A Poly relationship

[FrostyChick]

Well considering the chances of me find just 1 girl interested in me is astronomically low.
The chances of finding two are approximately 1 in G.

**blinks**

Awww! That's not true! You're awesome!

**hugs**

*hugs*

Sorry about that. I don't actually believe the chances are really that low. I just really wanted an excuse to use high level maths construct in a discussion semi-related to sex. ^^;

I was at one point offered to join one. But it would have gotten weird... Really fast.

 

[Yopaz]

Traditional relationship is the only way to avoid sin. Being in a relationship with more than one person at the same time should be illegal and should be punished with fines or jail in repeat offenders.

Spoiler: Image for those who didn't see the original post I am responding too

Nah, seriously, I don't see the harm, but I don't see the appeal either.

Think of it this way. You know those things you like? Now there's two of them. [small]or if you're bi, now there's both of them[/small]

Let me rephrase that last bit. I don't see anything wrong, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one. My point still stands though, polygamous relationships are great if it makes those involved happy.

 

[BabyRaptor]

I'm Bi. Radoh could go either way based on whatever would amuse him at the time. The other one is decidedly straight, but would probably humor it just for me if I begged enough.
Edit: And yes, he's male too.

**blinks**

Wait, did I already know that you two were together? I mean, if so I clearly forgot, but do you know if I was previously aware of this?

I ask because, up til now I thought I was having a conversation about two different poly relationships rather than one poly relationship from two different members of said relationship.

Which, by the way - fuck yeah! ^^ Congrats to both of you - I'm always psyched when two people I know online get together.

Possibly? You probably knew of the first time we dated...We broke up for a bit and then ended up giving it another shot. And thank you! ^_^ I'm rather happy about it all, obviously.

 

[chinangel]

Think of it this way. You know those things you like? Now there's two of them.

It doesn't work that way for most people

Unless we're talking about just casual sex, which as far as I've understood it we're not

We aren't. But Yopaz said that he didn't understand the appeal, and I was trying to provide an ultra-simplified explanation of why some people find poly relationships appealing.

And I wasn't just talking about sexy things. I was also talking about "two shoulders to cry on when bad stuff happens" and the like.

they're product ads, and you enter the catchphrase from the product. For example, to post this, I had to type in 'The Hopper from DISH'

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

*hugs*
Sorry about that. I don't actually believe the chances are really that low. I just really wanted an excuse to use high level maths construct in a discussion semi-related to sex. ^^;
I was at one point offered to join one. But it would have gotten weird... Really fast.

It's okay. You just sounded so sad, I wanted to hug you. I do that. ^^

And actually, for a good math joke (which it was), I'm pretty willing to forgive many things.

Speaking of math/physics jokes - the Schrodinger's Pussy joke on Critical Miss cracked me up. ^^

Why does it matter if it's lesbian sex? You seem to be projecting some bizarre personal distinction onto others
Why would that make a difference?

I was trying to think of situations where everyone's orientation worked out. I can understand jealousy if not everyone is attracted to everyone else, but if everyone in the relationship is attracted to everyone else, and if everyone in the relationship is having sex with everyone else, then I don't understand why people would be jealous.

"I'm jealous that the person I'm having sex with is having sex with the other person I'm having sex with."

Does not compute. To me, that seems like the best anti-jealousy method. If you're a guy, and someone else is having sex with your girlfriend, and you find that other person attractive, and have sex with them, then what is there to be jealous over? Your sharing.

I'll use a non sex example:

My spouse and I own a PS3.

If I only get single player games that I like, then I can understand my spouse getting jealous about not getting to play any games. However, if we play Rockband, which we both like, then why would my spouse be jealous? My spouse is playing Rockband with me. And if my spouse plays some Rockband while I'm at work, I still get to play when I get home. So why would I be jealous?

Edit: Oh, and just because it's funny.

Why does it matter if it's lesbian sex?

Because lesbian sex is awesome?

Except when you're I'm pregnant - then not so much.

 

[maxben]

I actually am in one right now, and apparently I'm super French because the other guy and myself get along quite well, being that we were friends long before the relationship.

The only real problem is I don't know what we equate to with each other in the relationship.
So, she's my girlfriend, and we're both her boyfriends, but what are the boyfriends to each other if they aren't dating?

**blinks in surprise**

Boyfriend? You're male?

**wide, hollow eyes**

I'm so disillusioned right now.

OT: Also... so you and the other guy aren't lovers too? I thought that's how Poly worked - everyone had sex with everyone. If it that wasn't the case, I thought it wasn't Poly, but Open.

What, you didn't know? I've announced it to the chat three times and have posted my face in three different threads, I even have a voice recording on that Voice Thread ScorchedCascade made!

And no, the other man is not my lover.
He's neither bi or limber enough for that to work.

Just so you know, that's called a hinge relationship. Its a subset of poly relationship that revolves around one person (the hinge) and two people attached to that one person. They are only attached to each other through that one person and are not themselves in a sexual relationship (though that doesn't mean they cant be friends).
An open relationship relies on two people being in a relationship and having meaningless sex with others, poly relations symbolize a deeper attraction, and a hinge relationship there is an emotional connection between the people on the edges even if their physical relationship is with the hinge.

 

[attackshark]

i'm pretty selfish. while i applaud the progressive attitude, i doubt i could deal with sharing my significant other like the six billion years of evolution that i am.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Just so you know, that's called a hinge relationship. Its a subset of poly relationship that revolves around one person (the hinge) and two people attached to that one person. They are only attached to each other through that one person and are not themselves in a sexual relationship (though that doesn't mean they cant be friends).
An open relationship relies on two people being in a relationship and having meaningless sex with others, poly relations symbolize a deeper attraction, and a hinge relationship there is an emotional connection between the people on the edges even if their physical relationship is with the hinge.

Okay, so then what happened to me was my open relationship turned into a hinge relationship that we (my spouse and I) thought was a poly relationship until the hinge posted on her Facebook page that she hoped to break us up.

Terminology is neat! ^^

 

[recurve6]

I have a hard enough time getting and keeping one girlfriend, let alone numerous haha.

BUT, if given the chance......nah, still can't do it. Couldn't deal with all of the jealousy, paranoia, etc, as previous posters have mentioned.

Too much stress ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[BOOM headshot65]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

 

[Zen Toombs]

-snip- I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one.

Oh, I totally agree. If being in a relationship is X hard, being in a poly relationship is X[sup]2[/sup] hard.

Spoiler

Think of it this way. You know those things you like? Now there's two of them.

It doesn't work that way for most people

Unless we're talking about just casual sex, which as far as I've understood it we're not

We aren't. But Yopaz said that he didn't understand the appeal, and I was trying to provide an ultra-simplified explanation of why some people find poly relationships appealing.

And I wasn't just talking about sexy things. I was also talking about "two shoulders to cry on when bad stuff happens" and the like.

they're product ads, and you enter the catchphrase from the product. For example, to post this, I had to type in 'The Hopper from DISH'

Um, I think you quoted the wrong person.

Also, I refuse to answer the "product placement Captchas". I just click the refresh till I see normal people words.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Possibly? You probably knew of the first time we dated...We broke up for a bit and then ended up giving it another shot. And thank you! ^_^ I'm rather happy about it all, obviously.

^^

When you first said it, I was like "wow, I had no idea!" And then I had this sense of deja vu like I'd had this conversation before, and I was like - wait, I remember talking in the Pony chat about Radoh being in a relationship with someone else in said chat. This was a while ago, so yeah, probably the first time you guys got together.

But yeah - fucking awesome! **hugs you both**

 

[tofulove]

imo polygamy is at its best when you have a pre existing homosexual relationship that brings in a 3rd wheel of the opposite gender for child making purposes.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

Closest thing to a poly relationship I've been in, is going out with 5 different women, steadily, for a few months, before dumping all but one, cuz she was the only not annoying one...

Would I? Depends on the circumstances, if it was with two bisexual females, I'd be game, if another guy got involved there might be conflict, I'm not into men, and as such it would feel too much like being cheated on, which is not cool, but if I was also bi, then maybe I wouldn't mind so much, but hypothetical situations rarely apply in reality, I cannot exactly just start finding men sexually attractive, even if I wanted to.

 

[Yopaz]

-snip- I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one.

Oh, I totally agree. If being in a relationship is X hard, being in a poly relationship is X[sup]2[/sup] hard.

Yeah, that's basically my thought too. Being in a polygamous relationship complicates a lot. You're probably quite accurate when you estimate the work being x[sup]2[/sup] as compared to a normal relationship.

Still having trouble juggling one I guess I should withhold judgement...

 

[maxben]

Just so you know, that's called a hinge relationship. Its a subset of poly relationship that revolves around one person (the hinge) and two people attached to that one person. They are only attached to each other through that one person and are not themselves in a sexual relationship (though that doesn't mean they cant be friends).
An open relationship relies on two people being in a relationship and having meaningless sex with others, poly relations symbolize a deeper attraction, and a hinge relationship there is an emotional connection between the people on the edges even if their physical relationship is with the hinge.

Okay, so then what happened to me was my open relationship turned into a hinge relationship that we (my spouse and I) thought was a poly relationship until the hinge posted on her Facebook page that she hoped to break us up.

Terminology is neat! ^^

Haha yeah, I was always one of those "need to know everything types" though I'm rather prudish with what I want. Which is why my open relationship failed, I was never going to be the person comfortable with it and I began feeling uncomfortable with myself for allowing it to go on. I felt like a victim being used, even though I had every right to stop it from the beginning.

Traditional relationship is the only way to avoid sin. Being in a relationship with more than one person at the same time should be illegal and should be punished with fines or jail in repeat offenders.

Spoiler: Image for those who didn't see the original post I am responding too

Nah, seriously, I don't see the harm, but I don't see the appeal either.

Think of it this way. You know those things you like? Now there's two of them. [small]or if you're bi, now there's both of them[/small]

Let me rephrase that last bit. I don't see anything wrong, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one. My point still stands though, polygamous relationships are great if it makes those involved happy.

You have every right to fear a poly relationship. Even for people who are attracted to it have a difficult time. It is exactly as you see it, keeping more than one person happy in a relationship is very very difficult.

 

[AngloDoom]

I've had three girlfriends who were insanely jealous - one managed to make me feel guilty for talking to a girl I worked with without me somehow realising - and so I'm on my toes anyway in a relationship. If I'm in a relationship and a girl starts talking to me you might hear me say such phrases as:

"Ha! That reminds me of a hilarious story that my girlfriend told me. My girlfriend was doing just that - my girlfriend is always doing that - so I said, "Oi, girlfriend!" to which she replied "Yes, boyfriend?" because she's my girlfriend. So anyway, my girlfriend..."

or

"I'm gay. Massively. Like, off the gaydar. I'm the magnetic North of homosexuality."

I'm sure you can figure out my stance on the subject. It's cool for some, it'd just be an aneurysm waiting to happen for me.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

eh, threesomes are like communism, they sound great on paper but usually work out badly in real life.

 

[kortin]

Uh, no. One person, do not want more than one. More than one would end badly, most definitely.

 

[Rubashov]

I don't get the jealousy thing. Yes, your SOs are having sex with other people - your other SOs, whom you also have sex with. If you're a straight guy, and you're dating two women, who have lesbian sex with one another and straight sex with you - what's the problem exactly? And if you're a bi guy, and you're having sex with a straight woman and another bi guy - again, why be jealous of them having sex too?

I'll admit, I don't really get the whole jealousy thing at all, but moreso when it's in a poly three-way situation.

Eh, I can see how the jealousy thing might apply. Suppose that the connection--physical or emotional--between two people in the triangle is stronger than either of their connections with the third. In other words (to use your first example), suppose one of the women and the guy have sex with each other much more often than either has sex with the other woman. Wouldn't it be fairly reasonable for the other woman to feel jealous?