Cheating in relationships

[FPLOON]

Well, I haven't been in that kind of a relationship, let alone dated anyone before... With that said, the thought of cheating, on both sides of the spectrum, is quite unsettling to me even if it hasn't happened yet[footnote]Will they cheat on me? Will I cheat on them? Will we both cheat on each other? Would we cheat on each other... with EACH OTHER? I CAN'T TAKE THIS "PSEUDO-SUSPENSE" ANYMORE![/footnote]... The closest I would to "go public" about it would more or less be within the confines of my mother and, maybe, my grandmother if she doesn't try to blab about it to her neighbor or something like that...

Overall, cheating is bad... and I can't take it no matter which side I'm on... (Might not date anyone "new" for a LONG time afterwards, now that I think about it...)

 

[Lord Garnaat]

I've never been cheated on personally, but I think of it as a particularly despicable crime. If a relationship is about completely giving yourself to another person, then betraying that level of trust and faith in someone for nothing other than your own selfish desires is not only horrible, it's downright traumatic. I would never be able to stay in a relationship if I found out my partner was unfaithful.

Personally, I've always thought that adultery should be considered a punishable crime. It seems like a breach of contract like any other kind of fraud, albeit with a more human element.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Trust means everything.

If there's no trust, then a relationship is never gonna survive.

 

[shootthebandit]

Why some guys puss out, and lie and cheat, is beyond me.

Amen sister

It doesnt make you a player or a dude. It makes you a coward because you dont have the balls to tell someone youve found someone else

I honestly don't think I could live with myself if I were to stoop to such a level of cowardice, neither do I think I would be able to respect myself if I gave anyone who cheated on me, a second chance.

I wouldnt forgive someone however we are only human. If a really hot girl/guy talks to you in a bar of course you are going to be tempted. If you arent tempted then there is something wrong with you. It takes a better person not to give in to that temptation

Having said all that its been proven that couples with open relationships and swingers tend to have on average healthier longer lasting relationships

 

[Aerevolt]

People are willing to convince themselves of all kinds of unlikely things to justify what they want to be true (see anthropogenic climate change deniers, for example).

I once watched one woman convince herself that the wedding ring on some guy's finger was just a fashion accessory and he wasn't really married. Because she wanted really badly to sex a muscly guy. Oh how she cried in shock and dismay when it turned out he was *GASP* married. If only there was some way she could have known!

This was more or less the kind of response I was looking for.
"I can't believe how stupid I was, lol. But I've learned from it and I'm in a much better place now."

I'm also kind of surprised more of you haven't been cheated on. It seems like all my friends in real life have been cheated on. Some ended the relationship as soon as they found out, but others even stayed for years, insisting things had changed.

 

[Angelous Wang]

I have enough trust issues as it is.

It someone breaks my trust just once, I am done with them, period.

Because I will never trust them again.

Forgiveness is nice in theory, but I would never have peace of mind again with that person, I would always be suspicious and on look out for them to do something again, It's much easier to just end it.

 

[lacktheknack]

I'm ahead of the game. I just don't date anyone. Therefore, I'm never cheated on.

 

[Roofstone]

If you cheat on me it is over without question. I will not even stop to think it through before breaking up with you.

Cheating is a horrible thing to do.

 

[Headsprouter]

1. I'd probably tell you "Hell no!", but I feel I'm too much of a softie.

Never been in a relationship, though, so I guess we'll wait and see.

2. What? I'll put this one as a "don't know".

3. In most cases, no.

But if the people need to know, like in Zoe's case, because she does seem to be a complete lie, and everything she has ever achieved to bring her into public spectacle has been due to corruption and dishonesty, yes.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm ahead of the game. I just don't date anyone. Therefore, I'm never cheated on.

Or maybe you have, and you haven't found out yet.

Admittedly, not dating makes this less likely, but you never know.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I've never been cheated on, but in the past I've made girls cheat on their boyfriends with me. Anybody want the villain's viewpoint?

I question both the use of the word "made" - even if you seduced them, you didn't make them, they chose - and the use of the word villain.

As I have said before, if one is not the one in a relationship, then one has little/no responsibility towards the relationship.

It isn't nice to go seducing people in relationships, but it doesn't make you a villain. A rogue, perhaps? A rake?

 

[krazykidd]

Cheating as actually more socially acceptable than being polyamorous . I am personally surprise with the rise of atheism there aren't more polygamous relationships. The problem is, people want to have their cake and eat it too. I mean if you are prone to cheat, why not just have an open relationship? It would make things a lot eaisier and enjoyable. I personally think monogamy is an archaic ideology. Now i won't stop people from being monogamous , but i do tell them that it's silly when i am asked.

People are selfish.

 

[stroopwafel]

Not that I justify it, but I kind of understand why people cheat. No matter how much we try to believe it, human beings are by their very nature not monogomous. Look at it this way: if you have a peanutbutter sandwich everyday don't you want a jelly sandwich someday?

Espescially with relationships that last for years and in which people take eachother for granted I think its impossible to maintain a passionate love life. So when they have the opportunity, I'm not surprised they look for it somewhere else. Sure, there are people who cling to eachother as if their life depends on it for whatever reason(usually lack of options or psychological issues). But when another person becomes your emotional life support, that's usually not a healthy disposition. Being cheated on sucks, having a relationship end sucks; but neither of these things should leave you in ruin.

It's ofcourse easy to condemn cheating when you never have opportunity, and which is also reason why people are willing to put up with so much shit. It's probably an unromantic thing to say, but I'd be wary to invest too much in a relationship(both emotionally and otherwise) when they are ultimately(given the fleeting nature of human emotions) build on quicksand.

Not to say you can't love another person. Life would be pretty colorless without those emotions. As long as you never forget that it can, and probably will, end someday. Just like everything in life eventually does. Just enjoy the ride while it lasts and cherish the good times!

Exposing your dirty laundry to the public(espescially Failbook) is not done in my opinion. Espescially when its to talk shit about a person out of petty frustration b/c he/she cheated. It only makes you look more stupid as well. Just swallow your pride and move one. There'll be someone else eventually.

 

[Something Amyss]

Why stay in a relationship when you know someone is cheating?

I don't. But it's hard to just unfeel emotions for someone, even if you are hurt by their actions.

Why do you have to suspend all reason in order to stay in the relationship?

Because of the above conflict, really.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship if my significant other cheated.

Not ever, not for anyone, I wouldn't be able to trust that person again and I have more pride than that.

Weirdly enough, my ex doesn't get why I don't trust her. To this day. And she cheated on me with like four different people (in fairness to me, I didn't find out until after the fact, so it's not like I was being all forgiving and shit). I feel bad for the guy she's with now, because she's made it clear she'd still have sex with me if I lost all mental faculties, and she keeps texting one of my friends for what I'm pretty sure are similar reasons. I don't know him, though, so it's not like I could do anything anyway.

I dont understand cheating. If you want to be with someone else just say so and move on. Dont keep leading someone alone

Eh. Depends on the circumstances. I could see doing something stupid in a heated moment. I could see stress or depression or something similar leading to a moment of weakness. I'm not sure how I'd react if my partner said "I screwed up, here's what happened." Of course, that version's never happened to me.

The more systemic cheating? I don't get in most circumstances, but I can think of a few. Despite upwards fo 40% of marriages ending in divorce in the US, there's still a stigma attached to it, especially in religious circles. My mother got some flak for her divorce, being from a quasi-Catholic family in a red state. The pressure can culturally be significant enough that there ends up being a sort of values dissonance where cheating may be wrong, but a divorce is worse. Hell, I know a Muslim woman who has been separated from her husband for well over a decade now, and sleeps with other men, but a divorce is unthinkable. At this point, I'm not even sure it's cheating as I'm pretty sure both partners are aware and pursuing their own lives, but they're still married both legally and religiously.

Generally, though, it just comes off as a dick move.

 

[Artina89]

I have never been cheated on, but if I was, it would be over, no questions asked. Relationships are only strong for as long as you trust that person, and once that trust has gone then there is no point continuing. I have never truly understood the point of cheating. If you are unhappy in a relationship then surely it is better to end it rather than screw someone over by having sex with someone else, but relationships aren't really a strong point of mine.

 

[RicoADF]

I wouldn't stay in a relationship if my significant other cheated.

Not ever, not for anyone, I wouldn't be able to trust that person again and I have more pride than that.

That said, I generally think less of people who make their relationship problems public. If someone posts about their relationship drama on Facebook or whatever, I generally think of them as being quite petty and immature.

I would think of it as warning others that your ex is a lying cheater that cannot be trusted so they don't go through the same shit. As far as I'm concerned cheaters deserve to be called out and publicly shamed.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I would think of it as warning others that your ex is a lying cheater that cannot be trusted so they don't go through the same shit. As far as I'm concerned cheaters deserve to be called out and publicly shamed.

People who cheat aren't necessarily liars and people cheat for a variety of different reasons, it doesn't mean that they deserve to have their name dragged through the dirt.

It reflects very poorly on the person posting it for all to see.

It sucks that someone hurt you but it doesn't mean that you should air your dirty laundry on Facebook.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Had a couple instances of that. First one was probably the best situation possible, caught the lady in the act and her excuse "oh but we didn't say we were exclusive" was so badly construed at the last moment things were just clear as day, shit was over, shattered dreams, time to pick up the pieces and move along.
The other one was really awful, like yanking a serrated arrow back the way it came in each time at a different angle. Initially found out from an unreliable party, and she laughed it off, they must have seen somebody else. Then heard about a second occurrence from a more reliable party, this time she claimed people were just inventing things to attack her and that I should know better. And the third time I heard straight from one of the guys she was with, now this was one undeniable and we went on a full shouting match which ended with me being accused of driving her into other peoples arms because with my mistrust... and I totally bought it, for weeks I felt like a complete asshole trying to fix this horrible injustice that I was apparently doing. Until one of her friends actually sits me down an explains this is her jam, she humps everyone she likes and if ever called out the most elaborate excuses come into play.

Harsh stuff at the time but that is how we learn.
So why stay, why suspend all reason... if there is one thing relationships are not about is reason, it is pure emotion and we will do the dumbest shit when acting on it. And by that extent when you have scorned someone so badly do not expect them to show restraint, whatever dirt they have will be free game when pissed.

And why do people cheat at all some have asked, well sex is one of our very basic needs and relationships aren't. So it becomes really difficult to abstain when presented with an enticing opportunity and our basic reaction feels far more important then anything else. For those who don't have a pronounced sex drive imagine your partner wants you to stop eating bacon and then after two years of abstinence you are presented with the most delicious bacon dish... many would not think of their partner at a moment like this.

 

[Michael Kirley]

I would think of it as warning others that your ex is a lying cheater that cannot be trusted so they don't go through the same shit. As far as I'm concerned cheaters deserve to be called out and publicly shamed.

People who cheat aren't necessarily liars and people cheat for a variety of different reasons, it doesn't mean that they deserve to have their name dragged through the dirt.

It reflects very poorly on the person posting it for all to see.

It sucks that someone hurt you but it doesn't mean that you should air your dirty laundry on Facebook.

If someone deceives you and cheats on you (hence lying about their agreement with the presumably monogamist pretense of the relationship) they are certainly a liar.