Critical Miss: Noobgrues

Eggsnham

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Apr 29, 2009
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Scrumpmonkey said:
You average Cod player is barely adequatly equipped to do up his own fly, i don't think 90% of the CoD audience will be aware adventure games ever existed, nevermind text adventure games or something demanding creative thought or any kind of reasoned choice.

I know people who have given up on Half Life 2 becuase it dosen't tell you exactly where to go and hold your hand and every monent. I mean Half Life 2 isn't exactly the least linier game in human history and they can't even cope with that. Nevermind that most people think if you aren't shooting at something RIGHT NOW the game is "Boring". I would love to see the results of a CoD head attempting to survive in the zone of exclusion. There's no regenerating health here boy, quite the opposite if you hit radiation.

I guess to get to a wider audience things need to be acessible and i do get that (that's the main point of motion controls, simplicity. but people MUST realise that for more complex tasks a controller/ M=KB are infinitely better) but there is 'acressible' and down right 'played for you'
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of CoD players who go below the line of intelligence, but there are also a good number who are actually decent people who's first instinct is not to insult you or your mothers' sexual decency and call your sexual preference into question.

I, for the most part, like the CoD series, I used to like love MW2, but now that game is just a joke in my eyes, I was Danger Close - noobtubed, and Marathon, Lightweight, Commando'd one too many times. Anyways, like I said, I like CoD, but I dislike the fact that because all of a sudden CoD has become synonymous with twitchy, enraged idiots, that I get lumped in with that group.

I mean, come on. How many times do you actually encounter a problem with someone on PSN or XBL that can't be fixed with a well placed mute, or block?

Well, I guess I'm done rambling now, because I'm starting to fall asleep where I sit.

OT: That's awesome that they included that in there.
 

Ghengis John

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Dec 16, 2007
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Omg they actually did that? That is so awesome. I can't wait to see the faqs for black ops now that include Zork walkthroughs. We've passed into strange territory here. And I like it.
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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Wow, great comic. :)

As far as the general discussion goes, it gets to the gist of things. At one time gaming existed mostly as an intellectual exercise, as the people using computers were very smart. Today with gaming going mainstream and drawing in the lowest human denominator who are after immediate, flashy grafication, and more of an easily understood reflex challenge (if any challenge is to presented at all) things have changed.

Oh sure, the tech for text adventures is pathetic today, I'm not defending it on those grounds, however the fun of those games was to figure them out, and as the solution always made a degree of sense it was fun to be going "dur! I should have seen that all along" once you finally figured it out.

When it comes to things like Sierra's "Quest" games, you also have to realize that they depended on the "nerd factor" of the people playing them, and people to either have (or obtain) a given body of knowlege. For example in "King's Quest IV" knowing the story "The Frog Prince" makes it easy to deduce what your supposed to do with a golden ball knowing that your character is a princess.

Also in both of these types of games there was copy protection of a sort involved in that the games only acknowlege certain verbs/action words, and some of them are not straightforward. The Docs would tell you which words the game was likely to accept and this made things much easier as one of the two or three ways of saying something in the docs would typically function for obvious things. Guys bringing these games back without the docs seem to have missed this to be honest.

The point is kind of valid though, your typical "Call Of Duty" gamer is not going to have much interest in actually solving puzzles, or derive much satisfaction from figuring them out. Even puzzle gamers today usually less free form things like pattern recognition games (puzzle quest) and the like, rather than having to figure things out on their own.

I think the number of people involved in gaming has changed the standards, and is why things like RPGs and actual "adventure games" are dying (or at least no longer the focus of the industry). I suspect this will change a bit when the current "mainstream" gamers who are pretty young grow up and slow down, but things will never go back quite like they were before.

As far as the old "adventure game logic" of using every item you have on every part of a screen, well as someone who really played those games as opposed to talking out of my keister about it, I will say that this was not as effective a technique as many people seem to think (and only became remotely viable when you had mouse/icon based games). It worked sometimes, but typically the developers thought of that and there were some amusing ways to get killed by using an item in a certain place that nobody would have thought of unless they were doing that paticularly. Not to mention the whole issue of needing to combine objects in inventory, or use items in a specific sequence.

As far as being able to mess up games permanantly, I have mixed opinions about that, but in general with most of the old adventure games they weren't all that big. Once you knew the solution to a problem it was easy to blow through, the playtime coming from puzzling things out. So if you really did wind up getting yourself stuck later on down the road and figured it out, replaying the game to that point was annoying, but typically not the game busting occurance it would be now because it probably wouldn't take all that long.... of course there were execeptions. For me the timed portions at the beginning of "King's Quest 3" and walking up and down the path from the wizard's house was the most annoying thing ever.
 

NickCooley

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Sep 19, 2009
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Scrumpmonkey said:
Hyper-space said:
Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.
What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.
I would point out how hypocritical you are calling anyone narrow minded after your little tirade there but apparently my enjoyment of CoD doesn't allow my mouth-breathing, knuckle dragging self to formulate an opinion. I'm sorry I wasted your time people.

Oh well, I guess it's back to playing games and enjoying them instead of becoming a frustrated vessel of bile and rage.
 

Dr. wonderful

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Dec 31, 2009
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...His tits are bigger then mine!?


HOORAY! I lost weight!

About the strip it self, man that's a whole new form of geekdom for me, even though I gotten the joke.
 

TimeLord

For the Emperor!
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Aug 15, 2008
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Sinclose said:
TimeLord said:
Andronicus said:
It's weird they should put Zork in. Why would the average CoD player want to play a text-based game, even as just a diversion? Or, better still, would the average CoD player even know what a text-based game is, or how to play one?
I resent that! I am an average CoD player and have played a couple of text-based games in my time.
You're an average player? Reeeeeally? =P
What defines an average player? I would have thought someone who plays it regularly?

Or is a regular player the kind who calls everyone in the lobby a twat before the game starts and then proceeds to shout into his or her mic when the team isn't doing well? Cause that isn't me :p
 

SultanP

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Mar 15, 2009
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_andrew.shtml
Holy shit that thing sucks, hard. First time I tried it I got out of the door just in time to have the roof collapse in on me and the planet blow up while I was one the way to the hospital. The second and third time it wouldn't even let me out, it just kept on having me run into the damned wall over and over again.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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SultanP said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_andrew.shtml
Holy shit that thing sucks, hard. First time I tried it I got out of the door just in time to have the roof collapse in on me and the planet blow up while I was one the way to the hospital. The second and third time it wouldn't even let me out, it just kept on having me run into the damned wall over and over again.
Oh man, you've not played half of it yet. That's a game for REAL MEN/WOMEN. ;)

If it's not making you pull your hair out, you're doing it wrong. :)
 

Optimystic

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Sep 24, 2008
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
"Quickscope Grue"

I actually scared the cat from laughing so hard.
I don't know whether I'm lucky from having no cat to scare, or unlucky for having no cat to scare.

In any case, I laughed just as loudly as I'm sure you did :D
 

team star pug

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Sep 29, 2009
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Andronicus said:
It's weird they should put Zork in. Why would the average CoD player want to play a text-based game, even as just a diversion? Or, better still, would the average CoD player even know what a text-based game is, or how to play one?
Stop with the disgrasion dog.
 

coldfrog

Can you feel around inside?
Dec 22, 2008
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Iron Mal said:
As much as fans of adventure and text based games will deny this, they have largely died out for a very good reason (the above post touches on just one of these reasons).

Let's face facts people, these games had more than their fair share of suckage (sure, some of them were funny and clever but that didn't keep them from being any less annoying and unintuitive).

Back to the comic though, it made me laugh although it's kind of sad to think that there is no doubt at least one person out there who will do and say exactly that.
Actually, if you search some of the Interactive Fiction competitions, there are a lot of advances made about this - in the same way that platformers and FPS's advanced and learned from their past, so too have a lot of creators of text adventures. They don't get sold anymore because it is a niche market, but the experiences that people are creating for these games are amazing and deserve to be recognized.

But really, are those who have nostalgia of classic text adventures any more crazy than those that have nostalgia for the overly-punishing platform and shooter days of yore? I posit no, just that games with graphics seem to be more easily sold to the public.
 

team star pug

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Sep 29, 2009
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Died out? Oh no...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_andrew.shtml
God damn this game is immpossble. the impossibleness of this game is unquantafiable. here is what I tried to do...

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Infocom interactive fiction - a science fiction story
Copyright (c) 1984 by Infocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
Release 59 / Serial number 851108

You wake up. The room is spinning very gently round your head. Or at least it would be if you could see it which you can't.

It is pitch black.
> quickscope darkness
I don't know the word "quickscope".
> wake up
You already are!
> pug
I don't know the word "pug".
> you don't?
I don't know the word "you".
> me
There was no verb in that sentence!
> do me
I don't know the word "do".
> move
What do you want to move?
> move hand
You can't move your hand.
> movehead
I don't know the word "movehead".
> move head
You can't move your head.
> move feet
I don't know the word "feet".
> move tongue
I don't know the word "tongue".
> go forward
I don't know the word "forward".
> go
Did you have any particular direction in mind?
> go ahead
I don't know the word "ahead".
> go right
I don't know the word "right".
> go left
I don't know the word "left".
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
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team star pug said:
The_root_of_all_evil said:
Died out? Oh no...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/hitchhikers/game_andrew.shtml
God damn this game is immpossble. the impossibleness of this game is unquantafiable. here is what I tried to do...

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Infocom interactive fiction - a science fiction story
Copyright (c) 1984 by Infocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
Release 59 / Serial number 851108

You wake up. The room is spinning very gently round your head. Or at least it would be if you could see it which you can't.

It is pitch black.
> quickscope darkness
I don't know the word "quickscope".
> wake up
You already are!
> pug
I don't know the word "pug".
> you don't?
I don't know the word "you".
> me
There was no verb in that sentence!
> do me
I don't know the word "do".
> move
What do you want to move?
> move hand
You can't move your hand.
> movehead
I don't know the word "movehead".
> move head
You can't move your head.
> move feet
I don't know the word "feet".
> move tongue
I don't know the word "tongue".
> go forward
I don't know the word "forward".
> go
Did you have any particular direction in mind?
> go ahead
I don't know the word "ahead".
> go right
I don't know the word "right".
> go left
I don't know the word "left".
You could always turn the light on? You have been drinking quite heavily. Something about a message from the council?

Probably doesn't matter though, as long as you get a hair of the dog. Speaking of the dog, he does look rather hungry.

I'll leave you to figure out how to get the little yellow fish. That will take days :)
 

feather240

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Jul 16, 2009
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Scrumpmonkey said:
Hyper-space said:
Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.
What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.
Mass Effect, really?

Mass Effect, the game game that tries to make up shoddy gameplay mechanics with an above average story. It's like trying to read a nice book, but every other page is upside down and after each chapter you have to grease the tires and wheel of your car then drive for ten minutes, before you can continue, and if you lose 'The Game' you have to go back to the page your bookmark was at last. If it wasn't for it's story no one would play it, ever.

So yeah, someone who enjoys the actual game part of the game probably wouldn't like Mass Effect. They're not narrow minded, and those "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" guys, maybe they prefer to have experiences created through social interaction instead of through a story, although they probably should try a story-centered game at least once.
 
Aug 25, 2009
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'The average CoD player.'

That is unbelievably condescending. I know plenty of people who play CoD, and I would certainly place them as an 'average CoD player' who worked their way up through the nineties playing text adventures. It's like saying that the average Final Fantasy player is a whiny fifteen year old or the average World of Warcraft player is a thirty-year old living with his parents and is hugely obese because he stuffs himself full of cheetos in an effort to keep away the black despair of his virginity because no girl has ever looked his way.

Stereotypes used this way in comedy do not help gaming culture. Comedy should shine a light on an uncomfortable truth, not try to hide it in farce.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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It would be AAA entertainment to watch the stereotypical CoD player play "Lunatix". They'd probably go insane.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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feather240 said:
Scrumpmonkey said:
Hyper-space said:
Generalizations, we just love them. Nothing makes me feel more welcome amongst other players than rampant elitism.

This here people, is what puts me (or as Scrumpmonkey would have preferred, someone not equipped to do up his fly) off most text-based adventures. Until someone comes up with a text-game that has more than 1 correct wordings for each action, ill keep on playing RPGs.
What? I can't state that CoD is basically lowest common denominator? It's not elitism, it's fustration. Im not just generalising, these people exists in real life and part of what has debilitated them is the hand-holding, lead by the nose play-stlye of the call of duty games.

I'd rather be regarded as an 'elitist' than be one of those intolerable fuckwits who disregards a game like masss effect becuase "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" (yes i havwe heard this, from 10 different people). At least i have a basic grounded knowlege of other generes, series and stlyes of games. The narrowmindedness of many who just play the yearly CoD releases is staggering, THEY are the elitist ones, juding every other game for NOT being CoD.

No, text adventure games are not user-freindly and are very obviously outdated. That was never my point. My point was this and i stand by it; Much of the CoD fanbase are narrowminded, chuckleheaded and killstreak obsessed and have VERY little understanding of the wider gaming landscape but INSIST on commenting on it at every oppotunity. No, a lot of the 14 year olds who obsess over killsteaks could not find their fly. Zork is antiquated, i get that. Mass Effect 2 is not.
Mass Effect, really?

Mass Effect, the game game that tries to make up shoddy gameplay mechanics with an above average story. It's like trying to read a nice book, but every other page is upside down and after each chapter you have to grease the tires and wheel of your car then drive for ten minutes, before you can continue, and if you lose 'The Game' you have to go back to the page your bookmark was at last. If it wasn't for it's story no one would play it, ever.

So yeah, someone who enjoys the actual game part of the game probably wouldn't like Mass Effect. They're not narrow minded, and those "It has no multiplayer, therefore it sucks" guys, maybe they prefer to have experiences created through social interaction instead of through a story, although they probably should try a story-centered game at least once.
Well, SPEAKING of generalizations... this could end up being one of the most ironic posts yet. I had no troubles - ABSOLUTELY NONE - with Mass Effect's gameplay mechanics. I don't understand how people could. I didn't play it for the story (although it was quite good), I played it because it was a space RPG. Your massive (and confusing) hyperbole on how much the gameplay of Mass Effect sucks makes you look... well... reverse fanboyish, and your assertion that no one would play it for the gameplay itself is hilariously at odds with what has been written above.