Don't Film These Games!

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smartyknickers

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Jan 2, 2010
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"Zombies are over, unless your name is George Romero."
Or Max Brooks. You know there is going to be a World War Z movie, right?
 

maninahat

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Bob is 100% correct on this one: many popular games cannot be translated into movies because they use derivative settings and plots from already famous movies. Turning one of these games into a movie simply results in a watered down, generic imitation of the original sources for the movies. Want a good Tomb Raider or Uncharted movie? Just watch Indiana Jones. A COD movie? Watch Saving Private Ryan and Enemy at the Gate.

And zombies are out? Not if you make Stubbs the Zombie into a movie. Now that would work.
 

Decabo

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Dec 16, 2009
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Let me address something right here: Nathan Drake isn't much of a douche. He has a few sarcastic quips. That's pretty much it. He doesn't jump around and scream to get laughs like Dane Cook. He even cries at the end of Uncharted 2, but I guess since you haven't played the game, you wouldn't know that. But hey, what should I expect from a guy who thinks putting Robin in the next Batman movie is a good idea.
 

RestamSalucard

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Feb 26, 2010
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About the Monkey Island being too much like POTC, think about it for a minute. Guybrush Threepwood (played by Orlando Bloom) seeks to win the heart of the Governess Elaine Marley (played by Keira Knightley) and gets his chance to rescue her from the vicious zombie pirate captain LeChuck (played by Geoffrey Rush) who makes his hideout in a hidden island cove known as Monkey Island. He's aided by an original character played by Johnny Depp who helps Guybrush become a Pirate himself and stop LeChuck once and for all.

That's right: Pirates of the Carribean isn't just like Monkey Island; IT IS MONKEY ISLAND!
 

Ferrious

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Jan 6, 2010
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Going to have to weigh in here in support of Halo. Yes, the basic plot is "Oh look, something not human, blast it!" but I'd love to see an origins story. Reading the books changes a lot of opinions on the characters, and tends to drop the "War is Hell/Big Damn Heroes" effect for "bad people in a bad place" story.

The Spartans were created to suppress an implied justified uprising outside of Earth's reach, the project literally kidnaps children and replaces them with copies that then die shortly after, the project's leader doesn't even think it's right. You even get the AIs (who are coded to be loyal - they have no choice in the matter) questioning the morality of the whole deal, as more and more children die in the making of the Spartans. Then, suddenly, the Covenant show up. They utterly destroy every human force they come up against, and the soldiers trained/engineered to be the best start coming to terms with the idea that they might not be good enough and it all might have been for nothing.

John-117 himself (Master Chief) is a much deeper character in the books - he can't stand being in space (he's afraid of being helpless), he's stupidly competitive (he hates to lose), he loses so many friends that you could easily diagnose him with separation anxiety (especially in regards to Cortana), and he hates the mythical image that the Spartan's have had built up around them (he comments that as Spartans officially can't die - they always are reported as M.I.A. - his friends can never truly rest).

Play the world dark, including its human parts, and play John right and you've got a deep sci-fi / military film that hinges on themes of morality and the lengths a power will go to in order to win a war. You'd alienate the majority of the fan base, but if you capture the feeling of the first book, it'd be worth it. Having seen District 9, Blomkamp would've been perfect for this - his ability to make us care about characters while being uncompromising about the danger they are in would've worked wonders.

Alas, if it does get made now, it will be about humanity triumphing over dirty alien scum. Probably with an Iraq war analogy thrown in somewhere. It won't even be ironically enjoyable like Starship Troopers (which I'm still convinced is one of the most unintentionally brilliant films ever).

Either that, or it'll be about tea-bagging.
 

Meemaimoh

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Aug 20, 2009
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Not a fan of the Nathan Drake bashing, Bob. How can you dislike him and like Lara Croft? It's absurd. Drake is the exact equivalent of Croft, only without boobs. You know who enjoys that? The silent half of Uncharted fans - the girls. Nathan Drake's personality may rub you the wrong way, but it has a quality that fulfils a very popular "type" for females to enjoy (just like Alistair from Dragon Age, who has [a href="http://community.livejournal.com/swooping_is_bad"]lots of female fans[/a], all as creepily obsessed as any guy could be over Lara). Also, he's smoking hot. So be even-handed with your hate, if you must have it at all.

I thought the MK thing looked perfect, honestly. Where did Saw come into it, exactly? Yes, it was dark and violent. Have you ever played the game? The whole point of the game was gratuitous violence; it certainly wasn't a very good game. Yeah, they changed a few things around, but how can you criticise that when you said that a Halo movie would have to be changed? I mean, come on. At least it's easily recognisable as Mortal Kombat.
 

salinv

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Mar 17, 2010
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Batsamaritan said:
some omissions from your list... major one would be half-life... tempting to hollywood i'm sure but i hope to god it never happens...
I do agree somewhat (it would suck to see that series bashed by having a horrible movie adaptation, but I think a smaller, cheaper end version, possibly a short, of the series that has nothing to do with Gordon Freeman could have potential. I personally enjoyed the Purchase Brothers adaptation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1UPMEmCqZo
 

Schnippshly

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Mar 6, 2009
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You would never need an Uncharted movie! It's already movie. Not a BAD one, but rather a GENERIC one.
 

Simonism451

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Oct 27, 2008
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Sylocat said:
Who wants to take odds on what games he's going to list as "DO film" next week?

1. Metroid
2. Zelda
3. BioShock
4. Ninja Gaiden
Wasn't the choice/actually-no-choice thing one of the most brillant ideas of Bioshock?
That scene in the middle would lack most of its cleverness if it was seen in a linear narrative.
Besides that the other very cool part of Bioshock, Rapture and its Downfall, is rather unsuitable for a two hours action-flick.
 

VGFreak1225

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Dec 21, 2008
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Left 4 Dead works as a game that is an homage to movies. It probably wouldn't work AS a movie.
 

Chipperz

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Apr 27, 2009
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SomeUnregPunk said:
Chipperz said:
Drangen said:
I keep on hearing people calling the Mortal Kombat thing a SAW knock-off. Are people watching a different clip than I am? How can you compare a clip that sets up an underground fight tournament where most of the clip is a fight scene where the decapitation fatality off screen with a psychological/torture horror franchise. Does SAW now have the "dibs" in movies that are shot a little bit dark and gritty? Maybe I'm missing something here but I just don't get it.
You know, I was gonna say the exact same thing?

Also, Starship Troopers isn't the only "human soldiers fighting aliens" film in the world. By your logic, Starship Troopers is a poor man's Aliens and even if, for some reason, you think that's true, they're both great films. Surely Halo would be closer to what Predators is shaping up to be, with the human fighters going up against a remarkably more technologically and physically advanced enemy.

You know what? I think the world is big enough for more films like that.
the only problem is that the starship troopers movie was sort of like the book... a commentary of war in general... except the sequels were just about halo versus bugs.
Actually, while the books themes were met, Starship Troopers was more or less about one super-trooper in power armour wiping our hordes of faceless aliens. If someone likes Starship Troopers, it's a little hypocritical to hate Halo for the same reasons (albeit Halo is more Super Trooper in power armour, and Starship Troopers is more trooper in Super Power Armour, but the point remains...), no?

And don't talk to me about Marauder. Fucking pile of garbage...
 

Stabby Joe

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Jul 30, 2008
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There seems to be a massive difference between the views that Bob has on games and films. With films, everyone gets along as views differ between genre, style and actors.

With games on the other hand, while I do like the Game Over Thinker series even I admit it's MUCH MORE positive and negative towards certain genres and consoles.

Thus, his film articles and reviews have a consistent tone of disagreement or agreement between users but when games come into the fray, it's a lot more aggressive in these forums.

As a result I'm already going to suggest Bob that you go easy on the Nintendo games, some people already think you're too biased there.

EDIT: I don't know what kind of Saw film involves long extended fight sequences with boarder line monsters.
 

lukey94

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Sep 2, 2008
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A Halo movie would be awesome, just as long as they don't do the Fall of Reach, Contact Harvest would be great, having a backstory on the MC is just a bit silly really, its too cliche!!
 

VanillaBean

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Feb 3, 2010
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Puddle Jumper said:
I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.
You should see his Game Over Thinker stuff its actually pretty awesome
 

Stabby Joe

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VanillaBean said:
Puddle Jumper said:
I'm sorry, bob, I normally like your movie stuff but once you delve in to the gaming world ... Even if it is movie related, ... no.
You should see his Game Over Thinker stuff its actually pretty awesome
Some people (NOT myself included) find his views on games more one sided, hence some complaints.
 

VanillaBean

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Feb 3, 2010
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Ferrious said:
Going to have to weigh in here in support of Halo. Yes, the basic plot is "Oh look, something not human, blast it!" but I'd love to see an origins story. Reading the books changes a lot of opinions on the characters, and tends to drop the "War is Hell/Big Damn Heroes" effect for "bad people in a bad place" story.

The Spartans were created to suppress an implied justified uprising outside of Earth's reach, the project literally kidnaps children and replaces them with copies that then die shortly after, the project's leader doesn't even think it's right. You even get the AIs (who are coded to be loyal - they have no choice in the matter) questioning the morality of the whole deal, as more and more children die in the making of the Spartans. Then, suddenly, the Covenant show up. They utterly destroy every human force they come up against, and the soldiers trained/engineered to be the best start coming to terms with the idea that they might not be good enough and it all might have been for nothing.

John-117 himself (Master Chief) is a much deeper character in the books - he can't stand being in space (he's afraid of being helpless), he's stupidly competitive (he hates to lose), he loses so many friends that you could easily diagnose him with separation anxiety (especially in regards to Cortana), and he hates the mythical image that the Spartan's have had built up around them (he comments that as Spartans officially can't die - they always are reported as M.I.A. - his friends can never truly rest).

Play the world dark, including its human parts, and play John right and you've got a deep sci-fi / military film that hinges on themes of morality and the lengths a power will go to in order to win a war. You'd alienate the majority of the fan base, but if you capture the feeling of the first book, it'd be worth it. Having seen District 9, Blomkamp would've been perfect for this - his ability to make us care about characters while being uncompromising about the danger they are in would've worked wonders.

Alas, if it does get made now, it will be about humanity triumphing over dirty alien scum. Probably with an Iraq war analogy thrown in somewhere. It won't even be ironically enjoyable like Starship Troopers (which I'm still convinced is one of the most unintentionally brilliant films ever).

Either that, or it'll be about tea-bagging.
I like this post it gives me hope for any attempts made at a Halo movie
 

Wuvlycuddles

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Oct 29, 2009
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ANImaniac89 said:
I will take it in step farther
No video game should be made into a movie
I have hated over 90% of every Video game based movies I have seen
the only 2 I liked are the 1st Mortal Kombat (because I was a little kid when I saw it)
and Silent Hill (not anymore after playing the games)

Video game movies suck hands down
But isn't that their charm in most cases? I can hardly keep myself from pissing my pants in laughter at Street Fighter, which i maintain is one of the greatest comedy movies of all time, because it is JUST SO DAMN FUNNY. Admittedly it is a cruel kind of laughter, like seeing your friend trip up and slam his head against the pavement.
 

RagnorakTres

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Feb 10, 2009
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Hm...I can only really have a valid response to your post-script, since I honestly agree with you on all the other points (save that I think a good movie of FF6 would be...orgasmic).

Saw isn't original enough to have knock-offs of it. Saw itself is, in my mind, a really bad knock-off of Se7eN, which held my interest mainly because it was psychological porture torn. Now, having seen the Rebirth pitch, know what I think of?

Sin City with magic and fatalities.

The guy who made the pitch directly said that he wouldn't ignore Outworld and the mystical edges of the MK-verse. Would we have Scorpion taking off his face and breathing fire? Maybe not, but we'd definitely have Liu Kang turning into a dragon and biting his opponent's head off, if only for a chance to reuse that hilarious footage from Jeepers Creepers 2.

Look, Bob, I like and respect you, you're a very good movie critic and an even better orator. But on this, we will inherently disagree. I can see where you'd get "Saw Knockoff," but I just don't see that. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I can taste the level of awesome even across the four or five years it'd take to do something like that correctly.

[sub]"Welcome to the Internet, where the men are men, the women are men and the children are FBI agents." --Unattributed[/sub]
 

CD-R

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Mar 1, 2009
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Namewithheld said:
That Sim's idea actually sounds fucking hilarious.

Now, I know a game that would make a great movie...no...a great TV show: X-Com UFO Defense.

Think about it. a team of multi-national secret agents fighting a constant war against a fucking alien empire that is invading the planet Earth with mysterious UFOs. You have so many character choices: The general commanding it all, the smarmy politicians who X-Com has to deal with it keep their funding, the squad that goes on the missions and the scientists who try to study the alien technology that the team captures, to turn it against the alien menace.

There is betrayal, as some nations secretly sign treaties with the aliens!

There are scary scenes, when the team first runs into fucking crysilids and their fucking goddamn zombies.

And finally, there is the fucking awesome climax, with the team taking on the alien base on mars, fighting desperately through hordes of aliens to set blow up the reactor and zoom home in a spaceship made from alien materials and good old fashioned human know how.


BAM! Awesome. Lets shoot it and make money.
Plus it has flying power armor.