Zero Punctuation: XBLA Double Bill

[yourkie1921]

What'd you rather? I prefer the health bars.......and possibly the hide behind cover system at the same time as long as you're not spending all of your time sucking your thumb waiting for your health to recover and enemies advance often enough where you won't heal a lot mid-fight. But the lives system can go to hell.

I still prefer the fusion bhetween the two that we got in Resistance and Condemend 2.

Yea, that's pretty good. But the lives system can go to hell

I must agree. Up until now I thought you were one of the most intelligent people on this planet. Then you make a shitty comment like "Hitler was right". What was that for? That was not funny. That was not cool. When did you become Mel Gibson. If you said it for any other reason other than you thought it was funny it makes you are horrible excuse for a human being, and yes, if anyone who heard it thought it was funny, you are an asshole too.
report

SILENCE! Not even worth responding to but still incredibly infuriating.

Yahtzee has just cursed the name of Zelda, this blasphemist must be purged.....

I say the Zelda games suck, period. All of them. And mario should stomp on link's head until he dies

Yathzee has his own problem with nostalgia with Painkiller for example. Seldom have I played such an unsatifying game. I'd rather play Invasion in UT : P

He admits he does. And he picked up Painkiller recently before he reviewed it, or atleast somewhat recently since he found it after it went to the bargain bin

I never understood why Yahtzee hates quick time events so much.

He doesn't necisarily hate them. See the uncharted drake's fortune review......well I think it was that one. He just hates them when they're done but aren't done often enough, have small indicators, and are neutrally colored

Obviously Yahtzee was joking about the whole Hitler thing, but still... its not funny yahtzee!

Yea, it's a failed joke. But I still like it because he successfully trolled extremely sensitive people.

 

[Wargamer]

On the Ocarina vs Twilight debate, the answer should be obvious.

Master Quest.

Ocarina rocked, but I have reached the point where I could probably beat the whole damn game wearing a blindfold. Twilight Princess rocked also, and probably rocked enough to snipe Ocarina for so many reasons. The first two that pop into my head are the fact you are at no point required to play as Child Link, and the second is the huge amount of Furry Wolf-Link-On-Imp-Midna porn that the game spawned to keep us entertained between gaming sessions.

The reason I'd pick Master Quest is that most of the dungeons are harder than Garry Glitter in the school playground. The insane difficulty ensures that fans of the original Ocarina have plenty to keep them occupied, especially as much of the enhanced difficulty comes from moving the whole damn dungeon around as opposed to just doubling the number of monsters as most games do.


I've not played the actual games reviewed, and I probably won't. However, I can't deny that nostalgia does play a big role in making old games seem great. That said, Jumping Flash remains bloody good fun to this day...


Oh yeah, like others have said - the "Hybrid" Health system used by Resistance is the best ever devised.

 

[Shadow-Knight]

Am I the only one who thinks that his video length should be doubled? He hardly talked about Castle Crashers at all. It was an average video, not great, but at least he destroyed BC.

 

[anti_strunt]

Having read the comments resulting from this video, I feel dumber.

Was everyone oblivious to his point about RELATIVITY? ROSE-TINTED glasses? He likes Twilight Princess and Mario Sunshine because they WERE THE FIRST 3D GAMES IN THOSE SERIES HE PLAYED.

He then goes on to declare "ALSO HITLER WAS RIGHT" because Hitler was the FIRST CONQUERING FACIST he knew presumably, therefore IT MUST BE RIGHT, are you understanding the hypocrisy of loving your past so tightly now? He's being deliberately hypocritical to make a point, and people are STILL jumping down his throat, even with his two-seconds-later disclaimer. The point is that YOU LOVE YOUR PAST and therefore like things you've liked before. So companies make games that cash in on this.

Hell, I still love FFVII, and I know deep down than graphically it's poor, the villian is bland, the main character's a mess and sorting him out is more effort than it's worth, and most of the support cast are one-shtick stereotypes tucked into their own nice backstory that's usually mutually exclusive to everyone else. Yet it's still MY FAVOURITE and if they remade it flawlessly, preserving everything I loved from the first with shiny new graphics and the same old materia system minus the glitches, I would pay full price for it, because my perspective is skewed and I know it and enjoy it.

Also there's a ton of things about 2D/3D playspaces and 2D/3D graphics. Castle Crashers has 2D graphics and a 3D playspace (up into background/down into foreground, left/right, and jumping up/down, 3 axis, 3D). This results in the 2-pixel miss-wiggle nonsense that should've stopped with Golden Axe. Bionic Commando has 3D graphics and 2D gameplay (left/right, grapple up/down). What's the point of the wasteful 3D on bland 2D gameplay that has barely been refined? Giving nostalgia a fresh coat of paint. That's it. There's no other benefit except maybe to appease people who detest anything that looks old, in which case they'll probably hate it once they start playing it anyway.

Yahtzee has never been wrong - you just have to be on the same level of insane, ultra-self-aware, reflexive mentality as him to see why. Everything is wonderful and shiny, everything is made of shit. But I see very little wonderful and shiny in the forum posts above me, and now look what you've made me done. I've written a horrible, bitter little rant and now I'm one of you gibbering idiots claiming to understand what's going through Yahtzee's head. Fuck it. I have no clue, I just think he's got a point and here's my understanding of it. In his own words, if you don't like it, fuck off.

Cocks.

I think this guy "got it".

By the way, what if what he actually said was "Hitler was WRIGHT" - coming of his Spore review, that would actually make a lot of sense. Or maybe it wouldn't, but still.

 

[Dectilon]

"He admits he does. And he picked up Painkiller recently before he reviewed it, or atleast somewhat recently since he found it after it went to the bargain bin"

Really? I thought he said he played it when it was new as well : /

Anyways, the point here is that retro games are just like games are in general. We all appreciate different things, many of which are completely idiotic, like games were trial-and-error is required to finally conquer, or shooters were all the weapons feel like cork pistols. : )

Sometimes we head back high on nostalgia unable to notice any flaws, and sometimes we crash and burn, shocked by how much time we spent playing crap.

And sometimes we do neither and just call each other cocks on forums.

 

[Korso]

Funny how most people say that sure Sunshine was better than 64 but no way Twilight was better than Ocarina of Time, I think Sunshine wasn't much better than 64, but Twilight beats Ocarina by a long shot. BobisOnlyBob wins the thread, nostalgia and such plays a big role in what you think is good. Without nostalgia I'm pretty sure I'd say: "Man Bionic Commando is bad and the jumping system is retarded" but no no, I think it's awesome and the hand is cool.

 

[Ken_Oh]

Registered just to post this. Usually I like ZP, but I just have to note some wrongness that hasn't been noted already.

First, spikes in ReArmed aren't "insta-death," unless you're playing the challenge rooms, but that just voids the lives complaint. And doesn't Art of Theft pretty much have a lives system too?

Someone mentioned how the grapple system isn't hard, since it's just over for and end of swing release or down to a release at any time before that. More to the point, Yahtzee suggested the grapple button should also release. That can't be done since it's only one button and there are 2 forms of releasing. He didn't think this one through.

Also, it's not that strange that a 2D platformer can't jump. Somehow jumping 5 times your height is standard; it's healthy to challenge that. And, barrels aren't waist-high.

ReArmed is very, very easy on the default difficulty all up until Albatross, but it's pretty obvious Yahtzee didn't get close to getting that far.

 

[inspirer]

Yahtzee's method boils down to this: anything that you may say in a British/Auzy accent will sound funny to a dumb enough audience.

And he is probably right, as is evident from the amount of applause that he gets.

He has some real talent that shows every once in a while but he mostly relies on his fanboys to keep the traffic high because they like to hear "fuck ... shit ... dick ... ****" in a British/Auzy accent, don't care about what's filling in the blanks and wouldn't know subtle humor if it bit them in the ass.

Here's a little test for all of you to know if you are one: if you can watch a clip three times without getting bored - you're a stupid fanboy. If you laughed in all three times then your brain is defective. extremely defective if you don't even care about the game being reviewed.

Maybe some of the reviews are insightful... I wouldn't know 'cause I never played any of those games, I don't even own a console but I enjoy it as a comedy, that is, until recently I found that it did all it can do for me and now it's just very nicely edited and narrated boring piece of text. If you don't agree you are either:
1. a stupid fanboy (stupid enough to still find funny the usage of the word FUCK in any sentence coming out of that asshole).

2. care about the game being reviewed (aka a liar and actually a fanboy).

or

3. just seen this for the first time and everything is new and exciting, in that case, it's interesting to see if you'll become a fanboy by the time you finnish watching all the other clips including all the ones that cover games that you don't care about.

 

[144_v1legacy]

Having read the comments resulting from this video, I feel dumber.

Was everyone oblivious to his point about RELATIVITY? ROSE-TINTED glasses? He likes Twilight Princess and Mario Sunshine because they WERE THE FIRST 3D GAMES IN THOSE SERIES HE PLAYED.

He then goes on to declare "ALSO HITLER WAS RIGHT" because Hitler was the FIRST CONQUERING FACIST he knew presumably, therefore IT MUST BE RIGHT, are you understanding the hypocrisy of loving your past so tightly now? He's being deliberately hypocritical to make a point, and people are STILL jumping down his throat, even with his two-seconds-later disclaimer. The point is that YOU LOVE YOUR PAST and therefore like things you've liked before. So companies make games that cash in on this.

Hell, I still love FFVII, and I know deep down than graphically it's poor, the villian is bland, the main character's a mess and sorting him out is more effort than it's worth, and most of the support cast are one-shtick stereotypes tucked into their own nice backstory that's usually mutually exclusive to everyone else. Yet it's still MY FAVOURITE and if they remade it flawlessly, preserving everything I loved from the first with shiny new graphics and the same old materia system minus the glitches, I would pay full price for it, because my perspective is skewed and I know it and enjoy it.

Also there's a ton of things about 2D/3D playspaces and 2D/3D graphics. Castle Crashers has 2D graphics and a 3D playspace (up into background/down into foreground, left/right, and jumping up/down, 3 axis, 3D). This results in the 2-pixel miss-wiggle nonsense that should've stopped with Golden Axe. Bionic Commando has 3D graphics and 2D gameplay (left/right, grapple up/down). What's the point of the wasteful 3D on bland 2D gameplay that has barely been refined? Giving nostalgia a fresh coat of paint. That's it. There's no other benefit except maybe to appease people who detest anything that looks old, in which case they'll probably hate it once they start playing it anyway.

Yahtzee has never been wrong - you just have to be on the same level of insane, ultra-self-aware, reflexive mentality as him to see why. Everything is wonderful and shiny, everything is made of shit. But I see very little wonderful and shiny in the forum posts above me, and now look what you've made me done. I've written a horrible, bitter little rant and now I'm one of you gibbering idiots claiming to understand what's going through Yahtzee's head. Fuck it. I have no clue, I just think he's got a point and here's my understanding of it. In his own words, if you don't like it, fuck off.

Cocks.

I think this guy "got it".

By the way, what if what he actually said was "Hitler was WRIGHT" - coming of his Spore review, that would actually make a lot of sense. Or maybe it wouldn't, but still.

Well, at least there are SOME smart people on this thread. I was starting to think I was the only sane person on the internet.

I actually went to some casual gamers (not casual game players - a subtle but important difference) who didn't know of ZP, and asked what they thought with regard to the whole TP vs Oot or nostalgia stuff, and they ALL like TP much better. They ALL like sunshine better.
Which caused me to realize that there's something other than nostalgia at work here. It's the desperate desire to stick to ones' claims that "(insert classic game here) is the best game ever, and everything since is shit," something only the "hardcore" gamers believe. Weird, huh.

 

[144_v1legacy]

Fuck it, I'm leaving the escapist and I'm never going to watch another Yahtzee review again. To all of those Yahtzee fanboys who their cock right up near Yahtzee's tiny cock, fuck yourselfs. I'm obviously doing to intentionally get the banhammer. God, to believe I used to like Yahtzee.

To that Bobisonlybob, I know a couple of gaming websites with critics who give a fairer review and honest review than Yahtzee could ever make. Gamecritics.com, Giantbomb.com, firingsquad.com, gamedailybiz.com, destructoid.com, and mygamer.com.

I also want to make one last statement to Yahtzee; You're an asshole of the weak.

Well, you're an asshole too. They often say people who are the same hate each other.

 

[Caligulove]

Why do I get the feeling your workbook looked the same as mine did?

 

[Hamster at Dawn]

I laughed so much at the Dizzy joke at the beginning! It was a great game but you are still right that old games are not really as good as new games. In a nostalgic attempt to have some fun, I went and bought Spyro 2 (one of my favourite childhood games). The game is still a lot of fun no doubt but I realised that it just doesn't compare to the games of today. Actually that said, are there any games today where you get to play as a freaking dragon that burns to death elephants with snail shells on their backs and impales giant beetles with his horns? I guess that many things have improved in games more recently but ingenuity is not one of them.

Wait, why am I writing this? It's going to appear about 10 pages in! Why do I waste my time like this?

 

[diocles777]

Hitler was not right. There are some things that you just can't joke about.

 

[Semper_Fidelis53]

Excelent review, I just finished stitching up my sides. And not only do the extremely deprived want to have sex with you!

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I played the demo of Castle Crashers at my mate's house, I don't own a 360, and to me it feels EXACTLY how an update of a retro classic should be, take what made it good, update the graphics and sound, because you can, and I don't care how retro you are, you can make a old game look better. Then take the old gameplay and tweak it, don't make a new game of it, but trim off any unfair stuff, add new elements if it was too repetitive, maybe add the levelling system or new combos etc, and you have Castle Crashers which just feels...right!

Oh and I'm not sure he was being sarcastic about the older zelda and mario, sure we look back and love our memories of older games, but have you actually played em recently?

I'm not knocking older games, but in the main a lot of things have evolved, streamlined, polished up and improved over the years, and I'm one of those suckers who had a Atari 2600 with the wooden panelling on the front, and a controller with one, yes, one button.

Hell I got ET for one christmas, and enjoyed it, as I knew no better. Go on, just try to make me play ET now!

Again I'm not saying 'all old games are bad', but lets drop the rose tinted glasses.

 

[Leifonuss]

I played twilight princess and sunshine before oot and 64, too, but honestly, i thought the old ones were much better.

 

[ohellynot]

you say that twilight princess and sunshine are better than the n64 counter parts but there really just the same games only the old ones have nostalgia and the new ones have nice looking graphics. though personally i chooose the older pair

 

[Vlane]

Hitler was not right. There are some things that you just can't joke about.

Look at the credits

Of course Twilight Princess is better because it came out about 10 years (I don't know if that is the real number) after OoT. Better graphics, better gameplay and maybe better story.