Critical Miss: Noobgrues

[ritchards]

This far and no one's linked to this?

 

[Kajt]

Woah. [http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/Zork] That's yet another point in favour of me getting Black Ops.

 

[Hyper-space]

You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. Nevermind that most people think if you aren't shooting at something RIGHT NOW the game is "Boring". I would love to see the results of a CoD head attempting to survive in the zone of exclusion. There's no regenerating health here boy, quite the opposite if you hit radiation.

I guess to get to a wider audience things need to be acessible and i do get that (that's the main point of motion controls, simplicity. but people MUST realise that for more complex tasks a controller/ M=KB are infinitely better) but there is 'acressible' and down right 'played for you'

Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought

Ah yes the classic creative thought method of clicking random inventory items on random things in the environment in the hopes something will happen because you already tried the things that made sense and they didn't work. And who could forget the classic 'you missed the all important item that there was no indication of it mattering or even that you could pick it up and now you can't go back and get it so the game is unwinnable. have fun starting back at the beginning asshole! Oh, and were not going to tell you where you screwed up either, or even that you screwed up at all.'

You've been playing Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy, then.

King's Quest and Space Quest actually. My dad had a few that a tried, I didn't like them. Text games are even worse.

Example: The door to the room I'm in is locked, there is a key on the table.
Me: take key
Game: I can't do that
M: Get key
G: I can't do that
M: Grab key
G: I can't do that
M (starting to get annoyed): pick up key
G: I can't do that
M: Why won't this fucking thing work!? *thinks for a moment* walk over to table
G: You are now in arms reach of the key
M: pick up key
G: I can't do that (I didn't word it right most likely)
M: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

 

[TheMann]

I think that this article [http://www.cracked.com/blog/revisiting-old-school-text-adventures-as-a-jaded-modern-gamer/] has to be the absolute funniest thing I've ever read about Zork and text adventures in the modern age of gaming.

You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. -snip-

Now I'm not a big COD fan other than the very first one which I loved, but if someone can't figure out Half Life 2, that is seriously fucking pathetic. I mean how short does your attention span have to be not to be able to walk or drive ol' G-Dawg Freeman to his next Combine wasting encounter. I can only imagine if someone like that was playing Bioshock. (I was just replaying HL2 last night. Highway 17; my favorite chapter. A beautiful drive along the coast running over antlions, doing 'Dukes of Hazzard' jumps and dropping storage containers on people with a crane. Good times ... but I digress.)

This is why I hate the average FPS player. They can quicksnipe a dude from 300 yards off but they can't equip a +1 Helm.

What the hell is a +1 Helm? Oh crap, does that make me one those guys? To be fair though, if it's something from an RPG or MMO, I simply don't play those. Nothing to do with my attention span, I just find them uninteresting. I do like point and click adventures though. Still, I wonder who at Treyarch decided to include Zork and whether it was just on a pique.

I think people have given up on Half-Life 2 because Ep. 3 is about a billion years late.

Poor Gabe Newell, if only he hadn't discovered the all-you-can-eat buffet down the road...

Hahahahaha! That's awesome. DAMN YOU KFC!!! The next time I'm enrolled in a college course, I'll politely explain to my professor that all my papers and projects will be completed on Valve Time.

 

[Giest4life]

Made me giggle...hard!

 

[Imp Poster]

Good show, King of the Yetis. haha.. can't stop laughing

 

[the lapalminator]

treyarch is better for the seires than infininty ward

still would like to see valve do a cod game though

 

[BenzSmoke]

That comic was perfect. Thanks for the laugh.

 

[The Random One]

There is too much truth in this one. Too much.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

Have you even played Zork or the infocom adventures? I'm not sure what game that guy was playing, but 90% of the time in an Infocom game, typing what you want to do will perform exactly the action you want to do. (Just be careful with 'it'.) My favourite part is that 'poke' is a synonim for 'attack' so you can go around poking your enemies. (Or your enemy since there's like one or two per game.)

Of course the solution for the puzzles are still completly insane, but if you get the 'deluxe' editions with the built in hint system it's worth it.

 

[joshuaayt]

I remember playing Zork, a little while ago. Didn't play for long- I do love old games, but I have to be in the right mood to play them. Also I had just recieved a fabulous new copy of Morrowind GOTY.
Might go and try again, now.

Hey, have they been plastering entire walls with Black Ops posters anywhere else? It's ridiculous; our JB HIFI has every previously empty stretch of wall covered with so many of these stupid posters, that I'm not entirely sure you are allowed to leave without buying the game.

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

It's weird they should put Zork in. Why would the average CoD player want to play a text-based game, even as just a diversion? Or, better still, would the average CoD player even know what a text-based game is, or how to play one?

I resent that! I am an average CoD player and have played a couple of text-based games in my time.

OT: "Quickscope Grue" made me laugh

The very fact that you're on this forum makes your argument invalid. You are not the average CoD player.

 

[Zeromaeus]

You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought

Ah yes the classic creative thought method of clicking random inventory items on random things in the environment in the hopes something will happen because you already tried the things that made sense and they didn't work. And who could forget the classic 'you missed the all important item that there was no indication of it mattering or even that you could pick it up and now you can't go back and get it so the game is unwinnable. have fun starting back at the beginning asshole! Oh, and were not going to tell you where you screwed up either, or even that you screwed up at all.'

You've been playing Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy, then.

King's Quest and Space Quest actually. My dad had a few that a tried, I didn't like them. Text games are even worse.

Example: The door to the room I'm in is locked, there is a key on the table.
Me: take key
Game: I can't do that
M: Get key
G: I can't do that
M: Grab key
G: I can't do that
M (starting to get annoyed): pick up key
G: I can't do that
M: Why won't this fucking thing work!? *thinks for a moment* walk over to table
G: You are now in arms reach of the key
M: pick up key
G: I can't do that (I didn't word it right most likely)
M: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

Ah, Sierra games tended to be incredibly unfair as far as death/game-logic went. Try some of the old Lucas Arts adventure games. Particularly 'Sam & Max: Hit the Road', 'Maniac Mansion: Day of the Tentacle' and 'The Secret of Monkey Island' (1 &2). Those old SCUMM games were wonderful.

 

[Double A]

Wow, it has Zork in it? I might consider getting it after all.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Noobgrues

The average Call of Duty player is about as well equipped to play Zork as I am to eat the sun.


Read Full Article

Aren't you better equipped to eat the sun then anybody that has ever lived? http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/comics/critical-miss/7873-Critical-Miss-20

 

[Hyper-space]

Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

How is CoD "lead by the nose play-style"? all it does is show you where you have to go and thats it (just like in dragon age, fallout 3 etc.), it does very little else in effort to help you, you seem to be confusing having only one difficulty setting with accessibility.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

OH MY GOD! TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE! you must like, know EVERY CoD player there is! hearing that 10 different people do not like Mass Effect because it does not have multi-player leaves you with a 10:10,3 million ratio, your experience does not give in any way a clear picture of the CoD user-base.

So Listen, you are obviously mad, maybe someone who plays CoD insulted your favorite game, i don't know. But heres the thing, some people like party games (Wii Sports etc.) and some people like JRPGs, to expect EVERYONE to like your favorite game or share the same preferences as you is ridiculous. CoD's user-base is large because it introduces a lot of people who otherwise do not play video-games to the medium, meaning that not everyone has played Zork or that one obscure adventure game you really liked as a kid, and guess what? thats perfectly okay. You do not go around expecting everyone who has seen a movie to know who Max Schreck is. Why do it with video-games?.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.

I have played Cod:4, MW2 and now black ops. I tried mass effect 2 and did not like it, that is my opinion, and you have yours.

To suggest however, that 90% of the CoD player-base is narrow-minded, chuckle-headed and killstreak obsessed is frankly, elitist, stupid and narrowminded. You live in a clear cut, black and white world where only intelligent people play Mass Effect 2 and your personal top ten favorite games of all time and only Neanderthals play CoD.

But who am i kidding, i am probably just another knucklehead who cannot see how the guy who judges over 10 million people based on his small experience with them is not in ANY WAY elitist.

 

[Don't Poke My Bobcat]

You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

So because someone plays CoD immediately makes them some form of ill-educated individual because they haven't experienced very infuriating and unintuitive "interactive" games?

You fall into the "average CoD player" archetype if anyone for being an elitist, self loving fool.

There's a reason text based games were ushered out and its because they were so dam restricted and linear; the true meaning of linear.

I play games for fun - not to sit pondering the chain of events that one person wrote into a code that allowed me to "win" whilst anything outside of that meant I "lost".

If you find completing such tasks fun then good for you, but it doesn't make you better, it just makes you different.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. Nevermind that most people think if you aren't shooting at something RIGHT NOW the game is "Boring". I would love to see the results of a CoD head attempting to survive in the zone of exclusion. There's no regenerating health here boy, quite the opposite if you hit radiation.

I feel the same way for the most part, if I buy a shooter game I find it boring if I'm not shooting something. Same as if I buy a racing game I find it boring if I'm not racing, a puzzle game boring if I'm not solving something.

In no way should that be viewed as a sleight on my tastes - funnily enough I buy a car to drive, not for it to read me a bedtime story.

I guess to get to a wider audience things need to be acessible and i do get that (that's the main point of motion controls, simplicity. but people MUST realise that for more complex tasks a controller/ M=KB are infinitely better) but there is 'acressible' and down right 'played for you'

Your arrogance radiates through to the very last sentence. You forget that someone that isn't established in a medium is going to struggle with a concept as complex as hand eye co-ordination, user input management and action management using an interface that is completely alien to them.

Motion controls, namely Microsoft's Kinect, are brilliant because they remove as many boundaries as possible to enable the maximum amount of enjoyment. Look at how many people jumped into the gaming medium when Nintendo made it infinitely more accessible with their two very well designed pieces of hardware. Does this make these patrons somehow stupid because they couldn't enjoy a medium with such ridiculous barriers to entry previously?

To you, it probably does - and as much as you think you're of the higher tier of humans you're not, you're the lowest possible rung.

Plus you're an idiot because you can't X-Up a five set and I can.

 

[Ldude893]

A game within a game. Well that's one way to attract people into buying Black Ops. I think I'll be buying it next week.

 

[Kermi]

Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.

What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.

No, you can't make generalisations like this. Not unless you enjoy being wrong. I play Call of Duty, for the most part I enjoy them though Black Ops is my least favourite to date.

I also enjoy RPGs of the video game and tabletop variety. I've been gaming since the late 80's and I enjoyed my first text adventures in the early 90's, which progressed into Sierra-style adventure games (I must have played through the Space Quest and Police Quest series so many times I could do them again now from memory), not to mention the plethora of brilliant games produced by Lucasarts back in the day - Sam and Max Hit the Road, The Dig, and of course the acclaimed Monkey Island series. I've dabbled in MUDs, MMOs, simulators, and strategy titles.

Playing COD does not automatically lower my IQ. The main reason a "typical" COD fan might fail to appreciate a game like Zork is because they probably weren't born in an age where an entire game (or multiple games!) could fit onto a single 5 1/2 inch floppy disc.

Immediately pigeonholing all COD players into a category of allegedly inferior intellect for the sole purpose of heaping scorn upon them makes you a terrible person.

Your assertions are bad and you should feel bad.

 

[HigherTomorrow]

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. Nevermind that most people think if you aren't shooting at something RIGHT NOW the game is "Boring". I would love to see the results of a CoD head attempting to survive in the zone of exclusion. There's no regenerating health here boy, quite the opposite if you hit radiation.

Oh, oh dear, oh my god. I'm getting flash backs to a CoD playing friend who couldn't get through "A Red Letter Day" without a little assistance from my friend and I, spent weeks in "We Don't Go to Ravenholm," and changed Gordon Freeman's nickname to Lebron James, as Lebron James was faster to say. The chant, "Go Lebron, go!" will be forever in my mind.