museofdoom said:
Since this is a predominantly male community, I figured talking about this here would result in the most interesting feedback. And I suppose I'm in the mood for a little controversy.
Ah, excellent. I do love me some controversy.
museofdoom said:
So you become friends with a female, and you really like her in that way. You spend time with her, you're kind to her, and you're always doing her favors. Eventually you pluck up the courage to confess your attraction and then GASP! she doesn't like you that way, and wants to stay friends! So now you go to all your buddies and cry that you were "friend zoned". Oh my goodness how dare that biotch not have any romantic feelings towards you!! You weren't a jerk to her so you were entitled to a relationship with her! And since your plans to get a little action were in vain, you cease being friends with the girl. And now the girl is left without a friend, and the knowledge that you were only friends with her in hopes of getting in her pants.
Hang on, what? I thought the hypothetical male was romantically attracted to the girl in question. As in, not just seeking "to get a little action." There's a difference between not being a jerk to someone and actively being kind to them: the former is polite indifference, while the latter is active kindness.
So which is it? Is the guy asking her out, or is he plucking up the courage to outright ask for sexual favors in return for his previous actions?
museofdoom said:
Do you realize how ridiculous whining about being "friend zoned" is? And that if you really wanna be a nice guy, that you should be nice to girls even if you don't want in their pants?
You're adding damning details to the basic story, all of which are clearly intended to tilt the odds in your favor.
museofdoom said:
Also, when a girl says "I wish I could find a guy like you" but they don't want you, think of it this way: (stealing the metaphor from a friend of mine) Say you are out shopping and you want to buy a red pair of shoes. You get to the shoe store and find a nice pair of red shoes, but that particular pair of shoes isn't exactly suited to your taste so you continue looking and maybe you end up getting a pair of shoes completely different to what you were originally looking for.
...hang on a second. Doesn't that just mean she's lying when she says she wishes she could "find a guy like you"? In your metaphor, the girl sets out to find something specific and ends up with a completely different variant of it. If you go out intending to buy a pair of red shoes and come back with gray hiking boots, you clearly liked the latter a lot more than the former. They both might be footwear, but they're completely different in all other respects.
And with that in mind...
museofdoom said:
So when a girl says, "I wish I could find a guy like you" it means she likes your qualities, but isn't attracted to you.
...this just means she's trying to say, "I wish I could find a guy, like you." That's just a roundabout way of saying that she doesn't like
you, but is still attracted to your gender.
museofdoom said:
This does not make her a hypocrite, or a *****. So please stop whining and making yourselves out to be a victim of some heinous crime because the girl you like doesn't like you.
But I thought that she liked you enough to say that she wants to "find a guy like you."
I'm sure it's already been mentioned in the fourteen pages of posts, but a popular analogy for this situation is thus: you find yourself turned down for a job, but are informed that your resume will be kept on file and every new prospective candidate will be compared to you. You can't still get the job, but you'll be periodically informed of how new workers fail to live up to the standards you set in your interview.