Are you a "nice guy"?
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Preach on, brother.N3vans said:
I'm a nice guy cause my momma raised me right. Not because I think it will get me something.
Now, if I got pushed around, and didn't push back? Well shit, I guess I wasn't the mean bastard I shoulda been.
Eh... to be fair, technically we do. Its the level of ambition that varies.Glass Joe the Champ said:
The need to propagate is hard-coded in our DNA. I choose to believe that the difference between a real man and a douchebag is that a real man can control (even ignore) and prioritize those urges and focus on what is really important: drinking!
... um wait, what were we talking about?
If you are counting your criteria as what a "nice guy" is, than I guess I'm not.Glass Joe the Champ said:
If you're not, I guess I'm a fairly nice guy. I try not to be condescending, rude, pushy, or flamboyant, especially around people I don't know very well. I have a girlfriend whom I didn't meet by wanting to "tag her pussy". I don't really care if I am or not, to tell you the truth.
And on another note: Confidence =/= douchebag. You're a douchebag if you're mean to people or think you're better than them. I'd say I'm pretty confident in life, but I don't think of you or me any better or worse because of it. You've made this connection between douchiness and confidence only because most douchebags can be confident, but not all confident people are douchebags.
I got my girlfriend mainly because i´m a nice guy. I try to be nice, kinf and helpful to everyone. The thing is that i´m very self-confident and i didnt wait until i was in the friend zone (i immediately showed that i wanted more than just a simple friendship). That usually does the trick.
^^Completely Correct in the pity thing^^faspxina said:
Yeah that sounds like just a pussy to me...
Being nice and being a pussy are two COMPLETELY different things.
I'm nice...someone needs something, help whatever I tell everyone Ill be right over and well find a ditch and bury them.
Not walking all over you. Don't be a yes man, they are useless. That's one thing I won't do ever. Opinion stated, you feel different, good for you, you agree...even better. I'm going to blame the lack of GF's at this point on....I don't know any who aren't gay (school had a like...30-1 ratio of boys to girls...I KNOW IT SUCKED) and I was quite irritable during wrestling season...and I am like 6' 110 sooo yeahh not exactly a sexy beast......and possibly crazy because of Xgf.....trust issues and not liking when i get too close to girls anymore...sooo yeah...Don't be a *****
Hate to put it that way but their is a difference between "nice" and a "*****"
Glass Joe the Champ said:
mate I know this all too well ( 2 failed relationships and one heading in a similar direction)
1. They hate routine and being nice, courteous and so forth can get boring (not for guys... we are more like dogs physiological and we thrive off consistency) whereas girls do not.
2. It's not that nice is unattractive it's that girls say they want this but will always go with the option where they are challenged and so forth. ( it's why none of my relationships never work because they confuse nice with as you said spineless.. ) and any girl who does that to you... really isn't as mature as they think. Because when it comes time to buy a house and settle down, you the nice stable person will be in a position of smug superiority
3. Try to be aloof to what they say, be polite and such but in a confident way, let them chase you and trust me girls will always pursue the guy who does not even care about them.
I hope any or all of this helps
I guess you could say I'm a nice guy, coupled with the fact I'm a bit spineless. I'm polite and courteous, go out of my way to help people, and all the etc & etc thats already been mentioned by all the before posts. But I'm a bit spineless so I'm the 'great guy friend' to the girl I like.
But being nice has been misconstrued by others that I'm easily broken, easy to walk all over, and nothing to worry about, but I refuse to let that happen (some people who have tried to have realised that I'm not an easy person to be just tossed away like no problem). It happened to me to much in primary school, and now I refuse to let it happen. If someone treats me like a worthless piece of shit, then you bet that they will receive the same amount of courtesy back at them.
But being nice has been misconstrued by others that I'm easily broken, easy to walk all over, and nothing to worry about, but I refuse to let that happen (some people who have tried to have realised that I'm not an easy person to be just tossed away like no problem). It happened to me to much in primary school, and now I refuse to let it happen. If someone treats me like a worthless piece of shit, then you bet that they will receive the same amount of courtesy back at them.
Thanks for that laugh. I always appreciate blunt honesty.Daveman said:
OT: "Nice" is a word I would typically use to describe myself, though I doubt I really fit in with this definition.
If "nice" has lost it's actual meaning to yet another fickle trend(I swear some people read the post before theirs and then adopt that opinion as their own...just as long as it was asserted forcefully enough), I guess I'll pick "friendly".
I'm very friendly to anyone who will accept it for what it is. Not by means of self-censorship, filtering, conscious effort or premeditation. It's my default setting, I actually find myself trying to dial back my good nature as to not give anyone the wrong idea. Some people only need to be shown a little kindness to become clingy, and that's not what I'm after.
The idea of trying out personalities like off the rack clothing or unattended bowls of porridge seems pretty manipulative to me.dogstile said:
I would fall into this, what with everyone commenting on my general politeness, having more female friends then guy friends (Even though both numbers are low) and being single. But i'm hopelessly overconfident, can be a massive prick when the need arises, and am annoyingly and openly cynical toward a lot of stuff.
So a very weird mixture, I guess. Never been dumped due to nice guy status but my pursuits at romance have so far been completely ignoring the stuff.
So a very weird mixture, I guess. Never been dumped due to nice guy status but my pursuits at romance have so far been completely ignoring the stuff.
Well, mr brilliant username (i've wanted to congratulate you on that for a while without doing it out of the blue) its quite simple. It was less a "I tried this" but more of a "I was this, but then I found out what most people were like and became bitter and hateful because of it".Sexual Harassment Panda said:
Now I have more in common with assholes than nice guys, so that's how it worked out. Wasn't really me going "hey, i'll be steve the bi-curious tonight, that'll show the ladies!".
Shall we go over this point by point? I think we shallGlass Joe the Champ said:
Yes. A little politeness never hurt anybody.
I'm a very patient person, so some may see me as having low confidence. But if you piss me off, and I mean really piss me off, I WILL call you out on it. As far as masculinity goes, I don't really care about that. I personally go for more of an androgynous look when possible. Looks better on me.
Not currently having a girlfriend is not a really good criteria for judging things. Even the men who have been in the most relationships have dry spells here and there, or take breaks. As far as friends who are girls, yes, I do have a lot of them. It does pay off though- They try to introduce me to other girls. I'm perfectly fine with having female friends, but that's just it- you have to be friends. You can't just let them use you as a stepping stool, like most "nice guys" like to do.
I'll admit, I've fallen victim to this one once, although not this exact scenario. Technically, I did ask her out. Technically, she did say yes. Then for the next several months, she acted like we were in a "platonic relationship". That being a platonic friendship, but telling anyone who asked we were in a relationship, basically. Being as patient as I am (could be seen as timidity, I guess), it took several months before I called her out on this BS (trust me, there was some serious BS going on here. Too much to mention here though). The only problem was that I waited too long and let all the small crap build up. Things quickly deteriorated afterward. Since then, I've stopped putting off talking about problems until that point. (What's easier- saying "return my calls, would you kindly?" now, or going over a detailed list of 519 unreturned calls a year down the road? Yeah, thought so.)
Can't deny that I sometimes still want to just say "Oh, I'll ask tomorrow... or the next day... or whenever..." though. I just choose not to. It's far better in the long run.
Nope. The only time anything close to that has happened to me is in the above scenario, and I wouldn't describe that as walking all over me so much as ignoring me. When people actively try to walk over me, I call them out on it. Always.
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In short, being nice has probably done me more good than not. It can be a big plus in a lot of cases. You just have to have the backbone to call people out when they try to bullshit you, and you have to know when to say enough. Get that down, and everything should work out for you.
@ Hagi: Well said. I approve.Hugga_Bear said:
@ hugga bear: Well high five, my fellow chivalous guy. I'm happy being nice never hurt you. I...wasn't so lucky. Coupled with my low self-esteem, being super nice led to me being an reeaaaal easy target for bullies. High school was hell for me.
That being said, I'm still a nice guy. At least, I try my best to be.
So presumably you're judging yourself by the standards of others right now?dogstile said:
I feel like my behaviour is dictated by what my conscience is comfortable with. If something is conflicting, I won't do it...and I sleep like a feckin' baby for it. But, I do have a habit of refusing to mince my words or dilute my thoughts, and I do end up pissing people off. But to my mind they're the assholes for showing such little appreciation for honesty. If I felt like I was the asshole, I assume I'd auto-adjust...and I thought this was basically true for everyone.
In short, I guess I figured that assholes were assholes because they don't see themselves as assholes. Making sense? The idea of "I'm an asshole, but that's fine" seems a little off to me.