Monkey Paw thread

[Mister Mumbler]

I wish for a paradox-free time machine.

Granted. Its a box; you get in and it travels forward through time at x1.0 normal speed.

I wish I had a better computer.

 

[gorfias]

Granted. Its a box; you get in and it travels forward through time at x1.0 normal speed.

I wish I had a better computer.

Granted. Now it thinks it is too good for you and will not accept your input.
I wish I had a bigger house.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Granted. Now it thinks it is too good for you and will not accept your input.
I wish I had a bigger house.

Granted, but it's located directly on the South Pole.

I wish I could play every instrument at a savant-like level.

 

[Gordon_4]

Granted, but it's located directly on the South Pole.

I wish I could play every instrument at a savant-like level.

Granted, except you may only do so when naked and being spanked by prostitutes dressed as Margaret Thatcher.


I wish I had good ideas.

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Granted, except you may only do so when naked and being spanked by prostitutes dressed as Margaret Thatcher.


I wish I had good ideas.

Granted, except people won't listen to them.

I wish we knew alien life existed

 

[CM156]

Granted, except people won't listen to them.

I wish we knew alien life existed

Granted, it does, but it's hundreds of thousand light years away and there's no way to break past the speed of light.

I wish the Republican party in my country regained sanity and respectability.

 

[Kae]

Granted, they become the communist party.

I wish I was a submarine.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

It is done. But you are sentient and fully aware of the feeling of having people and seamen inside of you.

I wish I could change genders at will.

Edit: Dammit I had sex and gender confused. Not what I meant at all D=

 

[CM156]

Granted, but you can't change your sex at will.

I wish that I had a pair of dress shoes that fit my feet well.

 

[Mister Mumbler]

Granted. They contour to your feet like a glove, while offering amazing comfort and support. You never take them off. Unfortunately, they are styled like kids shoes, specifically, a police car: they are bright red and blue, with matching light-up function and "wee-woo" sound when walking.

I wish I could manufacture new versions of classic cars.

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Granted. They contour to your feet like a glove, while offering amazing comfort and support. You never take them off. Unfortunately, they are styled like kids shoes, specifically, a police car: they are bright red and blue, with matching light-up function and "wee-woo" sound when walking.

I wish I could manufacture new versions of classic cars.

You absolutely can. They will never pass a safety or emissions test.

I want Delicious in Dungeon to get an anime

 

[Gordon_4]

You absolutely can. They will never pass a safety or emissions test.

I want Delicious in Dungeon to get an anime

Granted. Except the anime director has made it a hentai fetish vehicle that’s an exploitative fusion of Goblin Slayer and 9 1/2 Weeks.

EDIT:

I wish I was better

 

[TheMysteriousGX]

Granted. Except the anime director has made it a hentai fetish vehicle that’s an exploitative fusion of Goblin Slayer and 9 1/2 Weeks.

Ahh, shit. And I know what early scenes they could do that to. Lotta potential guro vore

 

[CM156]

Granted. They contour to your feet like a glove, while offering amazing comfort and support. You never take them off. Unfortunately, they are styled like kids shoes, specifically, a police car: they are bright red and blue, with matching light-up function and "wee-woo" sound when walking.

I'm sorry, but how is that a negative? Those shoes sound amazing.

I wish that I had more time to sleep.

 

[Mister Mumbler]

I wish I was better

Granted, you now have a horrible gambling addiction. (Sorry it isn't funnier, but hey, they can't all be winners)

 

[Mister Mumbler]

I'm sorry, but how is that a negative? Those shoes sound amazing.

I wish that I had more time to sleep.

Well, I know you are a lawyer in some capacity, so I just imagined you in a classic "courtroom scene", but with those aforementioned shoes.

Granted;

"Goodnight, sweet prince(-cess)."

I wish this sites formatting was easier to work with.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Well, I know you are a lawyer in some capacity, so I just imagined you in a classic "courtroom scene", but with those aforementioned shoes.

Granted;
View attachment 4691
"Goodnight, sweet prince(-cess)."

I wish this sites formatting was easier to work with.

Granted, but you get the "Oops, something went wrong." error 90% of the time you hit post.

I wish I could live a life of ease and quiet retirement.

 

[gorfias]

Granted, but you get the "Oops, something went wrong." error 90% of the time you hit post.

I wish I could live a life of ease and quiet retirement.

Granted. You've been aged 60 years and live in a nursing home.

I wish my favorite restaurant served a much more generous gin martini.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Granted. You've been aged 60 years and live in a nursing home.

I wish my favorite restaurant served a much more generous gin martini.

Granted, but the added cost bankrupts them within a year.

I wish I could sleep as long as I want every day.

 

[CM156]

Granted, but the added cost bankrupts them within a year.

I wish I could sleep as long as I want every day.

Granted, but when you wake up, you don't feel rested.

I wish I could juggle.