Are you a "nice guy"?

[Dragunai]

Gonna generalize a bit here and say most male gamers between 18-28 are going to be fairly over confident, sarcastic jerks with a shielded soft side.

I am one such creature. I prefer to treat people with the utmost contempt and disregard. Giving people aggro anytime they are foolish to speak around me and subsequently not giving a fuck when they complain.

I am the same if not worse toward women in any circumstance unless she is disarmingly harmless in which case I switch to my secondary attitude of "You don't exist, thus I cannot see you," and blank them until they GO AWAY!


As for the handful of times I have tried to show an interest I typically prefer to operate under the concept of "If I really wanted her, I'd have tried a hell of a lot harder," which is why I am single.

Cant be fucked to exert effort to get your (op's) result. Waste of time and effort.
I'd prefer to continue with the Contempt angle until some girl comes to me.
Worked in the past, will work again. If it doesn't, Meh. get to keep my money, friends and social life.

So I guess I'm not a nice guy ^_^
But as I said at the start, I have a nice side which I keep shielded behind a very thick wall of ice.

 

[SckizoBoy]

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QFT... this cannot be stressed enough. When I want to be friends with a girl... I will be friends with a girl. When I want it to be of a more romantic/intimate nature, I'll come out and say so. No point pissing about...

Anyway, to answer... by Hugga_Bear's description, I'm not a 'nice guy', not by a long shot. In general, I'm a polite person, snarky, witty and eloquent, though perhaps a little too brooding for my own good, but I am not 'nice' (in the relationship sense). In relationships, I am just what the woman needs me to be (and I hasten to add, that doesn't mean the same as 'wants me to be') and when she needs me to be it.

'Nice guys' don't know how to handle things when it really turns to shit. 'Nice guys' don't know or comprehend tears of real anguish. 'Nice guys' don't know how to lift a woman from genuine despair. 'Nice guys' don't stick about to help the girl get over PTSD.

 

[Faladorian]

If I'm interested in a girl (which I pretty much always am at some point in time) I'm extremely nice to that one girl, but dismissive and sometimes downright rude to every other girl.

Neither of them does me any good, either way.

 

[FalloutJack]

Ah, well...there's the rub. I'm not really a nice guy.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

I don't get this idea that every time one of us "nice guys" is remotely nice to a woman, it's because we have an ulterior motive of wanting in their pants. Sure, you could argue that every action people do has an ulterior motive, but that doesn't seem to be the case considering your a fountain of unconditional goodwill.

I value the friendships I have, both male and female, and just like you, I try to be polite and kind to everyone I meet; I don't plan on changing that. Is it so wrong though, to see a relationship I have with a friend and want something more than friendship? It doesn't make me a manipulative prick to ask a friend out (even though in this case, it didn't work out so well).

Really, the only difference between someone like me and someone like you is that I'm less confident, and you have a moral superiority complex. I'm trying to work on my shortcomings, and you could always work on yours.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I try to act nice, but usually my loud and obnoxious nature takes over. So I have the public image of some loud-mouthed douche who isn't a jerk to everyone.

I like it, but still am being known as a douche either way.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

Well I tend to be a cold hearted, hard to move, sarcastic and cynical...i really hope I don't fit into "nice guy" because if I do there are some serious problems with the world.

 

[Korolev]

Well that's me in a nutshell. I am pleasantly boring and spineless. Men don't want to be me, women don't want to be with me.

I am non-aggressive by nature, I am introverted and I am boring. That's just who I am. There's simply not much excitement to be had around someone who genuinely enjoys reading "The Cambridge Companion to The Roman Republic" whilst wearing loafers and whose magazine of choice is "New Scientist". I don't go to parties (the music makes my head hurt), I don't drink Alcohol (because I have a suspicion that it would also make my head hurt) and I am a prude who will frankly refuse to discuss sex except in a clinical fashion.

My idea of a good night out, is to stay at home and read a good book and have a warm glass of milk. One of my hobbies is to glower and scowl at the TV and complain about the youths of today. If any kids could even get on my lawn, I would surely tell them to get off it. I am constantly worrying about children wearing baseball caps ("What are they up to? And why are they wearing it sideways? They are wearing it WRONG! Are they part of a gang?" I muse as I peer at the motley collection of teenagers from my window). I don't dance and I never will. If anyone talks to me about the monarchy, new age mysticism, "organic" food or religion, I will launch into a sceptical tirade against all that "mumbo-jumbo" and "nonsense". I never swear except in my own head. I address anyone I don't know as sir or madam.

I'm only 24 years old. I feel as if I am 80.

So am I a nice guy? I never swear. I treat everyone with courtesy and respect (unless they are part of that side-ways wearing base-ball cap crowd, who I stay away from and try to not speak to lest I be mugged). I am painfully polite and political correct to women and I do absolutely everything in my power to ensure they never feel uncomfortable around me. I have been called a nice guy. I have been told that I would make a good father. I have been told by many women that I am charming, polite, sophisticated, successful and that I am eminently trustworthy and perhaps one of the "nicest guys I have ever met".

I have also, COINCIDENTLY never had sex. Or been asked out on a date. Maybe it has something to do with my appearance. But I am not ugly. I've asked quite a few people that question, even people who hate me, and they've all said I look perfectly, utterly average. Neither ugly nor handsome - just completely, forgettably normal.

Well whatever. I'm not changing my personality. I will continue to read history books and avoid nightclubs. If this means I will remain FOREVER ALONE, like that man in that internet picture, so be it.

Now, where'd I put those dentures?

EDIT: I also suffer from the same thing David Mitchell suffers from:

http://youtu.be/yakx7XC6eg0

It's called.... being a nob.

 

[Ice Car]

Gonna generalize a bit here and say most male gamers between 18-28 are going to be fairly over confident, sarcastic jerks with a shielded soft side.

Might it count if I'm 15? I'm exactly the opposite of that and I doubt I'll change any time soon. I'm a guy who tries to be too polite, but has a darker side that I choose to hide. Darker side being, destroying everything in sight if I get mad enough. Hurting people I otherwise wouldn't hurt and taking actions without thinking at all... It happens... Bipolar, in addition to annoying fuckheads around you, often do that.

 

[SilentCom]

I am a nice guy but not really the same kind of "nice guy" you described.

 

[Daveman]

I'm a prick who is also extremely conscientious. Doesn't help me get girls. I kind of finally figured out recently that it is in fact much easier for me to change my physical appearance than become less cynical and whiny.

The really sad thing is that I realised this when playing the Sims.

 

[Zeren]

I fit the nice guy mold to a tee and I got a very loving girl because of it!

 

[Dogstile]

I'm not a nice guy. Tried it, figured out that nice guys are just manipulative dicks who aren't honest about it because I made friends with other nice guys.

At least assholes are easy to read

 

[KarlMonster]

EDIT

SNIP

This, a thousand times this. ... SNIP

Basically what these two chaps are saying, it's better to be a good man rather than a nice guy.

Preach on, brother.
I'm a nice guy cause my momma raised me right. Not because I think it will get me something.
Now, if I got pushed around, and didn't push back? Well shit, I guess I wasn't the mean bastard I shoulda been.

I don't get this idea that every time one of us "nice guys" is remotely nice to a woman, it's because we have an ulterior motive of wanting in their pants.

Eh... to be fair, technically we do. Its the level of ambition that varies.

The need to propagate is hard-coded in our DNA. I choose to believe that the difference between a real man and a douchebag is that a real man can control (even ignore) and prioritize those urges and focus on what is really important: drinking!

... um wait, what were we talking about?

 

[Ham_authority95]

Hey guys, just asked a lady friend out today, and I got the whole "You a really nice guy, but..." speech about "not wanting to ruin our friendship" that inevitably ended with "...but I still want to stay friends." [small](Except she's going to avoid me like the plague from now on, so it's not like we're really going to stay friends)[/small] Story of my life...

[/useless whining]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

[small](In some circles, this is also known as being a "huge, spineless pussy".)[/small]

I've been trying to get rid of the "nice guy" persona for some time now and be more confident and assertive, but I keep falling back into old habits. Does anyone else have this problem? And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?

Oh, and sorry if this topic's been done to death. I couldn't find anything on the search bar, but I have a feeling it's been done before.

If you are counting your criteria as what a "nice guy" is, than I guess I'm not.

If you're not, I guess I'm a fairly nice guy. I try not to be condescending, rude, pushy, or flamboyant, especially around people I don't know very well. I have a girlfriend whom I didn't meet by wanting to "tag her pussy". I don't really care if I am or not, to tell you the truth.

And on another note: Confidence =/= douchebag. You're a douchebag if you're mean to people or think you're better than them. I'd say I'm pretty confident in life, but I don't think of you or me any better or worse because of it. You've made this connection between douchiness and confidence only because most douchebags can be confident, but not all confident people are douchebags.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

I got my girlfriend mainly because i´m a nice guy. I try to be nice, kinf and helpful to everyone. The thing is that i´m very self-confident and i didnt wait until i was in the friend zone (i immediately showed that i wanted more than just a simple friendship). That usually does the trick.

 

[Gudrests]

And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?.

You already answered that question when you referenced the "nice guy" as "Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone".

Would you be genuinely interested in someone like that, or would you just feel pity?

^^Completely Correct in the pity thing^^

Yeah that sounds like just a pussy to me...
Being nice and being a pussy are two COMPLETELY different things.
I'm nice...someone needs something, help whatever I tell everyone Ill be right over and well find a ditch and bury them.
Not walking all over you. Don't be a yes man, they are useless. That's one thing I won't do ever. Opinion stated, you feel different, good for you, you agree...even better. I'm going to blame the lack of GF's at this point on....I don't know any who aren't gay (school had a like...30-1 ratio of boys to girls...I KNOW IT SUCKED) and I was quite irritable during wrestling season...and I am like 6' 110 sooo yeahh not exactly a sexy beast......and possibly crazy because of Xgf.....trust issues and not liking when i get too close to girls anymore...sooo yeah...Don't be a ***** Hate to put it that way but their is a difference between "nice" and a "*****"

 

[Grant Hobba]

Hey guys, just asked a lady friend out today, and I got the whole "You a really nice guy, but..." speech about "not wanting to ruin our friendship" that inevitably ended with "...but I still want to stay friends." [small](Except she's going to avoid me like the plague from now on, so it's not like we're really going to stay friends)[/small] Story of my life...

[/useless whining]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity. Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend. Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out. Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

[small](In some circles, this is also known as being a "huge, spineless pussy".)[/small]

I've been trying to get rid of the "nice guy" persona for some time now and be more confident and assertive, but I keep falling back into old habits. Does anyone else have this problem? And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?

Oh, and sorry if this topic's been done to death. I couldn't find anything on the search bar, but I have a feeling it's been done before.

mate I know this all too well ( 2 failed relationships and one heading in a similar direction)

1. They hate routine and being nice, courteous and so forth can get boring (not for guys... we are more like dogs physiological and we thrive off consistency) whereas girls do not.
2. It's not that nice is unattractive it's that girls say they want this but will always go with the option where they are challenged and so forth. ( it's why none of my relationships never work because they confuse nice with as you said spineless.. ) and any girl who does that to you... really isn't as mature as they think. Because when it comes time to buy a house and settle down, you the nice stable person will be in a position of smug superiority
3. Try to be aloof to what they say, be polite and such but in a confident way, let them chase you and trust me girls will always pursue the guy who does not even care about them.


I hope any or all of this helps

 

[Hollock]

I've been told by a few people that I was 'one of the nicest people they ever met'. And just last week I was told that 'I don't hate anyone', and I couldn't. And I have never had a girlfriend, but I only ever tried once, and failed.