Embarrassing sex-related stories

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

I consider myself a virgin but there was one awful night...

Basically, a couple of days before a pretty big party, one of my (female) friends introduced me to this friend of hers who I later found out has had sex with numbers of people in the dozens (she's only 16). I later found out we were introduced because she found me attractive so she talked to me on Facebook for a few days then the party came...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a lightweight when it comes to drinking so I was pretty happy and I tend to get kinda cuddly with people when I'm drunk. So, she leads me off at some point pretty early in the party to somewhere secluded and just sort of expected me to start getting off with her but I didn't (she's not exactly good looking, even forgetting her personality) so I just walk off but later when I'm just too drunk to help myself she drags me to the same spot and starts making out with me and puts my hand down her skirt.

I don't really remember the rest but I've been told by many people that she had sex with me and was really creepy with me the whole night and it was obvious that I didn't really like being there but anytime someone talked to me she flipped out at them.


So yeah, pretty creepy.

 

[Owen Majkowski]

Let's see, there was my first time, just this past year (18), in which nothing remotely odd or funny happened. And then there was the next time (with the same girl), about a month later. It turns out, she had a bit of a fetish for a certain golden fluid, and asked if I would indulge her just once. I agreed, and so she made me drink at least a gallon of water while I was at work, and I forced myself not to go to relieve myself at all for 8 hours. That's not the worst part.

As I was driving to pick her up and take her to my house for the act, she says that she was hanging out with a mutual friend (we had both dated this girl at one point) and asked if I would be ok with her joining us, and of course, I said as long as she wanted to, it was fine by me. Fun times ensued, until the point where I had to fulfill my obligation. The third member of our menage a trois just watched the event, and afterwards burst out laughing and saying that that was so gross.

Still, after we cleaned ourselves up we ended up continuing the fun, so no harm done. And we're all still really good friends. so alls well that ends well I suppose.

 

[itsausernamewhatofit]

just heard a friend complain that when she had sex with a guy last night, that was so drunk he drew a line with his sperm on his forehead and whispered "simba!".

thought i'd share. xD

I think you win best story in the thread, that gave me a good laugh trying to imagine it.
As for myself, I've got no real stories to share, maybe I should join the club I've been hearing
about in this thread.

Although come to think about it I do have one story, but not about myself. So when I was in ninth grade there was this girl who everyone kind of known as the class slut. She was dating this really obnoxious guy who never really showed up to classes and was always being suspended for something or other. Anyway she, not being incredibly bright, was head over heels for him and talked about him all the time. Constantly mentioned having sex with him etc. So apparently one day she mentioned rim jobs in one of her stories regarding him and this spread around like wildfire. After that whenever anyone ran into the guy from then on they would just look at him and go RIMrimrimrimrimrim (if you imagine someone revving a motorcycle, it sounded sort of like that). This went on for close to a year with the teachers completely oblivious to its meaning until the principle caught wind of it and enacted a school wide ban on saying it near him. What struck me as funniest thing about it was just the scale of it. Pretty much everyone, his friends, people who hardly knew him, upperclassmen, people he had never spoke to would say it when they saw him. He and his girlfriend would be making out in a hallway and people would run up and, as a joke, yell "PDA is not okay!"
She has since broken up with him many times although it looks like she's learned her lesson.

 

[PureChaos]

while in bed with a girl, i roll over and accidentally head-butted her

 

[Generalissimo]

i was 15. she was 31.
i don't think that would have worked. plus, i'm not one for adultery.

Um... that's... kinda screwed up.

What's the age of consent in Bulgaria?

15, surprisingly. i was kinda shaken for a day or two after.

 

[The Clown]

Tell please! I've read this entire thread and I have it bookmarked. Believe me, I'm reading at least.

Ok then.

Last year me and my girlfriend decided we wanted to try something new and she came up with the idea of doing a threesome, she told me she had a friend she had done lesbianish things with in the past and as a guy I was up for it. Being busy people the only time we could actually find to do it would be at the second girls house at a gathering a friend of ours was having. During the party I was very nervous and was a bit hasty, we couldn't wait so me and my girlfriend retired to an upstairs bedroom sending a text to the second girl asking her to join us. We got pretty into it and due to drunkenness on my part she finished quite quickly and I didn't, knowing the night would hold more for me I wasn't phased really, not long after we had finished a drunk guy bursts in and shambles up to me asking for a condom which I supply him with mostly to get him out. Turns out the second girl didn't get our text and had decided to have sex with this guy (a bit of a skinny guy who apparently just had his second time with her). Eventually we get the thing together and I'm in bed with these two, but still drunk and unaware of our plans the other guy follows her in. We had some fun, myself especially, the feeling of laying inbetween two girls with a hand on each... well, it's something else. But half way through all this the before snoozing guy to my right starts fondling the second girl which she wasn't a fan of so my girlfriend decided to swap places , she does and the guy continues and after some fun the guy becomes very annoying, both of the girls are telling him to leave and he won't so out of frustration I end up wrestling him naked out into the fully lit hallway where I am greeted by who I can only assume was the hosts mother and I just came out of her bedroom, running happened.

 

[srm79]

I fell asleep "on the job" once.

I was about 20, living with my first girlfriend, had no kids and a job that offered me a comfortable lifestyle. We had been partying pretty hard for a week and a cocktail of alcohol, energy drinks, and some other stuff best not talked about just took over and knocked me clean out, literally "mid-stroke".

I woke up the next afternoon at about 1pm with absolutely no idea why I had bruises all over my ribs. It all came flooding back about 2 hours later in the pub...

 

[Jaeke]

Funnier second story:

Spoiler

So, before we get to the funny, some not-so-funny backstory. The gf had been raped by her step father when she was younger, and was taking part in regular therapy sessions to get over it. I was sympathetic, and was always ready to throw on the breaks and come to a full stop at the first hint of tears, no matter what we were doing.

So one day, she said she was going to be having a therapy session, and it was going to be pretty intense, so she'd appreciate it if I could be around, and possibly even stay the night. I was cool with it, and I hung around while she was off at her session. When she finally got out, after a couple hours, she seemed pretty well put together. In fact, she walked in and immediately started kissing me. I resisted at first, thinking maybe she was just trying to compensate for the negative feelings of the session with some positive ones, but she was pretty insistant, so I cautiously proceeded, telling myself that I would follow her lead. I wouldn't push her at all for anything. Good move on my part, since she went from full on tongue wrestling, and she was winning, to end of the world kind of crying. I dutifly switched to the caring boyfriend and comforted her. She wanted to talk to her mother, so I ventured into the forbidden land of "the purse" got her cell phone, got her mom's number dialed, and handed it to her. After a bit of talking, she hung up, threw herself on me, and sobbed into my shoulder. I just listened to her pour her soul out. After a couple hours, she laid down and started drifting off. I asked if I could borrow a pillow so I could sleep on the floor, because I figured, after such a traumatic evening, the last thing she needed was a big guy like me draped over her while she slept. So I curled up on the floor, and after a while, slipped off to sleep.

Now, for the record, that WAS NOT meant to be funny. That was there so the next part would make sense.

I woke up the next morning, and didn't even open my eyes. I just laid there, and enjoyed how nice and soft the bed was. Then something clicked. I wasn't supposed to be in the bed. I was supposed to be on the floor. I sat bolt upright, looked around, and saw my gf at her computer.

"Oh," she said, without looking at me. "You're awake."
"Uh huh..." was all I could manage.
"Do you remember what you did last night?" Her voice was flat. I couldn't read anything in it. Was she angry? Sad? Upset?
"Um...nuh uh..." At this point, I realized, much to my dread, that I was not wearing my pants. I was ready to throw myself in front of an oncoming 18 wheeler.
She turned around, finally. "I woke you up at about 2 in the morning and told you to come to bed." Alright, well, I was seeming like less of an asshole. At least I had a reason to be in the bed.
"..Kay..."
"You got up and crawled into bed. By the time I got your pants off, you were already asleep."
"...Kay..." It was getting a bit clearer, though I still could remember a damn thing.
"I straddled you, and you didn't wake up. I shook you and told you that you were forgetting something."
"...Kay..." She was silent. "...Did I do something bad?"
She stood up and thrust a finger in my face. "You asshole! You pushed my horny ass off of you, got up, and picked up the goddamn pillow you borrowed, appologized, and went back to sleep!"

And that, fair audience, is how I cockblocked myself.

You sir, have just made this man's day today.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

i was 15. she was 31.
i don't think that would have worked. plus, i'm not one for adultery.

Um... that's... kinda screwed up.

What's the age of consent in Bulgaria?

15, surprisingly. i was kinda shaken for a day or two after.

Oh.

So... it was totally legal then. Huh. That story was much creepier when it sounded like Statutory Rape.

I'm from the prudish US of A, so I usually assume 17-18 as age of consent.

So yeah... I have to agree with the previous poster... she was trying to get you to have sex with her. And it was actually legal for her to do so. Not very nice to her husband, but less screwed up than I originally assumed.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Tell please! I've read this entire thread and I have it bookmarked. Believe me, I'm reading at least.

^^ I love how we've totally corrupted you. You were all "oh no, I can't look away" earlier, and now you're like "more pleaz!"

I am proud to have been a part of it. I hope you're enjoying yourself.

 

[Crimbo23]

How on earth do i delete?!

Don't worry, I'll do it.

Next time, edit your posts saying "Please delete" and report them. =P

Cheers dude

 

[game-lover]

Tell please! I've read this entire thread and I have it bookmarked. Believe me, I'm reading at least.

^^ I love how we've totally corrupted you. You were all "oh no, I can't look away" earlier, and now you're like "more pleaz!"

I am proud to have been a part of it. I hope you're enjoying yourself.

LOL... *blush* It's a little entertaining... I guess that's why I clicked in the first place.

I guess I just wasn't expecting the public excursions at first. And I think when it comes to being a prude, that's my trigger you could say.

But I guess I got over that pretty quickly. Huh.. *shrugs* I probably wouldn't care about reading much if I wasn't a virgin. LOL.

 

[The Thinker]

EDIT You could say it is still of topic as we are talking about wood...

*rimshot*

Heh heh. "Rimshot".

I have no stories, only tasteless jokes...

But this thread is so entertaining! Let me live vicariously through you, internet dwellers!

 

[Thaa'ir]

Hm...when I was a sophomore at university, me and a freshman snuck* downstairs looking for a place to do it. We discovered a music room used by the local residential college of arts and whatever for practicing that was by some miracle still open.

Well, he was really new to the whole deal and he finished pretty quick, but he let out a lot...more than either of us had expected and we needed to clean up.

So in essence, in a place where students being awake and roaming around at every hour of the night was not in any way weird, we frantically ran to the men's bathroom clutching our shorts and hoping we could make it without being seen or getting jizz all over our clothes. We escaped notice though.

I wanted to laugh every time any of my friends used that room, but I bet that it has seen plenty of such use.

You know, I know that a good amount must have gotten on the floor, but none of my friends who used the room ever mentioned discovering anything gross. I laughed every time they used it though. I suspect, however, that it has seen plenty such use.

*Spell-check marks "snuck." Is that not an acceptable past tense form of "sneak"? Is this just some American thing that I thought was normal?

 

[ozium]

I had a chance to nail a really nice looking girl once but I didn't go through with it. The reasons being that it would have ruined our friendship and I was drunk (mostly because I was drunk). Now that time has passed and I am able to look back and reflect on the event, I wish I had nailed her. Silly me.

 

[Caligulove]

Was helping my girlfriend house-sit for her parents. Had only briefly met them once before when helping her move out of her dorm. So last day of house-sitting, there I was, alone, reading or watching a movie in their living room- waiting for the gf to come home from work. Intended to make dinner for her parents when they got home later that night.

However, when my gf got off work earlier than expected, she had other plans when she got home...

Long story short, we had (some of the best) sex on the couch in her parent's living room. Very angry, loud sex, I should say.

We get dressed, take a shower (during which, familiar themes transpired) and made sure the couch was clean, without any traces of our clamorous coital congress. Made dinner, nothing deviant or rambunctious happened. Her parents arrive, we are finally introduced and chat with each other. The subject of their eccentric extended family comes up- and to my horror, her mom decides we should all sit down and look through the photo albums. To put pictures to stories, and whatnot.

All sit down... together... in the living room.. on the couch.

Most awkward 40+ minutes of my life. Gf and I looking at each other occasionally to see if their parents notice anything... off.. about the couch.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I feel a bit sicky admitting this, but I've had condoms come off inside me... e_e

That's about it for embarrassing stories. The last few times have been very good ;u;

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I feel a bit sicky admitting this, but I've had condoms come off inside me... e_e

Oh, that scarred me so much the first time it happened! The guy I was with had already finished in the condom, but we didn't part immediately (it was nice feeling him there) and when we finally did, there was no condom. Finding the damn thing wasn't fun, and I was a week late that month, so for a while there I was panicking cause I thought I was pregnant.

So yeah... right there with you.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I feel a bit sicky admitting this, but I've had condoms come off inside me... e_e

Oh, that scarred me so much the first time it happened! The guy I was with had already finished in the condom, but we didn't part immediately (it was nice feeling him there) and when we finally did, there was no condom. Finding the damn thing wasn't fun, and I was a week late that month, so for a while there I was panicking cause I thought I was pregnant.

So yeah... right there with you.

I was panicking like mad D: I was like Oh god it's gonna be stuck there forever and I'm gonna get all sorts of infections and the hospital are gonna have to pull it out. LOL. My boyfriend at the time pushed it in further trying to get it out too which made me panic more and cry >._<

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I don't know how we came to this idea, and why I actually did it, but we hid behind a bush not so far from her home, and we tried to have sex. And the worst part was: We didn't know what to do, so it was sloppy at best...

Sorry to hear that. Behind a bush sounds... scratchy.

I, fortunately, had my first time with an experienced lesbian. She taught me a lot. Even if she did taste like tobacco and make me watch Grease 2. **shudders**

She was the only smoker I ever dated seriously, but for years afterwards the smell of tobacco would always make me nostalgic and slightly aroused.