A Poly relationship

[BOOM headshot65]

To be fair, from the sounds of things, you two are perfect for each other. And I hope others don't succumb to your misguided wrath.

What is this "misguided wrath" you speak of?

 

[Lt._nefarious]

Well, I'm not a fan of "poly relationships" myself but, hey, as long as your all happy.

 

[Daeggreth]

I'm rather skeptical of poly relationships but if you think you can make it it work I'll support you all the way and I'm glad to hear the two (and presumably three) of you are happy.

As far as entering one myself? Statistically improbable. It would have to be two people who are very like minded (in core beliefs at least) and without my degree of neuroticism. At which point I'd be wondering why the hell they're with me in the first place. Genderwise I'm not sure if I'd prefer to be with male+female partners or two females. Male+female could be tough considering there are very few guys I'm attracted to but I think I'd be uncomfortable if I was expected to fill a male role for two partners.

Basically I can imagine a scenario where it could work but unless some very strange occurrences take place I'll stick with trying to make monogamous relationships work.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned. If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues. If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around. Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned.

Tell that to her. I wont get too far into the personal details of why, but lets just say she reacts very violently to cheating and the reason she is dating me is BECAUSE I wont cheat on her (out of equal rage/disgust over cheating). You know how 50% of marriages end in divorces? She says: "I am so glad you are one of the 50% of men who will actually stay with the person he married."

If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

Well, she doesnt and she never will. Problem solved.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues.

What trust issues. We completely trust eachother. There is no problems there.

If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

No, our first instinct is to flash our wedding ring (or in her case, her bracelet) and say "Shove off!" And if they dont take the hint, leave. If they STILL dont take the hint, deck them. Besides, There is about zero ways we could get any closer relationship-wise without being married. So there is nothing to work on with the relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

Does Aspergers Syndrome count...Because I have that as well as her. Of course, she just hates cheaters and would never cheat on me for that very reason.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around.

Neither of us are violent though. As long as every keeps thier hands to themselves/thier signifigant other, and as long as no one hits on her or me, then we can all chill and have a good time. Of course, all my friends know better than to stand between us so I dont have much to worry about.

Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

Again, we are not violent, and its against gentleman code to hit a lady (except in self-defense, and even then thats pushing it). The closest we would get is Airsoft, but thats not dangerous/violent. Its like paintball.

 

[FaceFaceFace]

It's fine for people who want it, but to me the whole point of a relationship is to have someone with whom you are each the most important person to each other (I could think of no better way to phrase that sentence). That's why I also don't get the bros before hoes/sisters before misters/whatever mentality. I don't want a girlfriend who is closer to her best female friend than she is to me, and I don't want to be closer to my best male friend than I am to her. Otherwise what's the point?

 

[DudeistBelieve]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Not sure if serious, bro, or another hyperbole...

Just saying, makes it seem like both of you are really insecure in your relationship if both of you are so easily threatened to the point of violence.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

I would have thought "obvious hyperbole is obvious", but fine: No, we are not ALWAYS together, 24/7/365. I have college, work (gotta pay those bills!), chores, and homework. And we still live in seperate homes with our parents because its cheaper that way/my parents STILL dont trust us home alone together (ITS BEEN 1.7 YEARS AND I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR SEX, GODDAMNIT!!!) We will still go out by ourselves. That doesnt change the fact that its rather easy to tell that she is spoken for and that I am spoken for. Besides, we can take care of ourselves. If some guy wont take the hint that "Bracelet with guys name+girl being hostile to flirting=she is spoken for" he deserves to get clocked by her.

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger.

Go ahead. Try telling her that. Try hitting on her. See what happens. Go on, I dare you. I double dare you.

But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

*cracks knuckles* Now who said that what I said was a threat? > It was a promise, and I dont make promises I wont/cant keep.

Huh... wedding rings don't make too much of a difference as far as someone's availability is concerned. If someone wants to step out of the relationship, they will.

And someone's seemingly violent attempts at strong arming others to avoid tempting their significant other seems to indicate some trust issues. If you're first instinct is to "power up" when your interest is confronted by opportunity... I suggest you work on your relationship.

The female might have some emotional issues if her first reaction to flirtation is violence as well.

It makes a part of me concerned for the safety of others when you two are around. Try to keep the violence amongst yourselves if you really need to express it. I don't mind it when two people enjoy mutually beating the crap out of each other.

Ha ya know whats funny? My Ex of some odd years was the jealous type and over protective of me to the point where if I talked to another female coworker she flip out.

I find out now that she was cheating on me throughout my relationship with her. Fucked up world, isn't it? haaaa

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

Snip

You know... I could psychoanalyze this response and/or provide anecdotal remarks to the contrary; but I'm not going to. I'm just going to wish you luck in your relationship and continue to suggest to you that you pursue non violent responses to what you perceive as aggressive behaviors whenever possible. Ta ta.

 

[Jux]

Some people are capable of it, I ain't one of them. I'm not exactly a prude, I think if you can handle the green eyed monster, more power to you. I wouldn't be able to do it though, either because of jealousy or just the ammount of work it would take to maintain such a relationship. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Just saying, makes it seem like both of you are really insecure in your relationship if both of you are so easily threatened to the point of violence.

You sound like you're trying way too hard to make him sound threatened when he's already sure of his gf's reaction, which is rejection.

If he's sure, then why get violent?

Snip

You know... I could psychoanalyze this response and/or provide anecdotal remarks to the contrary; but I'm not going to. I'm just going to wish you luck in your relationship and continue to suggest to you that you pursue non violent responses to what you perceive as aggressive behaviors whenever possible. Ta ta.

I'm gonna follow this guys lead here. Best in luck with your future endeavors, Headshot.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

I have a hard enough time managing one relationship to the best of my ability. Managing two people's separate expectations sounds like my idea of hell. If it's just for sex then I guess that's easier, but then it's not really a relationship, it's more like filler.

Personally I think that a kingdom divided cannot stand, but I'm willing to be proven wrong and some of the people here seem to be managing ok. How do you go about giving 100% of yourself to each person? Wouldn't someone be getting short changed, if not in the immediate future then long term?

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Eh, I can see how the jealousy thing might apply. Suppose that the connection--physical or emotional--between two people in the triangle is stronger than either of their connections with the third. In other words (to use your first example), suppose one of the women and the guy have sex with each other much more often than either has sex with the other woman. Wouldn't it be fairly reasonable for the other woman to feel jealous?

I could see that if the people were having sex separately. For example, in a hinge poly, if the hinge guy had sex with one girl more than the other as in your example, then sure.

What I don't get is if everyone is having sex together, at the same time, how that could happen.

Also... well, I find it hard to understand loving people different "amounts" - there isn't a limited supply of love.

I think people usually view sex as something particularly intimate and something that is usually only shared with people that you particularly care about. I don't see why you'd miss that when it's kind of the common view in society. Whether you take that view or not, it should be obvious it is out there and people hold it.

Agreed. However, the point of a poly relationship is that all members feel that way about one another (or some slight variations). Again, there isn't a limited supply of love - you can love more than one person at once.

So yeah.

 

[Sandjube]

Nah, I couldn't do it, nor can I understand why you would, not that I have a problem with it. Do whatever you want, yo.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Just saying, makes it seem like both of you are really insecure in your relationship if both of you are so easily threatened to the point of violence.

You sound like you're trying way too hard to make him sound threatened when he's already sure of his gf's reaction, which is rejection.

If he's sure, then why get violent?

If you're not just trying really hard, why give such a poor reason? Honestly, I hate it when people try to bludgeon others with their lack of imagination as an argument. All it does is reflect poorly on your ability to consider things without bias.

It seems obvious anyway. He doesn't like people who hit on people who are taken. I don't see why dislike would be hard to understand, he just goes further. Further to a degree I'd say he needs anger management classes, but it's just an extension of a feeling that doesn't require someone to feel threatened.

...?

Well whatever, it's working for homeboy so more power to him.

 

[WolfThomas]

Snip

I'm scared shitless by your completely antisocial attitude that justifies physical assault on people for what you perceive as flirting with your other.

If this is true one day you or your girlfriend would end up meeting someone who might be gay/straight, single/taken, sober/drunk, just friendly/extrovert or actually genuinely flirting. They'll end up in hospital with a base of skull fracture or worse dead. You'll be in civil or criminal court.

Rational adults calmly divert any unwanted attention without a fuss and are self-confident enough to know that their partner isn't going to run away with the next person who makes eye contact with them.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

The point of it doesn't mean it will actually work that way for most people or override other considerations.
And who said anything about a limited supply?

True.

And your comment about it being "particularly intimate" made it sound like you couldn't love more than one person that much - ie, as if there was a limited supply.

I've talked before about my personal confusion over sexual jealousy. Part of it is me - I know that. I just don't "get" jealousy. If someone I love is made happy by having sex with someone else in addition to me, then why should I be anything but happy? Particularly if I get invited along. It would be like being jealous of my dildo. If my partner is getting pleasure, then that makes me happy. Not that I don't like being pleasured too, but again, I have yet to have a situation where I was uninvited to the bedroom.

Although I have insisted that my partner go have sex with other people without me. I was feeling unwell, so I couldn't enjoy it.

 

[hazabaza1]

I couldn't imagine having a threesome with another girl and a boyfriend cause if she so much as kissed him I'd rip her to shreds.

If she kissed him? Peh. You aint got nothing on my girlfriend. If another girl so much as FLIRTS with me, then my girlfriend will first call her very unlady-like things, then will beat her. On my end, same thing. If another dude starts hitting on her, I will deck him and make sure he leaves with a limp..

Or...
You could explain and tell the guy to back off.

But that would be reasonable, wouldn't it? Couldn't be having that, oh no.

 

[game-lover]

There was a time where my first response would be a very insulting in all caps laugh.

Now, I'll just say that's never gonna happen.

Add it to the category of things about relationships and sex that I will probably never understand.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

i have been in a few poly relationships before. i like them better than one-on-one relationships because if one person irritates you, you have a mediator and you get a little space from the issue. plus the sex is varied and usually amazing because we're all competing.