Don't Laugh Please, This Is Kinda Serious

[dkyros]

I remember when my friend was caught. His parents were happy that it was to girls. So i guess if nothing else you can be like, "hey religious parents at least I'm not gay" its gotta be worth something.
Unless it was to guys then I guess this isnt really too applicable.

 

[carpathic]

I think your brother is probably cool. The longer he waits until he tells your parents, the less good he looks.

 

[Verlander]

Really? Christians wouldn't care, unless you're a member of the WBC and were staring at Bruce Willis' shiny head while doing so

 

[Sam G]

Or! Option #3. Otherwise known as the magnificent bastard option. Start fapping in your room, wait till they come in for something, stare them right in the eye and finish like a boss all over a bible. Bonus points for ripping a few pages out of it to clean yourself off with. (Only take this option if they really annoy you using their religious beliefs.

Oh, thank you ever so much, sir. Now I can't stop laughing like an idiot, and everyone else in the school library is looking at me funny.

 

[Unesh52]

Oh yeah, I remember one time when my brother caught me. He doesn't come into my room unannounced anymore.

But yeah, like everyone else ITT, it's no big deal. A little embarrassing perhaps, but just forget about it and you'll be fine. And if your parents give your shit about it, they're just being ridiculous. And they'll also get over it. God made your penis to be touched.

 

[pirateninj4]

You are over reacting and getting worried out of turn. This is nothing more embarrassing than being caught playing pokemon by your buddies. Just tell them mind their own business and rock the fuck out.

 

[Unesh52]

Nowhere in the Good Book does it say you can't release sexual tension in such a way.

I think the justification comes from a passage that says something like, "It's better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground." But I learned that from a Ron White joke, so maybe not.

 

[Lord Doomhammer]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

Just kill him.

 

[Mechsoap]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

I am pretty sure a minimum 90% of your school will say ''fuck that *continues to do what they were doing*''.

Its not a big deal, you can be open about it. Or perhaps its more about where you live?

 

[Griffolion]

So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.

He was discreet and cool about it, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Then I remembered my parents. My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.

What should I do if that happens?

If your parents start going all hell fire and damnation at you, telling you masturbation is wrong, i would question whether they are really Christians. It isn't for them to judge or be angry, they can only guide you according to what they believe until you're old enough (legally) to make your own decisions and even then until the day they die, they'll be telling you stuff as if you're still 10.

The fact is that a true Christian will tell you straight that THEY believe it's wrong and will never encourage it, but the fact that you may or may not continue does not make God love you less or more depending on your decision. I like to consider myself a Christian and yes i go by what Jesus taught but i mess up, make mistakes etc a lot of the time, i'm far from perfect, so never in a million years am i going to judge you for being human like me. Your parents should be the same, otherwise you should really question them on how they are acting out their 'faith' because they may have missed the whole 'point' more than they're accusing you of doing...

 

[Bling1907]

Bribe. I dunno, buy him a gift for keeping it 'discreet'

 

[sheogoraththemad]

snip

just a brotip: only fap when you are all alone in your house

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

Just kill him.

Why? i can randomly walk into that school , point equally randomly at people and yell "masturbator!" and guess what , i will be right every single time (until police arrives and shoots me). Damn what strange society do you live in, where everyone actually believes (s)he is the only one doing it? I can recall me with my classmates from 8th grade openly discussing techniques with the girls out of curiosity.
europe ftw

 

[astrav1]

What can you do? Ignore them. If they try to take the religion angle then either demand they find the exact passage saying it is wrong then follow it up by spending the next few months pointing out every single thing they do that is against the bible or just tell them you do not care what the bible has to say.

Or! Option #3. Otherwise known as the magnificent bastard option. Start fapping in your room, wait till they come in for something, stare them right in the eye and finish like a boss all over a bible. Bonus points for ripping a few pages out of it to clean yourself off with. (Only take this option if they really annoy you using their religious beliefs.

More magnificent than a mountain.

 

[astrav1]

So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.

He was discreet and cool about it, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Then I remembered my parents. My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.

What should I do if that happens?

Did you try locking the door?

 

[Shirokurou]

Your bro won't sell you out right?

And I'm pretty sure your parents will understand. The worst you can expect is "bees and birds talk".

It's not like you were fapping to Satan raping nuns, right?

 

[RobCoxxy]

Tell them you're gay and then say "Nah, only joking, I was thinking of boobies."

That should lessen the blow.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

Well, you should keep it between you and your brother and never tell anybody about it ever...OH WAIT.