Are you a "nice guy"?

[crop52]

In this thread: People thinking that they're not "nice guys" when they really are.
Also in this thread: People not understanding what it means to be a "nice guy" because they are "nice guys."

I'm not, shit, I've gone out of my way to make sure that I'm not.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

I try to be. I like to be civil and polite, because I think they are traits lacking in society. I like to make people laugh and make them happy. I like to do things for people when they need help.

It's up to others to say whether I am or am not.

 

[Azurian]

I am a nice guy I address people with sir or ma'am. I do my best to be nice to everyone I come across. Which had bite me in the ass in middle school but my friends love me because of it. So I won't change I never will I tried once and it didn't work so I'm going to be who I am.

 

[artanis_neravar]

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice-guy-dilemma.shtml

I pretty much agree with this article. The majority of self described nice guys aren't.

I enjoyed that, I did however have some issues with the girls? responses. Mostly she failed to point out that maturing isn't a female exclusive, most of the jocky/frat guys in high school and college actually grow up and mature as well. I also had an issue with the beauty part. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (sorry for the cliche) There are people that I consider Beautiful that I know others don't and vice versa, and I almost never comment on my own attractiveness (unless directly asked and even then I don't guarantee that I will be truthful) because I know that I am not capable of objectively judging myself

 

[New Vegas Samurai]

Heya!
Nice to know that I'm not the only one...
And nice to see some people affirming it's not just being "nice" that gets a nice girl, it's also being confident...
Anyway, same probe here guys!

 

[RatRace123]

I am, I can't be a dick for some reason, I try to be as nice as I can.

I don't really have a lot of girls as friends though, only a few, the majority of girls in school ignored me or at least didn't despise me.

It's not really about being a nice guy though, I just lacked the cajones to put myself out there, something I learned to get over.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

I don't think I'm that kind of "nice guy". That is, I'm not a total wuss. I used to be a bit of a loser, but I've been working on that.

That said, I do try to be nice to people. Well, people who deserve it. People who take themselves too seriously, or are just complete tools, I'm less than nice to. I tend to mock those kinds of people for maximum lulz.

But yeah, my default setting is niceness. It only changes to scorn when you do something to make me want to be... not nice.

 

[Ionait]

As a girl, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but this is something I don't understand either. I know some girls who LOVE jerks, and I know some jerks (both male and female by the way) that are never without a girlfriend/boyfriend.

It might just be old stereotypes. Girls are jerks too. Some of my own female family members are known to trample all over guys, manipulate them, and dump them once they've gotten what they wanted out of it. Heck, my own sister once dumped a guy because he wouldn't fight with her. People are weird.

So just as there are jerky girls as well as guys, there are nice guys just as there are nice girls. Some guys see a reserved or over polite girl and think "she's adorable, I want to help her get out of that shell and experience the world!"

But I guess when society sees a nice guy, they don't get all excited about opening up that shell. But, I don't know why.

 

[Xeraxis]

As a girl, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but this is something I don't understand either. I know some girls who LOVE jerks, and I know some jerks (both male and female by the way) that are never without a girlfriend/boyfriend.

It might just be old stereotypes. Girls are jerks too. Some of my own female family members are known to trample all over guys, manipulate them, and dump them once they've gotten what they wanted out of it. Heck, my own sister once dumped a guy because he wouldn't fight with her. People are weird.

So just as there are jerky girls as well as guys, there are nice guys just as there are nice girls. Some guys see a reserved or over polite girl and think "she's adorable, I want to help her get out of that shell and experience the world!"

But I guess when society sees a nice guy, they don't get all excited about opening up that shell. But, I don't know why.

The thing is though, parts of society doesn't want people to believe that. They want you to always think that the female is sweet and innocent, a fragile delicate person, and the male is always a lying, cheating, only-cares-for-sex bastard.

Oh, the wonders of double standards.

 

[johnboy424]

When I'm around people who I don't really know that well or authority figures, I'm definitely a really "nice guy" (although somewhat of a know-it-all too). However, when I'm around my closest friends I'm able to let loose and be kind of an ass. However, I don't ever act too obnoxious or rude to people who are sensitive, be they close to me or not. I only act like an ass to people who won't be bothered by it.

Anyway, I think that there are very few people who are a "nice guy" all the time, and also very few people who act like a complete jerk all the time. Everyone's a jerk to someone, but nobody's a jerk to everyone.

 

[xXAsherahXx]

I'm not a nice guy, bottom line. I'm mean and emotionless...at least that's what I've been told by friends and family.

 

[ultrachicken]

I'm respectful to people and timid, but that's where my "niceness" ends. I don't walk around with a stupid grin on my face, acting like a doormat. A previous teacher of mine described me as, "quiet, wry, and cynical."

 

[Dr Snakeman]

Basically what these two chaps are saying, it's better to be a good man rather than a nice guy.

Ooh, nice quote. I'll have to remember that the next time one of those "Why do girls only date assholes, and not 'nice guys' (read: everyone who's not me)?" threads rolls around.

Of course, this thread isn't one of those. The OP clearly understands that the "nice guy" isn't really nice at all, and is just clueless at best, and a spineless manipulator at worst.

 

[NinjaRock]

I guess I'm sort of a nice guy?...
Nah. I'm not courteous and stuff, I'm a silent shut-in and I'm not particularly nice to people, mostly just apathetic.

There have been girls who have taken an interest in me, but I've been too much of a stupid fuck / commitment anxiety ridden shut-in for it to actually go anywhere, and then the girls'd give up since I never took initiative.

Hell, I'm planning to have a girl over for a movie this week, and I still can't figure out if she's into me or just wants to be friends. Not that it matters, I guess. She's switching schools this fall anyways.

Same. except for the part where you actually take someone out.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Nope. I'm the type that tells you if I like straight up. I am very passive aggressive with people I don't like, though.

So no, I am not a dogged nice guy [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DoggedNiceGuy].
But I guess I have some traits... When I get yelled at and such, I keep my responses to my self and nearly always do what people tell me to do... unless its stupid or goes against something I believe. So the "lets himself be pushed around" part works. But having female friends, girls wanting to keep me in the friend zone, etc is a big no.
Edit:

I guess I'm sort of a nice guy?...
Nah. I'm not courteous and stuff, I'm a silent shut-in and I'm not particularly nice to people, mostly just apathetic.

There have been girls who have taken an interest in me, but I've been too much of a stupid fuck / commitment anxiety ridden shut-in for it to actually go anywhere, and then the girls'd give up since I never took initiative.

Hell, I'm planning to have a girl over for a movie this week, and I still can't figure out if she's into me or just wants to be friends. Not that it matters, I guess. She's switching schools this fall anyways.

I'm a silent shut-in and mostly apathetic... but I am polite when approached. Don't recall having girls interested in me, but I know that I would probably turn them down because I'd have to spend lots of irl time with them... which means not being shut in my house. And I will very gladly pass on that.

 

[Zaverexus]

I used to be.

But then I realised that I didn't like forcing niceness for the sake of other people so now I'm as blunt as can be. That's not to say I'm not nice to my friends or anything like that. One day I just found that I tend to come off as more assertive and whatnot while being the sarcastic fucker that I always kept quiet in order to be polite.

Pretty much this, somewhere along the way I just realized that I don't like people.
So I will be kind and am highly devoted to my handful of true friends, and I will be courteous or indifferent to random people, but I feel absolutely no obligation towards people who bother me.
If I spent all my time trying to please everyone, I would explode. Some people can manage it, I personally cannot. So I decide that I will look out for those I care about and the rest of the can burn, it's not my issue.

But you say:

By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

and in my experience I have actually found that I have more friends that are girls now than I did being the nice guy. Not because girls like a sarcastic guy, but because they at least know I'm nice to them because of them, not because I'm shy or its my default setting

 

[darkman80723]

I used to be. Then I got screwed over by my family, my lover, and the majority of my friends in the space of a year. After that it was as the song goes "no more mr. nice guy"

 

[FreakSheet]

I'm more the Wise Ass / Sarcastic. I kinda enjoy it.

Best example:

Other Person: "Why doesn't this work?"

Me: "Now, this is just a theory, but we MAY need to plug it in..."