Best insult without swearing?

[Player 2]

You were an alcoholic accident of a washed up hooker

It's rude to say things like that to your mother

So it's OK to say it to your mother then?

 

[Guitar Gamer]

being really condecending and patronizing usually works

 

[LopezMeister]

Away from the standard form of insulting (ie, you are ----- or w/e) I find that using the term "With all due respect" in an argument/conversation while making it clearly obvious that you don't respect the person you're talking to in the slightest. It's subtle but if they notice it then they will be offended.

 

[Jon Etheridge]

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

 

[BenMcMichael]

ooo just thought of another one i enjoy, YOU HAVE A FACE ONLY YOUR DAD COULD MAKE LOVE TO

 

[johnman]

"You tool! Oh wait, tool are useful!"
"This bus is leaving in 2 minutes, go stand in front of it"
We actaully used that one, it was epic.

 

[Player 2]

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

and...you..fight..like a..dairy farmer?

That's not right, I'm confused now.

 

[Kajt]

How about:

"You're so ugly that when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your mother"

Love that one.

Classic.

 

[TrueHoax]

"Hope you had a good time with my mom last night, you should go see a doctor now..."

 

[pirateninj4]

Ballbag.

 

[fenrizz]

to quote my friend:

"Look at yourself, you pathetic excuse for a human."

There's a little more to it, but I'm afraid it would get lost in translation.

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

You wily rapscallion you!

 

[0thello]

"All y'all look alike"

 

[Drakmorg]

assuming "moron" doesn't count as swearing...

"ooh look, it's Mr. Moron McMoroney, the moron from moronsburg"

you could replace the Moron part with anything if you wanted to, just to fit the situation.

I also like "I hope you get [insert terminal disease here] and die. Wait... no I don't. I hope you already have it"

 

[UsefulPlayer 1]

You butt monkey.

 

[El Poncho]

Your mum? since people use it alot it's either that they have no patter or it's the best, you decide

 

[The Anonymous Me]

I can tell that Susuan Boyle was your mum.

 

[AngloDoom]

"They looked like their face had been set on fire and put out with a fork."

 

[Drakmorg]

thought of some more

You suck. You really, really suck. If I wanted to adequately describe how much you suck, I would need to spend the next week repeating the word "really" as many times as possible.

Or

My suck scanner is reading an astounding 45 mega-sucks!

 

[Wilfy]

When someone points out something obvious
"Well congratulations Sherlock, with those amazing detective skills maybe one day you'll find your penis"
Otherwise just
"When you were born, did your mum throw up on you or hit you with a shovel and tell the doctors to take it away. Because I'm pretty sure it was one of those"
When someone arrives when you are talking to some else, look at the newly arrived person and say "Oh, I thought you were off today. It made me happy"