Aversion to Children

[AgedGrunt]

So much of this thread is wrong, yet so much explains the modern culture of single people, childless couples and pro-abortion society. These self-centered attitudes will get society no where but down.

Ok, I'll bite: what's wrong with single people or childless couples? (Not going to touch abortion since that's a whole other debate. Please don't go there.)

I agree up until you imply there's something wrong with people being single, childless, and/or pro-choice. My issue is with blanket hatred of children.

I wasn't saying being any of those things is wrong, I just see self-centered and cynical attitudes about marriage/kids out there and they seem to be becoming more vogue. It's becoming more popular to have and share these aversions, and I think there has been a rise in people who see these lifetime commitments as destroyers of money, freedom, sex lives and happiness.

 

[Frission]

You can put me on the count of people who were disturbed by the amount of hatred people espoused for children.

I can understand not wanting children. They're expensive and they can be irritating, and it's ultimately the choice of each individual on whether or not you want a kid. As an adult however, you should acknowledge that you should act in a slightly more mature manner than a child by virtue of being older. Be the more responsible one. Don't get pissed over the most petty things a child might do.

This is just a forum, so you're allowed to complain as much as you want, but some of the attitudes here are pretty terrifying.

You would normally think gamers would be more tolerant of children.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

I don't really mind children. In fact, I've been told in the past that I'm actually quite good at taking care of them. I have a huge extended family (I have over 40 cousins on my dad's side alone; my dad was the second oldest of 15 kids), and being one of the older cousins it was often my responsibility at family get-togethers to keep an eye on the younger cousins.

That said, I have no interest in actually having a kid. Frankly, I'd be a pretty shitty dad. Sure, I can be a great caretaker for short periods of time, but I know that my patience would start to get tested in the long-term. Beyond that, I just don't make enough money. Children are absurdly expensive, and I'm not cruel enough to bring a child into this world that I can't adequately provide for. I'm also not about to live off government handouts to compensate for my own failings.

Besides, I'm better at being a temporary friend when I'm babysitting or whatever than I am at being an authority figure. I'd probably end up as one of those parents that tries so hard to be their kid's friend rather than actually teach them life lessons that they grow up to be completely insufferable to those around them.

 

[Byzantinium]

I admit, I express my dislike harsher than I would otherwise, just because it gets such a rise out of the people saying "you'll change your mind" or "HOW DARE YOU BE SO SELFISH" and whatnot.

 

[Kaymish]

wow OP you make many good points and i never thought about the whole pregnancy thing that way either "a thing id do to my enemies" that's sounds just so right

anyway i already agree with you i dislike children they have no manners, they are far too emotional, they become too familiar and become attached too quickly

though i do disagree with you in the whole relationships thing there is almost noway to kneecap yourself there are many women who dislike children too i am female and dislike children too and besides dating is not like an easter egg hunt if there is one thing that is a turnoff like children there is going to be another its about finding the RIGHT person not just any person to be with though at this point in life i dont think many women will be looking for children right now either

 

[likalaruku]

Children...What's to like?

*Don't listen to you when you tell them not to run off. Next thing you know mall/store security is calling your name over the loud speaker & the little brat continues to blubber & whine until you finish shopping, as other customers give you the stink-eye like it's your fault.

*Their voices are incredibly & endlessly annoying.

*Throwing temper tantrums in stores when you won;t buy them something.

*They expect you to have all the answers. They'll play 20,000 Questions until you tell them to go read up about it online, then they lose all interest int he subject matter.

*Babies are nothing buy dirty diapers that shriek, they're not even the tiniest bit cute, & they all look alike.

 

[Emanuele Ciriachi]

OP

I don't like the busywork side, the "burden" of parenthood neither.

But if my parents didn't went through it, I wouldn't be here, so I feel it's my duty toward society to do my part and raise children with love despite of how resources-intensive they are.

As a matter of fact, by upscaling this concept I became convinced that if you have the possibilities, raising children is everyone's *moral duty* - as logic dictates that if a sizable percentage of any society refuses to do so simply on grounds of convenience, this will lead that society to eventually become demographically cannibalized.

 

[Eamar]

As a matter of fact, by upscaling this concept I became convinced that if you have the possibilities, raising children is everyone's *moral duty*

Because there's no way that people having and raising unwanted children out of a sense of duty could possibly backfire for society, right?

logic dictates that if a sizable percentage of any society refuses to do so...

By my definition of "sizeable", this already happens: around 20% of people never have children, many of them by choice. Doesn't seem to be the end of the world.

 

[Emanuele Ciriachi]

Because there's no way that people having and raising unwanted children out of a sense of duty could possibly backfire for society, right?

Not if this duty is also paired with the understanding that they need our love, and the willingness to provide it. Some parents find themselves unable to feel attachment to their newborn, but that eventually develops over time anyway. A positive attitude (while still preparing for the worst!) is a good starting point.

By my definition of "sizeable", this already happens: around 20% of people never have children, many of them by choice. Doesn't seem to be the end of the world.

That depends on the demographics of the country they live in - here in Europe we are below the quota required to sustain our own population, and are quickly becoming demographically irrelevant _also_ because of that 20% that slacks off.

 

[AnthrSolidSnake]

It's probably because I'm only in my early 20's, but people think it's weird that I say I don't want children in the future. I don't want marriage either. TO ME, in a perfect world, marriage seems useless. I understand people want to cement their bond, but I have a phobia of being tied down in my life. I'm perfectly comfortable dating for a long period of time, because I know that I can back out if I needed to without legal issues.

But to prevent getting off topic any more, yeah, I don't hate children exactly, I just don't like the idea of having one myself, now or in the future. Every time I consider it, I remind myself of all the things I want to do, and that thought train leaves the station pretty fast. It's why I take contraception very seriously. One girlfriend got a freaking implant in her arm because we were both on the same page about pregnancy (the thing lasts 3 years too, and is just as, if not more effective than pills).

I don't mind other people's children so much, as long as they can behave. A little hyper activity is fine. Kids are kids. But I obviously don't appreciate them being unruly.

 

[Parasitic_Chick]

I'm pretty sure children (especially babies)are just creatures sent up from the deepest layer in hell to torment mankind.

 

[lacktheknack]

I think aversion to kids is pure biology.
As Conrad Lorenz figured out many years ago, rat colonies will stop breeding when their numbers are high. I'm sure those rats get an "aversion to children" too.

How does that even work?

Why are babies still incredibly common in countries like India, if that's how we work biologically? It seems to be the other way around, really.

 

[Zeren]

I think that maybe someday I would want kids, but at the same time I don't think I could deal with being a parent. I'll just have a dog for a while instead.

 

[Zack84]

Jesus Fucking Christ, the cynical cesspool that is this forum is pretty sad. A lot of you are making a bad name for gamers with this "children suck, I hate 'em" attitude. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to ever have kids. It's not selfish. It's a perfectly acceptable life choice. But this frothing hatred for them is either creepy or a merely a sign of significant immaturity. I wonder what the average age is of posters in this thread; it could explain some of these responses.

 

[Eamar]

Not if this duty is also paired with the understanding that they need our love, and the willingness to provide it.

Sure, but you can understand this stuff until the end of time without actually feeling the desire to have your own children (and let's not forget the physical and mental strains of pregnancy for some women too). I understand these things perfectly well, it doesn't mean I think I'd be a good parent. You can't force these things.

Some parents find themselves unable to feel attachment to their newborn, but that eventually develops over time anyway. A positive attitude (while still preparing for the worst!) is a good starting point.

Hilarious. What's your source for this, or is it (as I suspect) all theoretical? I for one was/am an unwanted child of parents who fully understood the needs of a child and were able to provide everything I could want/need physically. They tried the "positive attitude" thing, but believe me the fundamental lack of desire, that feeling that I messed up my mother's life, never went away and has caused all sorts of misery. I would never, ever advocate that anyone have a child they don't want in the hope that everything would eventually fall into place over time. Having lived that, that advice is not only irresponsible, it's downright wrong.

(I should point out that I'm well aware lots of people come to cherish their accidental babies, but that's no reason to guilt unwilling people into becoming parents.)

That depends on the demographics of the country they live in - here in Europe we are below the quota required to sustain our own population, and are quickly becoming demographically irrelevant _also_ because of that 20% that slacks off.

I love that you're describing infertility, phobia of pregnancy/childbirth, risk of injury or death to some women, not wanting to pass on medical conditions, unwillingness to bring a child into an unstable or unsuitable environment, and unwillingness to raise a child that's anything other than 100% wanted as "slacking off." Real black and white thinking there. Still, must be nice up there on your pedestal.

 

[Emanuele Ciriachi]

Hilarious. What's your source for this, or is it (as I suspect) all theoretical? I for one was/am an unwanted child of parents who fully understood the needs of a child and were able to provide everything I could want/need physically. They tried the "positive attitude" thing, but believe me the fundamental lack of desire, that feeling that I messed up my mother's life, never went away and has caused all sorts of misery. I would never, ever advocate that anyone have a child they don't want in the hope that everything would eventually fall into place over time. Having lived that, that advice is not only irresponsible, it's downright wrong.

(I should point out that I'm well aware lots of people come to cherish their accidental babies, but that's no reason to guilt unwilling people into becoming parents.)

I'm sorry to hear that.
I guess there's no point in talking about the various factors that ended up conjuring such a situation; I hope that even having lived through this won't prevent you from considering to start your own family one day.

As for me, I'm a father myself; as an avid gamer who used to play late nights consistently during university as well as other "nerdy" activities (cosplay, LARPing, sport), I definitely miss my past abundance of spare time, but now that I have two kids I would never trade them back for my past life.
For several reasons - the first, of course, is that I can't But also that they are starting to "pay back" emotionally the "investment" of time and resources that it took so far.
There are also other factors: coming from a large, solid family; having the relatively uncommon philosophical resolve that procreation is a social duty (as stated above), and also in no small part being religious (I follow Roman Chatolicism).

It was also very refreshing to hear the story of a British photographer, Phillip Toledano, who described his difficult acceptance of fatherhood in his book "The Reluctant Father"; the photos on his website [http://thereluctantfather.com/] are fantastic, and I must say that the way he describes the initial feelings are similar to mine - with the significant difference that I was prepared for them, I knew that such feelings were a possibility and I was already resolved in ignoring them and give time for our mutual feelings to deepen.
It paid off. It's amazing how preparing for the worst, considering and pondering the realistic possibility of a negative scenario eventually bring you to cope with it much better if it materialises, and works even better when it doesn't.

I love that you're describing infertility, phobia of pregnancy/childbirth, risk of injury or death to some women, not wanting to pass on medical conditions, unwillingness to bring a child into an unstable or unsuitable environment, and unwillingness to raise a child that's anything other than 100% wanted as "slacking off." Real black and white thinking there. Still, must be nice up there on your pedestal.

I'm deeply sorry, I should have clarified - of course, the term "slacker" in this context should only apply to those that have the possibility to raise children, but prefer to use their resources for choices of leisure and lifestyle and are avoiding parenthood simply because of the associated cost.

 

[Eamar]

snip

I'm glad that you're happy being a father and I wish you and your family every success in future, but I still cannot support the idea that anyone who chooses not to have children is in any way "wrong", no matter what their reasons might be. I would argue that anyone who doesn't want children for time/financial reasons doesn't have the fundamental desire to be a parent and therefore probably wouldn't be good parents anyway.

As for me, I've already stated several times in this thread that there is absolutely no way I will ever be having kids, for all sorts of reasons. Read my posts if you want to see some of them, but my experience with my own parents actually only plays a very minor role and my first and main reason has always been a complete lack of desire to be mother. That probably means I'm "broken" on a basic level, but it doesn't bother me.

 

[HardkorSB]

But is it really so strange to just not like children or want anything to do with them?

It's not.
It might actually be a defense mechanism of sort.
Since the year 2000, the human population has moved from 6 billion to 7.2 billion.
1.2 billion in 14 years!!!!!!!!!
We are heading towards overpopulation at an alarming speed, we are polluting the environment more and more and things will only keep escalating if we won't stop (and we probably won't until it's too late).
I think it's very healthy for our species in the long run if some of us decide not to procreate.
If there was a way of enforcing this globally, I would make at least 1 year in every decade the year of not having children.

I myself sometimes feel the biological need to have offspring but I have these silly things called dreams and ambitions of becoming more than I am now and that would put a definitive end to any of those.
Maybe I'll become a sperm donor. That way I can have the satisfaction of passing my DNA to the next generation without having to raise the little fuckers myself