Zero Punctuation: Zelda Phantom Hourglass

Kronopticon

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Nov 7, 2007
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Im a synical person, like Yahtzee, but, i am also a nintendo fan, as such i am completely agreeing with Yahtzee, as i kept clinging onto them in the hope that they would actually do anything revolutionary with their consoles, but because they REALLY didnt, thats why they changed the name from the nintendo revolution, to the nintendo wii, because overall, it isnt a revolution, its a TV remote with less buttons, they just about pulled out some spanktacular new things for the gamecube, but then they ruined the greatness by remaking, sequeling, and cross platforming over and over again, but will nintendo listen? NO! its not even hard to come up with a new idea, yahtzee proved that himself with his "Tomb Raider: Anniversary" ending, which rocked, here's one, a rock-climbing fishmongler from france takes on evil vegetable patches to become a world renowned chef. ITS EASY, why cant nintendo do it!

Lance Icarus said:
Yes, it might as well be called The Legend of Backtrack and the Phantom Motivation.
now that is genius, instead of doing sequels, they should do parodies to their own games
 

Arbre

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Kronopticon said:
Lance Icarus said:
Yes, it might as well be called The Legend of Backtrack and the Phantom Motivation.
now that is genius, instead of doing sequels, they should do parodies to their own games
Almost done. :p
 

stacia123

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Nov 8, 2007
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Is it bad form to bring up something from last week in this week's comments? Because at one point in the MOH review you had one of the sidekick soldiers saying "I'm a hero", which was funny, but "I'm an hero" would have been filled with even more win. I just had to say that.

I agree with SanitysRequiem, the sailing was awesome, but I've loved game sailing ever since Ultima: Exodus for the NES.
 

Darkong

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Nov 6, 2007
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Good review as usual, best reason to get up on wednesday morning.

On the point of the debate, Nintendo are kind of in a bind as far as Zelda goes, any time that they've tried to mix up the formula either they've been criticised for it or the game has underperformed. Personally I loved Wind Waker and could forgive the sailing and poor final third to a degree because it has so much going for it. The characters are portrayed far better than in just about any game I've ever played, every one of the NPC's has individuality and personality, even the totally insignificant ones, and the game has so much charm I found it wasy to forgive the mis-steps that it took.

Twilight Princess was an example of Nintendo giving in to the publics demands rather than doing what they want. The public demanded a Zelda game that was more like Ocarina of Time, and Nintendo oblige, then the public turns around and complains that its too similar to Ocarina of Time, well duh!

More on topic, Zelda games aren't plot driven RPG's like Final Fantasy, the plot really is just there to give an excuse to leave the starting area and to give you an enemy to fight so complaining about the plot, or lack thereof, is kind of missing the point of the games. The point of Zelda games has always been about exploration and discovering secrets, this was laid out in the first Zelda which really gave you almost no hints as to where you had to go and what you had to do (didn't even give you a map) but threw you into a world with only a sword and shield and expected you to discover everything yourself.

My big problem with Nintendo games now is that they do a bit too much 'hand-holding' in how they give you hints and tell you where to go. First example of this I think is in Mario 64 level 4 (Cool, Cool Mountain) where on the first time you enter it tells you to jump down the chimney of the hut and there's a sign next to it talking about Santa not being the only one who can go down chimneys', this is despite the fact that there is a trail of coins leading down the chimney meaning that only a blind chimp couldn't work out that you can jump down it.

On the topic of new IP's, I can't really see the point in a lot of ways. If the new IP's do something different (like what Animal Crossing and Pikmin do) then fine but if its just to dress what could be a Mario, Zelda or Metroid game (and a lot of people do say this is a route Nintendo should take) up in a different image then why bother? These series consistently spawn good or great games and how many other game series can say that? Not many. However I will say that the Mario spin-offs like Mario party etc need to be put down for the good of all, Mario Kart and Paper Mario are fine but others take it a bit too far.
 
Nov 11, 2007
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As always Yahtzee, all of your video game reviews are hilarious. I don't care what anybody says. In every Legend of Zelda game, Princess Zelda always gets kidnapped and Link has to rescue risk his life to rescue her. Same old plot, different name title. People should just admit it. As long as Nintendo keeps releasing Legend of Zelda games, the same plot will be in it.
 

Kainti

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Nov 7, 2007
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Okay, so after playing further into the Phantom Hourglass I can say this much.

In Windwaker, the graphics were excellent, because it was a smooth game. The people look ass hideous in this game, and the dialouge sometimes makes me pissed. I should not be pissed off at dialouge unless it's the haughty badguy calling my mother a whore, or something.

Another thing, I have to agree with Yahtzee on his "fuck right off" point. Going back to the same dungeon, that's TIMED, and having to sneak by the same fuck-tards again and again gets so god damned frustrating it's ridiculous. I've already gone past them, i'm bored, perhaps I can speed it up? NOPE! Because if I do I get hit, and lose 30 seconds, and can not complete the dungeon! Then i'm done pooping, turn off the game, and leave the toilet.

Finally, in the Windwaker, I loved the sailing. For some reason I found it so much run to ride in my boat, board other ships, do some kickass combat (ass opposed to *TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP*) and not even finding the triforce shards bothered me. Sailing in the windwaker is like poking your penis when you really need to cut your nails.
 

Demeth

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Nov 12, 2007
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I love these reviews. It's a shame that I require them to expose the effect these flaws have on these games that I can't get out of other reviews (even though I should, I like to pretend they aren't there :( ). Despite this, in the end, I'm a huge fan of the Zelda series and because I like these games so much, I can withstand the flaws and still enjoy the games as much as I enjoyed the first Zelda game I ever picked up. Oh damn, I think that makes me an idiot. Oh well, at least I'm happy.

Anyways...

Keep up the good work, it is greatly appreciated.
 

twotrees517

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Sep 29, 2007
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Redfeather said:
Only annoying factor is the use of "fag" every episode lately it seems. Perhaps it's not quite the slur in merry old england that it is here in the states. Or perhaps he's been listening to too many console 'tards via voice chat.
... But doesn't he use it mainly in reference to himself? Is it not the same way that I could call myself a ***** or (insert racial slur here) because I'm a woman of color?
 

LordOmnit

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Katana314 said:
Ohhh....you know what? Yeah, you're right. I'm vaguely sure that in one of the games, Zelda said "Link, it's surely your destiny." instead of "Link, it must be your destiny." Yeah, different plot.
I wasn't going to comment on this because of the sheer IDIOCY of this comment, especially considering what I said in the comment you QUOTED. Sure, in Zelda games you are:
Yahtzee said:
The same bloody guy saving the same bloody girl with the same bloody boomerang.
but the point is is that these are plot DEVICES rather than the whole story. What you said about the differing sentence structure is just the reasoning for him going off and doing whatever, but, as you quoted me, the stories diverge from there, unless you are going to make a big generalization again.
Here, let me make one too-
Fantasy stories with male leads are always the same: male lead is destined for greatness whether he likes it or not, goes off to save the kingdom/world, probably has to save a girl along the way and likely hooks up with her, he wins and everyone is happy, the end.
 

liquidmetal

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Nov 12, 2007
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Do any of you realize how amazingly good Nutella is? Judging by this thread, I don't think that you do. Wow. How uncultured and uncivilized can you get? Here's what you need to do.

Go buy Nutella and bread. Put a piece of the bread in the toaster. When it's done, spread Nutella on it. Eat the amazing gift from God that you hold in your grubby little hand. After that, you may come back and post. Until then, do your best to come to terms with the fact that you're missing out on one of the greatest things in life and try to avoid committing suicide.
 

Hazelwolf

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Nov 7, 2007
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LordOmnit said:
Nutella.
?????
French Hazelnut Chocolate spread. But i'm damned if i know what its relevance is to a game review, regardless of its Mana-from-heaven-itude
 

Bongo Bill

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Jul 13, 2006
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Original intellectual property out of Nintendo and their second parties in the past five years? We'll exclude Pikmin. Battalion Wars and Wario Ware are more like spinoffs, as well as Excite Truck and this strange post-apocalyptic Advance Wars. A comprehensive search of Wikipedia reveals the following titles developed by Nintendo or Nintendo-owned studios based on original IP in the past five years: Nintendogs, Brain Age, the Wii Play sort of series, and earlier than that, you've got Odama, Geist, Rhythm Tengoku, Drill Dozer, and the Custom Robo series. Granted, most of those weren't great. They're mainly developed by the second parties, and make up a fairly small portion of Nintendo's publications. But there they are.
 

u2rocksbaby

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Nov 13, 2007
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Sorry, Yahtzee, but for the first time I disagree with you. This Zelda may have the a similar story (not the same story, a story with some of the same plot devices), with a few problems in the gameplay, but it's a new game with respect to the gameplay. The boomerang is used differently, and so is the grappling hook. I'm no Zelda fan, but I actually played this game and thought it was excellent.
 

Arbre

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liquidmetal said:
Do any of you realize how amazingly good Nutella is?
It is good. But I have found a similar chocolate & nuts paste, made by Alter Eco, and it's even better!
Now we only buy that one.
 

Arbre

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Bongo Bill said:
Original intellectual property out of Nintendo and their second parties in the past five years? We'll exclude Pikmin. Battalion Wars and Wario Ware are more like spinoffs, as well as Excite Truck and this strange post-apocalyptic Advance Wars. A comprehensive search of Wikipedia reveals the following titles developed by Nintendo or Nintendo-owned studios based on original IP in the past five years: Nintendogs, Brain Age, the Wii Play sort of series, and earlier than that, you've got Odama, Geist, Rhythm Tengoku, Drill Dozer, and the Custom Robo series. Granted, most of those weren't great. They're mainly developed by the second parties, and make up a fairly small portion of Nintendo's publications. But there they are.
The fact that you had to go through wikipedia may say a lot about the value of these "new" franchises though, and precisely reveals that those which worked very well and were truly original didn't really contain any new milkable character.

I think people are expected Nintendo to create a new Mario, Link or Samus, but we don't see any coming.