A Poly relationship

[Programmed_For_Damage]

I've talked before about my personal confusion over sexual jealousy. Part of it is me - I know that. I just don't "get" jealousy. If someone I love is made happy by having sex with someone else in addition to me, then why should I be anything but happy? Particularly if I get invited along. It would be like being jealous of my dildo. If my partner is getting pleasure, then that makes me happy. Not that I don't like being pleasured too, but again, I have yet to have a situation where I was uninvited to the bedroom.

I've always found that fascinating and you're not the first person I've heard say it. To me, that attitude makes logical sense but totally doesn't resonate in me emotionally. I'd get jealous, despite agreeing with you from a logical stand-point that my partner's happiness makes me happy.

Perhaps it's an ego thing and sex being the most personal and intimate way a human can express their love for another it can make people really raw. I remember once when a girlfriend in the heat of the moment suggest I use a dildo on her and that brought proceedings to a screeching halt. I took it as a slight on my manhood and questioned whether I was enough for her. Turns out it was none of that (which I should have known because we were dynamite together), just something she wanted to try and she felt safe enough to ask, but I couldn't divorce myself of any feelings of inadequacy.

As I said, I find it fascinating but also completely alien.

 

[Ledan]

I don't think I could do it, because it would for me create more complicated social dynamic. It could work if it were the exactly right people, but I would be more selective of the people and since I'm already pretty selective....
add another guy to the equation and it would be a bit awkward in bed(im not bi), and I would feel very hurt if I felt slighted (i.e. that they were spending more time together). Add another guy into the equation and I would feel pressured not to be selective, I wouldn't want to make one of them feel like I might feel. And I would still have the potential to feel slighted. And I would have 2 women on my hands.... feel like I could get ganged up on

 

[Pharsalus]

Could be interesting, hard to focus perhaps though...

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I've always found that fascinating and you're not the first person I've heard say it. To me, that attitude makes logical sense but totally doesn't resonate in me emotionally. I'd get jealous, despite agreeing with you from a logical stand-point that my partner's happiness makes me happy.

Perhaps it's an ego thing and sex being the most personal and intimate way a human can express their love for another it can make people really raw. I remember once when a girlfriend in the heat of the moment suggest I use a dildo on her and that brought proceedings to a screeching halt. I took it as a slight on my manhood and questioned whether I was enough for her. Turns out it was none of that (which I should have known because we were dynamite together), just something she wanted to try and she felt safe enough to ask, but I couldn't divorce myself of any feelings of inadequacy.

As I said, I find it fascinating but also completely alien.

Wow.

I usually use feeling jealous of sex toys as an extreme example, almost hyperbole, but you actually felt that.

I hope you have worked your way through that and are now comfortable using toys on her. Remember - the toy doesn't do anything until someone (in this case you) uses it - it becomes a metaphoric extension of you when you wield it.

Also remember - dildos are one of the few ways a couple can manage double penetration without additional players. I'm just sayin'. ^^

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

I've always found that fascinating and you're not the first person I've heard say it. To me, that attitude makes logical sense but totally doesn't resonate in me emotionally. I'd get jealous, despite agreeing with you from a logical stand-point that my partner's happiness makes me happy.

Perhaps it's an ego thing and sex being the most personal and intimate way a human can express their love for another it can make people really raw. I remember once when a girlfriend in the heat of the moment suggest I use a dildo on her and that brought proceedings to a screeching halt. I took it as a slight on my manhood and questioned whether I was enough for her. Turns out it was none of that (which I should have known because we were dynamite together), just something she wanted to try and she felt safe enough to ask, but I couldn't divorce myself of any feelings of inadequacy.

As I said, I find it fascinating but also completely alien.

Wow.

I usually use feeling jealous of sex toys as an extreme example, almost hyperbole, but you actually felt that.

I hope you have worked your way through that and are now comfortable using toys on her. Remember - the toy doesn't do anything until someone (in this case you) uses it - it becomes a metaphoric extension of you when you wield it.

Also remember - dildos are one of the few ways a couple can manage double penetration without additional players. I'm just sayin'. ^^

Yeah I can get madly jealous (or as I call it "passionate"). Fortunately I'm a lover and not a fighter so I just stew to myself.

We got past it, but I'm no longer with her. She wanted marriage, I wanted to reconcile my previous marriage (I was separated at the time).

 

[shintakie10]

I was in one for a while at one point. It originally started as a relationship between two of my friends that I greatly cared for. Eventually they brought me into it because they felt the same way. It ended up bein a problem when, for whatever fucked reason of his, one of them decided to arbitrarily start settin up intimacy rules. No sex unless he was around. He could have sex with her, or me at any time, but she and I could not have sex (even foreplay stuff) without him around.

I have absolutely no idea where his insane bout of jealousy came from, but she and I tried to work through it because we loved him and each other. Eventually though I broke it off because I saw what his jealousy was doin to her and figured that, since I was a later addition to that relationship I could be taken out of the equation far easier than she, or he, could.

It hurt quite a bit to be honest because it was a wonderful relationship before that. Havin two people who love and understand you and who were always by your side was such a wonderful feelin. To have it turned against itself because someone wanted it all to himself hurt more than any physical wound could have.


I will say it all worked out at least. I'm in a monogamous relationship now with the love of my life and we're quite happy together. The other two are still together and are expectin a child sometime soon.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

So long as it's not a cult, why not? A relationship's just what the people involved consent to.

Poly wouldn't be my first choice, but I don't think it would be a dealbreaker for me either. (Though I would be somewhat suspicious when my compatriots offer me punch.)

 

[Mel Theofficegamergirl]

I think it's really cool for people that can. I wish I could trust and love like that. Totally would if I could, but I don't think I could hang. I like putting my all into one person, more than that, it's like, not enough love to go around, you know? I'd feel like I wouldn't have enough time or energy to handle more than one partner, not if it were to be anything resembling a meaningful relationship (to me) anyways. Totally wish that I could though. I mean, I could love lots of people, just not be in a relationship with lots of people. Been there, done that, etc.

 

[Astoria]

It's not for me, unless it was more like a friends with benefits kinda thing rather than actual relationship. I get super jealous when I'm with someone and I also like being faithful to who I'm with. I don't think badly of anyone who does have multiple partners though, whatever floats your boat and makes you happy.

 

[Xman490]

Never even been in a twosome, so I don't really see myself in a threesome. Never say never I suppose, but as I don't know how I'd behave when with just the one person, I have no idea if two (or more) would suit me. Probably not as I'm a very private person.

But hey, congrats on your newly founded relationship! =)

*repeats the whole above quote, truthfully*

Threesomes sound like fun, actually. If I could pull it off, I would do it with 2 women. I might even get into it with a women and a man, if he isn't rough and hairy.

 

[Starik20X6]

While I'm much more in the camp of 'quality over quantity', I'd be open to the idea of two girls sharing if that's what they wanted. Couldn't do a MMF thing though; I'm way to jealous, and I'm straight.

 

[Vault101]

me share a boyfreind with somone....

you know? that doesnt sound so awful, the occasional sex and relationship stuff but I don't have somone around 24/7

more time for gaming

 

[Twilight_guy]

No. That'd be weird for me. Nothing else to say really... ugh, move to Utah?
*immediately booed and forever banned from Utah*

 

[GTwander]

Hmm...

While I wouldn't mind trying such a thing out with 2 women (another man is out of the fucking question, there will be blood), I can only see myself being locked out of the bedroom quite often, while I repeat the muffled line of "can I watch?" through the crack in the door.

 

[WolfThomas]

Wow.

I usually use feeling jealous of sex toys as an extreme example, almost hyperbole, but you actually felt that.

I hope you have worked your way through that and are now comfortable using toys on her. Remember - the toy doesn't do anything until someone (in this case you) uses it - it becomes a metaphoric extension of you when you wield it.

Also remember - dildos are one of the few ways a couple can manage double penetration without additional players. I'm just sayin'. ^^

Plus you can buy the kits that make a model of your own. That's a fun activity. Did that with my girlfriend before I went overseas for two months.

 

[alandavidson]

Snip

I'm scared shitless by your completely antisocial attitude that justifies physical assault on people for what you perceive as flirting with your other.

If this is true one day you or your girlfriend would end up meeting someone who might be gay/straight, single/taken, sober/drunk, just friendly/extrovert or actually genuinely flirting. They'll end up in hospital with a base of skull fracture or worse dead. You'll be in civil or criminal court.

Rational adults calmly divert any unwanted attention without a fuss and are self-confident enough to know that their partner isn't going to run away with the next person who makes eye contact with them.

^^^^^^^
Agreed.

And one thing this "I'll break your legs" boyfriend is forgetting: There are some of us out there who have the training and experience to become the meanest, nastiest and scariest sons of bitches you've ever fucking seen.

Think about that next time you want to deck someone for looking at your girl.

Oh, and OP: Have fun. Poly isn't for everybody, but if it's for you, great!

 

[WolfThomas]

And one thing this "I'll break your legs" boyfriend is forgetting: There are some of us out there who have the training and experience to become the meanest, nastiest and scariest sons of bitches you've ever fucking seen.

Think about that next time you want to deck someone for looking at your girl.

Or just dudes carrying knives (or guns in the USA) legally or illegally. That'll wreck your night/life. Having to poo into a bag because some degenerate shived you.

 

[Okulossos]

Never! It can simply not go well for a longer time period.
You are on your knees begging for trouble if you get in such a relationship. It is all fun at the beginning, but very, VERY soon things will start to go wrong and the moment you can see it happening it will all be too late and everyone is hurt and hearts will be bleeding. You will lose those two friends soon and you will be a whole lot more sorry than you ever thought you could be.
Yea, you probably have rules, but those will be broken sooner than you think and then fear will happen which will lead to mistrust and jealousy and this will lead to fighting and accusations and that will be it.
With one partner this can happen as well, but you can talk about stuff, and the whole jealousy and mistrust-level can be cleared away by taking the fear. This is not possible in a relationship between 3 or more people, because there will always be someone who can not be worked into a consensus.
I have never seen something like this work. First everyone is saying "oh, we got this, it's all good, we have rules and everything has been cleared" and a few weeks/month later I always hear "how did we not see that? If it wasn't for x jealousy... If y hadn't broken the rules... if the rules weren't like that... if if if..." Truth is it all falls back on the type of relationship and the human nature and feral instincts.

You should jump of that train to hell before it takes you down. This is a sure disaster... you can thank me later for this advice.

 

[XavierAmaru]

Am I the only one wondering how so many people from this site managed to get into multipartner relationships? How the hell do they even start?

 

[Naeras]

I don't see the problem with being in one if it works for the people in the relationship. Their love life is none of my business.

Would I manage to do it? Probably not. I might be somewhat of a man-slut when I'm single, but I have a fairly high bar for what I want from a person in order to pursue a serious relationship with them. Finding just one person who I have the required chemistry to get together with is already a hassle. Finding two, who also happened to have feelings for each others as well, would be nigh-impossible.