Could You Date A Transexual?

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

It would be very difficult, if not, impossible and awkward if I knew beforehand...I don't really have a fetish for this.

how fortunate that one does not need a fetish to follow through.

even if i could be initially fooled into being in a relationship

....I'm not even completely sure what to say here.

medically speaking, YOU ARE A MALE

Please don't besmirch medicine to try and defend your feelings on the matter. Medically speaking, a MTF transsexual is not male. I'm not saying you have to want to date or even like transsexuals, but don't hide behind "medicine" to cover YOUR issues with it. That's akin to saying "scientifically speaking, the negro is an inferior species" to explain why you'd never date a black person.

You can't just slap "science!" on your phobias, sorry.

Incorrect, the MTF is male by the definition of male = xy vs female = xx chromosomes. Furthermore, the MTF does not have ovaries, a uterus, and a range of other aspects that are pretty much exclusively female. They may well have a 'female-like' brain in terms of structure and self-identity and perhaps a natural hormonal balance that is more female as well, but their body is more male than female which is why it had to be surgically altered. You can't just slap "science" on your beliefs either. I'm happy to treat them for the most part as a female in name and be a decent open minded friend, but as a male attracted to females who can become pregnant, I'm not happy to do anything sexual with them. Just my personal sexual preferences, which there's nothing wrong with. Other's personal sexual preferences may vary and that's A-okay by me.

As for screening all partners for reproductive capability - that's not exactly practical now is it. There are plenty of benefits from being in a non-reproductive positive relationship anyway, but I wouldn't be surprised if a number of men with barren partners sought extramarital sex either.

 

[Scarecrow]

I would, sure. I really don't see the issue. If she looks like a girl, talks like a girl, dresses like a girl...she's a girl, right? I mean, how absolutely pathetic and picky are you if you turn down a beautiful person just because "Oh, you have this chromosome alignment". If you honestly think like that....take a step back and seriously think about your life...please.

Edit: To maybe better explain myself...I do not understand how chromosomes come into it. The only...-only- thing that might phase me about a transgender date is if she still had her male "part". If she didn't...then so what? Maybe some people are wired differently...sorry if that first bit was outta line, but...well...as I've said, I just do not understand that train of thought.

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

Many people make their decisions based on 'Oh, you mean we can never have kids? Next!' Why else do you think the human race persists? Also probably depends on how long you've been together and what your prospects are if you terminate this relationship.. A bit mercenary but there you go..

 

[bananafishtoday]

No-one's saying you have to date trans women.

Just in doing so don't say that a trans woman isn't a woman.

But therein lies the problem. I'm attracted to women, I must accept trans MtF as women so I should have no problem dating them. But I do and that's what has me so upset. Either way i'm screwed.

No one's making this argument though. You may be attracted to women, but that doesn't mean anyone (reasonable, anyway) expects you to be attracted to all women. Maybe you're (as you say) not attracted to black women. Maybe you're not attracted to transsexual women. Maybe you're not attracted to women who are fastidious about doing their taxes. That's fine. Sexuality is unique, and it's personal.

All we're arguing is that one person's sexual preferences do not dictate another person's gender identity. We're opposed to the people in this thread (and in society in general) who say things like "If you're a guy, you're a guy" (ie "If you have a Y chromosome, your sex and gender are both male regardless of any other factors.")

Remember, the only people who get to have opinions or stances about sexual and gender identification are trans-sexual and trans-genders because they are a minority and have been oppressed. If your opinion or stance doesn't mesh with theirs: you are a bigot.

If that's your criteria, then speaking in my official capacity as a non-trangendered, non-transsexual individual, you are a bigot.

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

Women are crazy, so if there were someone who fit my other dating criteria with a man's mind, and a woman's parts, I think I'd be all over that.

So you know, more the point of transgendered is "mind and parts don't match".[footnote]That is, a man in the body of a girl or a woman in the body of a boy[/footnote] Transexual means that "mind and body now match, but both are different from birth sex".[footnote]A person born with a penis had a girls brain and now has a girls body, for example[/footnote] To say that a person "has a man's mind and a woman's parts" would more accurately refer to a transgendered male.

[HEADING=3]Side note about terminology:[/HEADING]

1) transgendered VS transsexual - difference between mind and parts VS surgery to make the mind and parts match

2) trans[X] guy/male VS trans[X] girl/female - in all cases, you are supposed to use the individuals preferred gender. A male mind in a girls body is a transgendered guy, a person born a guy who had surgery to become a girl is a transexual girl.

3) trans[X] vs non-trans[X] - this is more a side note about a side note, but it is a bit mean/insensitive to call people who aren't trans "normal".[footnote]For clarification, that is because it implies that a trans person is not normal[/footnote] The terminology for a male born with a mans parts is "cis male"/"cis guy" and for a girl with girl parts is "cis girl" or "cis female".

3.5) I dunno what "cis" refers to specifically.

I think it's an oblique reference to cis vs trans double bonds in a fatty acid molecule (http://www.diffen.com/difference/Cis_Fat_vs_Trans_Fat) - you know, trans fats are only typically occur unnaturally through technology (through a hydrogenation process using polyunsaturated plant fatty acid/oil. They also actually happen to be bad for you, but I don't think that's part of the definition here) Cis fatty acid bonds are naturally occurring.

Which makes sense - cis is for the male mind in male body or female mind in female body as the 'norm' while trans for the male mind in female to male altered body etc as the 'technologically converted'.

Not to say that gender mismatch isn't naturally occurring.

Oh well.. Trans means across and Cis means on the same side as, (which explains why the fats have their relative designations) so trans males have to transition their body to male to match their outlook/mind/brain-patterns/hormones while cis males have their body on the same side as their brain etc..

 

[Calibanbutcher]

snip

snip

Yeah, decided to not bother with you anymore.
Not sure if you try to get an inflammatory response or what your game is, but have a nice day.

 

[Epic Bear Man]

It's a really, really gray area for me. On one hand, I'd be fine with it. While I've had sex strictly with women, and I love how a vagina feels, I've been sexually aroused by transsexuals before. Even with that though, I still don't know if I could go through with actually having sex with a transgender, let alone a committed relationship. I'm not the type of guy who likes to do one night stands, and I have issues with dating a transgender on the basis that one day I want to have kids of my own blood; lineage and all that crap.

Also, I'm not a fan of anal sex, and I'd have trouble with sucking a cock. When I've seen transsexual porn a couple of times, I've always watched a "shemale" fucking a woman, or sucking a dick. The ones of shemales fucking men just turns me off. I'd have a hard time both giving and receiving, and if I did manage to get over the turn off of sucking a cock myself, I'd still have issues with anal, especially receiving it.

Thirdly is the voice. I've seen some that have decent voices, but most still sound very masculine, and that would be a turn off to me to be having sex and to be hearing a male voice coming from someone who looks like a female from the waist up.

Fourthly is just insecurities. I don't mean to generalize, but I'm pretty sure most transsexuals are gender confused. They feel like the opposite sex trapped in their current gender's body, and thus have to go to the extremes of surgery to get changed. One of my cousin's is a transsexual and we've talked about this before. Some may be fine with it and aren't insecure, but I'm sure most are. I've dated plenty of insecure women, and that's been bad enough. To be insecure about your gender and your identity is a whole new degree.

All in all, I probably would not date a transsexual. I'd befriend them, not sure if I'd experiment with them or not, but I probably wouldn't date one. That being said though, your damn right I'll defend their rights and fight for them no matter what. They need love as much as anyone else, and not accepting them is only going to make their insecurities even worse.

 

[Abomination]

Remember, the only people who get to have opinions or stances about sexual and gender identification are trans-sexual and trans-genders because they are a minority and have been oppressed. If your opinion or stance doesn't mesh with theirs: you are a bigot.

If that's your criteria, then speaking in my official capacity as a non-trangendered, non-transsexual individual, you are a bigot.

Of course I am, because my stance on sexual and gender identification differs from the average trans - not because you happen to agree with them. In fact, your opinion has nothing to do with me being a bigot or not because - as you have confessed - you are not a member of the privileged few who do get to dictate such stances.

To me sex is gender, and a trans is simply attempting to emulate the opposite for a potential variety of personal reasons that I will not begrudge them for. Not to mention all the various sub-categories of trans that people have somehow come up with... adding layers upon layers of complexity to an already deeply emotional topic.

What it boils down to is 100% tolerance being given but since it isn't 100% acceptance one is identified as an enemy - which does the entire trans demographic no favours when trying to battle the unfortunate stereotype of trans being insecure, overly emotional and unbalanced.

 

[OniaPL]

Snip

Thanks to you, and drisky, for the read. However, I'm not sure what to think about this; What the article's main point is that due to the failed hormone wash a person gets the "another genders brain" and thefeore their gender identity, but then there's the view that gender identity is not fixed at birth (it is caused by sociological and physiological factors; however most people just identify with a gender based on their biological parts) which contests the idea of gender identity being decided at birth.

I tried searching the studies the article cites, but I didn't come up with much, and I couldn't find other researchs etc. referencing the first article (because I'd figure psychologists would be all over such information). While I'm not contesting that gender identity received at birth would be impossible, at the moment there are just more evidence supporting the opposite hypothesis.

 

[bananafishtoday]

Of course I am, because my stance on sexual and gender identification differs from the average trans - not because you happen to agree with them. In fact, your opinion has nothing to do with me being a bigot or not because - as you have confessed - you are not a member of the privileged few who do get to dictate such stances.

To me sex is gender, and a trans is simply attempting to emulate the opposite for a potential variety of personal reasons that I will not begrudge them for. Not to mention all the various sub-categories of trans that people have somehow come up with... adding layers upon layers of complexity to an already deeply emotional topic.

What it boils down to is 100% tolerance being given but since it isn't 100% acceptance one is identified as an enemy - which does the entire trans demographic no favours when trying to battle the unfortunate stereotype of trans being insecure, overly emotional and unbalanced.

The fact that you apparently think trans* people are "privileged" is absolutely insane. It's so out of touch with reality that I can't even imagine how you could have reached that conclusion.

 

[Rasor]

If it was just some guy who decided "I'm a girl inside!" and did then made the switch... Then no.
That concept just irritates me. It's like being a weeaboo, except about the opposite gender, not Japanese culture. Sure you can convince yourself that you're truly a lady... But you aren't, you're delusional.
If I can't love you as a man... Getting fake tits and a faulty clunge isn't going to change my mind. If you're born with some kind of defect, some mismatched parts, that's you. and if I like you I'll live with it.

 

[Techno Squidgy]

If I was attracted to them, then yeah probably.

But I'm not going to lie, I do not understand transsexuality in the slightest. I'm not saying that I don't like transsexuals or don't think it's a real thing, I'm just saying I don't get it. The same way I don't get the impact of the word '******' from a black person's perspective. I have a friend that's FtM and I'm trying to understand and be supportive, but it's difficult when they're going through something I can't comprehend.

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

You don't have to understand something to know that people suffer when they're coralled into living a lie or bullied by people who don't accept them as they are. I'm sure that unless we were born with a silver spoon in our mouth, home schooled and kept in a virtual social bubble, we've all had experiences of social cruelty, however rare. I don't know how much of trans people's suffering is due to societal mistreatment and mental polarisation driving them to seek refuge in a particular gender role vs yearning to have the body that matches their innate mindset. Or if these things are inextricably interlinked. Doesn't matter, just treat people decently and let them call themselves whatever they like. Just so long as they're reasonably consistent about it, that's all I ask.

 

[Bertylicious]

I don't think I would be able to because I am prejudiced. It's not something I'm proud of, quite the opposite, but it isn't something I can just turn off. A lot of people carry prejudice, as this thread proves, and a lot of people would rather try to defend their prejudice with any old nonsense rather than admit to weakness.

I remember watching a programme about white South African police officers serving years after the end of apartheid. This one guy spoke about racism as being like being an alcoholic; every morning you had to look in the mirror and say to yourself "I am an alcoholic, so I will not act like an alcoholic". To me, my prejudice feels much the same; I am aware of it and must take consious steps to prevent it from affecting my judgement.

 

[wearesoneutralthatithurts]

i have a partner-so no. but i think-if i am in love, then yes, why not? i loved ppl which didn't fit my idea of attractive-but love is love and if this person is a good, compassionate wonderful intelligent one-then , yeah sure. anatomy is not important to me and health or some strange idea of normality is not important for me. i could imagine dating a disabled person in a wheelchair or whatever.
and the methods of operation for male-> female are excellent- i saw a neo-vagina and i couldn't tell the difference to a "real" one.(and well, i know how vagoos look like^^) if a m->f gets her body very early-short after or wile puberty(so the hormones cant do their destructive (yes, for TG puberty is destructive-the fact that TG are more likely to commit suicide(and have a higher risk of becoming mentally ill-depressive or addicted(because of the depression) has a reason-being trapped in a body that morphs to something that isn't you seems horrible to me. And a society which fears and despises TG is ad too- TG have a higher risk of becoming a victim of abuse and violence too.) you cant really tell a difference.

a good, because early made mtF Tg is kim here:

doesn't only look like a girl-she is one. i am not into blondes but that is a really pretty girl :]

startet with hormone-therapy very early (the parents told that at a very early agge in childhood kim hated her body so much, she wanted to cut her penis off with a scissor. she started wearing girls-clothing at the age of 2 (http://www.colorsmagazine.com/stories/magazine/76/story/body-changes)
so- i dont think taht this is a mental illness- maybe there was some hormonal stuff that made her this way. but she is happy and i think thats the important thing. i think everybody deserves to e happy

(c) and such: http://www.listal.com/kim-petras

 

[marcooos]

LMAo ya not many of us would pull that!

Speak for yourself!

LMAO Ya I wouldn't announce it "Hi, I'm Melanie- trans-girl supreme."

Dunno I'd rate that as the greatest intoduction ever

OT: Nah don't think I could sorry ppls, just realistically could not get past that fact. Dunno if that makes me a dickhead or not lol

 

[Kroxile]

Absolutely not. If you are born a man, you are always a man and vice versa. Its perverse in my opinion to even consider the notion.

Blast away with your "hurr durr homophobia" BS. I don't care.

 

[Abomination]

Of course I am, because my stance on sexual and gender identification differs from the average trans - not because you happen to agree with them. In fact, your opinion has nothing to do with me being a bigot or not because - as you have confessed - you are not a member of the privileged few who do get to dictate such stances.

The fact that you apparently think trans* people are "privileged" is absolutely insane. It's so out of touch with reality that I can't even imagine how you could have reached that conclusion.

Because I'm talking about who gets to dictate what sexual and gender identification is, not practical benefits. In the field of dictating sexual and gender identification it seems that trans have a monopoly on righteous indignation. It is their definition or be prepared to be called a bigot - and that is absurd.

"I was born a man but you better call me a woman and IN YOUR VERY MIND CONSIDER me a woman." The second capitalised part is the concept I can not stand, that having an opinion one keeps to themselves unless asked about it makes them a terrible person. Or as the issue DugMachine had earlier, he doesn't have to date a M->F trans because maybe he considers them unattractive but it's wrong to not date them because they're a trans, he still considers them to be male, and he is heterosexual. Which highlights the issue he mentioned in the first place - apparently trans expect everyone to consider them sexually equal on an individual level to every other prospective mate.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Women are crazy, so if there were someone who fit my other dating criteria with a man's mind, and a woman's parts, I think I'd be all over that.

So you know, more the point of transgendered is "mind and parts don't match".[footnote]That is, a man in the body of a girl or a woman in the body of a boy[/footnote] Transexual means that "mind and body now match, but both are different from birth sex".[footnote]A person born with a penis had a girls brain and now has a girls body, for example[/footnote] To say that a person "has a man's mind and a woman's parts" would more accurately refer to a transgendered male.

[HEADING=3]Side note about terminology:[/HEADING]

1) transgendered VS transsexual - difference between mind and parts VS surgery to make the mind and parts match

2) trans[X] guy/male VS trans[X] girl/female - in all cases, you are supposed to use the individuals preferred gender. A male mind in a girls body is a transgendered guy, a person born a guy who had surgery to become a girl is a transexual girl.

3) trans[X] vs non-trans[X] - this is more a side note about a side note, but it is a bit mean/insensitive to call people who aren't trans "normal".[footnote]For clarification, that is because it implies that a trans person is not normal[/footnote] The terminology for a male born with a mans parts is "cis male"/"cis guy" and for a girl with girl parts is "cis girl" or "cis female".

3.5) I dunno what "cis" refers to specifically.

I think it's an oblique reference to cis vs trans double bonds in a fatty acid molecule (http://www.diffen.com/difference/Cis_Fat_vs_Trans_Fat) - you know, trans fats are only typically occur unnaturally through technology (through a hydrogenation process using polyunsaturated plant fatty acid/oil. They also actually happen to be bad for you, but I don't think that's part of the definition here) Cis fatty acid bonds are naturally occurring.

Which makes sense - cis is for the male mind in male body or female mind in female body as the 'norm' while trans for the male mind in female to male altered body etc as the 'technologically converted'.

Not to say that gender mismatch isn't naturally occurring.

Oh well.. Trans means across and Cis means on the same side as, (which explains why the fats have their relative designations) so trans males have to transition their body to male to match their outlook/mind/brain-patterns/hormones while cis males have their body on the same side as their brain etc..

Ok, this is really rubbing me the wrong way, being a chemistry nerd and all:
1. There are naturally occuring trans fatty acids, found in milk and dairy products. Not a lot but there are some.

2. I highly doubt that a community would wish to name itself after fatty acids of all things, especially since the terms "cis-" and "trans-" are used in chemistry to identify isomers of molecules and are not solely used for fatty acids.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cis%E2%80%93trans_isomerism

3. Really, why the f*ck would any group wish to name itself after fatty acids of all things.

 

[chinangel]

as a transgirl myself, i'm more or less required to want to date my own kind...which is good. 'Cause there are some hot tgirls and tboys out there :3
being bi has benefits