Corrupt a wish

[WhyBotherToTry]

I'm pretty sure there's been about a hundred of these so far but they're fun so what the hoo-ha. For those who don't know the rules, you, as the title suggests, corrupt the wish of the person above. For example, if person A says "I wish for a million burgers", person B could say "Granted but you have to eat them in one sitting"

So without any further ado let's get started.
I wish I had a new car.

 

[him over there]

Granted it's half a foot tall.

I wish I had laser vision.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted but you also have aids.
I wish for more people on my thread

 

[StormShaun]

Granted.

Trolls!

I wish for a danish.

 

[Chairman Miaow]

Granted, Hamlet enters the room and bores you to death with lengthy monologues.

I wish for a milkshake. A plain chocolate milkshake. That is cold. and nice and normal.

 

[Evil Smurf]

okay, did you like the goatse wallpaper we have here?
I wish for MOAR CAKE!

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, you get struck by lighting whenever you move.
I wish for an antidote

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but the antidote is actually a different type of poison, that counterbalances the effects of the previous poison

I wish for a Pip-Boy 3000

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, it comes with a life time supplies of evil pandas however.
I wish for a bigger bank balance

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but the date is now October 28th, 1929

I wish for a chocolate chip frappe

 

[Evil Smurf]

that sounds nice. *eats it for you*
I wish for a flat white coffee with no sugar

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but the coffee got spat in by all the employees at Starbucks

I wish for a double-bladed lightsaber

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted but you get force chocked to death.
I wish for more games

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but they're all grey and brown military FPS games

I wish for a time machine

 

[Humble Grapefruit]

Granted, but it goes by real time, so you go back 20 years, you stand there for 20 years.

I wish for a hover board.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but the battery lasts only for 4 minutes

I wish for a universal translator

 

[shrekfan246]

Granted, but it's HK-47 with even less morals than an assassination-protocol droid should normally have.

I wish for the ability to, consciously, with only my fullest consent, and my confirmation from a coherent state of mind, grant myself any super-power that my mind can conceive of any time I deem fit.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but the villains you fight know all your personal information (name, address, loved ones, etc.)

I wish for a Klondike bar

 

[shrekfan246]

Granted, did I mention it comes with a hungry, live Polar Bear?

Spoiler

I wish for the temperature of my state to go back down to sixty degrees Fahrenheit, otherwise known at 15.5555 degrees Celsius.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Granted, but this causes the state to go into debt, due to a lack of tourists

I wish for "A Dance with Dragons."