtzee can't stand old school gaming because it required skills which he does not possess.

He's blaming the game for the first hurdle even being there when it shouldn't be. Also, him not having skill is an arguement I'm very fucking tired of hearing.

Oh sorry... I guess all games should be wheelchair accessible, eh? Coincidence that he made his character wheelchair-bound and falling over a small block in the vid?

Why have a learning curve at all? A is always jump... B is always shoot. Don't change things up! People might have to re-learn something. GASP!

How many games have you played? Seriously. Did they all have the same controls? Since when is "learning the controls" a bad mark against a game?

BC takes NO SKILL. Yahtzee is a PUSSY.

 

[Arbre]

Hint:
Watch the whole interview with a mirror.

Still, it does not mean [http://stonebytes.blogspot.com/2008/09/zero-punctuation-retro-stuff-sucks.html] that all points become right when inverted.







OK?