Aversion to Children

[Luminous_Umbra]

I don't think it's weird to hate kids, I just think the hate is misplaced. More often than not, at least in my experience, the parents have caused the kid to turn out that way, at least with the really young kids.

 

[DementedSheep]

Don't like babies, don't like toddles, some kids are ok. Not all are noisy brats, some are good natured and curious and it can be nice to teach one of them. Hate most preteens. I find childhood development interesting and I get why kids are "annoying" but I don't want to actually deal with them.

I'm a women and have no intention of having kids. Pregnancy is nightmarish to me. I hate being told "oh you'll grow out of it". Well I'm 22 and still have no desire to have kids. Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"? Barring a major pandemic or world war there are enough people already that we don't need to be pushing people to make more to keep things running or expand.

 

[AngloDoom]

Eh, I think kids are fantastic in some ways. Sure, they're selfish, messy and can be outstandingly annoying but they're still only just learning proper social skills. However, they can be so bright and cheery over the tiniest things, they develop so fast and they have an incredible knack for just focusing on a task and mastering it in leaps and bounds. In a lot of ways I'm incredibly envious of children.

Do I want a child, though? Hell no. I haven't got the patience and I'd be far too obsessed over the health and future prospects of my child to actually make a decent father. Plus there's a million-and-one things I want to do now which starting a family would only delay further.

EDIT - Actually, come to think of it, the thing that really makes me see red is terrible parenting. I almost blacked out when I heard a woman in a toy shop say she didn't want to buy her child Lego because she didn't want her child "to be a boff" (a 'nerd' or derogatory term for someone intelligent, for non-UK types)

 

[Eamar]

Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"?

Thank you. I'd seriously like to see a justification for this argument.

Having a child you don't really want because you want to fit in is selfish. Pressuring your children to reproduce because you want grandkids is selfish. Believing you can judge people for not sharing your reproductive choices is selfish.

If not having kids because that's what you want (for whatever reason) is selfish, then having them because that's what you want (for whatever reason) must be selfish too, surely?

 

[DementedSheep]

Then there is the classic "it's selfish". WHY? Is society going to collapse if don't do my "womanly duty"?

Thank you. I'd seriously like to see a justification for this argument.

Having a child you don't really want because you want to fit in is selfish. Pressuring your children to reproduce because you want grandkids is selfish. Believing you can judge people for not sharing your reproductive choices is selfish.

If not having kids because that's what you want (for whatever reason) is selfish, then having them because that's what you want (for whatever reason) must be selfish too, surely?

Exactly. It would be selfish if I refused to look after one of my friends kids for a few hours/days when they are in a bind due to my dislike of kids because then I'm refusing to help someone who really needs it when I am capable of it. Me choosing to not have kids myself however doesn't harm anyone. The only one who even gets any benefit out of me having kids at all is my grandmother because she wants to be a great-grandmother but really...wants great-grandkids to visit and coddle on occasion vs me having to actually find a partner I want to spend the rest or at least a large chunk of my life with (not particularly motivated to do that), put my body and health on the line, sacrifice my lifestyle and put my studies, career and aspirations to travel on hold for a kid I don't want and likely won't have time to look after properly. Wouldn't that be harmful to the kids I had? Isn't it better for kids to be looked after by those who really want them anyway?


If you want kids that's fine. Clearly you do get some benefit out of it, its just not material but I don't. Living the life you want is not selfish unless you are harming others to do it.

 

[lacktheknack]

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

You're missing the point.
Consider it this way: If I'm making a sculpture and I make a mistake, I can throw it out and start again. That attitude doesn't work for a child that I have a hand in creating. What if it turns out disabled in some way? Was it my fault? Or was it the other half? And what happens to the little chap? Is it supposed to live out its years blind because its eyes didn't form properly? Or because it doesn't have a leg? It's life will never be 'normal' in any sense of the word and it'll be my fault.
The very thought of forcing such a horrible life on someone- anyone; my child or someone else's- terrifies me. And I avoid it for that reason.
I hope it makes more sense now, mate.

No, YOU missed the point.

You called me and my sister "creatures". Because, you know, homo sapiens that don't have their brains fully intact aren't "people".

This offends me immensely.

Even worse, you performed a bloody abortion of logic and somehow came up with my condition as being my PARENTS' fault. That's the highest degree of bullshit imaginable. There's no way to merely explain it away, so don't even fucking try.

 

[ChorltontheDragon]

I am in my early 40s and I do not have children. I have never had the desire to. I don't have regrets at the moment, but that is not to say I may not feel the same way in the future.

I don't have an aversion to children. I love my neice more than anything. Yes, she is hard work, but she gives the best hugs in the world. To see her learning new things is an amazing experience and she does make me laugh. But sometimes it is also nice to go home at the end of the day!

 

[Silverbeard]

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

You're missing the point.
Consider it this way: If I'm making a sculpture and I make a mistake, I can throw it out and start again. That attitude doesn't work for a child that I have a hand in creating. What if it turns out disabled in some way? Was it my fault? Or was it the other half? And what happens to the little chap? Is it supposed to live out its years blind because its eyes didn't form properly? Or because it doesn't have a leg? It's life will never be 'normal' in any sense of the word and it'll be my fault.
The very thought of forcing such a horrible life on someone- anyone; my child or someone else's- terrifies me. And I avoid it for that reason.
I hope it makes more sense now, mate.

No, YOU missed the point.

You called me and my sister "creatures". Because, you know, homo sapiens that don't have their brains fully intact aren't "people".

This offends me immensely.

Even worse, you performed a bloody abortion of logic and somehow came up with my condition as being my PARENTS' fault. That's the highest degree of bullshit imaginable. There's no way to merely explain it away, so don't even fucking try.

We're all creatures, old mate. My brain's not fully intact either. And yes, I did blame my parents for it when I was younger. I had to blame someone; and with what I was learning about biology is was impossible not to feel some resentment to the progenitors for giving me the worst of the lot. Could I not have been a more whole person if the 'right' gametes had been chosen? Definitely. Same's true for all of us.
Do I feel differently as a nominal adult? Maybe. But the thought of forcing my kind of life on someone else is too frightful for me to imagine so I won't try it. Ever.
I'm not going to explain anything away; this is just how I feel. If that brings out hatred in you then so be it. You feel differently; I know that. Maybe that makes you a better person than I and if it does then victory to you, mate.

 

[Someone Depressing]

It's not weird to dislike children at all. Whenever people tell me I was a child, I tell them I was a stupid, smelly, loud-mouthed, undisciplines one that discovered masturbation on a public bus. Post age seven, I pretty much became the person I am today, sardonic and constantly annoyed by something.

So, I really hate the argument that I was once a child.

I'm also really annoyed that people treat children as some sort of sub-race that should be respected. I automatically dislike most adults, so what's wrong with automatically disliking most children?

 

[FakDendor]

I clicked on this thread expecting a relatively even spread of answers on opinions towards children, but in four pages there are only 2 or 3 responses of people who genuinely *love* kids. That's interesting.

Now, before anyone gets up in arms, I certainly don't mean it's wrong, or even bad. Just interesting.

Do you think that gamers (or at least, the type of gamers who frequent the Escapist) are the type of people to not be thrilled about kids? Is that something that much of gamer culture shares?

As to myself, I actually am *thrilled* by children, and cannot wait to have my own (well, actually, I can. But I am extremely excited to have my own family someday). I find myself very much in the minority among other males, in that regard. But I love interacting with kids, and actually volunteer as a teacher, scout leader, and camp counselor when I can. I wonder what makes me different in that opinion among other males, and among gamers in particular.

 

[Aesir23]

It's not strange at all. I don't hate kids but neither do I love them. Maybe it's because I regularly have to share the bus with screaming toddlers but having one of my own just doesn't have any appeal at the moment.

5-10 is really the only age range where I enjoy interacting with children. Other than that I'd rather stay as far away as possible. Especially the 11-15 year olds, they have the tendency to be dicks.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I should clarify; I don't HATE children.....I just don't them very much. And am not comfortable around them at all. They bring up a lot of unpleasant thoughts and possibilities, not least of which is "What if I accidentally break it?".

Also, people in here need to chill, just a tiny bit.

EDIT: Someone mentioned abortion as a possibility. While I still support a woman's right to choose....I'd rather never put a woman in that kind of position to make that choice. Certainly not as the result of my being too cowardly/poor to get a vasectomy which doesn't carry nearly the amount of moral and ethical issues that abortion would.

 

[MammothBlade]

Alas, I think children are generally cute once they start to develop some personality. I imagine what it would be like to have children of my own - but that is something far, far away. It's just the baby stage that's hard to like. It's not helped that most of the babies I've seen (heard, actually) are shrill, screaming monstrosities on the bus. But, if you can get past that stage, I'm sure it's very rewarding.

Looking through the thread, I actually find this dogged, raw hostility to children quite disturbing. That people could express so much hatred for an entire stage of life, is quite eye-opening. If you don't want to have children, fine, that's your choice, doesn't make you selfish in the slightest. But there's no need to justify that choice with bitter denigration of those who do.

 

[Darren716]

You know what it's kind of funny I remember when I first came across the escapist one of the first threads I read was about how much people hated children and I was honestly shocked at how much so many people on this site despise them, needless to say it wasn't the best first impression I've had of a site but I've learned to love you bastards over the years.

OT: Personally I love kids, I find them enjoyable to be around, I don't get annoyed easily by them since I understand that they don't know exactly how to behave yet. Mind you this comes from someone who's next door neighbor runs a daycare out of their house and can easily hear them scream and yell during outdoors playtime, it doesn't bother me one bit. I look forward to being a father but not for a good long while when I have a steady job, a good relationship, and I feel I can handle the responsibility.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

The Escapist: The home site of the world's most balanced and stable people since 200-whenever.

Jesus Christ, why do I even stay here?

Train-wreck syndrome. Like most of us who probably should have retreated into the shadows years ago and never bothered to lurk here again, the morbid lure of idiocy and cynicism is just as attractively horrible as a train-wreck or watching someone having a complete meltdown.
Trust me I debate monthly with myself whether or not I should hang up the boots and retire from this forum... the sheer amount of negativity and cynicism and (attempted, badly) snark is just astounding. Its a wonder people bother to even live in this world sometimes.

 

[Eddie the head]

This raises all sorts of questions about your own childhood and life that only a psychologist could ask. Children a fraction of that age are coherent and intelligent enough to talk to an adult. Do you have schools where you live? And how could you "hate" children too young to have even developed the intelligence to hold a mature conversation? That flies in the face of your rebuke of "you were a child once". Do you hate yourself that you once couldn't talk to people?

This kind of makes me think you don't understand physiology well. (I don't understand it well but wow) Anyway the simple answer to that question is no they didn't hate themselves, because they where fundamentally a different person then. People change throughout there life. The person who said that didn't exist when they where a child.

Edit. Anyway relent video.

 

[Headbiter]

Yeah, as many pointed out before, there's nothing inherently wrong with disliking children. "Hate", I think, is too strong a word if we talk about children in general, but that word gets thrown around so much, it's not even funny anymore.

And it's not like babies are such stunning masterpieces of nature that one couldn't help but like them. In all honesty, given the raw potential the human animal has once brain and body are matured, our larval state kind of sucks, even (or especially) in comparison to other animals.

And as for this "But you used to be a child, too."-thing: Fuck that recurring retardation of an argument. There's a ton of stuff I and everyone else "used to be", either from a biological standpoint or out of inexperience and I sure as hell wouldn't want to return to those states, let alone praise them as something positive.

 

[Brownie80]

There's nothing strange about thinking like that.
I don't like children. I hate how infants look. Babies are freaking ugly. I would never have children.
If I had to, I'd get sterilised.

Even the most devoted parent would say their child/ren are hellspawn. Screaming, puking, crap machines, that are incrediblely tiring, annoying, and expensive.
Anyone who thinks otherwise, is going to have a hell of a shock if they have children.
The horribleness of having children is obvious to anyone.

My reaction to children is like that Katie Brand sketch. Were a friend gives her her child to hold, against her warnings, and she eats it, microwaves it, etc. Then says 'I told you I was bad with children', with her skin turned green.
They can most definately hit the angry switch in me.

I am a polite person. I try and avoid arguments. I am polite or neutrel most of the time.

I volunteer at a charity shop, and sometimes do the till.
And I am nice or polite to children there. But that is if they're nice. If they're brats, then I get the urge to smack them. With a stick. Or worse.
There are aspects that are nice, like if there's a good child.
But brats and badly behaved ones piss me off.

I am nice to good children. Sometimes, the properly brought up ones are sweet and likable. But bad ones piss me off, so very, very, much.

I would NEVER babysit a family member or friends children. NEVER EVER!

I don't think not wanting children is a deal breaker for women. You might find a woman who thinks like you.
I would say men who want children are off putting to women.

Maybe an American child, but not worldwide. There are children in third-world countries who had to grow up faster be more mature than most adults. If the children are THAT bad, I'm afraid to meet the parents. No one's denying that their difficult, but what do you expect them to be anyway? The brain isn't fully developed until the age of 20. Also: If children are "hellspawn" and "any" parent will admit that, how come every time there is a school shooting parents aren't rejoicing and throwing parties? How can that be, if these "ugly hellspawn crap machines" are as bad as you say. I know you hate the argument that you were once a kid, and I don't mean anything, but it's by your logic that your parents would have said you were a "ugly hellspawn crap machine." Anne Frank had to deal with more metaphorical crap in her short life than most people have to deal with in their entirety.

OT: I don't mind kids. They can be very patience-trying but if they are raised right then you can tell. I'm not going to have one ASAP but one of these days I wouldn't mind it.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I don't like children. I don't hate them; I've spoken to some children who were mature beyond their years, but they're the exception rather than the rule. I'd just rather not spend my time around them or interact with them if I can help it. I know they can't help being immature- it's what they are, literally- but that doesn't mean I have to subject myself to that. I plan to never have children, and at the age of 38 it's looking like I'm going to be successful with that plan.

Now, as a man, there's two arguments that are sure to hit my berzerk button.

- "You need a son to carry on your legacy." I'm sorry, but if your legacy is so pathetic that you have to spawn offspring to keep it going (regardless of if your son actually WANTS to), then it might just not be worth continuing.

- "You'd change your mind about wanting a child when you had one." And if I didn't? The world is FULL of children whose parents didn't suddenly love and value them at birth. If you don't like your kid, you can't put it back where it came from.

It's the people who criticize me for not liking or wanting children who are selfish. They don't care about me or the children; they just want everyone to fit into their little molds on "what should be".