A Poly relationship

[Yopaz]

-snip- I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one.

Oh, I totally agree. If being in a relationship is X hard, being in a poly relationship is X[sup]2[/sup] hard.

Yeah, that's basically my thought too. Being in a polygamous relationship complicates a lot. You're probably quite accurate when you estimate the work being x[sup]2[/sup] as compared to a normal relationship.

Still having trouble juggling one I guess I should withhold judgement...

 

[maxben]

Just so you know, that's called a hinge relationship. Its a subset of poly relationship that revolves around one person (the hinge) and two people attached to that one person. They are only attached to each other through that one person and are not themselves in a sexual relationship (though that doesn't mean they cant be friends).
An open relationship relies on two people being in a relationship and having meaningless sex with others, poly relations symbolize a deeper attraction, and a hinge relationship there is an emotional connection between the people on the edges even if their physical relationship is with the hinge.

Okay, so then what happened to me was my open relationship turned into a hinge relationship that we (my spouse and I) thought was a poly relationship until the hinge posted on her Facebook page that she hoped to break us up.

Terminology is neat! ^^

Haha yeah, I was always one of those "need to know everything types" though I'm rather prudish with what I want. Which is why my open relationship failed, I was never going to be the person comfortable with it and I began feeling uncomfortable with myself for allowing it to go on. I felt like a victim being used, even though I had every right to stop it from the beginning.

Traditional relationship is the only way to avoid sin. Being in a relationship with more than one person at the same time should be illegal and should be punished with fines or jail in repeat offenders.

Spoiler: Image for those who didn't see the original post I am responding too

Nah, seriously, I don't see the harm, but I don't see the appeal either.

Think of it this way. You know those things you like? Now there's two of them. [small]or if you're bi, now there's both of them[/small]

Let me rephrase that last bit. I don't see anything wrong, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I guess I can see the appeal, but I've got a slight fear of relationship which I fear would get even worse in a polygamous one. My point still stands though, polygamous relationships are great if it makes those involved happy.

You have every right to fear a poly relationship. Even for people who are attracted to it have a difficult time. It is exactly as you see it, keeping more than one person happy in a relationship is very very difficult.

 

[AngloDoom]

I've had three girlfriends who were insanely jealous - one managed to make me feel guilty for talking to a girl I worked with without me somehow realising - and so I'm on my toes anyway in a relationship. If I'm in a relationship and a girl starts talking to me you might hear me say such phrases as:

"Ha! That reminds me of a hilarious story that my girlfriend told me. My girlfriend was doing just that - my girlfriend is always doing that - so I said, "Oi, girlfriend!" to which she replied "Yes, boyfriend?" because she's my girlfriend. So anyway, my girlfriend..."

or

"I'm gay. Massively. Like, off the gaydar. I'm the magnetic North of homosexuality."

I'm sure you can figure out my stance on the subject. It's cool for some, it'd just be an aneurysm waiting to happen for me.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

eh, threesomes are like communism, they sound great on paper but usually work out badly in real life.

 

[kortin]

Uh, no. One person, do not want more than one. More than one would end badly, most definitely.

 

[Rubashov]

I don't get the jealousy thing. Yes, your SOs are having sex with other people - your other SOs, whom you also have sex with. If you're a straight guy, and you're dating two women, who have lesbian sex with one another and straight sex with you - what's the problem exactly? And if you're a bi guy, and you're having sex with a straight woman and another bi guy - again, why be jealous of them having sex too?

I'll admit, I don't really get the whole jealousy thing at all, but moreso when it's in a poly three-way situation.

Eh, I can see how the jealousy thing might apply. Suppose that the connection--physical or emotional--between two people in the triangle is stronger than either of their connections with the third. In other words (to use your first example), suppose one of the women and the guy have sex with each other much more often than either has sex with the other woman. Wouldn't it be fairly reasonable for the other woman to feel jealous?

 

[BOOM headshot65]

To be fair, from the sounds of things, you two are perfect for each other. And I hope others don't succumb to your misguided wrath.

What is this "misguided wrath" you speak of?

 

[Lt._nefarious]

Well, I'm not a fan of "poly relationships" myself but, hey, as long as your all happy.

 

[Daeggreth]

I'm rather skeptical of poly relationships but if you think you can make it it work I'll support you all the way and I'm glad to hear the two (and presumably three) of you are happy.

As far as entering one myself? Statistically improbable. It would have to be two people who are very like minded (in core beliefs at least) and without my degree of neuroticism. At which point I'd be wondering why the hell they're with me in the first place. Genderwise I'm not sure if I'd prefer to be with male+female partners or two females. Male+female could be tough considering there are very few guys I'm attracted to but I think I'd be uncomfortable if I was expected to fill a male role for two partners.

Basically I can imagine a scenario where it could work but unless some very strange occurrences take place I'll stick with trying to make monogamous relationships work.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned. If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues. If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around. Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned.

Tell that to her. I wont get too far into the personal details of why, but lets just say she reacts very violently to cheating and the reason she is dating me is BECAUSE I wont cheat on her (out of equal rage/disgust over cheating). You know how 50% of marriages end in divorces? She says: "I am so glad you are one of the 50% of men who will actually stay with the person he married."

If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

Well, she doesnt and she never will. Problem solved.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues.

What trust issues. We completely trust eachother. There is no problems there.

If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

No, our first instinct is to flash our wedding ring (or in her case, her bracelet) and say "Shove off!" And if they dont take the hint, leave. If they STILL dont take the hint, deck them. Besides, There is about zero ways we could get any closer relationship-wise without being married. So there is nothing to work on with the relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

Does Aspergers Syndrome count...Because I have that as well as her. Of course, she just hates cheaters and would never cheat on me for that very reason.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around.

Neither of us are violent though. As long as every keeps thier hands to themselves/thier signifigant other, and as long as no one hits on her or me, then we can all chill and have a good time. Of course, all my friends know better than to stand between us so I dont have much to worry about.

Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

Again, we are not violent, and its against gentleman code to hit a lady (except in self-defense, and even then thats pushing it). The closest we would get is Airsoft, but thats not dangerous/violent. Its like paintball.

 

[FaceFaceFace]

It's fine for people who want it, but to me the whole point of a relationship is to have someone with whom you are each the most important person to each other (I could think of no better way to phrase that sentence). That's why I also don't get the bros before hoes/sisters before misters/whatever mentality. I don't want a girlfriend who is closer to her best female friend than she is to me, and I don't want to be closer to my best male friend than I am to her. Otherwise what's the point?

 

[DudeistBelieve]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Not sure if serious, bro, or another hyperbole...

Just saying, makes it seem like both of you are really insecure in your relationship if both of you are so easily threatened to the point of violence.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned. If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues. If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around. Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

Ha ya know whats funny? My Ex of some odd years was the jealous type and over protective of me to the point where if I talked to another female coworker she flip out.

I find out now that she was cheating on me throughout my relationship with her. Fucked up world, isn't it? haaaa

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

Snip

You know... I could psychoanalyze this response and/or provide anecdotal remarks to the contrary; but I'm not going to. I'm just going to wish you luck in your relationship and continue to suggest to you that you pursue non violent responses to what you perceive as aggressive behaviors whenever possible. Ta ta.

 

[Jux]

Some people are capable of it, I ain't one of them. I'm not exactly a prude, I think if you can handle the green eyed monster, more power to you. I wouldn't be able to do it though, either because of jealousy or just the ammount of work it would take to maintain such a relationship. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Just saying, makes it seem like both of you are really insecure in your relationship if both of you are so easily threatened to the point of violence.

You sound like you're trying way too hard to make him sound threatened when he's already sure of his gf's reaction, which is rejection.

If he's sure, then why get violent?

Snip

You know... I could psychoanalyze this response and/or provide anecdotal remarks to the contrary; but I'm not going to. I'm just going to wish you luck in your relationship and continue to suggest to you that you pursue non violent responses to what you perceive as aggressive behaviors whenever possible. Ta ta.

I'm gonna follow this guys lead here. Best in luck with your future endeavors, Headshot.