Best Insult Ever!

[Lilani]

I once heard a Yiddish insult that went something like "May you swallow an umbrella and have it open up inside you." I haven't used it yet, but I think it's just too funny. Not vulgar or degrading, but just as poignant.

 

[nomis101uk]

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell" - The Exorcist

+ 1 when used against someone with a dead mother
+ 2 when used against someone who believes in hell, with a dead mother

 

[sanomaton]

"You're such a fucking hetero[sexual]!"

Yeah. The situation was this: A girl who was into me at the time (I'm a girl as well) found out that I was dating a guy (still am) and when I tried to explain to her that I can't be with her... Well, she came up with that, the best insult ever, me thinks. At least towards me.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

You´re really...uh...not nice!

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Ass-butt.

Anyone who can tell me why wins 25 internets worth of awesome.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

"Kiss you Girlfriend yet?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"Now you know what my DICK tastes like"

 

[Drakane]

After putting a fresh dip of copenhagen in my buddy spit on a guys shoe, looked him in the eye and said "you fucking turd", then through said dip hitting him between the eyes w/ chew spit then running down his face.

Collectively I thought was an amazing insult.

also how to you retort to being called a turd....

also calling people ass-hat/ass-bag is always fun

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

"Cockmongling twatbasket", said randomly to a friend who was really pissing me off. It gave him pause, which is what I wanted.

 

[Shock and Awe]

Pissy Little Ingrate!

 

[Tartarga]

I was once called a "twathammock" on Youtube. I found it extremely funny and now use it all the time on my friends.

 

[Xskills]

I though that Nature had selected against your people generations ago.

You're so stupid I'm surprised you even know how breathe!

my favorite is from the great Dr. Phil McGraw, "You'd be no stupider if they cut your head off!"

 

[Stoic raptor]

"Kiss you Girlfriend yet?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"Now you know what my DICK tastes like"

Holy shit that is a good one.

 

[JamesBr]

My favorite is one a friend of mine uses, I've never heard anything quite like it.

"Your mouth reminds me of the muscle that cuts my shit."

So pointlessly vulgar. I loved it instantly.

 

[hawkeye52]

"i have fought mudcrabs tougher then you" possibly followed by "you should have just paid the fine"

 

[rathorn14]

Either calling someone a double-bagger or a spunk-qweefing, corn-holing, clown-nosed donkey blow job, with a cleavland steamer felching grand finale.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

What's the best insult you've ever heard, or said to somebody? Explain the situation if it helps...

After a humiliating round of Search and Destroy, I had the 10 year-old kid say to me "You can get off your knees, I'm done with you..."

So much pride was lost that day...

Ho ho, I'm going to admit, that's pretty damn good.

But I think this post just gives every one I would have used:

Take your pick!

 

[ThatLankyBastard]

For an original (which one of my friend's said after he nagged me to try sing METALLICA)
"You sound like a whale being penetrated by a truck"

I rofl'd on this...

You get a cookie...

 

[ThatLankyBastard]

I've got a few witty ones.

Congratulations. You fail at life.

Should i delay round two and give you a chance to go cry to your mom?

You seem to be missing the point. This isn't a game of "Catch the bullet with your teeth"

You're a disgrace to your family and you will die alone and unloved. Ready for round two?

Trying to charge at me and hoping that bits of your corpse would jam my gun wasn't the best idea you've ever had. At least i don't think it was...

I need to piss. Take off your helmet.

Aw... cute, you're going into rigor mortis.

I just want you to know, i beat your pathetic ass out of love, not hate.

Hey if you see my dad, tell him i found his bottle opener and if he wants i can exhume the corpse and rebury him with it.

Why do i feel like i just went postal in the short bus?

Blowing the head off a retard... i'm definitely going to hell.

Ooh... damn... you were really backed up before your bowels released...

Look on the bright side, you died with more dignity than Anakin Skywalker. I could've teabagged you.

Hey, did you see where the bullet stopped after it blew the back of your skull out? I want to keep it as a lucky charm.

Where's your wallet? I need to get your blood out of my armor.

How would you like to be cooked?

Feel free to respawn if you haven't felt enough humiliation. I have a few more clips.

You know, you looked kind of cute when you were trying to keep your liver from falling out.

Have you ever heard of red vs Blue?

 

[geldonyetich]

Why insult others? Whatever false attribution I could level in their direction, I wager they're suffering from far worse delusions of their own devising.

Just like that: instilling greater awareness is the best insult ever, and hopefully one they'll learn from.

Granted, it's hard to deliver if you're doing it because you're annoyed at some ignoramus, as chances are they will resist all attempts at enlightenment.

Also, there's an equally good chance you'll end up insulting yourself by pointing out how ignorant you are to hold a false belief about that individual that causes you to hate them.

 

[Guinasso]

I must be standing in tall grass because a douchebag has appeared