As a solution-oriented person, I have noticed that girls more often are annoyed when I skip the sympathy and try to find a solution. But then again none of my male friends have personal problems they'd like to confide. There's another difference.
An interesting difference between men and women
- Thread starter shootthebandit
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I personally think that's a load of bullocks whoever stated that.shootthebandit said:
When any person tells another about a problem it is often to get a solution and to get sympathy at the same time. How many times do you hear people say, I'm not telling anyone about my problems because they may or may not give a fuck?
That comes from both sides.
If you know nobody is going to care about your problems, then you aren't going to tell anyone about said problem. Even though in a lot of cases, telling people about your problems to gain sympathy often results in some sort of solution anyway.
Nobody gives a solution to any problem, if they don't have an ounce of caring about the problem anyway. If they don't care, at worst they give a "solution" that makes the whole issue worse.
How, exactly. That is far from true in every situation. If I bemoan to my friend about how my cat likes to swat my lotion off the table to wake me up every morning, that is an issue that would probably make the recipient of that information laugh in the best case scenario- at worse, talk about their annoying pet experiences, which often doesn't lead to "bringing someone else down"DementedSheep said:
Both men and women do this.
I really don't know what else to say. Only I tend to be alot more direct than some women about when I just want to talk and gripe to express an emotion and when I want an actual solution. I just say in advance 'I want to whine about something, s'that okay?' I'm lucky to have a friend who gets and deals with me well like that.
There are points in your life where you have to make difficult and often irritating decisions that cause you mental strain, and having someone to listen to those moments of strife can lighten the load so to speak.
Men do it less often, choosing to vent their aggression through physical or mental occupation. But eventually I have seen it done in both genders. It's just more one way or the other... and sometimes I clam up with my problems entirely too.
I would say it's definitely to do with the different degrees of chemical balances in Women and Men that cause different emotions and responses, but it is DEFINITELY not all one or the other. It's never like that.
So yes, what you said OP is a sweeping generalization with elements of truth.
But it's always bad to assume all one way.
I really don't know what else to say. Only I tend to be alot more direct than some women about when I just want to talk and gripe to express an emotion and when I want an actual solution. I just say in advance 'I want to whine about something, s'that okay?' I'm lucky to have a friend who gets and deals with me well like that.
There are points in your life where you have to make difficult and often irritating decisions that cause you mental strain, and having someone to listen to those moments of strife can lighten the load so to speak.
Men do it less often, choosing to vent their aggression through physical or mental occupation. But eventually I have seen it done in both genders. It's just more one way or the other... and sometimes I clam up with my problems entirely too.
I would say it's definitely to do with the different degrees of chemical balances in Women and Men that cause different emotions and responses, but it is DEFINITELY not all one or the other. It's never like that.
So yes, what you said OP is a sweeping generalization with elements of truth.
But it's always bad to assume all one way.
I think the reaching for sympathy is pretty detectable in some folks. Why would they confide in you, in an area or topic they probably believe you don't have the most experience? What can be frustrating is when independent minds mostly want to vent or give them just enough that they can continue on themselves. but try to backseat drive when you're proposing solutions to problems they can't fix themselves. i.e. tech support
I believe both sides CAN do this as a way of garnering attention, but women do have a prevalence to wanting sympathy more than solutions. Men do solve problems instinctively (at least as my experience as a man tells me, most of the time I get a problem I immediately work on multiple solutions without intending too whereas my wife will objectively listen and sympathize/empathize).
However it isn't baseline across the board. I have had more women friends than man-friends and I did learn a lot about listening and empathy/sympathy from that. I also have a lot of intuition that most men don't probably because of my time spent with the opposite sex. So I actually have a dual-nature, problem-solver and sympathizer. I think that both sexes need a balance like that if we're truly going to have an equal society. By that I mean we need to be able to know when an issue needs to be solved and when it just needs to be heard. The difference between "Fuck I have a real crisis" and "Fuck I need you to listen to me and not offer advice".
Sigh.
Derailment incoming:
Did you know the female skeleton is different than a male's? Gender differences be weird, yo.
However it isn't baseline across the board. I have had more women friends than man-friends and I did learn a lot about listening and empathy/sympathy from that. I also have a lot of intuition that most men don't probably because of my time spent with the opposite sex. So I actually have a dual-nature, problem-solver and sympathizer. I think that both sexes need a balance like that if we're truly going to have an equal society. By that I mean we need to be able to know when an issue needs to be solved and when it just needs to be heard. The difference between "Fuck I have a real crisis" and "Fuck I need you to listen to me and not offer advice".
Sigh.
Derailment incoming:
Did you know the female skeleton is different than a male's? Gender differences be weird, yo.
I have actually seen this exact thing happen. A lot.
And according to this, I am a woman, not a man.
Sweeping generalisations are considered accurate if they hold true in 51% of cases. They are for the most part completely fucking useless, and resorting to them is a sign of being prejudiced.
But it doesn't fucking matter.
And according to this, I am a woman, not a man.
Sweeping generalisations are considered accurate if they hold true in 51% of cases. They are for the most part completely fucking useless, and resorting to them is a sign of being prejudiced.
But it doesn't fucking matter.
Obvious individuals and individual circumstances aside, I agree with this sweeping generalization 100%. That's what a generalization is: it doesn't account for every factor every time. It just means that if you're a gamblin' man, you know where you place your bets.
OH MY GOD! there are behavioral differences or biological differences between males and females? Don't let the feminazies see you speaking or writing about any difference at all between genders or they might get enraged. Prepare to be engaged with copious amounts of bile mortar fire from them and the homunculi like the first one who responded to your comment...
Anyways...as you said these are generalizations, which i believe are true for the most part, since what you said is similar to my experiences with people, and i don't think i'll need a link to a study to tell me that men and women have different psychologies and that the sky is perceived blue by the human eye, water is transparent and that the grass is green.
I hate so much in this new wave of thinking...this "men and women are no different" thing...men and women are different, which is an obvious fact...men and women should be treated with a slight difference...but that doesn't mean that the genders shouldn't get the rights and privileges they lack and deserve. (derailing now sry) this is what the radical feminist should be fighting for...instead of trying to push down our throats the belief that men are beasts and women are pure beings subjected to cruelties by us brutes...one could call this the "women can pee standing too!" doctrine.
Anyways...as you said these are generalizations, which i believe are true for the most part, since what you said is similar to my experiences with people, and i don't think i'll need a link to a study to tell me that men and women have different psychologies and that the sky is perceived blue by the human eye, water is transparent and that the grass is green.
I hate so much in this new wave of thinking...this "men and women are no different" thing...men and women are different, which is an obvious fact...men and women should be treated with a slight difference...but that doesn't mean that the genders shouldn't get the rights and privileges they lack and deserve. (derailing now sry) this is what the radical feminist should be fighting for...instead of trying to push down our throats the belief that men are beasts and women are pure beings subjected to cruelties by us brutes...one could call this the "women can pee standing too!" doctrine.
Maybe for the younger generation it might not be as prevelent or as prevelent yet, but for the older generations I think this is generally true. Of course, there are degrees on this scale and there are complete exceptions. I don't think that anyone is saying women don't want answers or solve problems, but they want to know they have been heard, understood and you can empathize with them. However, men on the other hand, tend to want things to be solved and move on. To men, little is gained to drag things out.
First off, let's talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy.
-If you want someone to tell you they feel sorry for you, this is sympathy.
-If you want someone to tell you they've also experienced what you've experienced, you're not the only one, this is empathy.
They aren't the same thing and it's a good idea to remember that when discerning what a person wants out of a conversation.
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I believe this is a generalization, a big generalization. I think this is more a factor based on a person's personality rather than their gender, I'm female, I'm very solution driven, I do value conversation, but if I'm talking to you, it's usually not because I want someone to feel bad for me. If I'm talking to you about a project, I want your opinion, or help brainstorming. If I'm talking to you about something I don't know much about, I'm hoping for your point of view, so I can better understand an issue. I can't small talk to save my life and very rarely find it easy to vent about my feelings (unless I'm pissed off and that's a very different kind of venting than what's implied here, misery loves company).
On the flip side, I have a male friend who's had a traumatic past and suffers anxiety issues because of it, I encourage him to talk about his feelings, because it's not good for him to keep them locked up. When he does, I sit and listen until he's finished and I try my best to offer solutions, if it's a more tangible issue. Unfortunately sometimes there's absolutely no solution that will solve his problems. You can't exactly tell someone who's having nightmares to get over them, in this case, sympathy (or better empathy if you've also experienced it), is the one and only solution.
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Now I'll counter your generalization with a different generalization. I see a lot of custom t-shirts where I work and this saying has popped up a few times.
(disclaimer: This is a generalization, I don't personally believe this myself, I'm posting this to show the outlook goes both ways)
"They're called "man-hours" because a women would finish that shit in 20 minutes"
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All this being said, I did say this is a personality factor, NOT a gender factor, however certain genders may be more inclined to have certain personality types. [http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/population-gender/] All that is based on Myers Briggs, so whether you buy into that or not, your mileage may very.
-If you want someone to tell you they feel sorry for you, this is sympathy.
-If you want someone to tell you they've also experienced what you've experienced, you're not the only one, this is empathy.
They aren't the same thing and it's a good idea to remember that when discerning what a person wants out of a conversation.
---
I believe this is a generalization, a big generalization. I think this is more a factor based on a person's personality rather than their gender, I'm female, I'm very solution driven, I do value conversation, but if I'm talking to you, it's usually not because I want someone to feel bad for me. If I'm talking to you about a project, I want your opinion, or help brainstorming. If I'm talking to you about something I don't know much about, I'm hoping for your point of view, so I can better understand an issue. I can't small talk to save my life and very rarely find it easy to vent about my feelings (unless I'm pissed off and that's a very different kind of venting than what's implied here, misery loves company).
On the flip side, I have a male friend who's had a traumatic past and suffers anxiety issues because of it, I encourage him to talk about his feelings, because it's not good for him to keep them locked up. When he does, I sit and listen until he's finished and I try my best to offer solutions, if it's a more tangible issue. Unfortunately sometimes there's absolutely no solution that will solve his problems. You can't exactly tell someone who's having nightmares to get over them, in this case, sympathy (or better empathy if you've also experienced it), is the one and only solution.
---
Now I'll counter your generalization with a different generalization. I see a lot of custom t-shirts where I work and this saying has popped up a few times.
(disclaimer: This is a generalization, I don't personally believe this myself, I'm posting this to show the outlook goes both ways)
"They're called "man-hours" because a women would finish that shit in 20 minutes"
---
All this being said, I did say this is a personality factor, NOT a gender factor, however certain genders may be more inclined to have certain personality types. [http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/population-gender/] All that is based on Myers Briggs, so whether you buy into that or not, your mileage may very.
It is a fact that women are emotional wet blankets who constantly cry about sad things and men are cold-faced robots with hearts made of solid steel. That's just, like, science, innit?
I attribute this to the difference in brain development as men have more testosterone in the body and women have oestrogen. These chemicals which are inside your body from about 4-8 weeks of pregnancy until two to three years of age and then return at puberty result in increased growth. For testosterone it supports the areas of the brain associated with violence, aggression, sex drive and action (doing things). For oestrogen it supports growth within the areas of the brain associated with communication.
It's not the first time I have heard this. It's obviously not true all the time but it does seem to me accurate more often than not. I can't remember which comedian said it, but I remember hearing twenty years ago that when a man says he is thirsty, he wants a glass of water. When a woman says she is thirsty, she wants someone to say, "I know how you feel. I too have been thirsty."
I don't think there's anything wrong with assuming that different cultural pressures and expectations will end up resulting in different behaviours: if you live in a culture where men are supposed to be better at doing X and women better at Y, then there is more pressure for men to become better at X and women to be better at Y and ultimately create a kind of self-fulfilling prophesy.
That is my personal philosophy regarding differences between the sexes - and I don't at all think it's true for 100% of people - but I think it would be strange for many of us to admit that our culture treats men and women differently and not expect men and women to have different expectations of themselves. Of course, we all have different personalities and some of us will have different interests, or even try and buck the trend because it's a trend, but I don't think it's too wild a theory.
That said, I believe women are generally expected in Western culture to empathise with one-another, while men are often encouraged not to be so forthcoming with their emotions: I wouldn't be shocked if this were true.
That is my personal philosophy regarding differences between the sexes - and I don't at all think it's true for 100% of people - but I think it would be strange for many of us to admit that our culture treats men and women differently and not expect men and women to have different expectations of themselves. Of course, we all have different personalities and some of us will have different interests, or even try and buck the trend because it's a trend, but I don't think it's too wild a theory.
That said, I believe women are generally expected in Western culture to empathise with one-another, while men are often encouraged not to be so forthcoming with their emotions: I wouldn't be shocked if this were true.
You could get replication that way, but it wouldn't be very good replication considering the Escapist is majority male, and the question is one that portrays men in a (mostly) positive light.Jasper van Heycop said:
As per the usual for the escapist instead of this turning into a reasonable conversation about the possibilities in differences between men and women its some people trying to have a conversation and everyone else automatically jumping to claims of sexism and smug underhanded insults. Sorry but stereotypes exist for a reason. Its not bad discuss things like that so long as you are understand that just because its common for a man or woman to do a certain thing in certain situations does not mean that is always the case. I understand its a knee-jerk reaction to think "well I'm not like that so your a bad person for suggesting it" but too bad. You are not special and the world does not revolve around you. Generalizations and categorizing people is a normal human trait and its not an issue unless you try to use that to justify discrimination. Something I have seen nobody in this thread do.